What are you feeling, hoping, thinking, or remembering right now?

[Peaches]

I am feeling so confused, at moments even hopeful, thinking I am absolutely going to quit my job in a month or two, hoping not to jump into other senseless projects because that is what I do when I feel anxious and alone.

 

[jjam]

I know what that feels like. All my jobs have been soul-draining and haven't paid jack. And I know how little fun applying for jobs is. But I think knowing you can't continue like that, as you said, might be enough to spur you on. You know there has to be more to life than that.

Good luck man! We can do it!

Thanks for those very encouraging words.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I know what that feels like. All my jobs have been soul-draining and haven't paid jack. And I know how little fun applying for jobs is. But I think knowing you can't continue like that, as you said, might be enough to spur you on. You know there has to be more to life than that.

Good luck man! We can do it!

Thanks for those very encouraging words.

Well, I hope you were encouraged at least. I don't think I really said anything that profound. I've just noticed that every time I say and think negative things about applications and work and tell myself there's no hope, I'm just going to be poor anyway, things like that - I don't seem to get anything done. So I thought I'd try the opposite.

Going to challenge myself to get a couple applications done tomorrow before I go out for the night. I figure it'll only help me enjoy the night more, having the peace of mind that I got something accomplished.

 

[thelonegamer]

What does a person need to do to be happy? ****. Sigh...

 

[Cavey]

What does a person need to do to be happy? ****. Sigh...

I always used to think:

"When I have money, I'll be happy"
"When I have a partner, I'll be happy"
"When I have a home, I'll be happy"
"If I could just lose a little weight, I'd be happy"
"I'm sure I'll be happy once I get my medical problems sorted"
and so on and so forth...

It took me a long time to realise that there was always going to be something that I desired that would 'make me happy'. I now have decided that happiness is a choice and I choose to be happy - with or without these things. I still have bad days like everyone does, but life could be so much worse...

 

[Arachne]

What does a person need to do to be happy? ****. Sigh...

Don't Worry, Choose Happy it starts with a positive or belief in ones self. Sure there are days when you can't be. But look in the mirror and say it to yourself. ^.^

 

[thelonegamer]

I am happy. I was just experiencing an ill moment but I am and choose to be happy
Thanks user 130057 and Arachne

 

[VanillaCreme]

Cleaning.

 

[Solivagant]

I can't believe it's been this long and your name alone still has the power to throw me into a panic.

 

[Garbageman]

Remembering many hours spent listening to music and posting on here, interacting and talking to many great people.

 

[Solivagant]

"September 18th was the anniversary of the worst day of my life. The day my entire world fell apart, demolished. I lost everything, and everyone, that day. My entire life was taken from me. There are no words to describe the pain. I was never the same. Never have been the same since then. I remember who I used to be, and I mourn her. I long for her, the inner peace she had. I had to start over again a new person, like a child; but reborn a damaged and twisted being, emotionally stunted and stuck in another time. All the pain of my childhood I overcame, and I was stronger because of it. But this... this, I have never overcome. This has left me weakened, dragging myself wounded along the road of life, stone scraping my skin raw. Sometimes I'm so tired, even to keep breathing is an effort. I look ahead and all I see is the long, lonely road, one bleak horizon after another with no purpose, no rest or healing, no love. Only more blood to be shed with each forced step. And I wonder why I'm doing it. The only reason I can fathom is that I'm human, with an innate will to survive, even if survival means nothing but pain. I'm not a stubborn woman, but damnit, I will drag myself bloodied and battered as far as my body will take me, just to say that I lived.

All the same, I don't consider myself a survivor. Technically, maybe, but only because cruelty decided that I should be left alive to suffer. He may be dead, but he was the true survivor. He never stopped trying to live, even when he knew how it was going to end. He drank life, he wanted it desperately. He fought, and fought... Sometimes there's just no way out.

Every year I light a candle around his time of death, and let it burn until it goes out on its own. That's about how long it took for him to die.

I dread September. In every September since then, numerous painful events have befallen. The anniversary is past again, but I'm not out of the woods yet. Maybe all the bad stuff is just saving up for the end of the month. I feel very tense, waiting for the other shoe to drop."

 

[Cavey]

"September 18th was the anniversary of the worst day of my life. The day my entire world fell apart, demolished. I lost everything, and everyone, that day. My entire life was taken from me. There are no words to describe the pain. I was never the same. Never have been the same since then. I remember who I used to be, and I mourn her. I long for her, the inner peace she had. I had to start over again a new person, like a child; but reborn a damaged and twisted being, emotionally stunted and stuck in another time. All the pain of my childhood I overcame, and I was stronger because of it. But this... this, I have never overcome. This has left me weakened, dragging myself wounded along the road of life, stone scraping my skin raw. Sometimes I'm so tired, even to keep breathing is an effort. I look ahead and all I see is the long, lonely road, one bleak horizon after another with no purpose, no rest or healing, no love. Only more blood to be shed with each forced step. And I wonder why I'm doing it. The only reason I can fathom is that I'm human, with an innate will to survive, even if survival means nothing but pain. I'm not a stubborn woman, but damnit, I will drag myself bloodied and battered as far as my body will take me, just to say that I lived.

