Want to die

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Honestly can't. Got no one to live for. 😪. I make everyone's life miserable and a lot harder I just want to be with my mum 😞. I'm Honestly done
I think like this sometimes. It seems no matter what I accomplish it's never enough. The only attention I get is when someone needs something.

I wish I could be somewhere that those I know aren't so damned selfish. Isn't that what it is? It's not your life that's bad. It's those in it that make it that way?

How can you make them miserable? Isn't it a matter of wants? Is it that they want you a certain way, and you aren't that? I say if you make them miserable then step away because it sounds more like they are making you miserable.

Anyway, I hope you are still around to read this.
 
I've got to say that I'm been close to ending it a couple times over the last week. I completely understand a lot of people's angst and desperation in life. It gets hard to pick myself out of bed(usually don't sleep anyway) and realise that I wasn't lucky enough to just die in my sleep. Life isn't that good to me! It's totally sucks when one day, just plodding along not happy but defo not in misery and then WHAM....feel like honeysuckle and nobody cares and nobody would miss me and all the crap that goes with a self-esteem suction bomb! Every minute is a fight! I only need to lose once and its over! I know I gotta keep fighting but fffuuccckkk! Sorry for the bad language again.
 
It's a strange, insanely difficult place to be, you get stuck in the middle in a weird way, I don't actually want to die yet I also don't want to live this way any longer. I've long since made up my mind I'd like to check out of this life already yet I also like to believe there's nothing better awaiting afterwards, so then what's the **** difference? Why not hang around, maybe catch a nice moment or two here and there, but is all the misery in between them worth it? Sure doesn't seem like it. Stay, go, heh, just more and more years of nothingness ahead while stuck in a crummy life. It's brutal I say....but, to quote al bundy, "on the good side at least, life is half over."
 
It's a strange, insanely difficult place to be, you get stuck in the middle in a weird way, I don't actually want to die yet I also don't want to live this way any longer. I've long since made up my mind I'd like to check out of this life already yet I also like to believe there's nothing better awaiting afterwards, so then what's the **** difference? Why not hang around, maybe catch a nice moment or two here and there, but is all the misery in between them worth it? Sure doesn't seem like it. Stay, go, heh, just more and more years of nothingness ahead while stuck in a crummy life. It's brutal I say....but, to quote al bundy, "on the good side at least, life is half over."
There's so much I'd like to chat to u about but I just saw your post as I was getting ready to go sleep. Can I just say...please don't check out just now! Sometimes the world/fate/god/whatever decides it times for you to have some good honeysuckle happen and it might not happen today, tomorrow or the next day but just keep holding on. I've been where u are and still partly there, in fact I'm still mostly there and I have a borderline heroin habit that I'm trying to cut out. You need to try find the positives and they are there! I'll txt again later on today. Be strong brother(I'm assuming your a dude?)
 

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