Yesterday I had a row with my gf over a stupid thing, texting happy birthday to her friends. She had a few friends/colleagues with birthdays this week and she decided to text them all yesterday after dinner.
She spent a good 30 minutes doing this. Chatting back and forth. I didn't mind it that much, since I was driving.
Then, she said "you know, until lately I didn't know how important is it to say greeting to your friends and connections".
"I don't really have anyone to say happy birthday to. I guess girls are just more social"
"Actually its important for you too, especially connections. Guys are usually more social."
"I used to send greetings to people I know too, but it just got old."
"I'm not saying you don't."
That hit a sore spot.
I didn't take it very well and stormed out of the garage.
we're both in our late-20s.
Now that I have cooled down, I know why I reacted that way I did.
I'm socially vulnerable. I'm not a popular guy.
1. Very few good friends (I can count them all on one hand)
2. Small family.
3. I'm not particularly popular at work (other than the standard "good morning" and occasional gossip).
In fact, if I was to write a Resume or CV right now, I would not be able to list 1 reference. Not 1. No one at work would probably give me a reference. I didn't keep in touch with managers from past jobs. I didn't care to shake hands with any of my previous professors at school.
That little butt in the head with my gf exposed a deep vulnerability I've been hiding for years. And so far, I've done a good job of hiding it, for over 8 years. But today, today, for the first time, I suddenly felt ... vulnerable. That little jab yesterday about me needing more connections HIT THE NAIL RIGHT ON THE HEAD. It's been a constant worry in my mind that has been cordoned off, swept under the rug, pushed aside. And I dread the day when I switch jobs, when i have to look for a new one and need a reference. Or when I have to rely on a friend. The day has not yet come. But it will, it's only a matter of time.
She knows I have less friends and family than her, but she doesn't know the true extent of my vulnerabilities, or how much it worries me. I don't feel comfortable telling anyone about my problem. They would laugh at me. My gf would find it "weird that one doesn't have any friends" (she's one of the 'normals').
I would really appreciate any thoughts or inputs on this. Thanks
She spent a good 30 minutes doing this. Chatting back and forth. I didn't mind it that much, since I was driving.
Then, she said "you know, until lately I didn't know how important is it to say greeting to your friends and connections".
"I don't really have anyone to say happy birthday to. I guess girls are just more social"
"Actually its important for you too, especially connections. Guys are usually more social."
"I used to send greetings to people I know too, but it just got old."
"I'm not saying you don't."
That hit a sore spot.
I didn't take it very well and stormed out of the garage.
we're both in our late-20s.
Now that I have cooled down, I know why I reacted that way I did.
I'm socially vulnerable. I'm not a popular guy.
1. Very few good friends (I can count them all on one hand)
2. Small family.
3. I'm not particularly popular at work (other than the standard "good morning" and occasional gossip).
In fact, if I was to write a Resume or CV right now, I would not be able to list 1 reference. Not 1. No one at work would probably give me a reference. I didn't keep in touch with managers from past jobs. I didn't care to shake hands with any of my previous professors at school.
That little butt in the head with my gf exposed a deep vulnerability I've been hiding for years. And so far, I've done a good job of hiding it, for over 8 years. But today, today, for the first time, I suddenly felt ... vulnerable. That little jab yesterday about me needing more connections HIT THE NAIL RIGHT ON THE HEAD. It's been a constant worry in my mind that has been cordoned off, swept under the rug, pushed aside. And I dread the day when I switch jobs, when i have to look for a new one and need a reference. Or when I have to rely on a friend. The day has not yet come. But it will, it's only a matter of time.
She knows I have less friends and family than her, but she doesn't know the true extent of my vulnerabilities, or how much it worries me. I don't feel comfortable telling anyone about my problem. They would laugh at me. My gf would find it "weird that one doesn't have any friends" (she's one of the 'normals').
I would really appreciate any thoughts or inputs on this. Thanks
