You know how they always say people like being around you more if you're a friendly person. Well, that's not true... Bitchiness will still guarantee you attractions. Being nice allows people to walk over you. So what's it good for? Being distant/cold/unfriendly actually works better. I had witnessed this so many times with example of myself and others.. I am nice because i was learnt that its the right way of living, but it seems like being cocky/agressive/unfriendly simply gives more benefits. And most of you and even my psychotherapist would say "Well they only behave like that bcs they are insecure" but does it ******* matter??? Douches never really have time to think about their behavior beacuse it feels good being around "strongest gansters and hottest chicks" in the hood while they constantly talk about fights and how they pity those who are actually smarter then them!
Whats the point of being nice? U like getting used and drained?
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LoneKiller
Well-known member
It's been my experience that in the long run, the nicer people eventually triumph over those jerkoffs who treat others like honeysuckle for their own false sense of respect that they actually believe comes from acting like a prick. If this true, try treating the members here like honeysuckle by acting like a mean and bitchy person and see where it gets you in the long run.
Far too many people mistake other people's kindness for weakness, and that's a dangerous road to travel down my friend. Very dangerous.
Far too many people mistake other people's kindness for weakness, and that's a dangerous road to travel down my friend. Very dangerous.
T
The Good Citizen
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kindster said:
Don't become a bitter cliche. You try being nice, you don't get what you think you deserve, you try being bitter... great. Next step you die alone and angry. Congratulations you're over half way there!!!! *applauds*
Goodmorningamerica
Active member
I'm always appearing friendly on the outside but on the inside I'm monitoring any possible people who might see that as a weakness. Just because someone is being nice to you doesn't meant that they are nice. It can be easy to think so two-dimensionally about things when you're lonely and more vunerable because you desperately want to believe that people are really being nice to you.
bulmabriefs144
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Goodmorningamerica said:
Yes. Which is why rather than being bitter, you should be happy being used. The best revenge against such people is letting them brag about how "he's so stupid, he lets me walk all over him" walking in, and being like, do you want some tea with that embarrassment? And continuing to do so even though they know you know you're being used. Their smugness turns to being creeped out, and they either drop the abuse or find a convenient exit strategy.
S
SophiaGrace
Guest
You can be nice but also be assertive.
Since when does being nice mean letting people walk all over you? You can be nice and still have your boundaries. It's not like there are two absolute extremes, 'total *******' and 'total pushover' with nothing in between.
V
Veruca
Guest
I feel like its better to be kind and mistreated than to be a bitter old lady who hates the world. I don't really want all those frown lines from being grumpy 
On a more serious note, I think its wise to pick your battles. Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself, other times you have to let it go, and sometimes you have to stop being so kind and helpful and politely say no. But in general, it isn't going to be easy being nice in today's world...too many miserable people out there taking their misery on other people. Just gotta wing it
On a more serious note, I think its wise to pick your battles. Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself, other times you have to let it go, and sometimes you have to stop being so kind and helpful and politely say no. But in general, it isn't going to be easy being nice in today's world...too many miserable people out there taking their misery on other people. Just gotta wing it
S
SophiaGrace
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ajdass1 said:
+1
I've had the same issue as the OP. I'm guessing they are using the term nice to mean being benign and overly compliant towards others, like I do.
In my case, my 'niceness' came at the price of my self respect, and denying my innate natural aggression and desire for boundaries. I'd smile and 'dissociate' when being insulted or even having my physical boundaries violated. I think a mix of growing up with a role model with cripplingly low self esteem, idiot notions of 'spirituality' and being bullied contributed to my 20+ years lacking of assertiveness.
It was so bad that I'd wake in the middle of the night with memories that I'd try to suppress of incidents of bullying and insults that were occurring frequently at work.
I've been trying to deepen self love and confidence since last year and have made some notable gains (like ending bullying friendships), but I still have vast room for improvement. Now I try to be a decent man, rather than being a 'nice guy'.
