Useful Advice For Meeting The Opposite Sex Online.

[Retrospective81]

I am feeling quite inspired at the moment die to a recent thread I replied to regarding dating and meeting people in the online world. so here goes.

In my experience and from a lot of other posts in this forum in the last few years that online dating sites such as OKcupid, match, POF and the countless other sites out there, free or charged are probably not the best place for people like myself and others form this form.

And here is why from my POV. I always remember being honest ton these sites and posting a picture of myself (a good one), telling people of my hobbies, what I like to do and my personality traits. I like a lot of people ere both male and female, remember never getting any replies from messages we sent or returned chat requests.

It can leave people like us, especially those of us who suffer from depression, lack of confidence and low self esteem feeling a lot worse about ourselves and feeling that no one would dream of having a relationship with us. I've seen a lot of threads and posts on this site and I relate to the rejection that can arise from the lack of interest shown on these sites.

I'm not saying its impossible to meet anyone worthwhile and these sites and I'm not saying the people are bad who use them, It's just people tend to tighten up their standards online (sometimes very unrealistically) because THEY CAN unfortunately. My conclusion is, is if you want to try these sites anyway, prepare yourself with a serious 'thick skin'.

My advice to myself and many others here is to reach out and meet people on this site and many other forums.

If you are into anything like movies, video games, the arts, photography and anything else out there then there are forums out there and I feel the chances of us meeting someone there are alot greater. I feel because there will not be such a high (if any) emphasis on dating.

So that concludes what I hope is some helpful and good advice.

I hope you will be inspired atleast.

 

[Locke]

Sounds like good advice. At least if you get to know someone slowly on a non-dating site, you really get to know them, instead of having some stale profile with only the best information about that person written. I wonder why people raise their standards so high on dating sites?

 

[Case]

Good advice, but I've started to focus more on meeting people face-to-face lately.

That's why I've started using Meetup.com. I've also decided not to actively seek out romantic companionship. Working on (and solidifying) my social circle is more important to me. I'd like to get that area improved before I start looking again.

I got tired of meeting people where the dating site said we were totally compatible only to find that we had ZERO chemistry in person. lol

However, if I am in a platonic situation, say a board game group or a book group, and I'm there regularly to have have fun, then people can get to know me over the course of many safe, relaxing, non-romantic meetings where they associate me with a fun activity. Then, it's very possible to find chemistry with someone who already sees me in a positive light. If that happens, it happens. If not, I'm still having fun, which is the whole point to begin with.

 

[Lady X]

As several folk on here know, I met my husband on a dating site (smooch.com)

As a woman, I got what can only be quantified as "a honeysuckle-ton" of messages from creepy guys wanting casual sex.

So yes, there is a fair bit of weeding out going on from a female point of view, but its not just about "you dont tick ALL of my boxes so **** you" kinda filtering, its "is this a cheap chatup line to try and get me into bed" filtering.

So my advice there is think about what you wanna write. My husband messaged me mentioning my profile "likes" section where I wrote that I love the work of H.P. Lovecraft, and so did he - would I like to chat sometime... That is the kind of message that gets someone's attention. Most that I deleted were "hi you're hot, up for some fun" kinda messages (and I am really not hot so the wafts of desperation were obvious).

I also had a cut off point for exchanges. "hi", "hi", "how are you?", "fine thanks, you", Good thanks"..... it then has to turn into a conversation otherwise its just exchanging pleasantries with a stranger.

So my advice would be to go for shared interests. A message like "Hey, I see you like [whatever] music? I love [whatever] music, especially [band name] - saw them recently and they were great. Would love to chat to you sometime if you fancy?" would get far more attention from someone than "Hi hows u?"


Also, don't take it personally if you message someone and they dont get back to you. I would use the on-site messenger service if I was chatting to someone before I would give my MSN/whatever details, for privacy. However, as an old fashioned kinda gal, if I was chatting to one guy I would respectfully ignore other messages than his until I knew if it would go anywhere. To do otherwise would mean leading on a few guys or chatting to several at once. Not my kinda thing.

