Ups and downs

[DrawingCircleCircles]

Its a familiar feeling ya kno? I'm sure everyone has their highs. Its the lows to follow that can be the worst. Its the part when everyone has gone home to bed. The feeling can hit you like a ton of bricks in the morning after like a bad hangover or it can hit you when you spend hours closing your eyes trying to sleep that you start to realize... you're alone.

It just feels good to know someone cares and is willing to listen in those moments. Some call it being being selfish and some call it being needy. But after putting up a social front for so long behind a fake smile, the real you has to come out after being cooped up for so long. And its like in those moments you want someone to realize who you are. The real you. Someone must notice how great you really are.

Instead its common to just try to listen to others and care for others exactly how you want to be treated yourself. Yet time after time, for some reason or another, it just doesn't work. People just don't get it. They are suppose to reciprocate dammit. Then resentment and bitterness starts knocking at the door asking you let them in. However letting such negative feelings in just leads down a short path off an emotional cliff.

I'm not depressed. I just get lonely. I get tired of keeping up such a macho wall around me that says, "Don't worry about me. I can handle anything!" It just would feel nice to have a person notice that no I can't handle everything... You're human just like me...

I hope someone could relate...

 

[cheaptrickfan]

It just feels good to know someone cares and is willing to listen in those moments. Some call it being being selfish and some call it being needy.

The desire to connect with another person is neither selfish nor needy.
We're a social animal; people seem to thrive on contact with others.

Instead its common to just try to listen to others and care for others exactly how you want to be treated yourself. Yet time after time, for some reason or another, it just doesn't work. People just don't get it. They are suppose to reciprocate dammit.

This has always bothered me. I do try to treat others the way I'd like to be treated, but lots of people don't get the whole "modeling a behavior" concept, and just bask in the loving attention without giving of themselves at all.

Perhaps some people are just Takers.

I'm not depressed. I just get lonely. I get tired of keeping up such a macho wall around me that says, "Don't worry about me. I can handle anything!" It just would feel nice to have a person notice that no I can't handle everything... You're human just like me...

Yep, although in my case it isn't a macho wall, but the Mom wall. I'm the mom, I'm supposed to take care of everyone, and consequently get taken for granted. No one spares much thought for who takes care of me, so I have to suck it up and do it myself.

((((DrawingCircleCircles))))

 

[DrawingCircleCircles]

Thanks for the comments :] Even a response can be a great pick-me up.

 

[PoisonFlowers]

Yeah, I hear ya. You've said it all right there.

It's not selfish or needy to crave understanding and acceptance. It's something we all need. If you can't get accepted for know you really are, then what's the point? And like you said, we're all only human and sometimes, things can get too much even for the strongest of us.

I treat people as I would like to be treated all of the time. I listen and try my hardest to be there and give advice when I can. I comfort them when they need it, make them laugh, show them that I take them for who they are, no more and no less...but ****, you've put it perfectly. It's as if they don't realise I need anything; take it and move on without reciprocating.

And what makes it worse is that I don't think I know how to open up anymore. I don't think I know how to answer someone asking about me. I hope and hope that someone will see through me, but I don't know how to handle that and end up brushing it aside when there's a chance of that. I guess I might be scared of being pushed aside once my weakness is known So how can I complain? It's self inflicted after all.

 

[DrawingCircleCircles]

And what makes it worse is that I don't think I know how to open up anymore. I don't think I know how to answer someone asking about me. I hope and hope that someone will see through me, but I don't know how to handle that and end up brushing it aside when there's a chance of that. I guess I might be scared of being pushed aside once my weakness is known So how can I complain? It's self inflicted after all.

Yeah I get scared of letting my guard down because I'm so vulnerable to the other person. After playing the nice game for so long, I started to become much colder towards people when some would only take advantage of my "niceness"

But then what happens is that it really gets much harder for relationships to start. Its like this tightrope walk a person has to go through in order for even a friendship to grow. Can't be too friendly, then you're a weirdo or a creep, and can't be too quiet otherwise nothing happens, and can't be too direct otherwise you can offend the person or come off as just plain mean.

Whether this is a good or bad thing, it just annoys me when a person thinks I'm a bad guy when really I just want to be a friend. Life can be so complicated in such the simplest things I swear :T I'm glad I got forums like these to rant on hehe :]

 

[bianhua]

Thanks for the comments :] Even a response can be a great pick-me up.

maybe i cannot give any help to you, but i hope you know someone is replying here and want to be another picking up for your loneliness.