What are you feeling, hoping, thinking, or remembering right now?

[TheSkaFish]

Remembering last year listening to some women saying how disgusting it must be to have sex with me.

Mind you I remember walking to get a sandwich with a very overweight lady from work and two perfect strangers (men) came up, got in her face and said 'you're ******* fat, you are' and went off laughing. ...

Anyway sweet J, ****hugs*** and don't let the shitheads get you down..

Wow. I can't believe grown adults can be so shamelessly mean. It's one thing for kids and teens to talk like this, it's still not right but with them there is more immaturity. But with adults, I can't believe people would behave this way. Sorry to hear it, Grace and Jags

---

Also, hoping my parents can be a little understanding about giving me the space I need to find work where I can make enough to have some self-respect. Imposing a time limit on my being able to find a job is what they're doing, but it's dumb. It's like saying, "you have to be in shape in a month, otherwise you have to quit going to the gym." So I have to just quit then? Come on. My heart was n't in it for years, but now it is. I am ready to start taking responsibility for being the one I dream of being. But I just need a little more time until I can stand on my own here.

 

[Elona]

I'm feeling so, so fed-up with everything. So fed-up and tired of always being the odd-one-out, the misfit, the outcast. Not fitting in or belonging anywhere. Tired of going out of my way for people, but they would do little for me in return.

I wish something would "happen" for me for a change, especially in the friends/relationship department. It seems that I always hit a dead-end. I envy the people for which these things just seem to "happen". They go somewhere and meet someone, just like that. And then these people would tell me that "any man would be so lucky to have you!". So where is this heavenly, god-sent man then?

Sorry, needed to rant. Everything just built up to a climax earlier - had a good cry about it too. And this seems to be the only place where people would understand.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Feeling tired and fed up as well. Sometimes I wish I could just go back to being a little boy and thinking that everything is wonderful and nice, and not care about the things that I do now. Other times I'm angry, fed up and sick of losing. Sometimes my competitive fire burns white-hot, but I can't seem to cut it. I'm sick of not knowing how to solve my problems. I'm sick of being rejected and beaten. I want to start racking up some wins, some K.O.'s. Some kills.

There are certain people I want to beat. I want to make more money than them, live in a better place, drive a better car, be in better shape, have better times and stories and thoughts and ideas, everything. I want to win and I want them to lose, not by accident but because I outplayed them. But I can't seem to figure out how to do it, and being angry/competitive is so draining. I can't think in this state.

 

[kamya]

There are certain people I want to beat. I want to make more money than them, live in a better place, drive a better car, be in better shape, have better times and stories and thoughts and ideas, everything. I want to win and I want them to lose, not by accident but because I outplayed them. But I can't seem to figure out how to do it, and being angry/competitive is so draining. I can't think in this state.

You realize these people you care so much about beating probably couldn't give two fucks how good or bad your life is going ya? Why do you want to put so much time and effort into just trying to one up them?

 

[TheSkaFish]

You realize these people you care so much about beating probably couldn't give two fucks how good or bad your life is going ya? Why do you want to put so much time and effort into just trying to one up them?

Why? Satisfaction. I'd love to turn the tables on the "badasses", I'd love for them to know that no amount of dope or tattoos or desperado bullshit will be enough this time. I want to get to a point where my substance beats their image. This time I get what I would like, and they have to accept what they're given, take it or leave it, for a change. I'd take pleasure in it.

But at the same time, the only time this benefits me is physically. I can transmute anger into something like a good workout, but it makes me useless for anything that takes fine motor skills or brains. And since most of what I'm after takes brains, I can't really use my desire to beat them as a motivator.

I don't know. Sometimes I know it's silly but sometimes I feel it's them or me, and there's not enough for everyone. I just need to make a breakthrough on one of my fronts and get some momentum from it.

 

[kamya]

But again...they don't care. It's not like they will see you doing well and be like "oh fresia what have I done with my life?". They will keep living their lives, doing what they do, being happy or not, not caring at all at how well you are doing. I dunno. Either way maybe it will drive you to get somewhere you want to be at least.

 

[TheSkaFish]

But again...they don't care. It's not like they will see you doing well and be like "oh fresia what have I done with my life?". They will keep living their lives, doing what they do, being happy or not, not caring at all at how well you are doing. I dunno. Either way maybe it will drive you to get somewhere you want to be at least.

it's not so much a "look on my works and despair!" thing, it's more like, when I find myself in situations where it's me versus them, i want to know that most likely, i'm going to come out on top.

 

[jaguarundi]

But again...they don't care. It's not like they will see you doing well and be like "oh fresia what have I done with my life?". They will keep living their lives, doing what they do, being happy or not, not caring at all at how well you are doing. I dunno. Either way maybe it will drive you to get somewhere you want to be at least.

it's not so much a "look on my works and despair!" thing, it's more like, when I find myself in situations where it's me versus them, i want to know that most likely, i'm going to come out on top.

Skafishy sweetiepops, you know I love you, I do. But the fact is, the girl you cared about went off with someone else. Whether he is a crapheap tattooed druggy or a saint doesn't alter anything. She is gone, baby, gone. And if the guy really is that bad then she must have some flaws herself to even want a guy like that. Flaws that would have become more evident as time went on. And if you become the richest man in the world it still won't change what happened.