All the same, I don't consider myself a survivor. Technically, maybe, but only because cruelty decided that I should be left alive to suffer. He may be dead, but he was the true survivor. He never stopped trying to live, even when he knew how it was going to end. He drank life, he wanted it desperately. He fought, and fought... Sometimes there's just no way out.

Every year I light a candle around his time of death, and let it burn until it goes out on its own. That's about how long it took for him to die.

I dread September. In every September since then, numerous painful events have befallen. The anniversary is past again, but I'm not out of the woods yet. Maybe all the bad stuff is just saving up for the end of the month. I feel very tense, waiting for the other shoe to drop."

So very sad. I take it that the person who you are quoting is, in fact, yourself? I hope that in time your pain will fade and you're left with only the happy memories.

I remember that feeling of the old 'me' being lost forever and replaced by a shell of a person with a smile painted on his face so as not to upset those around him. I mourned the loss of the person I was and of the life I imagined I would lead. It's not pleasant at all.

I hope you find some peace knowing that you're not alone.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Solivagant, I hope you're okay. *hugs*

Remembering many hours spent listening to music and posting on here, interacting and talking to many great people.

G-man! Nice to see you around here.

 

[Triple Bogey]

it's almost a year since I met somebody from here. (She doesn't post anymore)
The day was nice, for 6 whole hours I actually thought somebody liked me. It was a great feeling.
Of course it didn't last and she found somebody else within a week. (From here as well)
It did hurt when I read all the crap between them, all posted in the open on threads not private messages.
I was forgotten about after a 10 line email. That is all I was worth.
I shouldn't have believed all the crap she told me. All lies. She was writing the same honeysuckle to other men, that is certain.
It was just a perverted game to her. I think she was a tart. Glad nothing happened.
Glad I don't hear from her anymore.
Another pile of shite story to add to the list.

 

[ringwood]

it's almost a year since I met somebody from here. (She doesn't post anymore)
The day was nice, for 6 whole hours I actually thought somebody liked me. It was a great feeling.
Of course it didn't last and she found somebody else within a week. (From here as well)
It did hurt when I read all the crap between them, all posted in the open on threads not private messages.
I was forgotten about after a 10 line email. That is all I was worth.
I shouldn't have believed all the crap she told me. All lies. She was writing the same honeysuckle to other men, that is certain.
It was just a perverted game to her. I think she was a tart. Glad nothing happened.
Glad I don't hear from her anymore.
Another pile of shite story to add to the list.

It's only 'another pile of shite' if you choose to make it so. A learning experience I would turn it into instead.

 

[Solivagant]

I take it that the person who you are quoting is, in fact, yourself? I hope that in time your pain will fade and you're left with only the happy memories.

Thank you, user 130057. Yes, the quoted text was an entry I wrote in my journal a few years back. Due to the nature of what happened, I don't think I'll ever be able to think on it without pain and sadness. But I still hope that someday I'll have some peace again.

Solivagant, I hope you're okay. *hugs*

Thank you, LadyF. I'm trying to be... This time of year is just difficult for me. Brings back a lot of memories.

Remembering many hours spent listening to music and posting on here, interacting and talking to many great people.

Glad to see you around again, Garbageman! =] I hope you stay awhile.

 

[TheSkaFish]

"September 18th was the anniversary of the worst day of my life...

I'm sorry to hear that, Solivagant. I dread the loss of my loved ones all the time, because I know that if they go, then it doesn't matter what happens, what amount of luck or success I achieve because it won't bring them back. Things will just never be the same again. All I can do is try not to think about it.


((hugs))

 

[Triple Bogey]

it's almost a year since I met somebody from here. (She doesn't post anymore)
The day was nice, for 6 whole hours I actually thought somebody liked me. It was a great feeling.
Of course it didn't last and she found somebody else within a week. (From here as well)
It did hurt when I read all the crap between them, all posted in the open on threads not private messages.
I was forgotten about after a 10 line email. That is all I was worth.
I shouldn't have believed all the crap she told me. All lies. She was writing the same honeysuckle to other men, that is certain.
It was just a perverted game to her. I think she was a tart. Glad nothing happened.
Glad I don't hear from her anymore.
Another pile of shite story to add to the list.

