In the words of Rainbow Randolph: "I don't know. I'm kinda f****d up in general, so it's hard to gauge. "
Still...guess I can jot down my thoughts on my situation. Helps getting it all out of my head, air out the place before stuffing it all back in...
Still...Yeah, feeling like a mess as of late. Work's got me wound up something horrid and I'm soon going to do something at this which I'm probably going to regret next year. Most likely going to have some money problems again. I'm not new to the tight belt and delicious-looking sneakers, but I'm practically taking a big chance and venturing into the unknown.
Still, the alternative staying at a shitty job, doing the work of one and a half people at the wage of half a person is no way to go. I've started to lose hair over stress, can't sleep worth **** without medication and I'm getting absolutely no experience in the field of graphical design doing these crappy little, vastly overprized ugly ads and websites.
I'm struggling with another yearly episode of the winter blues. I can't help but to feel some tinge of self-loathing for being the only one in the family who hasn't even had a failed relationship, much less an ongoing one like all my siblings- another of those subconcious regulars who can make the order of 'the usual' when he steps into the nightclub of my mind.
I got insomnia going on for the second or third year, now. Still on the pills, although I must admit that any progress I made to going back to natural sleep rhytms was screwed over by my job. I also got a few other medical problems that are more a constant nuisance than a threat to my well-being, but by gods, they certainly aren't helping my mood. Went to the docs, but ended up wasting time, money and blood.
I'm also bored out of my skull with my computer on the fritz, but at least, this I can fix. Currently waiting for my new rig and trying to jury rig the old one in the meantime, but this generally means I haven't got a **** thing to do during the weekend, really. Although I've been crashing a lot of relatives' just so's I could take a look at my mail, new job openings and these forums.
Generally doing better as the year draws to a close. Or at least, that's what I like to think. Most of these problems are curable, and I'm working towards the goal of ridding myself of them. I just got to watch that I don't end up catapulting myself back to a 'safe zone' mentality, since that will only end up making my loneliness worse and hamper my goals.