Being 'nice' comes at a heavy price IME. Many people don't like you, they like the power they have over you. Nodding while the talk excessively, feeling uncomfortable because of malicious 'joke' but trying to pretend like you're not, etc. When you do politely assert boundaries they don't like it, whereas someone who genuinely like you would respect them.
In my case, my 'niceness' came at the price of my self respect, and denying my innate natural aggression and desire for boundaries. I'd smile and 'dissociate' when being insulted or even having my physical boundaries violated. I think a mix of growing up with a role model with cripplingly low self esteem, idiot notions of 'spirituality' and being bullied contributed to my 20+ years lacking of assertiveness.
It was so bad that I'd wake in the middle of the night with memories that I'd try to suppress of incidents of bullying and insults that were occurring frequently at work.
I've been trying to deepen self love and confidence since last year and have made some notable gains (like ending bullying friendships), but I still have vast room for improvement. Now I try to be a decent man, rather than being a 'nice guy'.
Being 'nice' comes at a heavy price IME. Many people don't like you, they like the power they have over you. Nodding while the talk excessively, feeling uncomfortable because of malicious 'joke' but trying to pretend like you're not, etc. When you do politely assert boundaries they don't like it, whereas someone who genuinely like you would respect them.
Same here. I too had that problem, which is not really being nice, is the lack of bounadries.
What op calls "bitchiness" happens tough. In this narcissistic times we're living, some people get too hysterical. Is best to avoid this kinds of people, which typically will like you more if you act distant, if you are not hysterical yourself. This is a major drainer (being around hysterical people).
I'd say always watch your back and don't let anyone treat you bad, not even one bit.
What op calls "bitchiness" happens tough. In this narcissistic times we're living, some people get too hysterical. Is best to avoid this kinds of people, which typically will like you more if you act distant, if you are not hysterical yourself. This is a major drainer (being around hysterical people).
I'd say always watch your back and don't let anyone treat you bad, not even one bit.
P
PyramidHead
Guest
Well, being nice may be seen as a nice thing, but it surely is boring as well. That's we you need other character attributes to upgrade it.
bulmabriefs144
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The problem is that niceness comes out of a desire not to upset others, and to be liked. Because you don't want to exclude anyone from those who like you, you wind up accepting the worst sorts of people, and decent people think if you hang out with such people, you must have in common with them, and steer clear. Desperate to be liked, you go first to people who seem nice (but use you) and then tired of being used by two-faced ppl, you want someone honest (but likely verbally abusive).
Is there anyone in this world who is decent and actually means the kindness without ulterior motives?
Is there anyone in this world who is decent and actually means the kindness without ulterior motives?
BrokenInside
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Right now i am thinking about this too....whats the point!!
kamya
Well-known member
Just don't go out of your way to do something for someone if you really don't want to.
nerdygirl
Well-known member
I would like to clarify that there is a difference between being nice and being friendly. I am not nice. I am polite. I'm reasonably tolerant and patient. I am fair... but that none of these things mean that I'm especially nice!
Regarding the question of whether or not there's a point to be nice... one is not nice in order to accomplish anything. One simply is or is not nice. It's a bit like asking, "What is the point of being a nerd"? We are who we are.
Regarding the question of whether or not there's a point to be nice... one is not nice in order to accomplish anything. One simply is or is not nice. It's a bit like asking, "What is the point of being a nerd"? We are who we are.
simplesimonette
Active member
How about being nice just because that's part of your personality?
I'm nice. I respect people, I'm courteous, I'm generous, I'm empathetic to those around me. Sure, I get used at times (like I've said, I have friends because I "do" things for others but it's an even trade), but that's my choice.
I'm no pushover. I'm nice because that's what makes me feel good about myself. How others respond to my niceness is their business - I don't allow that to affect who I am or how I behave. I can say no, I can disagree, I can stand up for myself - that has nothing to do with me being "nice" and everything to do with my self respect.
