What are you thinking right now?

[TheRealCallie]

WTF is wrong with people.....

 

[Mr Seal The Albatros]

You know, you're still my friend. You don't have to brag about stuff that isn't even true.
(Not directed at anyone on the forum)

 

[veegee]

Tired, hungry, sleepy.....and the annoying traffic ...lol

 

[JHK]

I'm giving up. Seems easier when the decision is made.

 

[Mr Seal The Albatros]

I'm giving up. Seems easier when the decision is made.

What do you mean? Do you mean as in, "I'll stop trying to fix it, to get on with my life?"

 

[JHK]

I'm giving up. Seems easier when the decision is made.

What do you mean? Do you mean as in, "I'll stop trying to fix it, to get on with my life?"

No. There's nothing left to fix. I'm just done.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I'm giving up. Seems easier when the decision is made.

What do you mean? Do you mean as in, "I'll stop trying to fix it, to get on with my life?"

No. There's nothing left to fix. I'm just done.

There's always something to fix, since nothing and no one is perfect.

 

[JHK]

I'm giving up. Seems easier when the decision is made.

What do you mean? Do you mean as in, "I'll stop trying to fix it, to get on with my life?"

No. There's nothing left to fix. I'm just done.

There's always something to fix, since nothing and no one is perfect.

I know. I'm far from it. I don't have much for any redeeming qualities. I'm just too tired to try and fight anymore.
Should be about two weeks left on this job, so I don't leave my boss hanging. Sort of a relief.

 

[Mr Seal The Albatros]

I'm giving up. Seems easier when the decision is made.

What do you mean? Do you mean as in, "I'll stop trying to fix it, to get on with my life?"

No. There's nothing left to fix. I'm just done.

There's always something to fix, since nothing and no one is perfect.

I know. I'm far from it. I don't have much for any redeeming qualities. I'm just too tired to try and fight anymore.
Should be about two weeks left on this job, so I don't leave my boss hanging. Sort of a relief.

I beg to differ. We all have redeeming qualities and they can be very good. We just need to find them first and how to use them best. Have you tried posting whatever's the matter here? If you're tired of fighting it, maybe we can help take some of the weight off your shoulders.

 

[Tealeaf]

Freelance is still better than retail.

 

[JHK]

I know. I'm far from it. I don't have much for any redeeming qualities. I'm just too tired to try and fight anymore.
Should be about two weeks left on this job, so I don't leave my boss hanging. Sort of a relief.

I beg to differ. We all have redeeming qualities and they can be very good. We just need to find them first and how to use them best. Have you tried posting whatever's the matter here? If you're tired of fighting it, maybe we can help take some of the weight off your shoulders.

I guess my life is the matter, right? Just soon it won't.
I've been a fail my whole life, from being a bad son (although admittedly I think the cards were stacked against me from the get go. I should have been able to make them care a little bit), to turning into an alcoholic and then a drug addict.
Although I've been clean for a bit, but now that dull noise that's my father and everything he ever said is a roar and it's taking me twenty years to figure out he was ******* right.
I don't mean anything, I probably won't be good enough, obviously I'm an idiot, I can't socialize...I'm just no good. He was right.
I can't stand myself and my head just won't quit so I have to make it. I don't want to sound like a whiny little ***** but it's hard when you can't run from the person you loathe. You know?
But in the grand scheme of things I don't matter. I'm tired of not meaning anything. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of hearing these voices scream at me. I'm tired of fighting myself. I know I'm whining again but there you go.
So I'm not worth the pain and misery that's me. If that makes sense.

 

[Mr Seal The Albatros]

I guess my life is the matter, right? Just soon it won't. I've been a fail my whole life, from being a bad son (although admittedly I think the cards were stacked against me from the get go. I should have been able to make them care a little bit), to turning into an alcoholic and then a drug addict.

Many people have been through that. Now the good part? Many have put it behind them. And no matter what you think of yourself, you can too.

Although I've been clean for a bit, but now that dull noise that's my father and everything he ever said is a roar and it's taking me twenty years to figure out he was ******* right.

Your father said that, but that's just him. He didn't see how you have potential and what it is. You're capable of more than you say you are.

I don't mean anything, I probably won't be good enough, obviously I'm an idiot, I can't socialize...I'm just no good. He was right.
I can't stand myself and my head just won't quit so I have to make it. I don't want to sound like a whiny little ***** but it's hard when you can't run from the person you loathe. You know?

I know what you mean. I've hated myself for a long time as well. I know you can socialize considering we're having a discussion right now, and you're not an idiot considering you've spelled every word in your discussion perfectly. Feth, I'll even add brave for saying what you said outloud, something I never did back then. And who said you sounded whiny? We all need to talk about our problems at some point. You say you loathe yourself, but loathing can turn into loving, even if it's difficult to reach that point.

But in the grand scheme of things I don't matter. I'm tired of not meaning anything. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of hearing these voices scream at me. I'm tired of fighting myself. I know I'm whining again but there you go.
So I'm not worth the pain and misery that's me. If that makes sense.

