What you need to know about Online Dating

[Tealeaf]

Like this definition :
Peer pressure is influence that a peer group, observers or individual exerts that encourages others to change their attitudes, values, or behaviors to conform the group norms. Social groups affected include membership groups, in which individuals are "formally" members (such as political parties and trade unions), or social cliques in which membership is not clearly defined. They may also recognize dissociative groups with which they would not wish to associate, and thus they behave adversely, in ways concerning that group's behaviors.

Cause it feels you're also using that kind of pressure yourself. I wish I wouldn't have to sound so rude but ultimately the opposite is shutting up and following the pressure you apply yourself.

Using peer pressure to shut down discussion on why the idea of pressuring women into sex may not be entirely wrong is nowhere near as messed up as an actual woman being pressured into actual sex that she doesn't want.

I don't want men thinking that it's ever an appropriate way to reach the point of sexual intimacy with a woman and I don't want women thinking that if a man ever does that to them it's okay, and you can rag on my character, cry about forum peer pressure, or be rude all you want for tearing down anything I perceive to be in favor of that when I see it. I really don't care.

 

[Human]

Then perhaps my post wasn't so clear, cause I was talking about some girls that want to sleep on the first night but won't say anything about it. From a male's pov, the distinction between pressure or not can be quite vague, at least people like me find it morally wrong to try doing so and won't even try as a result. Some guys are better then others at just reading that the woman wants it and will "roleplay along", but not all of us have that talent. A lot of guys may apply a very "slight pressure" (making a move from my pov is a form of pressure) and if it's not answered will simply give up right away. Wouldn't it be better to say that constantly applying pressure is the wrong thing? Cause at least that's what it appears like to me. We ain't all mind readers you know. No means no, anyone who doesn't get that is definitively wrong, but that is something else entirely. Most guys are simply going to conclude they "shouldn't even try or are morally wrong" from reading the kind of things that have appeared in this thread. Meanwhile PUAs are getting what they want. Those of us who genuinely don't want to deal with that end up often being more solitary tho, a choice the genuine ones tend to assume, much like I do.

 

[daddymack]

2. um ?????? i never said it was okay to pressure anyone to do anything but unfortunately it happens, but your taking it a bit too far calling it sexual harassment, because when your an adult and someone is pressuring you into doing something and its not exactly forced because at the end of the day the girl has a choice not to do it, unlike people who get rape or touch, pressuring someone is like " please baby i love you " and that can go for anything not just something sexual, as the second part is a question i cant answer because i do not know people just like phone sex no matter how you personally feel about it.

I'm sorry, hold the fresia up. So because a woman has a CHOICE not to do anything, that means they aren't being harassed? It doesn't matter if you are a ******* adult or a child. Harassment is still harassment and it is NOT okay whether you have a choice or not.

Also, there is a difference between sexual harassment and sexual assault.

(sigh) Do you know husband and wives do this all the time ????? one partner may not really be in the mood and one say " come on baby " is that really being sexual harassed ? **** i been sexual harassed a million times and millions of other people a lot of people do this i never said it was okay.. i said this happens !!!!!!!

 

[TheRealCallie]

2. um ?????? i never said it was okay to pressure anyone to do anything but unfortunately it happens, but your taking it a bit too far calling it sexual harassment, because when your an adult and someone is pressuring you into doing something and its not exactly forced because at the end of the day the girl has a choice not to do it, unlike people who get rape or touch, pressuring someone is like " please baby i love you " and that can go for anything not just something sexual, as the second part is a question i cant answer because i do not know people just like phone sex no matter how you personally feel about it.

I'm sorry, hold the fresia up. So because a woman has a CHOICE not to do anything, that means they aren't being harassed? It doesn't matter if you are a ******* adult or a child. Harassment is still harassment and it is NOT okay whether you have a choice or not.

Also, there is a difference between sexual harassment and sexual assault.

(sigh) Do you know husband and wives do this all the time ????? one partner may not really be in the mood and one say " come on baby " is that really being sexual harassed ? **** i been sexual harassed a million times and millions of other people a lot of people do this i never said it was okay.. i said this happens !!!!!!!

I am married, I know what it means and YES, one spouse CAN sexually harass and sexually assault their spouse...
Also, it's a little different if the couple is married and not JUST meeting. A husband will know when he can and can not push his luck. If you don't know the other person or have never had sex with them before, it is another story completely.

