Waiting to Die?

[*Sammy*]

Wow ok wont lie i cried the whole time i read this thread for a few reasons.

Case and others definitely know the feeling my day is 100% the same Weekdays -get up- take dog out - go to work - come home - take dog out - make food - go to bed.
Weekends i spend 99.9% of them completely alone even after reaching out to people by e-mail or text asking if they wish to meet up and getting zip.

I wish there was a magic cure all for everyone here.

Hell i told Edward W something the other day that yeah is a crazy dream but my god if it happened i would make it come true.

If i ever won a big amount of money on the lotto i would build a community of housing and invite everyone i know and care about to come live there and never be alone again. Everyone i have met and talk to on this forum would be invited and we could all be real friends and family to each other.... but that's just a dream.

I'm sorry everyone for your pain. I'm sorry to have drifted off the point a little.
I'm also sorry that i don't have any god advice Case, i really hope things improve for you 100% honestly from my heart.

 

[Case]

Wow ok wont lie i cried the whole time i read this thread for a few reasons.

Case and others definitely know the feeling my day is 100% the same Weekdays -get up- take dog out - go to work - come home - take dog out - make food - go to bed.
Weekends i spend 99.9% of them completely alone even after reaching out to people by e-mail or text asking if they wish to meet up and getting zip.

I wish there was a magic cure all for everyone here.

Hell i told Edward W something the other day that yeah is a crazy dream but my god if it happened i would make it come true.

If i ever won a big amount of money on the lotto i would build a community of housing and invite everyone i know and care about to come live there and never be alone again. Everyone i have met and talk to on this forum would be invited and we could all be real friends and family to each other.... but that's just a dream.

I'm sorry everyone for your pain. I'm sorry to have drifted off the point a little.
I'm also sorry that i don't have any god advice Case, i really hope things improve for you 100% honestly from my heart.

Yes. I wish there was a magic spell that can cure loneliness. And what a nice dream, to build a community where people can never be lonely, will always be accepted, will never feel left out or abandoned, and we can all be comfortable with life.

It's tough to break out of the rut. I hope I can do it at some point. And I hope you can too, Sammy, and everyone else who struggles with loneliness and isolation.

 

[unverified]

I see many here feel the same, all I can suggest is to get out more like otthers have said.
Maybe a meaning or purpose will find you when you least expect it.

 

[BlossomedInShadows]

I'm sorry to hear that. I've definitely felt this way before, and I know how much it sucks.

If I could make a suggestion though, are there any clubs/organizations that you could join, whether it's a fitness club, a church, a nonprofit organization, or anything else that interests you? That might be a way to meet people with interests similar to yours, and if nothing else, might help you to stay busy and break the monotony. If you don't have anything in particular that you're interested in or passionate about, try something new. You might end up discovering something that you really like.

I know how hard it can be to make friends, real friends who stick with you over long periods of time. But that doesn't mean that you never will. Just try to focus on branching out, and eventually you will find people.

 

[LonelySutton]

I am reviving this thread because I put into "google" waiting to die, and this came up. I feel this way now. Perhaps this is why people have kids, to avoid this... a 20 year gap period. I feel like I did all the things I was supposed to achieve in my youth - except for a husband and family. I am fine with that really, I probably would not be a good wife or mother, but, now, here I am with very little to do. And even if I "do stuff" like volunteer or stuff, basically, that is just unmeaningful things I would be doing to distract myself. There is nothing left that I want to achieve that I actually can achieve in the current situation.

Additionally for me, I work with the government and after 25 years with them, I can retire with a good pension (that pays for health care) I am 12 years in. It is extremely possible that I could even retire early but it is in my best interest to stay until I get that golden handshake. So I am literally just biding my time. I won't be able to do almost anything until I get that retirement. (move, start my own business, lose weight, get a dog) I just have to wait for an obscene 12 more years of my life. During that time I will have to insure that I don't get sick or cancer. But as I sit there bored... I kind of feel like I don't want to.

