Well, hello

[Dissident]

I am a 26 year-old web software developer from Virginia, US. Among a family of short-haired, bible-thumping country fans, I am the lone long-haired, atheist metalhead. I am part Cherokee and my family is descended from Jamestown settlers, but I am also planning on moving to Norway after I learn more of the language.

I've suffered depression from an early age that has manifested in several unpleasant ways, but the most apparent is my almost constant feeling of loneliness and hopelessness. Even when talking with a group of friends, I always feel that I am by myself. Talking in a two-person conversation I always feel like the third wheel that just keeps spinning for no reason. I have a girlfriend with whom I feel no connection, be it emotional, mental or sexual. I also feel that, closing in on my approach to 30, I have accomplished nothing noteworthy or important in my life, as none of the goals I thought I could achieve have come to fruition.

Over my life I've been thrust into some precarious predicaments that have forced me to develop social skills I didn't have before, and having lived with depression my whole life, there is a tool set that I've developed over the years to help cope. But it would be nice to talk to some people who actually understand from experience rather than hearsay or research papers.

 

[9006]

Hi Dissident,

I am part Cherokee

I thought that was a car

Well, welcome to the forum...

 

[Sigma]

Among a family of short-haired, bible-thumping country fans, I am the lone long-haired, atheist metalhead.

Oh man, that has to create tons of friction.

Welcome to the forum

 

[Dissident]

Hi Dissident,

I am part Cherokee

I thought that was a car

Well, welcome to the forum...

Naw, this is a car. Thanks.

Among a family of short-haired, bible-thumping country fans, I am the lone long-haired, atheist metalhead.

Oh man, that has to create tons of friction.

Welcome to the forum

So much friction, so much lulz. When I told my parents I'd sworn off christianity around 15, my mother's response was "what? don't be so stupid." Of course there were also the many differences of values and thus opinions that resulted from my bucking traditions.

Thanks.

 

[9006]

Naw, this is a car. Thanks.

I actually seen one of those at a UK motor show around a year back, it looks pretty much identical.

 

[perfanoff]

Hehe, yet another software developer.
Cheers and welcome
[video=youtube]

 

[Dissident]

I actually seen one of those at a UK motor show around a year back, it looks pretty much identical.

Yeah man, I'm actually not a car buff at all, I just remember seeing a Sting Ray Corvette and involuntarily pulling a golem we wants it! kind of thing.

Hehe, yet another software developer.
Cheers and welcome

ROFL I haven't seen that before. Liked, fav'd. Thanks.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Hello Dissident, welcome to the forum!

 

[Dissident]

Thanks

 

[Littlesecret]

Hello Dissident,

I can relate to a lot of things you have written, however it's a little complicated to explain - the gist of it being my father and his wife were nuts.
I know how hard it is to live in a household where you don't feel a strong connection to the people that are raising you, especially if you're agnostic or atheist and they are Jesus mad.
It can be a very lonely and depressing place.
Do you have brothers or sisters, if you don't mind me asking?

Also staying in a relationship where you are patently unhappy can only make you more depressed, sometimes it's usually more lonely being with someone you dislike then just being alone.

If you ever want to talk feel free to PM me

 

[Dissident]

Oh fortunately I'm out of my parents' house and have been for a couple years. But you're right about loneliness in an unhappy relationship. I can't do anything that she doesn't approve of without worrying about the ensuing argument. I wanted to hang out with some friends who were graduating college and she basically made me wait until she was done getting ready. I felt like she was trying to take long enough to get ready that I would forfeit. By the time we got over there it was almost midnight, nearly everyone my friends invited had left, and the moment we sat down she started bitching that she didn't want to be there.

 

[Littlesecret]

Why would you be with someone that makes you this miserable?
Is it worth it?

 

[Dissident]

If you find her annoying and dragging you down.. why are you still with her?

I haven't been in this position before so I don't know how to go about it. Last time I tried to break it off with her she threatened to commit suicide. Her family is 3 hours away, she barely makes money, and her car is about to break down. She interviewed for a better-paying job but was denied. I feel like a dick, in more ways than one, but I can't bring myself to be happy with her, but I also don't want to feel like I'm forcing someone out (she's prideful and has told me on multiple occasions that she'd rather be homeless than live with me single). I know her problems shouldn't be my problems, but I made the mess we're in. I shouldn't have dated her in the first place.

 

[Littlesecret]

Emotionally blackmailing you to keep you with her is disgusting, most of the time they are just empty threats.
You need to explain to her that you're both losing out on finding people that you can have real connections with.
There will always be excuses not to end a relationship with someone you have no real feelings for, you can't forfeit your own happiness just to make someone else happy that doesn't even care about your happiness!

(That sentence contained a lot of happiness)
If you do end it I would get in contact with her family to let them know and they can help her out.

 

[Shipster0958]

Welcome to the forum!

I've from a deep south family. Raised in church, when I finally started telling my parents I thought all the biblical stories sounded silly and inconsistent, I was labeled the black sheep of the devoutly religious family.

Cheers!

 

[Dissident]

Emotionally blackmailing you to keep you with her is disgusting, most of the time they are just empty threats.
You need to explain to her that you're both losing out on finding people that you can have real connections with.

Fair point. Of course I'll have to stress that on her end because she doesn't care about my well-being unless she's gaining from it.

If you do end it I would get in contact with her family to let them know and they can help her out.

Oh her family's probably not going to be happy. Her father was released from jail a couple years ago. <_<
:club:

Welcome to the forum!

I've from a deep south family. Raised in church, when I finally started telling my parents I thought all the biblical stories sounded silly and inconsistent, I was labeled the black sheep of the devoutly religious family.

Cheers!

Heathens unite!

 

[ladyforsaken]

I haven't been in this position before so I don't know how to go about it. Last time I tried to break it off with her she threatened to commit suicide. Her family is 3 hours away, she barely makes money, and her car is about to break down. She interviewed for a better-paying job but was denied. I feel like a dick, in more ways than one, but I can't bring myself to be happy with her, but I also don't want to feel like I'm forcing someone out (she's prideful and has told me on multiple occasions that she'd rather be homeless than live with me single). I know her problems shouldn't be my problems, but I made the mess we're in. I shouldn't have dated her in the first place.

So, what are you going to do about it then? Nothing? And continue being unhappy?

 

[Dissident]

I am going to talk to her about her issues. She might work on them but I doubt it will lead to real changes. Probably going to bring it up this weekend.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I am going to talk to her about her issues. She might work on them but I doubt it will lead to real changes. Probably going to bring it up this weekend.

Well. Good luck with it. Hope it goes well.