What is love?

[Jessicat]

I think there is something wrong with me too. Lol.
Maybe that means I need someone that’s just as messed up as me.

 

[Jokeshopbeard]

There's something wrong with all of us Jessicat.

No human escapes childhood unscathed, and nothing affects us more in our adult lives than the events of our childhood.

 

[Silk24]

love is the thing which make you feel happier ...and trust in love.you give him or her your soul your body because you feel much better with that love..it'll make you feel like you're living in paradise ..sometimes not ...but the truth is love is selfish thing. we do love just for our selfishness. that's y we all want love.we feel empty without that.

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but one thing more ....love for our siblings or for parents is not selfish. is natural love .

 

[Jokeshopbeard]

What about those that have learned to love themselves? What is selfish about that love?

What about if one does not need love, but is able to give it freely? Is that selfish too?

 

[Silk24]

What about those that have learned to love themselves? What is selfish about that love?

What about if one does not need love, but is able to give it freely? Is that selfish too?

everything you do as love what make you feel happy is selfish. you do taht just because you feel good.that is selfish thing .if that thing don't make you feel happy than you can tell it's not selfish.even if you giving it freely to anyone; it is selfish.because it's make you feel good.it's human nature.people do thing for themselves. people donat for poor people to help them but other side it's make them happy.
hmm....you asked people learned to love themselves. I have also learned to love myself but the reason behind Is I was not happy to hurt my self either that's y I chose to be happy by loving myself. so i am selfish. lol

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......and sorry my English isn't that good.

 

[Jessicat]

I don’t think love has to be selfish.
If I were to leave a guy that I loved in order to protect him, that has to be unselfish love.
When doing something that hurts yourself in order to protect the one you love.

 

[Jokeshopbeard]

I don't think love, by its very nature, can be selfish. Selfish love is an oxymoron to me.

Silk - I hear you. The question 'does true altruism exist' is a philosophical musing I have pondered often. I do agree with your stance, for the most part. I think it's just the way us humans are wired; triggering our internal reward systems as frequently as possible is something we learn to do for ourselves.

However I think there's a fallacy in describing the phenomenon using the word selfish, because that word generally has a lot of negative connotation attached to it.

Regardless, I think love is the highest good of which humans are capable.

 

[Paul Bauman]

The wise words by Silk24. Really wise and right.
Indeed, love, as every human concern as well, is selfish (or egoistical) thing.

An outstanding German philosopher Max Stirner has proved this egoistical principle in his great book "Der Einzige und sein Eigentum" ("The Ego and His Own"):

“I love men too — not merely individuals, but every one. But I love them with the consciousness of egoism; I love them because love makes me happy, I love because loving is natural to me, because it pleases me. I know no “commandment of love.” I have a fellow-feeling with every feeling being, and their torment torments, their refreshment refreshes me too; I can kill them, not torture them.”

"If I see the loved one suffer, I suffer with him, and I know no rest till I have tried everything to comfort and cheer him; if I see him glad, I too become glad over his joy. From this it does not follow that suffering or joy is caused in me by the same thing that brings out this effect in him, as is sufficiently proved by every bodily pain which I do not feel as he does; his tooth pains him, but his pain pains me.

But, because I cannot bear the troubled crease on the beloved forehead, for that reason, and therefore for my sake, I kiss it away. If I did not love this person, he might go right on making creases, they would not trouble me; I am only driving away my trouble."

"I can love, love with a full heart, and let the most consuming glow of passion burn in my heart, without taking the beloved one for anything else than the nourishment of my passion, on which it ever refreshes itself anew. All my care for him applies only to the object of my love, only to him whom my love requires, only to him, the "warmly loved." How indifferent would he be to me without this — my love! I feed only my love with him, I utilize him for this only: I enjoy him."

Is it not clear? We can do nothing without egoistical concern about our own shape of "happiness".
All we do we do for ourselves.
We can love -- because "love" promise us great pleasure.

(And for me personally, love does not promise any pleasures anymore, so I cannot (and do not want to) love anyone.)

 

[Phantimos]

Its true that "true altruism" as it is defined does not exist. In fact I would even argue that it goes directly against human nature. If one commits an act and gets no positive stimulus out of it, why would they consider doing it again?. It is pretty much positive reinforcement. 

Back to love. If humans feel love, true unconditional love, towards another then doing things for them, making them smile, or even being around them make them feel happy or at peace. Which acts as positive reinforcement, giving us positive stimuli, thereby making us want to continue to be there for that person.

To sum up, yes humans only do things that make them feel good and, intrinsically, there is nothing wrong with that. 

Sorry for the rant.

 

[Silk24]

Yeah there's nothing wrong with that loving someone . Because it's a human nature.so take this in positive way.what if this is selfish.we all want love .And being little selfish is our nature.

 

[ardour]

Is it not clear? We can do nothing without egoistical concern about our own shape of "happiness".
All we do we do for ourselves.
We can love -- because "love" promise us great pleasure.

Not so sure. Feeling concern and obligation towards blood relatives is more about peace of mind than pleasure, although I suppose that does boil down to wanting to be free of regret and happy.

