L
lonely2beeme
Guest
hey hey guys !
well all is good still ......believe it or not! hahahhaha
lets see , im out of the hospital , feeling sooooooo much better
surgery was scarey to be sure ! but now that i am healed up
i feel great to be finally for the most part pain free!!!!
have a huge massie scar but its ok , look at the up side it will make
a good party topic " look at this massive shark bite" lol
it isnt a massive shark bite just a real odd looking scar .......
anyway ..........
i came here when i was extreamly depressed at beginning of this year ...... did what most did i suppose .......
posted ,comiserated, wondered why life is so cruel , when things would get better , and how to make it thru the nite that seemed to never end and only wanted me dead......... seriously been there , the whole slit my wrists and overdose thing.......regret it big time!
but i got family that i couldnt do that to, it was only when i realized that waiting around for something to change , allowing myself to be trapped were my biggest enemies.
so i did all i could do, joined this forum , joined some communities, joined some dateing sites , lol yea dateing sites.........
anyway i made friends , most didnt last , but i had a few convos , had a few arguments but you know what ???at least i was talking with someone other than myself for once.
slowly i got more proactive in my life, decided to return to my own country and get a job even if part time, laid down the law to my soon to be ex husband, made some choices in my life for me for once, thought them thru and backed them up with reasons why
i found a job started saving money and a place to live , even found a decent boyfriend who is kind and willing to wait and be a good man and friend while i have to finish up with my current husband and life situation . but my point is that i am finishing up stuff i should have years ago, i am makeing choices i never did before
i am loseing weight, feeling good and standing on my own
i am mostly off all meds i was on ..... and i feel fine
i havent been depressed since april, of course i have had a few days now and then when i get a anxiety attack , and my guy friend is cool , tells me to stick it out that after all its only a anxiety attack ,perfectly normal and not that the whole world is falling apart , and you know what?? thats true, the whole world is only falling apart when you allow it.
i cant change that my husband cheated on me and physically abused me for years, hell i cant even forgive him but i can let it all go, no need for revenge or court just let go and find peace and allow myself to find a happy ending in this book i call my life.
i cant change i lost one of my twin daughters but i realized how beautiful my remaining baby is and that whenever i miss the twin sister all i have to do is love her sister twice as hard because she is right there before my eyes unlike some i dont have to wonder what she would have looked like , i know and im greatful so im happy and so much time passed while i was mourning and shut down and my baby is so big already , i dont want to waste anymore days anymore time being sad i only want to be happy and teach my daughter how to smile at whatever life gives us there is still so much beauty to see , so much beauty .......
regret so many things that got me down , but in the end for the last 6 monthes i have been the happiest of the last 15 years of my life, because i am finally finding ME.....it takes courage and is scarey , and any failures are going to be mine alone so are all the things i am achieving and they far outweigh the negatives.
so to any of you out there who think will the depression ever just suddenly stop?? all i can say is sometimes it does .........sometimes when you want it hard enough it does .
keep it up , see ya all from time to time and drop me a pm anytime you like i dont check here everyday but when i read it i will answer you
all my love
notsolonely2beemeanymore
well all is good still ......believe it or not! hahahhaha
lets see , im out of the hospital , feeling sooooooo much better
surgery was scarey to be sure ! but now that i am healed up
i feel great to be finally for the most part pain free!!!!
have a huge massie scar but its ok , look at the up side it will make
a good party topic " look at this massive shark bite" lol
it isnt a massive shark bite just a real odd looking scar .......
anyway ..........
i came here when i was extreamly depressed at beginning of this year ...... did what most did i suppose .......
posted ,comiserated, wondered why life is so cruel , when things would get better , and how to make it thru the nite that seemed to never end and only wanted me dead......... seriously been there , the whole slit my wrists and overdose thing.......regret it big time!
but i got family that i couldnt do that to, it was only when i realized that waiting around for something to change , allowing myself to be trapped were my biggest enemies.
so i did all i could do, joined this forum , joined some communities, joined some dateing sites , lol yea dateing sites.........
anyway i made friends , most didnt last , but i had a few convos , had a few arguments but you know what ???at least i was talking with someone other than myself for once.
slowly i got more proactive in my life, decided to return to my own country and get a job even if part time, laid down the law to my soon to be ex husband, made some choices in my life for me for once, thought them thru and backed them up with reasons why
i found a job started saving money and a place to live , even found a decent boyfriend who is kind and willing to wait and be a good man and friend while i have to finish up with my current husband and life situation . but my point is that i am finishing up stuff i should have years ago, i am makeing choices i never did before
i am loseing weight, feeling good and standing on my own
i am mostly off all meds i was on ..... and i feel fine
i havent been depressed since april, of course i have had a few days now and then when i get a anxiety attack , and my guy friend is cool , tells me to stick it out that after all its only a anxiety attack ,perfectly normal and not that the whole world is falling apart , and you know what?? thats true, the whole world is only falling apart when you allow it.
i cant change that my husband cheated on me and physically abused me for years, hell i cant even forgive him but i can let it all go, no need for revenge or court just let go and find peace and allow myself to find a happy ending in this book i call my life.
i cant change i lost one of my twin daughters but i realized how beautiful my remaining baby is and that whenever i miss the twin sister all i have to do is love her sister twice as hard because she is right there before my eyes unlike some i dont have to wonder what she would have looked like , i know and im greatful so im happy and so much time passed while i was mourning and shut down and my baby is so big already , i dont want to waste anymore days anymore time being sad i only want to be happy and teach my daughter how to smile at whatever life gives us there is still so much beauty to see , so much beauty .......
regret so many things that got me down , but in the end for the last 6 monthes i have been the happiest of the last 15 years of my life, because i am finally finding ME.....it takes courage and is scarey , and any failures are going to be mine alone so are all the things i am achieving and they far outweigh the negatives.
so to any of you out there who think will the depression ever just suddenly stop?? all i can say is sometimes it does .........sometimes when you want it hard enough it does .
keep it up , see ya all from time to time and drop me a pm anytime you like i dont check here everyday but when i read it i will answer you
all my love
notsolonely2beemeanymore