 

[daddymack]

2. um ?????? i never said it was okay to pressure anyone to do anything but unfortunately it happens

Then why were you suggesting men "will have to pressure" girls to do this - why bring that up?

pressuring someone is like " please baby i love you "

gross..

i brung it up because there are many cases where a guy told me a story, and he kinda of had to work his way up a bit and the ending came out happily........ this kinda of stuff happens all the time even in real relationships its been plenty of times someone is not in the mood and someone try to influence the partner to have sexual acts with them im not saying put a gun to their head

---

Like this definition :
Peer pressure is influence that a peer group, observers or individual exerts that encourages others to change their attitudes, values, or behaviors to conform the group norms. Social groups affected include membership groups, in which individuals are "formally" members (such as political parties and trade unions), or social cliques in which membership is not clearly defined. They may also recognize dissociative groups with which they would not wish to associate, and thus they behave adversely, in ways concerning that group's behaviors.

Cause it feels you're also using that kind of pressure yourself. I wish I wouldn't have to sound so rude but ultimately the opposite is shutting up and following the pressure you apply yourself.

Using peer pressure to shut down discussion on why the idea of pressuring women into sex may not be entirely wrong is nowhere near as messed up as an actual woman being pressured into actual sex that she doesn't want.

I don't want men thinking that it's ever an appropriate way to reach the point of sexual intimacy with a woman and I don't want women thinking that if a man ever does that to them it's okay, and you can rag on my character, cry about forum peer pressure, or be rude all you want for tearing down anything I perceive to be in favor of that when I see it. I really don't care.

i do want you thinking that im saying hey " go ahead and pressure them" but there is a girl who feel undecided about the situation then its up to the guy to get the girl to trust him, but im not saying blackmailing as i quote " stay away from abusive and angry man" i do not know if you guys are taken blackmailing and pressure as the same thing

 

[Tealeaf]

Seduction:
* The woman is not interested in having sex
* The woman is not signaling, verbally or nonverbally, that she's uncomfortable with your advances or the direction things are going
* The woman is open to a change of heart or becoming more comfortable with you first and you do no wrong by being playful, flirty, and sexual

Pressure:
* The woman is not interested in having sex
* The woman is signaling, verbally or nonverbally, that she's uncomfortable with your advances or the direction things are going
* The woman is not open to having a change of heart and does not want to go in that direction with you, and you're attempting to force her hand by continuing

Sucks to not be able to read nonverbal signals, but it gives no one a free card to keep going if the woman is verbally refusing their advances, they're picking up on discomfort, or the woman is conversationally or physically moving away. Someone could potentially fumble across that line unknowingly if they can't read it, but that wasn't what was going on in the OP.

You don't know a woman's opinion of you or your advances prior to actually approaching her, and can't judge if it's pressure or seduction at that point.

 

[daddymack]

2. um ?????? i never said it was okay to pressure anyone to do anything but unfortunately it happens, but your taking it a bit too far calling it sexual harassment, because when your an adult and someone is pressuring you into doing something and its not exactly forced because at the end of the day the girl has a choice not to do it, unlike people who get rape or touch, pressuring someone is like " please baby i love you " and that can go for anything not just something sexual, as the second part is a question i cant answer because i do not know people just like phone sex no matter how you personally feel about it.

I'm sorry, hold the fresia up. So because a woman has a CHOICE not to do anything, that means they aren't being harassed? It doesn't matter if you are a ******* adult or a child. Harassment is still harassment and it is NOT okay whether you have a choice or not.

Also, there is a difference between sexual harassment and sexual assault.

(sigh) Do you know husband and wives do this all the time ????? one partner may not really be in the mood and one say " come on baby " is that really being sexual harassed ? **** i been sexual harassed a million times and millions of other people a lot of people do this i never said it was okay.. i said this happens !!!!!!!

I am married, I know what it means and YES, one spouse CAN sexually harass and sexually assault their spouse...
Also, it's a little different if the couple is married and not JUST meeting. A husband will know when he can and can not push his luck. If you don't know the other person or have never had sex with them before, it is another story completely.

its still pressure rather your married or not, these people taken online relationship as if they are married i was taken it as a real relationship point of view (online) these are cases of someone is being undecided and may be possible something can happen and it comes out to a good ending sometimes unless something happen after that, you fail to realize its all types of cases in online relationship im not saying you have to force them or anything your taken it the wrong way, this is something you would not understand unless you talk to a lot of others

---

Seduction:
* The woman is not interested in having sex
* The woman is not signaling, verbally or nonverbally, that she's uncomfortable with your advances or the direction things are going
* The woman is open to a change of heart or becoming more comfortable with you first and you do no wrong by being playful, flirty, and sexual

Pressure:
* The woman is not interested in having sex
* The woman is signaling, verbally or nonverbally, that she's uncomfortable with your advances or the direction things are going
* The woman is not open to having a change of heart and does not want to go in that direction with you, and you're attempting to force her hand by continuing

Sucks to not be able to read nonverbal signals, but it gives no one a free card to keep going if the woman is verbally refusing their advances, they're picking up on discomfort, or the woman is conversationally or physically moving away. Someone could potentially fumble across that line unknowingly if they can't read it, but that wasn't what was going on in the OP.

