When people say things

[putter65]

Do you take them seriously all the time ?
Do they mean it all the time ?

People say to me 'oh we'll have to do that together' - I sometimes wonder if they mean it or are they just saying it to be nice.

 

[Fvantom]

It really depends on the person, if they say that then you should make the next move, if keeps falling through, they have no interest and therefore, arent worth your time.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Some people do just say it to be nice. But others mean it.

 

[putter65]

It's this woman I'm friends with. She has started showing an interest in golf and we have played on two occasions. When I saw her on Sunday she said she wanted to play more regular. When I was leaving I said 'if I don't see you before your holidays, have a lovely time' - she replied -'oh you will, we'll play golf' - I smiled but I never said anything or followed it up. I am always like that and I hate myself for it.

Anyway on Wednesday she went and played with some other guy. She commented on it on facebook (she never did when we played) - I was a bit miffed but didn't show it. I started chatting with her facebook and asked her she played etc. She was buzzing with all the stories of her golf round. I said -'we'll have to play soon' and she said 'defo' - Anyway I said I had some spare clubs for her and she seemed delighted about that. A few hours later I sent her a message telling her about the clubs I had for her. She sent the nicest message back saying she loves playing the game and she would like me to coach her and make her a better player.

I'm in two minds about it. I don't know whether to ask her next week if she wants to play or just accept she probably will end up playing with the other guy and I'm just a spare part.

 

[rosebud]

People suffering from loneliness tend to overthink most situations. That's why I think you don't have to put much thought about this woman. If you feel like it ask her to play with you again and arrange a game. If she refuses, you have nothing to lose. Believe me it's not a big deal for most people to be rejected for something like this. But to answer your questions:

1. No, I don't. It's in human nature to be selfish. We often say things just to pass the time.
2. No, they don't. If someone is thinking what he is saying, his actions afterwards will show his true intentions to you. I'm not saying don't trust anyone, just try and be more careful what you expect from people.

 

[putter65]

It's easy to think she enjoyed playing more with the other guy than me. I introduced her to the game. (She's the last person I would expect to play golf !) - I'm just expecting not to hear from her and see that she is playing games with this other guy. (He's only a friend, not a boyfriend by the way !)

I just think in our chatting I came across a bit 'put out' and she was saying all the things to me to make me feel better. I would rather not play for a few weeks anyway because I've seen her twice in the last few weeks and to ask her again - I would feel I am becoming a bit of a nuciense. But then again she mentioned it when I said 'have a nice holiday' - I was thinking of asking her in a text but wording it that I'm cool if she is too busy.

 

[Firefly]

People say to me 'oh we'll have to do that together' - I sometimes wonder if they mean it or are they just saying it to be nice.

I think it can be both. Personally, I know I've said similar things (and meant them) but it can be months before I actually follow it up and something happens. From the other person's perspective, I'm sure it looks as though I've made the suggestion without meaning it.

 

[rosebud]

You don't know if she enjoyed playing with the other guy more. Maybe she's just interested in the game and really wants to play. You can ask her about a specific day and hour. See what happens from there. If she denies don't think on it too much, stuff like that happen all the time. And it's not a nuciense, talking to each other - that's how people show interest in each other on regular basis.

 

[Firefly]

It's this woman I'm friends with. She has started showing an interest in golf and we have played on two occasions. When I saw her on Sunday she said she wanted to play more regular. When I was leaving I said 'if I don't see you before your holidays, have a lovely time' - she replied -'oh you will, we'll play golf' - I smiled but I never said anything or followed it up. I am always like that and I hate myself for it.

Anyway on Wednesday she went and played with some other guy. She commented on it on facebook (she never did when we played) - I was a bit miffed but didn't show it. I started chatting with her facebook and asked her she played etc. She was buzzing with all the stories of her golf round. I said -'we'll have to play soon' and she said 'defo' - Anyway I said I had some spare clubs for her and she seemed delighted about that. A few hours later I sent her a message telling her about the clubs I had for her. She sent the nicest message back saying she loves playing the game and she would like me to coach her and make her a better player.

I'm in two minds about it. I don't know whether to ask her next week if she wants to play or just accept she probably will end up playing with the other guy and I'm just a spare part.

Is it possible that this woman is thinking similar things to you? When she said "we'll play golf" it looks like she was wanting a positive response from you and she then backed away when you didn't follow it up. The fact that she sent you such a nice message when you got in touch with her seems to confirm this.
I think you should do what you're thinking and ask her but keep it cool, but not too cool

 

[putter65]

The first time we played she had to mention it about 4 or 5 times before I got my act together. The second time I asked her and she said 'yes'

I know I should have followed up on her interest more. I tend to say in texts, we'll have to play soon, or let me know when you want a game. I'm just scared stiff of rejection. I must come across as not that bothered.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Be casual about it. I'm not really understanding the issue, but just be cool about it.

 

[putter65]

A bit of an update. I work with one of her friends and she started talking to me today about her. She mentioned the golf, said she was enjoying it and also knew about the golf clubs I am going to give her.

So I guess I'm worrying over nothing. She must have told her friend about the golf clubs I am giving her. So she must be happy about it / looking forward to it.

I think I need reassurance most of the time. I need to hear things like this or I get real down in the dumps !

 

[putter65]

She asked me if we could have a game this week, so I suggested Friday. She is getting back to me.

I guess I might get used to all this in a few months time ! eg having a friend !

 

[Firefly]

Great news.
Relax, keep cool and enjoy

 

[putter65]

Thanks !

Once I'm there, eg at the golf, I am fine. The days before I worry myself sick something is going to go wrong.

 

[Darkness]

I tend to take people seriously all the time. I guess being lonely for so long, you start to take people serious because you don't want to lose them.

 

[putter65]

I sent her a text asking if Friday was still on. She sent one back saying she couldn't make Friday but could on Sunday. She also wanted me to work with her on Sunday and then go straight to golf after. I agreed of course.

One of her friends works with me and she said today 'me and dotty (her nickname for the woman I like) are fighting over you. She was telling me about you and her playing golf'

I then asked this woman what she wanted to do. I suggested the pictures. She didn't really answer. After I realized I had asked her out. I didn't feel nervous or anything with this other woman.

 

[IgnoredOne]

The surest way to fail is not to try.

 

[putter65]

It's easy not to try though. It is so tempting not to do anything. I'm glad I seem to getting more confidence.

 

[IgnoredOne]

It's easy not to try though. It is so tempting not to do anything. I'm glad I seem to getting more confidence.

And so you realize, easy isn't always or eve usually the best option.