What has been said to you about your singledom?

[VanillaCreme]

there's a perception that if you haven't received validation from the opposite sex at some point in your life then there's something profoundly wrong with you.

At any age, I'm finding out. I have a cousin about 7 years or so younger than me, and she thinks it's the end of the world because her boyfriend isn't with her anymore. I don't really care what the situation is. She's usually overly dramatic in the first place... But, it just irks me because her mother nor her father has ever taught her not to place the value of her life in the hands of a man. I know she's not the only young person to think this, so it's really freaking sad.

 

[ladyforsaken]

A lot gets said to me about being single and the most annoying is when they ask me if I'd accept an arranged marriage of some sort. Twice now this has happened. Pfft.

Yeah same here even "meetings" were arranged.
It has became intense that it affects me mentally and sometimes have days that cannot perform well at work.

I'm so sorry it's affecting you so badly. I try not to let it get to me and go with the "fresia them, this is my life it's my choice" attitude.

 

[edgecrusher]

Apparently it's "weird" that I want something serious and that I don't just casually date around with lots of people and "hook up."

I don't want to make someone what most people would call "girl/boyfriend material" and I don't even see it as wanting someone specifically for the purpose of them being a "spouse." All those titles and the dating game do not appeal to me. I just want a legitimate connection. I want a companion in life.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I don't think it's weird at all. Maybe to some it is, but to many others, they want the same seriousness.

 

[Alma lost her spoon]

Apparently it's "weird" that I want something serious and that I don't just casually date around with lots of people and "hook up."

I don't want to make someone what most people would call "girl/boyfriend material" and I don't even see it as wanting someone specifically for the purpose of them being a "spouse." All those titles and the dating game do not appeal to me. I just want a legitimate connection. I want a companion in life.

^^I hear you edgecrusher!

I don't want to just be with 'someone', I have a need to be able to share my most intimate thoughts, feelings & energy with someone who can understand me & reciprocate.

Additonally I can't just hook up with someone, I haven't really ever dated as such, & I can't get physical with someone I haven't established some kind of emotional connection with.

I don't think it's weird but I'm aware that some of my friends can't get their heads around it.

 

[Cavey]

It's been so long since I was actually with someone that people have long since given up spouting clichés and motivational speeches about love. I do still get the occasional derogatory comment from idiots casting aspersions on my character based on my decision to be single - like I am in some way mentally deficient (or dangerous) just because I don't have a significant other.

If I were to be completely honest, I AM lonely. I DO miss human contact. I'm just not really sure where to start when it comes to forming a relationship. I don't have much to offer and I'm still very much a 'work in progress' - I'd rather not screw up another human being in the same way I screwed up my ex-wife.

 

[Minty]

People always assume I am single (I am) but they seem to 'know' without me saying anything. It kind of annoys me because I wonder why they say it. I don't have a great level of confidence about my appearance so I sometimes think that it's affirmation that I am not attractive enough to find anyone.

If I tell anyone that I would like a boyfriend, I always get 'what do you want a boyfriend for, they are so much trouble' haha. But then I'd like to be the judge of that.

Also, 'you'll find someone one day' WHEN!?

I am 37 on Sunday and I have actually just given up that I will ever meet anyone. I don't want it to be that way, but I have accepted it now.

I actually feel a bit embarrassed to tell people I am single at my age!

---

I AM lonely. I DO miss human contact. I'm just not really sure where to start when it comes to forming a relationship.

Same here.

 

[Wanderer145]

If I were to be completely honest, I AM lonely. I DO miss human contact. I'm just not really sure where to start when it comes to forming a relationship. I don't have much to offer and I'm still very much a 'work in progress'

I honestly miss human contact and affection from the opposite sex. It is not easy at all to start a relationship..hell for me its nearly impossible to get a date. Online dating is a hell hole, trying to meet people outside leads to dead ends. Don't worry it's all a work in progress.

Some people have looks, luck and even money to avoid it. Some people just naturally gravitate potential partners to them and put in a quarter of the effort and find someone. It can be really hard to hear people saying 'Just don't look and they will come to you' or the like because lets be fair. If you fall into the above criteria, chances are you will never even hear the conversations spouted above.

 

[edgecrusher]

^^I hear you edgecrusher!

I don't want to just be with 'someone', I have a need to be able to share my most intimate thoughts, feelings & energy with someone who can understand me & reciprocate.

Additonally I can't just hook up with someone, I haven't really ever dated as such, & I can't get physical with someone I haven't established some kind of emotional connection with.

I don't think it's weird but I'm aware that some of my friends can't get their heads around it.

Well it's good to know I'm not the only one.
I waited til much later in life than most males to get intimate with someone because I was waiting for that connection. It was worth it in my opinion, even if it wasn't something that could last. The search continues.

