WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?

[nycdoctor]

I am a well educated (doctor), independent (financially), secure (emotionally), family oriented, very hard worker, many goals in life, etc. I would say, the right package. You would think that girls would be waiting outside my door. The truth is..I have no one. It's been 3 years since my divorce and I haven't been with anyone. What's wrong with me? Why can't I not find someone to love me. Why can't I not find someone to marry and have kids with?

All my friend have kids and are married. I am so alone

 

[SophiaGrace]

Just because a person has everything on paper doesn't mean people will flock to them. I can't tell you the right words or the right chemistry equation to attract what you want…

I'm sorry you're lonely.

 

[nycdoctor]

First-date sparks don’t portend a future relationship.we spend our lives looking for that intense one-of-a-kind chemistry with a partner, it’s actually BAD. We are simply not at our best when we’re crazy about someone. We become insecure and weak and needy and yes, somewhat crazy, in the presence of chemistry. The obsessive highs that come with wanting to be with her, the joy of feeling incredibly connected, and, what you may forget, the willful blindness that allows you to overlook her flaws.That’s one of the most miraculous things about chemistry: it allows you to focus only on the good and ignore all the bad.

 

[Seeker_2.0]

Achievements and honors often mean nothing, they are just wordly labels. Seems to me that the problem is within you. Has your divorce left you any emotional scars, are you able to trust women after what happened? Or yet, in case you were not the one to initiate the divorce, maybe the pain of rejection translates into your interactions with new women. In any case, I've noticed that women have a way of sensing insecurity or negative emotional states on a man, so maybe you could see if the problem lies within you first. I could be wrong, of course, but I only try to help.

 

[nycdoctor]

I am over my divorced. I am not insecurity..but lonely..tired of being alone

 

[ABrokenMan]

3 years alone is nothing. Not very long in my life situation.
I wish that time span was the only gap from one relationship to the next.
People don't want to hear it, but it is painfully true - there is not someone for everyone.

 

[Triple Bogey]

3 years alone is nothing. Not very long in my life situation.
I wish that time span was the only gap from one relationship to the next.
People don't want to hear it, but it is painfully true - there is not someone for everyone.

So true. Some people for whatever reason have no chance.
There are probably no apparent reasons. It just is.

What's wrong with me for example ?
If it's nothing to do with looks then it must be personality. So what's that say about me ? I am a awful person ? I am boring ? What is it ?

 

[Erevetot]

3 years alone is nothing. Not very long in my life situation.
I wish that time span was the only gap from one relationship to the next.
People don't want to hear it, but it is painfully true - there is not someone for everyone.

So true. Some people for whatever reason have no chance.
There are probably no apparent reasons. It just is.

What's wrong with me for example ?
If it's nothing to do with looks then it must be personality. So what's that say about me ? I am a awful person ? I am boring ? What is it ?

sometimes, it's not about us. sometimes it's about the other person and, well, luck.

You wont match with every person, and sadly some people are unlucky and get all the wrong people, people they never match with or people they do, but not enough (breakups, divorces). Finding a person in the right time, or the right person, means nothing. IMO, for a succesfull relationship you need the right person the right time. Some people are so unlucky that they get a spree of the wrong people and some get so tired and hurt that give up.
This kind of unlucky people is the one that I personaly belong to, and I think many of us. All of us that want a great relationship, that want affection, that want to get rid of that cold feeling of emptiness and loneliness. Yet we're unlucky and we come across all the wrong people with either bad/hurtfull relationships, rejection or complete avoidance. The right person is out there, but not everyone has the patience and/or the emotional strength to wait for it.


To the OP, Im sorry, but "having the right package" means nothing. There is no "right package" first of all, each person has their own "favourites". Love doesnt see money or job or anything, love sees the person no matter how good or broken it is. Yes, they say most women prefer confident and emotionaly secure men etc, but that means nothing, a person will love you no matter how you are, a person will love you with your flaws too.

My advice is dont give up but dont try too hard. Sometimes if we try too hard we fail to see where we go wrong or we miss chances.\



then again, i suck at life so i could be totally wrong

 

[shadetree]

I think what happens a lot of time is people get busy with their careers and things and it doesnt leave much time to actually make those connections that make life worth living. Its like somebody else said about the labels and things on paper, it doesnt really mean much in the bigger scheme of things, so i wouldnt depend on that. What i would depend on however is who YOU are all that aside. Join some groups and things doing stuff you enjoy outside of work. Focus on having fun and not the fact youre alone, if you can put it all aside for a bit and just try to enjoy life youll be emitting more positive energy and that will draw people in. Its easy to get hungup in our sittuations but sometimes you have to look past the sittuation itself and realize you always have a choice.