Working yourself into these angry and despairing moods is bad for you, and as Kamya says, it won't do anything to him/them. It hurts you, no one else.

The best revenge isn't money, power, coming out on top - or whatever.

The best revenge is happiness. Always has been, always will be.

 

[Boreal]

I really feel like I need to crack my neck, but can't...

 

[Outcast]

I remember flipping my car 3 times because someone hit me last month then ran from the scene of the accident.

I am thinking that it sucks that now I have to buy a $500 windshield because a passing car kicked up a rock.

I am thinking life is cruel, and it makes me want to give up.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Working yourself into these angry and despairing moods is bad for you, and as Kamya says, it won't do anything to him/them. It hurts you, no one else.

I know. The anger really drains me. Like I said when I get mad I can't even think of any ways in which I would actually be competitive. I don't want to move on either because it would feel like a loss (with one exception - though this would be very very hard to pull off). Like I have to accept this dirty ****** winning. I can't. It disgusts me how guys like him can be as shitty as they want to be, and still get rewarded. Who needs character and integrity when you have tattoos, dope, and a record right? Grrr. Almost makes me want to become a cop, myself.

I'm sorry. I know this topic is tiring. But it's frustrating and sometimes I feel like venting. I just keep hoping they'll break up and things will go back to how they were with her being sweet to me again, and someday we'll do all the things we planned. I know you mean well, though. Thanks.

 

[Solivagant]

I hope things start looking up for you soon, Ska.


Remembering the pain in those eyes...

 

[Hearmenow2012]

It would be nice if I could meet a women that would like/love me for who I am and that would remain in regular contact with me, however I'm probably still not ready for a relationship. Maybe it will happen when I least expect it to though.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Maybe it will happen when I least expect it to though.

That's what they always say. And that's what happened to me...

 

[Peaches]

feeling very grateful for meeting with this artist today who might actually become a friend, hoping nothing comes to wreck it, thinking how life is better when one is just oneself with others

remembering I must eat all those beets for dinner, sigh

 

[Triple Bogey]

thinking about what tomorrow will bring
remembering every rejection

 

[jaguarundi]

Working yourself into these angry and despairing moods is bad for you, and as Kamya says, it won't do anything to him/them. It hurts you, no one else.

I know. The anger really drains me. Like I said when I get mad I can't even think of any ways in which I would actually be competitive. I don't want to move on either because it would feel like a loss (with one exception - though this would be very very hard to pull off). Like I have to accept this dirty ****** winning. I can't. It disgusts me how guys like him can be as shitty as they want to be, and still get rewarded. Who needs character and integrity when you have tattoos, dope, and a record right? Grrr. *1 Almost makes me want to become a cop, myself.

I'm sorry. I know this topic is tiring. *2 But it's frustrating and sometimes I feel like venting. I just keep hoping they'll break up and things will go back to how they were with her being sweet to me again, and someday we'll do all the things we planned. *3 I know you mean well, though. Thanks.

*1) Well at least you would have a job!
*2) I know you need to vent. For the record, it generally take 2 years to get over a loss or breakup. So I expect to hear a lot more from you in the same vein.
*3) Possibly the most damning words one person can say to another.....


Also - When my husband pissed off with someone else, after several months he decided he wanted to see me, needed to explain, wasn't with her anymore, blah de fecking blah. Everything I had hoped and dreamed for. Guess what - I ran a mile, as I realised he really was not the man for me and I really didn't want to bother with him ever again. So be careful what you wish for... I nearly called the police because he kept saying I HAD to hear him and he wanted to come round. No he didn't, and what about what I wanted (he never was good at thinking about that!)

 

[TheSkaFish]

I hope things start looking up for you soon, Ska.

Thanks. I don't know though, it's going to take a lot of work on my part.

*2) I know you need to vent. For the record, it generally take 2 years to get over a loss or breakup. So I expect to hear a lot more from you in the same vein.
*3) Possibly the most damning words one person can say to another.....


Also - When my husband pissed off with someone else, after several months he decided he wanted to see me, needed to explain, wasn't with her anymore, blah de fecking blah. Everything I had hoped and dreamed for. Guess what - I ran a mile, as I realised he really was not the man for me and I really didn't want to bother with him ever again. So be careful what you wish for... I nearly called the police because he kept saying I HAD to hear him and he wanted to come round. No he didn't, and what about what I wanted (he never was good at thinking about that!)

Well, when I said that I know you mean well though, I didn't mean to say that in a bad way. Like you said it was damning. I didn't mean it that way.

I keep telling myself that if I just keep working on me, I'll be a better person than him in every way and then maybe she will see me as a new person. Maybe they will break up someday, and it will be because she realized she picked the wrong guy. I don't know.

 

[jaguarundi]

just pulling your leg baby boy!

I don't believe what the girl did had anything to do with you. It had EVERYTHING to do with HER. She likes the dangerous guys, the excitement of it I reckon. You may love her but she ain't a good bet for a relationship.

You may not see this now but I hope you will, sooner rather than later.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Who needs character and integrity when you have tattoos, dope, and a record right?

I'm sorry, but could you PLEASE stop classifying people with tattoos as criminals? It's offensive and incorrect.