I wonder if I should just give up this retirement. My dad worked until he was 72 and then almost immediately after retirement, lost his mind to dementia. So sad, working for that time to be able to do what you want and then getting sick. But I can't help but think that I should be able to retire earlier than that...

Also you may think use the time to work on yourself. But I have concluded that I have done that. There is absolutely nothing that I actually can do right now, that I have not already done. Most of the things I have failed to do, I probably can't really do until retirement so, these efforts will just be more failure (e.g., weight loss). I have tried losing weight several times at work and, for me, it always fails because I have an extremely slow metabolism. So small efforts won't work. You sort of have to do massive efforts and I can't reasonably work and lose weight, believe me I have tried everything without gaining weight back. The environment won't change and the environment is a problem.

So basically everything that I want to do, I am at a point where I know they will not reasonably happen in the world I am stuck in for 12 years and I have achieved pretty much all that I wanted to do in my life and, for the moment, there is very little left.

 

[ardour]

I have tried losing weight several times at work and, for me, it always fails because I have an extremely slow metabolism. So small efforts won't work. You sort of have to do massive efforts and I can't reasonably work and lose weight, believe me I have tried everything without gaining weight back. The environment won't change and the environment is a problem.

So basically everything that I want to do, I am at a point where I know they will not reasonably happen in the world I am stuck in for 12 years and I have achieved pretty much all that I wanted to do in my life and, for the moment, there is very little left.

Following a few simple rules - like avoiding refined carb, large breakfast/lunch then a light dinner, fasting once a week can help shed the kilos without having to go on some tedious time-consuming exercise regime.

 

[LonelySutton]

Following a few simple rules - like avoiding refined carb, large breakfast/lunch then a light dinner, fasting once a week can help shed the kilos without having to go on some tedious time-consuming exercise regime.

That works for other people but not for me. As I said, I have tried it all, including "simple" things. Don't work. Men especially should keep in mind they have far greater metabolisms than women due to testosterone.

I have even tried a medically supervised very low calorie diet. That failed for the reason that all other diets do. I got to a point where my metabolism was utterly shut down. Well before I hit goal. This has happened on every diet I have ever gone on. I could lose no more weight. I followed what they told me and ate even less and exercised more. Still nothing. I actually did this for an entire year. This has happened on every single diet. Weight wachers, phentermine, et al.

I believe my body has some sort of hormone shift with Leptin. You can see that my blood results tell me this is happening. My thyroid goes up, and my cholesterol goes up. In fact, all my blood tests come out bad. When your thyroid drops your metabolsm drops. Substantially to a point where you can't eat little enough to lose weight.

You will see at this point your F**ed. If you start eating again, even if a little, your metabolism and thyroid is so low you will gain weight hand over food and, the only way to stop that from happening are things like a TON Of exercise. Which is impossible when you are at work and commute for 12+ hours. The only way to restore your metabolism is to eat more... but it will take some time for your metabolism to recover. During that time... you eat say, 1300 cals per day, and your metabolism is at 800 can you gain fast.

All those people like Oprah who can't lose weight, I think I have this problem. Their bodys are just highly efficient. I actually think that, like her, I gained about 20 lbs just during the process of continuing to try to diet. All you need do is look at people who have had lap band or stomach stapling surgery. They don't all get thin... (Chris Christie) this is obviously because their body has reduced their metabolism to match the reduction in food.

My next try is to try to work with what my body has told me. I can go for about 13 to 14 weeks before my body typically shifts into a reduction in the thyroid / metabolism. So I will lose what I can lose and then stop, try to eat more and stave off my body clicking over into a low metabolism.

