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I made the wrong decision and I'm paying for it now. A cesspit is a cesspit and it doesn't matter how much I attempt to cover it over with pretty things and pleasant smells, it's always going to be this way.
 
I'm thinking that I like user 130057's Goethe's signature.
and that I should stop procrastinating.
 
I love my idol so much. Thanks for making my day. ♥

She's the queen.

I keep losing reps. o_O
 
I'm thinking: I'm really lonely so I'll log on to Lonely Life Forum. Oh well: That didn't do any good.
 
VeganAtheist said:
Lacrecia said:
VeganAtheist said:
And kinda angry with myself.
Why?

Just thinking back on past mistakes and wondering how I could be so blinded..... Love is kinda terrible.

But it's all good.
i see. Just try not let the past overwhelm you much.

I'm thinking: 'i hope everything is ok for him.'
I worry too much. Sigh.
 
It's looking more and more like I'll have to move out next year. My friends invited me to come with them, but I doubt I'd be ready yet. But I'm pretty much being forced out just the same as if I'd dropped out of school to steal and do drugs every day, so, that's that. I'm pretty angry at my parents about it. It's like, what the hell. It pisses me off that in the end, money is thicker than blood. You'd think that that would be the one thing that money couldn't break, but I guess that's not true. I understand that it's a problem that I haven't been working but I'm at least going to try to change that, but you're kicking me out just like I was a junkie or a ******* criminal. I had a bad experience in my last job and was hoping I could just stay at home until I'd sort of figured myself out more. I don't think I'd even been that much of a nuisance either. I kind of just try to stay out of everyone's way as best I can and do my own thing all day. I guess we're just that broke that people have to move out as soon as possible. So I can stay here and pay rent and have no life, or I can go and live with my friends on the complete other side of the country and have some chance of having a life, but probably never see anyone from here that I care about again. I'm not feeling too good about it. It's a no-win situation.
 
TheSkaFish said:
It's looking more and more like I'll have to move out next year. My friends invited me to come with them, but I doubt I'd be ready yet. But I'm pretty much being forced out just the same as if I'd dropped out of school to steal and do drugs every day, so, that's that.

Maybe they're forcing you out because you're almost 30, aren't you? Some parents are like that. Not stealing or dealing drugs didn't get you anywhere, according to what you say about your life, so why is that constantly your excuse why...




Anyway... I'm thinking that I know how to load a washer and a dryer, if that was aimed towards me. And I can tell you now that under-loading a washer can break it just as easily as overloading it. I can't tell you how many washers my brother said they used to have to fix because people were only washing three pieces of clothes on a large cycle. It has to be balanced, and I know what a proper full load is. Just remember: I keep house better than you, and don't even pretend that you ever cared to keep your home clean. I see for myself that you don't.
 
VanillaCreme said:
TheSkaFish said:
It's looking more and more like I'll have to move out next year. My friends invited me to come with them, but I doubt I'd be ready yet. But I'm pretty much being forced out just the same as if I'd dropped out of school to steal and do drugs every day, so, that's that.

Maybe they're forcing you out because you're almost 30, aren't you? Some parents are like that. Not stealing or dealing drugs didn't get you anywhere, according to what you say about your life, so why is that constantly your excuse why...

Well, it just would be nice to have a little more understanding from them, I guess. A little more time to make a real plan of where I'm going to go, how I'm going to get there, what I'm going to do, and so on so I don't get stuck repeating past mistakes for the rest of my life. A little more time to build up some kind of trust in myself that I can connect the dots and get somewhere. I wasn't trying for the past several years because I was kind of depressed. My last job made me feel like complete hell. It made me feel like everything was pointless, so I wasn't trying. Now I'm thinking that maybe because I felt so strongly that everything was pointless, it was making it appear that way. Still, I'd like to be able to feel like there is hope again, before I move out though. I don't want to have to move out and deal with despair on top of that.

Also I'm just insulted. I've never been a delinquent, so it really offends me to be treated like one. Sometimes I think I might as well have been, and that I was stupid to be nice and follow the rules because you get nothing out of it in the end.
 
thinking:
Dear Sleep,
MOVE YOUR **** ASS AND COME TO FETCH ME. I want to travel to the sleeping realm already.
Yours Sincerely,
L
 
TheSkaFish said:
Also I'm just insulted. I've never been a delinquent, so it really offends me to be treated like one. Sometimes I think I might as well have been, and that I was stupid to be nice and follow the rules because you get nothing out of it in the end.

I don't really see that as them treating you like a delinquent. Did they call the cops on you or get some sort of restraining order against you?
 
VanillaCreme said:
TheSkaFish said:
Also I'm just insulted. I've never been a delinquent, so it really offends me to be treated like one. Sometimes I think I might as well have been, and that I was stupid to be nice and follow the rules because you get nothing out of it in the end.

I don't really see that as them treating you like a delinquent. Did they call the cops on you or get some sort of restraining order against you?

No, but I still feel more or less like I've pretty much been told to go to hell. I guess I feel that I still need support. I'm not proud of it, and I don't like it. I don't want pity. But I just feel that their hard-ass approach isn't what I need. I need time and space to do some research into finding out how I can get a job that is going to pay me enough to not feel like a victim for the rest of my life. I don't want a repeat of what happened to me before. It was scary. I lost all interest in things I used to enjoy. I really started to feel like my life had no point at all and nothing to look forward to except to be preyed upon and messed over, and I went to bed at night seriously hoping I wouldn't wake up again. I remember trying to will my brain or heart to just switch off once and for all. I just couldn't see a way out of the hopelessness of what my life had become. I truly hated who I'd grown up to be but felt there was no way out.

I just wish I knew what I needed to do to connect the dots. I'm not very good with just having faith that it will all work out somehow. I wish I could just get a nudge in the right direction. Right now, the best idea I have is to go back into the field I have a degree in, though it bores me to tears and it would most certainly keep me a boring person. Or to somehow get a job at a college so I can take courses at a reduced rate. Otherwise I can't retrain. However, I don't even know what I'd retrain as - I'm just not interested in the things that make money, like finance, engineering, or computer science. But I don't come from a background that could allow me to just follow my interests, I needed to train as whatever would make the most money. I'm not really interested in anything except becoming someone I actually will enjoy being and proud to be. But I don't know how to match that to any sort of profession. I don't even know what sort of job I'd be suited for at all.
 
I find it interesting that cowards always expect others to show cowardice as well.
Just because you're too afraid to do something doesn't mean everybody else has to be, stop talking like they should be.

Also interesting that cowards always have the biggest mouths, but when confronted they result to things like making insults under their breath, editing their posts, etc. etc.
 

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