 

[DarkSelene]

It's benevolent, we might be doing it for the way it makes us feel but also for the sake of caring for others. I don't think selfishness or egotistical behavior is defined by those terms.

 

[Paul Bauman]

> Feeling concern and obligation towards blood relatives is more about peace of mind than pleasure
You are right, but I meant "love" in its general sense, as sexual desire: it is about pleasure, not peace of mind.

 

[user 139760]

Love is sitting down for two hours watching a movie with Sandra Bullock and then looking over and saying "I loved it, it was great!".
It's kind of like a root canal. It helps you but on a good many days it hurts like hell and when it's over....you still kind of miss it.

 

[Hazed]

I'm not sure what love is, sometimes i knew. On the other hand i also never had a root canal treatment, so maybe that's why.

 

[Serenity1]

Its all in the title. What is love? And what does it mean to be in it?

Love is the watercan which God created for the gardens in your heart, and for others as well. People can learn what is love the hard way when they recognize how it feels to hate or be hated, which can be ugly and bitter. Some people learn what is love from others who do good deeds, who are selfless and have good values. Love can be learned in a friendship as well, I learned that from my pet stray cat as she was my first feline friend, I loved how she lived everyday as a noble cat, sometimes like a baby too. It will take so many pages to say what love is, but in short love is life to all the hearts.

 

[Phantimos]

Its all in the title. What is love? And what does it mean to be in it?

Love is the watercan which God created for the gardens in your heart, and for others as well. People can learn what is love the hard way when they recognize how it feels to hate or be hated, which can be ugly and bitter. Some people learn what is love from others who do good deeds, who are selfless and have good values. Love can be learned in a friendship as well, I learned that from my pet stray cat as she was my first feline friend, I loved how she lived everyday as a noble cat, sometimes like a baby too. It will take so many pages to say what love is, but in short love is life to all the hearts.

That is quite an idealistic view of love. That and the picture you painted describes love in general, i am more puzzeled by romantic love. Do you have any experience with that? and if so, what did they teach you about the nature of love?

 

[Serenity1]

Its all in the title. What is love? And what does it mean to be in it?

Love is the watercan which God created for the gardens in your heart, and for others as well. People can learn what is love the hard way when they recognize how it feels to hate or be hated, which can be ugly and bitter. Some people learn what is love from others who do good deeds, who are selfless and have good values. Love can be learned in a friendship as well, I learned that from my pet stray cat as she was my first feline friend, I loved how she lived everyday as a noble cat, sometimes like a baby too. It will take so many pages to say what love is, but in short love is life to all the hearts.

That is quite an idealistic view of love. That and the picture you painted describes love in general, i am more puzzeled by romantic love. Do you have any experience with that? and if so, what did they teach you about the nature of love?

Personally I am rather young so I have not experienced any. All the description I post earlier was describe love, its the only idea and experience about "love" in general that I have.

What I know about romantic love though? taking into consideration romantic love is precious in my religion, only experienced through marriage accordingly, with no cultural traditions affecting it, or immoral and unjust values from either partner, which is not part of religion at all. What I do know about the nature of love is it's simplicity and gentleness, especially simplicity and to add in my own opiniom is life all about romance? Honest hard work too. Of course love and His Divine love is essential around life in general, bc without love our hearts would be ill. However romantic love is exclusive for you and partner that God looks (metaphorical) with mercy to the couple as well.

In other words... Romantic love is a means to the highest spiritual end (where also you do not lose yourself and all sense of purpose in the others romantic love for you and vice versa). The best true love is in a persons good values, good manners and in having ability to see your own to be the same or similar, which help eachother be more in love and do good deeds. After good values, then wealth, good looks etc are secondary and a plus to romantic love. Thus imo and really ignorance is not healthy at all when it comes to marriage.. Just as the knowledge of God is spiritual- also the knowledge of self it's spiritual. If you do not know yourself and have values well, how can you make important decision?  Finally my take in these ; the aspiration for romantic love and intimacy is an aspiration towards morality, spirituality and closeness to God. Romantic love is the precious reward and happiness from good values and a marriage done right

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I hope that answer your questions. It takes very long time, but this thread is a lovely one 

 

[morrowrd]

You want to be with that person no matter what the personal cost. Their happiness and contentment is important to you - their security and safety is always on your mind. Their quality of life is important to you and you do what's in your power to increase it.

I am lucky to be in love. And I am very interested and intrigued in other people's romantic relationships since the one I have now.... I now can look at couples and know if they're in love or not. My new wife and I keep a notebook where we write things to each other about whatever is on our mind about our relationship and today I wrote in it about gratefulness. I am grateful to have lived to experience true love and yet young enough to enjoy it.

My wife and I were dating while I still ran my community youth program.... One of my annual activities was to bring the group to a senior home. One lady told my wife (then girlfriend) and I about her last romance. The first time she had been in love was with an 80 year old man, she was 72.  My wife and I were fascinated and asked for the story in full.... Her children told her that the two of them acted like teenagers, and we were so so happy for them.

 

[Kuzey]

Its all in the title. What is love? And what does it mean to be in it?

Unfortunately we don't choose to be in it...the question is how to get out when it hurts to the point of not being able to feel mentally and emotionally stable ...life and love is a lie in itself..really..