It's only 'another pile of shite' if you choose to make it so. A learning experience I would turn it into instead.

oh yes you are right and I have learned from it. eg never do it again

 

[Solivagant]

it's almost a year since I met somebody from here. (She doesn't post anymore)
The day was nice, for 6 whole hours I actually thought somebody liked me. It was a great feeling.
Of course it didn't last and she found somebody else within a week. (From here as well)
It did hurt when I read all the crap between them, all posted in the open on threads not private messages.
I was forgotten about after a 10 line email. That is all I was worth.
I shouldn't have believed all the crap she told me. All lies. She was writing the same honeysuckle to other men, that is certain.
It was just a perverted game to her. I think she was a tart. Glad nothing happened.
Glad I don't hear from her anymore.
Another pile of shite story to add to the list.

I understand how you feel TB. I met a guy online I connected with. We talked for hours every day, for about two months, and became close very quickly. This was the last message I received from him:

"What I can promise you is that despite how bad things get and how hard you get knocked down, I care for you deeply and I'm going to continue to be here for you. You mean a lot more to me than I think you might realize, so much more than I think I'd be able to express through words alone. Whatever happens to you Dearest, I am here for you. Here WITH you. You only have to reach out, and my hand is there. You only have to lean, and you'll find my shoulder there to support you. I promise you, right here and now, that you have me. I'm here. A pillar, a friend. Any time you ever need to talk about something, I will be right here waiting. Never hesitate to use me, and never be sorry when you do. I know the world is harsh and I know that people have hurt you, but I swear to you that you CAN count on me. I'm not going to betray you, and I'm not going to disappear. You don't have to suffer this by yourself. You do not have to be alone. Not in this, not in anything. I'm here for you, do not forget that. I don't care if the world and its people are cold, I'm not the world. I don't care how everyone else has reacted, and what has happened in the past. I'm not everyone else. I am not them. I am simply me, and if you should want me I am yours."

Literally the next day, he vanished on me. Completely ignored me. I continued to send him emails for about a week after that, hoping he was just having an "off" time and nothing was really wrong. Then I caught him on Facebook chat, asked him where he'd been and tried to make a little light conversation. All he said was,

"-deleted."

He deleted me from Facebook and blocked me. That was it. No explanation, nothing.

A couple months later, I sent him an email telling him how I'd cared about him and how what he did made me feel. This was his response:

"After the day that I've had today, I certainly needed a laugh. So I thank you for the comic relief. I'd point out all the things that are absolutely foolish about you but I can't really be bothered. Plans tonight and the like. I will just say though, **** you don't let stuff go. This was HOW many months ago? -laughs- I'd say that it's time to move on. Seriously.

Speaking of which, I'm done now. Ta."


There was another guy who led me on for over a year before I found out he was playing me (and a number of other women he had lined up behind my back).

I hurts to be lied to like that. I'm sorry you are stuck with the bad memories.

((hugs))

Thank you, Ska.

 

[thelonegamer]

"September 18th was the anniversary of the worst day of my life. The day my entire world fell apart, demolished. I lost everything, and everyone, that day. My entire life was taken from me. There are no words to describe the pain. I was never the same. Never have been the same since then. I remember who I used to be, and I mourn her. I long for her, the inner peace she had. I had to start over again a new person, like a child; but reborn a damaged and twisted being, emotionally stunted and stuck in another time. All the pain of my childhood I overcame, and I was stronger because of it. But this... this, I have never overcome. This has left me weakened, dragging myself wounded along the road of life, stone scraping my skin raw. Sometimes I'm so tired, even to keep breathing is an effort. I look ahead and all I see is the long, lonely road, one bleak horizon after another with no purpose, no rest or healing, no love. Only more blood to be shed with each forced step. And I wonder why I'm doing it. The only reason I can fathom is that I'm human, with an innate will to survive, even if survival means nothing but pain. I'm not a stubborn woman, but damnit, I will drag myself bloodied and battered as far as my body will take me, just to say that I lived.

All the same, I don't consider myself a survivor. Technically, maybe, but only because cruelty decided that I should be left alive to suffer. He may be dead, but he was the true survivor. He never stopped trying to live, even when he knew how it was going to end. He drank life, he wanted it desperately. He fought, and fought... Sometimes there's just no way out.

Every year I light a candle around his time of death, and let it burn until it goes out on its own. That's about how long it took for him to die.

I dread September. In every September since then, numerous painful events have befallen. The anniversary is past again, but I'm not out of the woods yet. Maybe all the bad stuff is just saving up for the end of the month. I feel very tense, waiting for the other shoe to drop."

"He who has a reason why to live can bear almost any how." Friedrich Nietzsche
I think this is the reason why the man in this quote kept fighting until his last breath, and why the woman in the quote feels so 'given up' on life.
This is with the best intention, sorry if it hurts you any further. It's not what I intended.
Cheers