Just cause they don't get back to you, doesn't mean there is any problem with you. They could be chatting to someone else, or looking for someone specific, like a certain age or location or religion for example.

 

[MaddogRon]

Brad Paisley did a song " Online " don't forget there is that side of it also

 

[BlossomedInShadows]

To be honest, I'm rather cynical when it comes to dating websites. I tried one out a year ago (one that I paid for), and although I made a few new friends from it, I didn't meet any guys that I wanted to date. Most of the guys who expressed interest were WAY too old for me (like, old enough to be my dad), even though I was really specific in my profile that I was only interested in a certain age group. I ended up quitting the website because it was expensive, and because I was getting tired of old people trying to flirt with me.

 

[ThisSideOfTheRainbow]

Whether in the real world or on the internet world, people shouldn't LOOK for relationships. Just let them happen. The best things happen to people when they are not looking for them. Trying too hard or having expectations not met only leads to frustration. Better to just go with the flow of life and let things come your way without thinking about it. Believe me, I know and drove myself crazy trying to micro manage my own life, or wonder why I wasn't manifesting certain things. When you detach from it all, there is so much more peace and abundance flowing naturally into your life.

 

[Waffle]

The most interesting thing I have noticed about dating sites is that most of profiles, close to a 80-90% are of people with an outgoing, extroverted personality, which I suppose does make sense because its easier for someone with an active interpersonal mind to just jump into things.

If one who is a private introvert is looking for someone to connect personality wise, it can be challenging to do it on dating websites. Typically interests of possible matches will be hiking, bars, going out or working out, exploring new places, outdoor activities and meeting new people compared to what an introvert might be interested in like quality time with partner at home, catching a movie with few friends, reading/spending time on internet at home or playing board games at a friends house.
Of course, there are exceptions though! : D Best advice I can give is related to what I've already read in other responses; Look for friends and conversations first (yes even on dating websites). If you click with someone, love will happen on its own.

 

[ardour]

Surely people using these sites should fully explore every other avenue for finding a partner first.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

If you are a man, you're not going to find anybody online. It is just impossible.

 

[smarty24]

If you are a man, you're not going to find anybody online. It is just impossible.

Wouldn't agree with you. After reading meet women or girls on dating sites guide I got idea what WAS wrong in my previous approach to chicks. If you are lazily to read, i will try to make short (what I learned):

- first find place (site) where is good chance that plenty of chicks(women) in your age range are (or age range you are looking for)

- don't spend too much time for any women, it is number game: make everyday one message that is general and send to 20-30 female profiles

- be focused TOO on profiles without pictures (a lot of great girls who are too shinny to show to world they are seeking someone can be hidden )

- never give up until your first success.

Again, I really 'tested' this: don't pay to attention, if one is not interested proceed to another.

Same for opposite sex...

 

[duff]

Whether in the real world or on the internet world, people shouldn't LOOK for relationships. Just let them happen. The best things happen to people when they are not looking for them. Trying too hard or having expectations not met only leads to frustration. Better to just go with the flow of life and let things come your way without thinking about it. Believe me, I know and drove myself crazy trying to micro manage my own life, or wonder why I wasn't manifesting certain things. When you detach from it all, there is so much more peace and abundance flowing naturally into your life.

that is great advice.

I think some people on here want a relationship too much, they try too hard.

 

[MrMillion]

online dating is simple. Just fill out your profile and talk to as many people as possible. And you will have a chance at finding a date.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

^ I don't have to restate why online dating is impossible for a lot of guys, but I've given up on it.

 

[hye345]

^ I don't have to restate why online dating is impossible for a lot of guys, but I've given up on it.

Um... why? I can understand someone saying why dating itself might be impossible, since maybe the actual physical act of dating is mentally terrifying to some. But why single out online dating?

 

[Coeur]

Good advice, but I've started to focus more on meeting people face-to-face lately.

That's why I've started using Meetup.com. I've also decided not to actively seek out romantic companionship. Working on (and solidifying) my social circle is more important to me. I'd like to get that area improved before I start looking again.