You don't know a woman's opinion of you or your advances prior to actually approaching her, and can't judge if it's pressure or seduction at that point.

see this is why you need to talk to people because your not understanding your only looking at it in your point of view

pressure can mean so many things when it comes to online relationships its not the same type of pressure that it is in person,
Some girls want the sexual attention they just want to know if they can just trust you they want you to come off aggresive
some girls would say something like "hmmmmmm...."
some girls just tease you
its alot of cases man ...

but im glad people just point out one little line just to be negative, it wasn't meant like that i was basically saying if a guy be like " come on baby "

 

[TheRealCallie]

2. um ?????? i never said it was okay to pressure anyone to do anything but unfortunately it happens, but your taking it a bit too far calling it sexual harassment, because when your an adult and someone is pressuring you into doing something and its not exactly forced because at the end of the day the girl has a choice not to do it, unlike people who get rape or touch, pressuring someone is like " please baby i love you " and that can go for anything not just something sexual, as the second part is a question i cant answer because i do not know people just like phone sex no matter how you personally feel about it.

I'm sorry, hold the fresia up. So because a woman has a CHOICE not to do anything, that means they aren't being harassed? It doesn't matter if you are a ******* adult or a child. Harassment is still harassment and it is NOT okay whether you have a choice or not.

Also, there is a difference between sexual harassment and sexual assault.

(sigh) Do you know husband and wives do this all the time ????? one partner may not really be in the mood and one say " come on baby " is that really being sexual harassed ? **** i been sexual harassed a million times and millions of other people a lot of people do this i never said it was okay.. i said this happens !!!!!!!

I am married, I know what it means and YES, one spouse CAN sexually harass and sexually assault their spouse...
Also, it's a little different if the couple is married and not JUST meeting. A husband will know when he can and can not push his luck. If you don't know the other person or have never had sex with them before, it is another story completely.

its still pressure rather your married or not, these people taken online relationship as if they are married i was taken it as a real relationship point of view (online) these are cases of someone is being undecided and may be possible something can happen and it comes out to a good ending sometimes unless something happen after that, you fail to realize its all types of cases in online relationship im not saying you have to force them or anything your taken it the wrong way, this is something you would not understand unless you talk to a lot of others

but im glad people just point out one little line just to be negative, it wasn't meant like that

Kind of like you just did to me? Read ALL of what I wrote next time. I never ******* said it wasn't pressure...but I guess you missed that part so you could be negative.

 

[daddymack]

I'm sorry, hold the fresia up. So because a woman has a CHOICE not to do anything, that means they aren't being harassed? It doesn't matter if you are a ******* adult or a child. Harassment is still harassment and it is NOT okay whether you have a choice or not.

Also, there is a difference between sexual harassment and sexual assault.

(sigh) Do you know husband and wives do this all the time ????? one partner may not really be in the mood and one say " come on baby " is that really being sexual harassed ? **** i been sexual harassed a million times and millions of other people a lot of people do this i never said it was okay.. i said this happens !!!!!!!

I am married, I know what it means and YES, one spouse CAN sexually harass and sexually assault their spouse...
Also, it's a little different if the couple is married and not JUST meeting. A husband will know when he can and can not push his luck. If you don't know the other person or have never had sex with them before, it is another story completely.

its still pressure rather your married or not, these people taken online relationship as if they are married i was taken it as a real relationship point of view (online) these are cases of someone is being undecided and may be possible something can happen and it comes out to a good ending sometimes unless something happen after that, you fail to realize its all types of cases in online relationship im not saying you have to force them or anything your taken it the wrong way, this is something you would not understand unless you talk to a lot of others

but im glad people just point out one little line just to be negative, it wasn't meant like that

Kind of like you just did to me? Read ALL of what I wrote next time. I never ******* said it wasn't pressure...but I guess you missed that part so you could be negative. :shy:

lol at the cuss words but okay, i just dont want people thinking i meant blackmailing or forcings or saying you have to threating them for it

 

[Case]

Kind of like you just did to me? Read ALL of what I wrote next time. I never ******* said it wasn't pressure...but I guess you missed that part so you could be negative. :shy:

lol at the cuss words but okay, i just dont want people thinking i meant blackmailing or forcings or saying you have to threating them for it

Just saying, the cuss words come out because you like to stir the pot.

