Verbal Abuse....

[Arcane]

I have been with my fiance for over 3 years now..we broke up for a few weeks somewhere in there...and then got together. During the time we broke up I was with other people. The reason we broke up is because he found out I was flirting with and seeking attention from other "people" I did this because I grew tired of him being mean to me every other day...he blames everything on being OCD and did a lot of mean things to me. I did to him too...but he always went to far...I could never leave him so I just pushed the pain down until i resented him so bad I just would get attention from whoever I could. I never got physical while we were together...
Every day he makes vile comments at me...calling me a slut whore...he mocks me and asks me horrible questions like , so how many guys did you fresia FIVE? Did you like it? He makes me cry for hours and I'm on medication because I hate myself so much and have such horrible anxienty. He will do this to me for days at a time because he says its
"expressing how he feels" I tell him it's more than that its verbal abuse...

it's just so hard i don't know what to do it's even hard to write about...hopefully this made some sense...i would really appreciate any comments.....or advice..

 

[IgnoredOne]

It does not sound healthy, at any rate.

 

[LoneKiller]

There are many ways to express how you feel without mentally crippling you with all this abuse. You need to kick that that hemorrhoid to the curb. He's being insanely disrespectful and messing with your head. Morons like him are just one more ass that makes men look bad.

Get out of this bullshit and dump him. He will apologize up and down and it will seem sincere each time but it's crap. Leave him. Nobody deserves that kind of abuse. Stand up to him and let him know that you don't deserve
that kind of treatment.

His way of expressing how he feels. What a bunch of bullshit.

 

[paulo]

well if he cant behave himself, treat you like a decent human being.
kick his ass out the door or leave him.
same goes for you though.
if you feel you have to be mean to him, you know what your in isnt healthy for you.
so either you start working things out , get some help or get out of there.
this cant be doing you any good.

might sound a little harsh but thats just the way i feel about stuff like that.
no one is gonne treat me like crap and if you cant behave yourself i dont want you in my live and ill kick you out .. hard.
if he isnt willing to work on it, you have to take care of yourself.
blaming it on OCD iss bull.
iff you know you have a problem, work on it dont use it as an excuse.

i know it cant be easy and it might not be that simple for you.
but im just giving you my logical slightly less emotional view.
i hope it helps.

 

[Callie]

I seriously doubt it will get better. People like that rarely change and stop what they are doing. If you stay, you need to harden yourself to everything he might say to you, not let it bother you... which after a certain point of time (and it sounds like you're there) it doesn't work, it gets in anyway.
Verbal abuse can be worse than physical abuse in some cases. I would suggest that you leave him. Since when does OCD make you a liar? Some of the things he says might have some ring of truth to them, but OCD does not make you verbally abuse someone. He's doing it out of spite, either because he wants to knock you down a peg or two or because he wants you to feel as miserable as him. Verbal abuse is often a reflection of the way they feel about themselves. Verbal abuse also leads to physical abuse (not always, but sometimes).
If you stay, be careful and get help, some kind of counseling to at least try to counteract what he's doing to you.

 

[LoneKiller]

I seriously doubt it will get better. People like that rarely change and stop what they are doing. If you stay, you need to harden yourself to everything he might say to you, not let it bother you... which after a certain point of time (and it sounds like you're there) it doesn't work, it gets in anyway.
Verbal abuse can be worse than physical abuse in some cases. I would suggest that you leave him. Since when does OCD make you a liar? Some of the things he says might have some ring of truth to them, but OCD does not make you verbally abuse someone. He's doing it out of spite, either because he wants to knock you down a peg or two or because he wants you to feel as miserable as him. Verbal abuse is often a reflection of the way they feel about themselves. Verbal abuse also leads to physical abuse (not always, but sometimes).
If you stay, be careful and get help, some kind of counseling to at least try to counteract what he's doing to you.

Well put.

 

[Limlim]

I never really got the "just expressing how I feel" line. My ex liked to pull that one as well. Why is that some sort of shield from repercussions?

Go ******* express it somewhere else.