 

[ABrokenMan]

People always assume I am single (I am) but they seem to 'know' without me saying anything. It kind of annoys me because I wonder why they say it. I don't have a great level of confidence about my appearance so I sometimes think that it's affirmation that I am not attractive enough to find anyone.

If I tell anyone that I would like a boyfriend, I always get 'what do you want a boyfriend for, they are so much trouble' haha. But then I'd like to be the judge of that.

Also, 'you'll find someone one day' WHEN!?

I am 37 on Sunday and I have actually just given up that I will ever meet anyone. I don't want it to be that way, but I have accepted it now.

I actually feel a bit embarrassed to tell people I am single at my age!

---

I AM lonely. I DO miss human contact. I'm just not really sure where to start when it comes to forming a relationship.

Same here.

---

I would love to be 37 again.
You don't know how many times I've heard the flippant comments, like
"You'll find someone when you least expect it"
I'm 51 now. and totally broken.
What's in my future, one of the Golden Girls?

 

[writerchick]

I've had:

* You're so lucky to be single. You can live alone and do things by yourself all of the time.
* You'll find someone when you stop looking.
* You'll find someone when God wants you to have someone.
* You have to love being alone, then you'll find someone.
* Someday someone will walk into your life, when it's the right time. (This one was just told to me by the guy I thought was becoming my significant other only to learn he lived with his "ex" girlfriend)

 

[ABrokenMan]

I find it quite absurd whenever folks of both sexes find reason to comment on my perpetual singledom and failed relationships.
These people are:
1 - always involved in a relationship, whether long term, or
2 - have the ability to move from one relationship to another without difficulty.
These people rarely and truly ever find themselves alone, without a relationship, for any length of time beyond a week or two.
However, it is perfectly "okay" in their minds for to to be alone and lonely for months and years on end.

 

[writerchick]

I find it quite absurd whenever folks of both sexes find reason to comment on my perpetual singledom and failed relationships.
These people are:
1 - always involved in a relationship, whether long term, or
2 - have the ability to move from one relationship to another without difficulty.
These people rarely and truly ever find themselves alone, without a relationship, for any length of time beyond a week or two.
However, it is perfectly "okay" in their minds for to to be alone and lonely for months and years on end.

Right on! I've found that a lot as well.
I know at least 3 people who, less than a year after divorcing, are in new relationships. But me, nothing. I've even asked where did you find your new person and I get nothing or we knew each other years ago, etc.

 

[Wanderer145]

I find it quite absurd whenever folks of both sexes find reason to comment on my perpetual singledom and failed relationships.
These people are:
1 - always involved in a relationship, whether long term, or
2 - have the ability to move from one relationship to another without difficulty.
These people rarely and truly ever find themselves alone, without a relationship, for any length of time beyond a week or two.
However, it is perfectly "okay" in their minds for to to be alone and lonely for months and years on end.

That's how it works for the normal folk. They see loneliness as 'independence' which is odd they always say how lucky one is to be alone but they don't understand what that means, its almost like they're secretly saying it would be nice to be alone but I'm with this person now...

Some have the capability to reverse their single status overnight, so it is never a problem for them...I sometimes think if people are truly happy this way and won't admit they love the drama and excitement of it all.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I don't want to just be with 'someone', I have a need to be able to share my most intimate thoughts, feelings & energy with someone who can understand me & reciprocate.

This is exactly how I feel, myself. Though I have gotten to the point where I could hook up with someone, especially if they are sufficiently good-looking and I am in a mood where I just get over the edge. I mean, I really don't want to go my whole life feeling like there's some limit that keeps me from ever getting anywhere with the opposite sex. But on the other hand, hooking up is just not what I want, not for myself, not from life. I want real romance, you know? Deep conversations, adventures, stories, memories, silly photos. Stargazing, just me and my someone. I actually would love to have those cliche "long walks on the beach". That sounds great! I want to feel like I have a partner. I want to have someone to share things with in a romantic way. That's why I was so hurt about those three girls I liked. I felt they understood all that. I really felt that they just "got" what I was after in someone. I still like them and I still have hope, however small. I still really feel they have that special feeling that only comes around once in the very bluest of moons.

I suppose there's always online dating, as soon as I get a proper job. I'll never give up though, no way. I know I have a lot to offer, and even if I don't, I know I could some day. I've just got to have it in me, I just know it.

 

[Red]

My favourite:

Significant other of my best friend : "When are you going to get a girlfriend so you can come with us to Ibiza?"
Me : "You mean I'm not invited if I'm single?"

 

[ABrokenMan]

Red, that sorta reminds me of a 3rd wheel type situation I found myself in during my senior year in high school.
I had asked probably 40 or more girls out during my teens, all responded with a resounding NO / NO WAY.
My 18th birthday that year happened to fall on the same day / night as our senior prom. As i wasn't going out with a girl I had no intention of forking out something like $200-300 just to have a date to go to my prom. Hanging out with someone i didn't know? Not happening.