Why are you here? Seriously.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Kind of like you just did to me? Read ALL of what I wrote next time. I never ******* said it wasn't pressure...but I guess you missed that part so you could be negative. :shy:

lol at the cuss words but okay, i just dont want people thinking i meant blackmailing or forcings or saying you have to threating them for it

Just saying, the cuss words come out because you like to stir the pot.

Why are you here? Seriously.

Tis true that I tend to curse more when dealing with....certain people.

However, since I do have a thread here for cursing (along with BJD), it's really just a normal part of my vocabulary ....except when kids are around, of course.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

^ I've always thought it a unique part of her charm

 

[Batman55]

sir, this advice is not strictly from me i just sumed it up the people i ask and who told me there experiences from online dating, so if you feel like im criticizing im only going based on a lot of experiences i heard from others, as you say "sleazy phone sex " which is pretty much judge mental or your opinion on how you feel about phone sex, unfortunately not everyone think its sleazy, this is not only about women your trying so hard to defend something with your own imagination as if im talking down on them, if you notice i said "SOME" well all know the man who just want sex they will eventually make it very clear, as based on the experiences ive read and heard about the woman are particularly different in their own ways, but with the experiences i had from a woman point of view was just all the same about the man,either just want sex, or has a big temper, now i heard some succcessful stories but not as much as the warning points given.
...

I would think a lot of people who learned English as their FIRST language would have trouble understanding this.

Please work on your grammar, use commas, or something, because it's 1) it's very hard to read 2) it's easy to misinterpret what you say.

 

[ardour]

How low it is for a guy to grovel and plead for sex like a horny baboon, whether it be from a date, his gf, or spouse.

 

[Rainbows]

^ I've always thought it a unique part of her charm

it's my number one fav thing about her <3

 

[TropicalStarfish]

As far as I'm concerned, what you need to know about onling dating is that: It's like regular dating, but online. A sort of cyber-dating, or internet-dating perhaps.

 

[Anahita]

Bickering aside, people being people will make online dating as fraught with potential crap as any other kind of dating. How could it be otherwise?

From a female point of view, I imagine it can be quite upsetting to have someone perving on you while you are looking for someone special.

I know someone who sat with a loved one when they went online so that if she got that kind of nonsense happening she would be less upset, and less likely to give up because of it. And it worked, she actually found someone and they are very happy.

 

[My War]

Purely from a heterosexual male perspective -

You will notice that many women will have something like "And if you message me, don't just say hi, say something unique" written on their profile, well that's great isn't it but what do you say? Furthermore it doesn't matter much, if they like your photo they will like any opening line, if they don't it won't make much difference what you say.

If you are a quieter or more polite type of guy it makes perfect sense to start with "Hey, I would love to chat with you" or similar as this seems like a way of asking permission to approach so to speak rather than just jumping in with your life story etc I sat with a female friend and saw all the messages she got and some were really lame I have to admit.

You have to keep in mind that just because these women are on a dating site it doesn't mean they actually want to date anyone, ironic perhaps but maybe they just want to chat or even just sit back and have heaps of men compete for their attention. Am I cynical, sure, but it doesn't make it less truthful in some cases.

Expect lame rejections, now I don't care if a woman doesn't want to talk to me, but getting a message after my first message to her and she says something like "I don't think we have much in common" is really lame, how does she know? All I've said so far is "Hi"?!!

Once I had a woman send me a 3 paragraph response detailing why my message was lame and how it could have been better and why she thinks we have nothing in common! 3 paragraphs spent writing that out and yet all she had to do was either ignore it or say Hi back. That stuff just spins me out.

So my advice to men would be to just to do what works regardless of what women like to think. Send out heaps of messages to any woman who interests you and see what comes back, women can criticize that as "fishing" but as women are the ones who get inundated with messages they really don't know what it is like to not get any, simply put the rules are different for men and women.

Also don't take any of it seriously, as a woman I was chatting to on a dating site once told me "None of this is real until we meet" I agree with that, just send out the messages see what happens and don't invest yourself until you meet her and it seems like she might be genuine.

 

[ardour]

^ It is sad how the gender imbalance is so extreme on those sites that women can actually tell men how to contact them, what to say etc.

 

[My War]

^ It is sad how the gender imbalance is so extreme on those sites that women can actually tell men how to contact them, what to say etc.

I think the gender numbers are about even, the problem is in our society women aren't expected to and rarely make the first move, so they sit back and guys hurl themselves at them and this gives them a rather solid power base to work from.

I sat with a female friend and read the amount of and quality of messages she got, many were sleazy, some were amusing but became sleazy quickly, so I have some empathy with the women. But when I read these profiles where the women have constructed all these complicated rules just to contact them it just gives me the feeling that they have developed a pretty huge ego over all of this and think men should have to jump through hoops to get to know them.