That being said, I have a very slow weight loss rate. This summer I lost 1 lb per week on a diet of 1000 cals per day. I was told that was extremely low. I also had my metabolism tested and it came back low. I suspect I could do much better if I could devote like 2 hours of exercise per day, but I can't really, because, as I said, with working and commuting 12+ hours it is impossible. From a time / energy perspective. Even still, during that time, I walked from the train to work and work to the train. This was 30 minutes per day. I finally had to part ways with the diet plan because my weight loss slowed and they suggested eating less and exercising more.

 

[ardour]

I can't say I know much about how the thyroid affects metabolism, but perhaps something akin to the Atkins Diet is the answer. Extreme low calorie diets are pointless, because as you say it slows the metabolism so you hit a wall. Focusing on protein keeps the metabolism ticking over. Also making sure any non-protein source of calories are low GI – for example bread should be wholegrain and low GI; GI is usually stated on the packet. And cut out dairy.

A few years back I lost 35 pounds via this admittedly unappealing meal plan:

Breakfast : 2 boiled eggs, apple, one piece of wholegrain low GI toast.
Lunch: 2 tins of sardines (disgusting, but a good source of protein and calcium) + raw almonds/cashews.
Dinner: Vegetables – frozen of fresh, doesn’t matter + steak or fish.
For snacks if required: raw almonds again or any fruit except for grapes or bananas.

You may have tried something similar already, but there it is.

Warning: protein heavy diets are dangerous long-term, paticularly for women; it leaches bone density while too much red meat raises the risk of cancer.

 

[LonelySutton]

I can't say I know much about how the thyroid affects metabolism, but perhaps something akin to the Atkins Diet is the answer.

If you don't know much about it than why are you handing out suggestions? Yes tried it. Turns out that protein / low carb could be exactly the wrong advice and contributing factor. Studies have shown that Leptin is closely tied to insulin. So if you body senses low insulin it reacts by cutting back on Leptin. Making you both more hungry and reducing your thyroid production. For someone with a low metabolism that can be a disaster. They now suggest a carb "refeed" frequently so your body doesn't sense "your starving".

However, we are off topic. My topic is waiting to die. Anyone else feel like they are just waiting around to die? My point is, all the big things in life that give you motivation are either "accomplished" or just aren't going to be because I have explored 99% of the options.

 

[nondescript]

yes, I feel like I'm waiting to die.

It makes me feel ashamed. I'm physically healthy (mostly) and earn an average income yet mentally I'm seemingly incapable of establishing social bonds and so I'm suffering from the subsequent neurosis.

I'm hoping that since I'm aware that I have this problem I can shift my perspective to genuinely have a purpose in life independent from a social connectivity which I hope will lead to social connectivity.

Its a struggle to find this purpose - but I haven't given up.

 

[stork_error]

I feel like this too. I have no interest in life. The nature of humanity has gotten too dirty for me and engaging in it is just not worthwhile anymore. I don't fit in with the masses and I have no desire to try.

I don't get todays people, I don't get their conversations, I don't get their mentality I don't get anything about them.

 

[handheart]

What about changing your job ? You like what you do? if i was you i will change my life i will try something new for example i will leave city or maybe country and maybe i will meet other people etc .I think you atract what you think ,if you feel loneliness you atract loneliness imagines that you are happy and people contact you and you eet new people etc .But all this you must to make them with hapiness to realy atract .Hope it helps you .Be happy

 

[LonelySutton]

What about changing your job ? You like what you do? if i was you i will change my life i will try something new for example i will leave city or maybe country and maybe i will meet other people etc .I think you atract what you think ,if you feel loneliness you atract loneliness imagines that you are happy and people contact you and you eet new people etc .

I am about that close. But now I see how people get trapped where they are. The job that I have is somewhat unique and I doubt I could start over without losing pay and or, even getting another job at all. I have a home and that is anything but easy to ditch. Unless you are 22 it is hard to just up and change things because you are kind of trapped.

And, assume you give up all that stuff in a quest to meet new people and have a new life... what if that doesn't happen? You just gave up a lot for something which may not at all be something that is doable.