My best friend was a junior, so he and his girlfriend decided to swing by my house, and pick me up. When they arrived, there was a girl sitting in the back set - the BF of my pal's girlfriend. I thought we were all gonna either head off to a party of something very casual. Well, he drove down to the beach and parked the car. "There's beer in the trunk" he said, so i got out of the car, and popped tyhe trunk open to extract a bottle of beer. I stood near the car, gulping the beer. I leaned to see what was going on; my pal and his Gf were in smoochy / makeout mode. The other girl was still sitting in the backseat. I asked her if she wanted a beer, she said she didn't drink. Fine. I went back to the trunk and sat on the bumper, thinking what a loser night this is gonna be. i started to walk around the bath house where there was a walking path. good thing I grabbed another bottle.

You might be wondering about the other girl who sat in the backseat with me - I knew her already. I had zero attraction to her, she didn't like anything that I liked, but she was wrongly informed that I "agreed" to go out with her. I found out when my pal Jim got out of the car and was waiting for me when I returned. i was only away from the car for about 5 minutes, tops. The two girls had gone off together somewhere. He yells to me, "Where did you go?" "Just for a walk, I didn't wanna interrupt you guys. Besides, I THOUGHT we were headed out to a party?" Jim replies, Well, we (he and his gal) thought you wouldn't mind hanging out with "x" for tonight. After all it is your birthday....and she likes you". I felt really crummy then, like I'd been set up without any idea of expectation. I replied, in stern fashion, that I had zero interest in this girl, and it wasn't fair to expect me to feel anything otherwise.

And this has always stuck with me, over 30 years later - his retort?
"You gotta USE IT or lose it. You sure ain't gettin' any. Besides, not everybody can choose their partner. There are SOME people (directed at me via his augmentation in his voice on those words) who just gotta take whatever comes their way, and be happy enough with that."

Just another brick in the wall, crushing / excising my self-steem. 3 months later i almost took my life. But that's another story unto itself...

 

[Red]

It's funny how your best friend can say things that seem like they don't know you or support you every now and then.

My own short tale in that arena happened a few weeks ago when I was saying what I was looking for in a girl. My only restriction is a non-smoker, and preferably with big boobs He said I was too picky. Some times I wondered if he was right, but now I've settled that I won't drop my standards. I'm not asking for a lot, the big boobs are not a deal killer.

 

[blackfire]

I've had the same sh*t told 2 me numerous times... apparently people think everyone wants a boyfriend or should want to love someone... like really?! do I have 2 be like everyone else or can I not beat 2 my own personal drum... I don't want a f**king bf, love, or marriage! if I say I don't then that means I don't... you cant tell me what I want or how I feel and you damned sure cant tell me ho 2 live my life! :club:

Honestly, almost no one believes me I´m serious when I say I will not have girlfriend, and later kids or wife. They just shrug it off as nonsense.
And for those who believe I´m at least talking seriously:
,,You´ll grow out of it"
Is what I was told.

On the other hand, me being like this is not much of a common knowledge, so I may have heard many more opinions if more people were told.

---

you r what I call "a diamond in the rough" a true and rare breed! I should know... I feel this (our look on love and romance) is dying and will soon b extinct! I do hope u have better luck at it than I ever did...

I don't want to just be with 'someone', I have a need to be able to share my most intimate thoughts, feelings & energy with someone who can understand me & reciprocate.

This is exactly how I feel, myself. Though I have gotten to the point where I could hook up with someone, especially if they are sufficiently good-looking and I am in a mood where I just get over the edge. I mean, I really don't want to go my whole life feeling like there's some limit that keeps me from ever getting anywhere with the opposite sex. But on the other hand, hooking up is just not what I want, not for myself, not from life. I want real romance, you know? Deep conversations, adventures, stories, memories, silly photos. Stargazing, just me and my someone. I actually would love to have those cliche "long walks on the beach". That sounds great! I want to feel like I have a partner. I want to have someone to share things with in a romantic way. That's why I was so hurt about those three girls I liked. I felt they understood all that. I really felt that they just "got" what I was after in someone. I still like them and I still have hope, however small. I still really feel they have that special feeling that only comes around once in the very bluest of moons.

I suppose there's always online dating, as soon as I get a proper job. I'll never give up though, no way. I know I have a lot to offer, and even if I don't, I know I could some day. I've just got to have it in me, I just know it.

 

[MonkeyDLenny]

I've gotten "You need to put forth more of an effort" from someone very close and that ******* hurt.

I'm doing the best I can, and almost every girl I've dated has made me feel bad about myself. So forgive me for not being mr. positive...