 

[paulo]

I never really got the "just expressing how I feel" line. My ex liked to pull that one as well. Why is that some sort of shield from repercussions?

an excuse for poor behavior.

hoping it wil save you from getting smacked in the face

 

[Kat]

I have seen some of your previous posts on this forum and I was under the impression that you are in an abusive relationship. I almost reached out to you in a private message but I didn't want to pry. From what you posted here I am fairly certain that you feel trapped in this relarionship. And if you do then I don't think it will matter how many people or how many times you are told to leave him because you probably won't do it unless he goes so far or maybe it will be too late or maybe you find enough support here which gives you enough courage. I walked a very similar path. I was choked, slapped, pushed out of a car, called all the bad names in the book. ******* ***** became like my new name. It hit a turning point when he was dragging me from my house to get into his car and the neighbors almost called the police.

I was afraid to be alone too. I am still lonely and not happy without that sickheaded *******. But atleast now if I feel unhappy I am responsible for my own unhappiness. PM me any time.

Take care and good luck.

From,
Someone who understands

 

[Badjedidude]

LEAVE HIM IF HE ABUSES YOU.

It's that simple.

Even if you've been with him for 3 years, if he verbally abuses you, he's only showing you what's in your future with him. It's up to YOU to decide that you don't want to put up with it for the rest of your life.

 

[Equinox]

Here's what you're going to do: LEAVE HIM.

No speeches. No excuses. No explanations. Just LEAVE.

It will never get better. He will never change.

 

[Callie]

Here's what you're going to do: LEAVE HIM.

No speeches. No excuses. No explanations. Just LEAVE.

It will never get better. He will never change.

Not always that easy....

 

[paulo]

Here's what you're going to do: LEAVE HIM.

No speeches. No excuses. No explanations. Just LEAVE.

It will never get better. He will never change.

Not always that easy....

She wouldn`t be having problems if it was easy.
Still seems like the thing to do.

 

[Callie]

Here's what you're going to do: LEAVE HIM.

No speeches. No excuses. No explanations. Just LEAVE.

It will never get better. He will never change.

Not always that easy....

She wouldn`t be having problems if it was easy.
Still seems like the thing to do.

No saying it's not the thing to do, just that while it makes sense logically (most likely even to the OP) it's another matter to actually find the courage to do it. Verbal abuse can seriously fresia you up

 

[SophiaGrace]

LEAVE HIM IF HE ABUSES YOU.

It's that simple.

lol

 

[paulo]

Here's what you're going to do: LEAVE HIM.

No speeches. No excuses. No explanations. Just LEAVE.

It will never get better. He will never change.

Not always that easy....

She wouldn`t be having problems if it was easy.
Still seems like the thing to do.

No saying it's not the thing to do, just that while it makes sense logically (most likely even to the OP) it's another matter to actually find the courage to do it. Verbal abuse can seriously fresia you up

Yeah i get that.
Just hope she knows it`s not normal and certainly not her fault.
Even if you arn`t a perfect little angel you don`t deserve to be treated like that.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Here's what you're going to do: LEAVE HIM.

lol

---

it's another matter to actually find the courage to do it.

mhmmmm

 

[Equinox]

I don't see the lol in this. She asked for advice on what to do. I told her what to do. Never said it was gonna be easy. The easy solutions usually aren't the right ones, but the right ones are totally worth fighting for.

(And yes, I had that same conversation with my mum, when she was living with a violent alcoholic who nearly beat her to death. It took some years, but she finally left him, and she's doing so much better now.)

 

[Kat]

Maybe if she gets enough support and feels like she has made a lot of friends on this forum, then she will feel like she isn't lonely and then she will leave him.

 

[Arcane]

Thank you everyone I would respond one by one but it seems everyone is (pretty much) telling me to do the same thing. I KNOW he would never hit me...he is disgusted when I suggest that I fear he could one day...I think I've probably been more physical with him. I tried leaving him once....it just didn't work...other people don't appeal to me...and friends can never be as close as I am to him...when he isn't in his obsessive rant/yelliing at me mindset it seems like my world is perfect. It's like he's two different people. I don't know if it's true that he will never change.......I used to be a bully to EVERYONE, and I have drastically changed...and I think a lot of it is due to HIM. I feel like I need to help him since he's helped me..it's just been so long and he's 33 years old so sometimes i do lose hope...I feel bad when he is in that mindset being mean to me...I think about he obsesses over things that aren't real ...but in his head they are...and i don't think he has control over it. i'm rambling now i just don't know what to do. he's all dope sick now anyway so I don't have to put up with it.