 

[Paraiyar]

And, assume you give up all that stuff in a quest to meet new people and have a new life... what if that doesn't happen? You just gave up a lot for something which may not at all be something that is doable.

But if you don't do it then you may always wonder what could have been.

 

[LonelySutton]

But if you don't do it then you may always wonder what could have been.

Not sure that the balance is worth it. Give up all that you have worked for - for the *chance* to meet new good people... almost foolish to do it.

 

[Thelonelyone1982]

I hear most people here. Still married and have no friends. Just waiting for the reaper to claim me as another victim that all of us will face one day. All people will use me because I know tech and fix their broken P.O.S computer,game console or what have you. Once that's done then I'm just nothing. People just use me all the time, my own wife uses me because since no other guy will deal with her sex drive (lack there of) or mental problems. Only *Good* part of my life is when I'm sleeping because I dream about the life that I've desired. Alas dreams don't exist in this lonely world. People count on facebook to fulfill their life but I shut mine down last year because I got SUPER envious of how everyone else was having an exciting marriage while mine is next to a pile of goat honeysuckle. Since there is likely no afterlife. all of what we are doing now is absolutely pointless,when we die, much like everyone else who has NOTHING will matter since our consciousness is mush. Seriously this really sucks. I sit here and listen to music dreaming about a life I don't have the will or strength to pursue it. My parents never taught me anything that would benefit me, therefore I'm just super retarded. Became a misanthrope and misogynist. Just want it to be over with already. 33 years old and I likely have to deal with this for longer? NO! >_< Give me a cyanide pill already!

 

[LonelySutton]

Only *Good* part of my life is when I'm sleeping because I dream about the life that I've desired.

Can really relate to this. I find myself leaning on going to bed early --not necessarily to sleep -- but just to have darkness where I can imagine a fun life or day dream. This happens alone in the car sometimes.

I did the math at work recently and I discovered that I have about 14 more years before I can retire. FOURTEEN!

A co worker of mine was within 1 year of retirement when she discovered she was riddled with cancer and died almost immediately. Uterine cancer. She was single with no kids like me and overweight like me. We even went to the same schools and her old home was across the street from where my parents are buried. I feel like, maybe, that was someone trying to tell me something. I continue to go over it in my head.

 

[Demian]

I hear most people here. Still married and have no friends. Just waiting for the reaper to claim me as another victim that all of us will face one day. All people will use me because I know tech and fix their broken P.O.S computer,game console or what have you. Once that's done then I'm just nothing. People just use me all the time, my own wife uses me because since no other guy will deal with her sex drive (lack there of) or mental problems. Only *Good* part of my life is when I'm sleeping because I dream about the life that I've desired. Alas dreams don't exist in this lonely world. People count on facebook to fulfill their life but I shut mine down last year because I got SUPER envious of how everyone else was having an exciting marriage while mine is next to a pile of goat honeysuckle. Since there is likely no afterlife. all of what we are doing now is absolutely pointless,when we die, much like everyone else who has NOTHING will matter since our consciousness is mush. Seriously this really sucks. I sit here and listen to music dreaming about a life I don't have the will or strength to pursue it. My parents never taught me anything that would benefit me, therefore I'm just super retarded. Became a misanthrope and misogynist. Just want it to be over with already. 33 years old and I likely have to deal with this for longer? NO! >_< Give me a cyanide pill already!

I come from a family of nihilists and scientific materialists. No afterlife, no essence to consciousness beyond the atoms that make it up, etc. It has given us all "moments" wondering what the meaning of it all it, but we've all gotten past it and found satisfaction and happiness in life, even though we--- and everyone in our extended family--- have depressive tendencies. I personally live a pretty "dull" life by most standards, too, but I like it. I'm a "techish" sort of person. 32 years old. Frankly, I felt like a loser for a long time, even though I wasn't. So why are you unhappy and lonely and I'm not?