You do mean something. If you weren't why am I talking to you then? You are worth a lot. If not to yourself, than a least to some people, myself included.

I see where you're coming from, but remember. What you're suggesting is a permanent solution to a problem that can fade away in time. I know it's tough to get through it, but no matter how tough it is, it can always be beaten.

 

[JHK]

I guess my life is the matter, right? Just soon it won't. I've been a fail my whole life, from being a bad son (although admittedly I think the cards were stacked against me from the get go. I should have been able to make them care a little bit), to turning into an alcoholic and then a drug addict.

Many people have been through that. Now the good part? Many have put it behind them. And no matter what you think of yourself, you can too.

Although I've been clean for a bit, but now that dull noise that's my father and everything he ever said is a roar and it's taking me twenty years to figure out he was ******* right.

Your father said that, but that's just him. He didn't see how you have potential and what it is. You're capable of more than you say you are.

I don't mean anything, I probably won't be good enough, obviously I'm an idiot, I can't socialize...I'm just no good. He was right.
I can't stand myself and my head just won't quit so I have to make it. I don't want to sound like a whiny little ***** but it's hard when you can't run from the person you loathe. You know?

I know what you mean. I've hated myself for a long time as well. I know you can socialize considering we're having a discussion right now, and you're not an idiot considering you've spelled every word in your discussion perfectly. Feth, I'll even add brave for saying what you said outloud, something I never did back then. And who said you sounded whiny? We all need to talk about our problems at some point. You say you loathe yourself, but loathing can turn into loving, even if it's difficult to reach that point.

But in the grand scheme of things I don't matter. I'm tired of not meaning anything. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of hearing these voices scream at me. I'm tired of fighting myself. I know I'm whining again but there you go.
So I'm not worth the pain and misery that's me. If that makes sense.

You do mean something. If you weren't why am I talking to you then? You are worth a lot. If not to yourself, than a least to some people, myself included.

I see where you're coming from, but remember. What you're suggesting is a permanent solution to a problem that can fade away in time. I know it's tough to get through it, but no matter how tough it is, it can always be beaten.

Potential? Lol Well, at least I got a smile today. For what? Drowning myself in a bottle? Burying myself in the snow? Bashing my head against a wall? I don't. I don't really have any skills.
I'm brave online. No one knows me. Talking face to face I'd probably hide in the corner. I was raised to be seen and not heard, and I tend to stick with that. I don't trust people and I have nothing in common with people my age (aside from drinking). In reality, I'm the awkward person standing in the corner by themselves.
And yes, I'm an idiot. I know when you're trying to be nice you're not supposed to agree, and yes I can spell, but I should have clued into things a long time ago. I spent too much time being scared and angry and not thinking.
No one said I was whining but me. It's what I feel like. Someone somewhere always has it worse. I appreciate all the gestures, but again, just because you're a decent person doesn't change what I'm worth. I know the whole "permanent solution" - sounds so cliche. I don't believe I'll change my mind. I tried, when I went to rehab, to like myself. I tried to say good things and they felt like lies in my mouth.
I would like to be different, don't get me wrong. I would like to be happy and carefree and maybe have someone say I love you (funny, I don't ever recall having someone tell me that. Not even my mother. Though I suppose maybe she could have when I was an infant) before I die, but that doesn't seem likely. I guess sometimes it just isn't meant to be.

 

[Mr Seal The Albatros]

Potential? Lol Well, at least I got a smile today. For what? Drowning myself in a bottle? Burying myself in the snow? Bashing my head against a wall? I don't. I don't really have any skills.
I'm brave online. No one knows me. Talking face to face I'd probably hide in the corner. I was raised to be seen and not heard, and I tend to stick with that. I don't trust people and I have nothing in common with people my age (aside from drinking). In reality, I'm the awkward person standing in the corner by themselves.
And yes, I'm an idiot. I know when you're trying to be nice you're not supposed to agree, and yes I can spell, but I should have clued into things a long time ago. I spent too much time being scared and angry and not thinking.
No one said I was whining but me. It's what I feel like. Someone somewhere always has it worse. I appreciate all the gestures, but again, just because you're a decent person doesn't change what I'm worth. I know the whole "permanent solution" - sounds so cliche. I don't believe I'll change my mind. I tried, when I went to rehab, to like myself. I tried to say good things and they felt like lies in my mouth.
I would like to be different, don't get me wrong. I would like to be happy and carefree and maybe have someone say I love you (funny, I don't ever recall having someone tell me that. Not even my mother. Though I suppose maybe she could have when I was an infant) before I die, but that doesn't seem likely. I guess sometimes it just isn't meant to be.

