Weirdest moment of my life.

[Hexamension]

Hello,
Let me first tell something about myself.
I am a 17 year old boy from the Netherlands.
The first 14 years of my life i was bullied a lot and because of that I "Escaped" reality by gaming full-time. I was gaming all day long, school in the morning and after school i was gaming. And twice a week i did athletics, which i am pretty good at. But it was a very special day if i was playing with someone else. I was always alone, but i didn`t care because in the virtual world I had a lot of things to keep me busy. But the biggest advantage of the virtual world is that there are no problems, never someone who is hurting you for whatever reason you can imagine. But after a while (around the age of 11), i started thinking things like: "What am i doing on this world?", "What is my purpose here?" and "For who am i here?". and i came to the conclusion that i was completely useless, so the thoughts of ending it all came fast after that. Luckily i never did that. And those feelings started to leave my mind in the next years.

Somewhere between 14 and 15 something happened (still don`t know what) what caused to see the light at the end of the tunnel. For the first time i had the idea that was useful in this world. That i am here for a reason. So in the past 2 years it kept going better and better with me. I met new people who are very important to me at the moment. And i started doing more then just gaming.

Last year i finished middle school at medium level. But i was able to do the high level, So i started with that 3 months ago. With that I've got Philosophy classes. Here i learned a lot about myself and about life. About 2-3 weeks ago i caught myself being prosperous for the very first time of my life. But the philosophy classes aren't the only reason i am happy now.
I also got into a new class with new people. And there is a girl i like very much, sometimes we have a very small conversation. mostly about my sister (which she knows very well). But those very short conversations makes my whole day, it makes me happy for at least a day or 2. Every time a see her sitting somewhere in the class i just get a smile on my face. I really try get to know her better, but as socially awkward as I am, I just don't know what to do.

But a week ago I got the news that my parents are divorcing. Just when i had a pretty solid life, this comes on my path. It's a lot of trouble that is going on about this. It'makes me feel so sad, but then when I think of "her" I am really happy. It feels like the biggest roller coaster of emotions ever made.

Does anyone has some advice what i can do to get my solid life back? or any tips on how to deal with this kind of situation?

Thanks a lot!

 

[monkeysocks]

Hi, I am sorry this has happened. You have already proven to be strong. Divorce is not a nice business, upsetting for everyone including yourself, especially if trouble creeps in.

For yourself, perhaps swap your disappointment and see it that you would rather they be happy apart than unhappy together.
Although this is an unwelcome change it is one that you can all adapt to in time.

Ask the girl to join you at lunch one day, then you can engage her in more conversation and see if something more comes of it.

 

[perfanoff]

Think hard about what is missing from your life.

Is it food and shelter?
Is it physical security?
Is it having people you connect to?
Other people's respect for you?
A girlfriend?
Or feeling that you make a difference?

When you understand what exactly is missing from your life, maybe you would be able to work for it, and then you will have your "light at the end of the tunnel."

Gaming is fine I think. In reasonable amounts. It's a very cheap way to pass time. Definitely better than getting drunk, smoking weed and such, stuff that a lot of guys your age do.

---

Ask the girl to join you at lunch one day, then you can engage her in more conversation and see if something more comes of it.

^ This

I'm also sorry about the divorce. I hope that you can keep the connection with not just one, but both your parents.

 

[Hexamension]

Hi, I am sorry this has happened. You have already proven to be strong. Divorce is not a nice business, upsetting for everyone including yourself, especially if trouble creeps in.

For yourself, perhaps swap your disappointment and see it that you would rather they be happy apart than unhappy together.
Although this is an unwelcome change it is one that you can all adapt to in time.

Ask the girl to join you at lunch one day, then you can engage her in more conversation and see if something more comes of it.

Thanks for answering so fast!

My parents are hiding so much for me. they act like they are neutral, but i can feel they are both not happy at all. I hope that we can all be happy again.

That is indeed a nice idea, didn't think of it yet.
But I think I am too scared to ruin it all, it can ruin my chance to success for the next 2 years.

---

Think hard about what is missing from your life.
[...]
I'm also sorry about the divorce. I hope that you can keep the connection with not just one, but both your parents.

Is it food and shelter? Got 2 houses at the moment, so this is not a problem at all.
Is it physical security? Netherlands is pretty save i guess.
Is it having people you connect to? I have one real friend, in the sentence that a friend is someone who is always there for you and who you will tell everything to. But he lives on the other side of the country now. apart from him I don't have any real good friends, of course people i hang out with. But no people i tell everything.
Other people's respect for you? Everybody respect me for who i am, and i don't feel anyone has anything against me or something.
A girlfriend? As i said, there is one i would like to be my girlfriend, I think it would help me out very well. It is someone where you share everything with and she makes me very happy. So I would really Appreciate it.
Or feeling that you make a difference? I think i am going to make a difference. I am very interested in physics (relativity, quantum mechanics and especially the philosophical part of it). I watch a lot of lectures from the greatest teachers and scientist, also i got contact with a couple of american physics students which tell/teach me a lot of interesting things.

Overall it looks like a need some people around me, which I never had because I escaped reality in my earlier years.

Thanks for those questions, made me realize some important things!

 

[monkeysocks]

Quantum physics is great ! I honestly believe by studying it briefly has helped me remain mentally strong, it also helped to undo years of lack of confidence.

It sounds like you have a great deal going for you. If you are too shy to ask the girl along to lunch on your own, ask her to join you and a friend, then you won't feel like it is a date and have other things to talk about between the 3 of you.

Agree with Perfanoff and best to stay level with both parents. They sound like good parents and acting neutral to protect you.