The difference seems to not necessarily be our circumstances so much as how we perceive our lives. I'm happy now because I don't use other people's lives as standards by which to judge my own. There are things that I've desired in my life, but I've refined my expectations. What was that phrase?

Happiness = reality - expectations.

I've always said that if you aren't happy with your life, you need to do one of two things. You need to change the circumstances of your life or you need to change your perspective of your life.

And if you can't change your perspective--- if your life is so useless to you that you'd like to take a cyanide pill--- why not make a dramatic change to your circumstances? If you don't have any children, join the Peace Corps or go join an aid team in Syria where so many people WANT to survive and live fulfilling lives. If you can't help yourself, you can certainly help others, and it might be the kind of dramatic change in atmosphere that will change how you think about yourself and the world at large.

 

[ardour]

Not much out there for me but I'm still afraid of death. You can change your circumstances but not other people. Since most of the unfulfilled desire is to do with others, what they think of you, social anxiety, being alone etc. that's an irreconcilable situation. One can get involved in charity work, which will no doubt help with self-esteem and do some objective good in the world, but at the end of the day you still come home to an empty flat and nobody to call.

 

[mari1969]

I feel like I am waiting to die.

I feel like I look at the calendar and wonder how much closer I am to the end, wondering why I haven't seemed to matter to anyone, at least in any lasting way.

My life is a drudgery of meaningless tasks that leads me back to the same spot every Monday morning. My weekdays start with waking up, then going to work, coming home, eating, and finally, sleeping. I do that five times a week, and then the weekend arrives where I receive no phone calls, no texts, no emails, no party invites, no contact with the outside world aside from the anonymous online world.

I have a bunch of what I call 'Facebook friends." They are the kind who love to click "Like" on a picture or a status update I post, but will say "No, thanks" to drinks or a get-together. I have two real friends in my life, and I fear I'd drive them away if I contacted them too much. I don't know how I'd feel if I lost them. Worse than I do now, certainly.

I have no close family members, and even one who is close in distance to me chooses to shut me out of his life for reasons too complex to mention here.

So, I sit here on a Sunday blazing through selections on NetFlix hoping to distract myself from my loneliness. It is a good distraction because I can either learn something, be thrilled by something, or even feel an emotion about something. Then, that NetFlix selection ends and I am back in the real world again, waiting to die.

I have little motivation to go outside unless it's a routine errand. Therefore, I tend to remain indoors while others all around are having barbeques, parties, and other social gatherings. I would text one of my real friends and try to set up a meeting, but occasionally they would talk of having to attend some big family function. You know, the kind that I can never have. Honestly, I am understanding, but I retreat that much further into my cave.

This thread should not be seen as an outcry of "Oh, woe is me." The reality of my life is clear to me. I do okay financially, I have my health, and I'm not going to starve or go into debt. Also, I understand that I am not suffering like others have, so it's really not as bad as it could be.

But I realize that life is passing me by and I seem to have little energy to grab it by the tail before it leaves me for good.

I've tried dating sites to meet people, and it usually lasts for a short while before fizzling out. So, I've stopped thinking of that dating rubbish even though the idea of a close relationship is about as intoxicating to me as anything I can imagine. I've looked at Meetup.com for ideas, so if I joined platonic groups of people with like-minds, I might be able to find a fuller social life.

I simply don't want to stay in this pattern. I want to be like the friends I had who seem so fulfilled, or at least, so busy. In contrast, I feel like someone hit the pause button on my life while the lives of others are moving past me at a rapid rate.

If you stuck through to the end of this thread's beginning, I thank you for reading this. I know longer messages are often ignored on forums, so I truly appreciate you getting to this point. If you wish to make a comment or offer a solution that you have tried, feel free to let me know.

Thanks again!

I feel exactly as you that im just waiting to die but the years that come will be worst because the illness and the difficulties of old age.

I dont want social life, friends, party, barbecues, i want someone to share my life with.