All I'm saying is that there is always the chance to become that carefree and happy person you want to be, to remove the voices that tell you otherwise, and see the worth in you that you currently don't see. End yourself and you remove that chance to achieve it.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Potential? Lol Well, at least I got a smile today. For what? Drowning myself in a bottle? Burying myself in the snow? Bashing my head against a wall? I don't. I don't really have any skills.
I'm brave online. No one knows me. Talking face to face I'd probably hide in the corner. I was raised to be seen and not heard, and I tend to stick with that. I don't trust people and I have nothing in common with people my age (aside from drinking). In reality, I'm the awkward person standing in the corner by themselves.
And yes, I'm an idiot. I know when you're trying to be nice you're not supposed to agree, and yes I can spell, but I should have clued into things a long time ago. I spent too much time being scared and angry and not thinking.
No one said I was whining but me. It's what I feel like. Someone somewhere always has it worse. I appreciate all the gestures, but again, just because you're a decent person doesn't change what I'm worth. I know the whole "permanent solution" - sounds so cliche. I don't believe I'll change my mind. I tried, when I went to rehab, to like myself. I tried to say good things and they felt like lies in my mouth.
I would like to be different, don't get me wrong. I would like to be happy and carefree and maybe have someone say I love you (funny, I don't ever recall having someone tell me that. Not even my mother. Though I suppose maybe she could have when I was an infant) before I die, but that doesn't seem likely. I guess sometimes it just isn't meant to be.

It's never too late to turn your life around....if that's what you want. Everyone has worth, EVERY single person on this planet. Every person also has some kind of skill. It's up to you to find it and utilize it.
You've stated that you have problems and that's really the first step. Now you just have to take the next step and figure out how to correct the problems and issues.
It doesn't matter what other people believe, it matters what YOU believe. It's helpful to have people there to support you and you can have that, whether it's family or friends or complete strangers on the internet. Doesn't matter where the support comes from and it looks as though you have it here, even if you can't find it elsewhere. Now, you can say I don't know you and that's true, I don't. But, I'm still here talking to you, because sometimes that's all it takes is for one person to reach out, even if they don't know you.

As for not having anything in common with people your age, why do you have to limit yourself to people that are the same age as you. I have friends that are 10-15 years younger than me and friends that are 15-20 years older than me. Find people you can relate to, age doesn't matter. Learn something new, find something you enjoy and don't let anything stop you from being happy and healthy. You CAN get there, you just have to want to.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I've got a pretty long list here of jobs and internships to apply for. There's got to be ONE here, among them all, that will give me a try.

 

[Mr Seal The Albatros]

Potential? Lol Well, at least I got a smile today. For what? Drowning myself in a bottle? Burying myself in the snow? Bashing my head against a wall? I don't. I don't really have any skills.
I'm brave online. No one knows me. Talking face to face I'd probably hide in the corner. I was raised to be seen and not heard, and I tend to stick with that. I don't trust people and I have nothing in common with people my age (aside from drinking). In reality, I'm the awkward person standing in the corner by themselves.
And yes, I'm an idiot. I know when you're trying to be nice you're not supposed to agree, and yes I can spell, but I should have clued into things a long time ago. I spent too much time being scared and angry and not thinking.
No one said I was whining but me. It's what I feel like. Someone somewhere always has it worse. I appreciate all the gestures, but again, just because you're a decent person doesn't change what I'm worth. I know the whole "permanent solution" - sounds so cliche. I don't believe I'll change my mind. I tried, when I went to rehab, to like myself. I tried to say good things and they felt like lies in my mouth.
I would like to be different, don't get me wrong. I would like to be happy and carefree and maybe have someone say I love you (funny, I don't ever recall having someone tell me that. Not even my mother. Though I suppose maybe she could have when I was an infant) before I die, but that doesn't seem likely. I guess sometimes it just isn't meant to be.

It's never too late to turn your life around....if that's what you want. Everyone has worth, EVERY single person on this planet. Every person also has some kind of skill. It's up to you to find it and utilize it.
You've stated that you have problems and that's really the first step. Now you just have to take the next step and figure out how to correct the problems and issues.
It doesn't matter what other people believe, it matters what YOU believe. It's helpful to have people there to support you and you can have that, whether it's family or friends or complete strangers on the internet. Doesn't matter where the support comes from and it looks as though you have it here, even if you can't find it elsewhere. Now, you can say I don't know you and that's true, I don't. But, I'm still here talking to you, because sometimes that's all it takes is for one person to reach out, even if they don't know you.

As for not having anything in common with people your age, why do you have to limit yourself to people that are the same age as you. I have friends that are 10-15 years younger than me and friends that are 15-20 years older than me. Find people you can relate to, age doesn't matter. Learn something new, find something you enjoy and don't let anything stop you from being happy and healthy. You CAN get there, you just have to want to.

I think Callie pretty much summed it up well.

 

[Peaches]

I am so depressed that I can't even breathe… some days it seems like there is no future for me whatsoever

 

[veegee]

I am so depressed that I can't even breathe… some days it seems like there is no future for me whatsoever

Pm if you want to talk....hugs peaches

 

[Solivagant]

Not this again!