I got tired of meeting people where the dating site said we were totally compatible only to find that we had ZERO chemistry in person. lol

However, if I am in a platonic situation, say a board game group or a book group, and I'm there regularly to have have fun, then people can get to know me over the course of many safe, relaxing, non-romantic meetings where they associate me with a fun activity. Then, it's very possible to find chemistry with someone who already sees me in a positive light. If that happens, it happens. If not, I'm still having fun, which is the whole point to begin with.

I like this idea. If online dating isn't working, the best alternative is to look for more ways to meet people in real life or to expand your social circle.

Because of the lack of emphasis on dating on hobby sites, many people there may not want a long-distance relationship or may be disappointed to find that their chat buddies were only scouting potential mates and will probably disappear when they're rejected, find out she's married, or she starts dating someone in the area.

 

[TheWalkingDead]

Was partly my experience on OKCupid which ended up with me finding this forum.

Words can't describe how fed up with it I got, only ever sent messages to women I felt there might be some connection with, referred to shared interests in profile, some of the time obscure bands that we had in common or some other interest. In the last 6 months probably wasted 20,000 words and hours of my time to get a couple of responses along the lines of "Thanks for message am busy just now will write back soon..." (and you know the rest!). Before that had several meetings setup who then deleted their profile at the last minute so I think it was people playing games, only woman I met in the last year spent all day with me, gave me all kinds of positive signals (hug etc to say goodbye) then blocked my profile and ignored me without so much as a thanks but no thanks and never heard from her again!

Ironically, I met my ex on there 3 years ago, she messaged me first, sadly it didn't work out due to distance but it ended in a friendly way.

Recently, it's just message after message after message without response so I think the advice in this thread to just meet people is good. There comes a point where one has to say there is either a problem with oneself or with the system and the other people. My friends are all female so I am obviously not too scary in real life

I work for myself in a very solitary occupation, which is one reason OKC seemed a potential way to meet new people, but I guess I will just have to get out more, and really a relationship is not the be-all and end all to me so I will just have to let things happen as they will and if anything happens again it will be a bonus!

 

[EveWasFramed]

My friends are all female so I am obviously not too scary in real life

How can they not be afraid of you?! You're a walking corpse. lol, jk

 

[bender22]

I think if you know what you're doing, it's possible to be very successful with online dating. I've heard of guys regularly getting laid from online dating websites or finding girlfriends. From what I've seen, the most important things are to have a unique profile, good pictures of yourself and message plenty of people. Most guys just give the most bland and boring descriptions of themselves in their profile and post a couple of terrible photos they took of themselves at home. Not hard to see why girls don't reply to their messages.

Personally, online dating doesn't really appeal to me. I think it can be a good way to get practice communicating with the opposite sex, but I'd probably never use it as a way to find a partner.

---

Whether in the real world or on the internet world, people shouldn't LOOK for relationships. Just let them happen. The best things happen to people when they are not looking for them. Trying too hard or having expectations not met only leads to frustration. Better to just go with the flow of life and let things come your way without thinking about it. Believe me, I know and drove myself crazy trying to micro manage my own life, or wonder why I wasn't manifesting certain things. When you detach from it all, there is so much more peace and abundance flowing naturally into your life.

I agree that a lot of people find love when they're not looking for it. But I don't think there's a problem with trying to take control of the situation instead of just letting it come down to luck. Especially for guys.

If you are looking for a relationship, whether it be through online dating or regularly talking to the women in real life, at the very least you will build up a skill set with women. Then when you find the specific girl of your dreams you will have the skills to attract her.

 

[Batman55]

I think if you know what you're doing, it's possible to be very successful with online dating. I've heard of guys regularly getting laid from online dating websites or finding girlfriends. From what I've seen, the most important things are to have a unique profile, good pictures of yourself and message plenty of people. Most guys just give the most bland and boring descriptions of themselves in their profile and post a couple of terrible photos they took of themselves at home. Not hard to see why girls don't reply to their messages.

The problem with putting up a unique profile is most of the time, and especially for shy introverts, it requires you to stretch the truth so far that it becomes false advertising. I am personally against doing this and it certainly would do me no favors should I ever end up meeting someone from there.