I become a different person when I'm on my own. It's weird. When I'm around other people, I tend to be ok, I do have my moments, but 90% of the time, ok, and a big dramatic difference. As soon as I'm on my own though, I become really anxious, depressed, feel like I don't want to be around people and start to think very negatively. I start dreaming as well, thinking that I can do this and that (obviously in between the stages of negativity lol!). By dreaming, I mean of being a superstar, or starting a business or being a stud or whatever, but not to the extent that I don't have a sense of what could or couldn't be achieved. I'm not manic or dilusional. I will hardly contact people. Then when I do go out, it's like I'm in a zone. If I go to the supermarket, I will walk pretty fast and just like a man on a mission, not talking to anyone or really making eye contact on the way, and people probably think I'm ignorant (if I run into anyone I know that is) 'cause I will say, "Hi!" but not stop and talk and it's like "See ya in a bit!". Gone! lol! Strangers probably think I'm a bit strange be honest. I am the epitimy of a strang-err! lol!
It's probably just a routine or habit I've got myself into over the past few years, but it's **** strange. The strangest thing being, is I hate being on my own, well to some degree. I would like a relationship, but as far as friends go, I don't tend to be that bothered. What is it? is this just depression?
Being like this makes diagnosing whatever it might be that's not right with me, hard, because if I see a therapist, it's hard to explain what's going on, 'cause it's hardly there then, and I find tapping into the mindset I had when it was there, hard. S'pose I should write it all down at the time. If I do see another therapist again, I will show them this thread. If I have an appointment with a therapist as well, it's like, I get to know them, and once I get to know people, I appear fine, it's weird. I have been told I just have anxiety and depression, but after reading things online, I tend to think I have a bit of a social phobia as well. Also, I read somewhere, that it's not uncommon for people with anxiety, for it to get worse when alone.
Being jobless, and not in a relationship as well, and me being like this, means I spend a lot of time feeling like this with these symptoms. I don't drink either, because it triggers headaches, and after tryna understand what's going on there (is it psychosymatic, allergy or what?) I have given up and just stopped socialising, cause it just plain doesn't like me, and reading on the net, it isn't that uncommon really, well probably only happens to 3 or 4% of people, but in relation to the world population,l probaly affects thousands, and actually, people react far worse than me it seems. Anyway, without drinking, or drugs for that matter, socialising in the regular sense, i.e - pubs / clubs / parties is off the agenda for me.
All's I know is, I need to combat this ASAP, it's just a long drawn existance being like this for me now.
It's probably just a routine or habit I've got myself into over the past few years, but it's **** strange. The strangest thing being, is I hate being on my own, well to some degree. I would like a relationship, but as far as friends go, I don't tend to be that bothered. What is it? is this just depression?
Being like this makes diagnosing whatever it might be that's not right with me, hard, because if I see a therapist, it's hard to explain what's going on, 'cause it's hardly there then, and I find tapping into the mindset I had when it was there, hard. S'pose I should write it all down at the time. If I do see another therapist again, I will show them this thread. If I have an appointment with a therapist as well, it's like, I get to know them, and once I get to know people, I appear fine, it's weird. I have been told I just have anxiety and depression, but after reading things online, I tend to think I have a bit of a social phobia as well. Also, I read somewhere, that it's not uncommon for people with anxiety, for it to get worse when alone.
Being jobless, and not in a relationship as well, and me being like this, means I spend a lot of time feeling like this with these symptoms. I don't drink either, because it triggers headaches, and after tryna understand what's going on there (is it psychosymatic, allergy or what?) I have given up and just stopped socialising, cause it just plain doesn't like me, and reading on the net, it isn't that uncommon really, well probably only happens to 3 or 4% of people, but in relation to the world population,l probaly affects thousands, and actually, people react far worse than me it seems. Anyway, without drinking, or drugs for that matter, socialising in the regular sense, i.e - pubs / clubs / parties is off the agenda for me.
All's I know is, I need to combat this ASAP, it's just a long drawn existance being like this for me now.