I have to remind myself of that about 30 times everyday to keep from wanting to off myself sometimes, just get out there, get active and try to meet as many people as you can, make friends, theyll introduce you to more friends and maybe youll meet somebody you click with. I mean half of it is luck of the draw, half of it is sheer force of will. Life sucks theres no doubt about it but it is possible to look past that and still choose to take control of your life. You said youre a doctor, maybe try talking to some colleagues if they know a good shrink and go talk to them and see if you can analyze whats going on personality wise that you cant see yourself. Now when i say go see a shrink, i dont mean youre crazy lol, i just mean that that way you can get an educated outside view of whats going on. Theres also relationship experts and things you can consult too. Id study and research and read everything i could get my hands on about this, learn about yourself, learn everything you can and use this as an oppurtunity to get out and meet somebody. You said you were married so clearly you can get a date right? So cut yourself some slack and maybe try some of what i suggested and what the others have suggested. Either way i hope things work out for you and youre able to find some peace with it all.

I really believe thats the key to everything honestly, money, love, happiness, finding peace with yourself, the rest is just icing on the cake.

 

[Triple Bogey]

3 years alone is nothing. Not very long in my life situation.
I wish that time span was the only gap from one relationship to the next.
People don't want to hear it, but it is painfully true - there is not someone for everyone.

So true. Some people for whatever reason have no chance.
There are probably no apparent reasons. It just is.

What's wrong with me for example ?
If it's nothing to do with looks then it must be personality. So what's that say about me ? I am a awful person ? I am boring ? What is it ?

sometimes, it's not about us. sometimes it's about the other person and, well, luck.

You wont match with every person, and sadly some people are unlucky and get all the wrong people, people they never match with or people they do, but not enough (breakups, divorces). Finding a person in the right time, or the right person, means nothing. IMO, for a succesfull relationship you need the right person the right time. Some people are so unlucky that they get a spree of the wrong people and some get so tired and hurt that give up.
This kind of unlucky people is the one that I personaly belong to, and I think many of us. All of us that want a great relationship, that want affection, that want to get rid of that cold feeling of emptiness and loneliness. Yet we're unlucky and we come across all the wrong people with either bad/hurtfull relationships, rejection or complete avoidance. The right person is out there, but not everyone has the patience and/or the emotional strength to wait for it.


To the OP, Im sorry, but "having the right package" means nothing. There is no "right package" first of all, each person has their own "favourites". Love doesnt see money or job or anything, love sees the person no matter how good or broken it is. Yes, they say most women prefer confident and emotionaly secure men etc, but that means nothing, a person will love you no matter how you are, a person will love you with your flaws too.

My advice is dont give up but dont try too hard. Sometimes if we try too hard we fail to see where we go wrong or we miss chances.\



then again, i suck at life so i could be totally wrong

What are the odds of finding that one special person ?
Seems very slim to me !

 

[Frodothelost]

don't dought , did you on your ex? if you and she were longer together than get her again its the final solution if that was your first love i guess . and if she's married now then get facebook make friends (not lonely like on here) talk to them update your pictures post your works and honour. you know what? theres always a way but its hidden if you being depressed or still think “whats wrong with frodo”. im sorry but please dont let your mind to use that word “whats wrong with frodo”. “what” nothing is wrong with frodo, he just busy to destroying the ring that what he had choosed but sam .. sam had a gf in shire. always think positive for your every steps what you do and done.you have two ways here go through internet (facebook) or get her again.this is the best i can help

 

[stork_error]

People don't want to hear it, but it is painfully true - there is not someone for everyone.

I agree. I feel that my experiences and the things i have learned from them have made me think in a way that is far too different from most people and because of that I cant really connect with anyone as a "type". Im nobodys type, Im like 100 types in one.

 

[Nuzzy Nuz]

don't dought , did you on your ex? if you and she were longer together than get her again its the final solution if that was your first love i guess . and if she's married now then get facebook make friends (not lonely like on here) talk to them update your pictures post your works and honour. you know what? theres always a way but its hidden if you being depressed or still think “whats wrong with frodo”. im sorry but please dont let your mind to use that word “whats wrong with frodo”. “what” nothing is wrong with frodo, he just busy to destroying the ring that what he had choosed but sam .. sam had a gf in shire. always think positive for your every steps what you do and done.you have two ways here go through internet (facebook) or get her again.this is the best i can help

same thing that i would recommend you to do...

Good work there frodo.. [i always keep typing your username as frost...Lol ]