Makes me wonder, if one changes from being nice to mean because they didn't like the outcome, if they were ever nice to begin with. Does it count, being nice to gain something? Or does that make one manipulative all along?
Not accusing anyone of being a jerk, to clarify, just wondering.
I'm nice. I respect people, I'm courteous, I'm generous, I'm empathetic to those around me. Sure, I get used at times (like I've said, I have friends because I "do" things for others but it's an even trade), but that's my choice.
I'm no pushover. I'm nice because that's what makes me feel good about myself. How others respond to my niceness is their business - I don't allow that to affect who I am or how I behave. I can say no, I can disagree, I can stand up for myself - that has nothing to do with me being "nice" and everything to do with my self respect.
Makes me wonder, if one changes from being nice to mean because they didn't like the outcome, if they were ever nice to begin with. Does it count, being nice to gain something? Or does that make one manipulative all along?
Not accusing anyone of being a jerk, to clarify, just wondering.
TropicalStarfish
Well-known member
You don't have to be mean to not let people walk all over you.
Being nice does not mean you can't say no, draw lines in the sand when required, and not over extend yourself.
Personally I am the type of person who is a welcome mat personality. I try so hard some times to draw the line, some times I do, but...
Mostly what it comes down to is I'm a weak and timid person. I have no one but myself to blame for letting people take advantage of me. I do try, but, I usually just default to letting people step on me. I'm used to that, I'm used to that kind of pain. It's much easier. If it were easier to stand up to people and not let them take advantage of me, I would surely do that, but, for me it's not.
I don't get why people have to be so bitter about it. If you are a weak person, just accept it and enjoy all the crazy horrible missadventures and nightmares your weak character will take you on. That's what I do, haven't been able to come up with any other way.
A few times I have pushed through the brick wall and really surprised some people. A lot of the time if you show a little 'foot down', people who seem tough and non-negotiable will really crumble like a house of cards, and you'll wonder why you ever thought they were such an obstacle in the first place.
Not always, though. Some times it's good to let people walk all over you. Like if you are being robbed at gun point.
I say don't be bitter. Either accept what is, or make the decision to continually work on improving your reactions to people. Either way you and the choices you make are your responsibility. Serial killers can be nice. Don't worry about being nice. Just worry about being a person of good character and making choices that are in the best interest of everyone involved in them, as best you can.
Being nice does not mean you can't say no, draw lines in the sand when required, and not over extend yourself.
Personally I am the type of person who is a welcome mat personality. I try so hard some times to draw the line, some times I do, but...
Mostly what it comes down to is I'm a weak and timid person. I have no one but myself to blame for letting people take advantage of me. I do try, but, I usually just default to letting people step on me. I'm used to that, I'm used to that kind of pain. It's much easier. If it were easier to stand up to people and not let them take advantage of me, I would surely do that, but, for me it's not.
I don't get why people have to be so bitter about it. If you are a weak person, just accept it and enjoy all the crazy horrible missadventures and nightmares your weak character will take you on. That's what I do, haven't been able to come up with any other way.
A few times I have pushed through the brick wall and really surprised some people. A lot of the time if you show a little 'foot down', people who seem tough and non-negotiable will really crumble like a house of cards, and you'll wonder why you ever thought they were such an obstacle in the first place.
Not always, though. Some times it's good to let people walk all over you. Like if you are being robbed at gun point.
I say don't be bitter. Either accept what is, or make the decision to continually work on improving your reactions to people. Either way you and the choices you make are your responsibility. Serial killers can be nice. Don't worry about being nice. Just worry about being a person of good character and making choices that are in the best interest of everyone involved in them, as best you can.
edamame721
Well-known member
I think that most people start off nice and then get used by bitter people, so then they become bitter and self-absorbed. That said, do you really want to become a bitter person, hating the whole world? You can still be nice and be helpful, but don't be afraid to cut off toxic relationships. *hugs*
ASnowyCanadian
Well-known member
edamame721 said:
Hey! I'm bitter, concieted and self absorbed. But everyone loves me lol.
