When to ask the lady out

[neejau]

Ok guys I'm happy and kinda lost at the same time. A little advice would be really nice :$
So last night I really had a good time at some local bar with a girl, brought her home and had a great time overall, made me kinda happy for the first time in ages, I was thinking this could actually be "the one". But too keep this topic short I won't go into huge details. The thing is... NOW WHAT ?
I really want to ask her out but, no idea when to do it ? I only met her yesterday, when should I do it and any ideas where could I take her ? Cinema is always I good choice I think, but also pretty hard to get to know each other.

Thanks guys and merry Christmas !

 

[kaede]

I'd do it sooner rather than later. Why wait? If you had a good time, then go for it.

 

[Callie]

Aside from wondering where you are to have had bars open last night...lol, I agree, don't wait.

You could have done it last night even. Call today, but don't seem too eager. I don't know what options you have around you, but what about a comedy club or something along those lines? Dinner is always a nice choice as well.

 

[neejau]

Hmm well I kinda did it another way. She said she would be going to the same place on new year's and I was planning to go there too, means I can see her then and I still owe her a drink (long story) so I also would have a "convo starter". Soooo I think this is pretty good and if I don't ruin the whole thing next week, then I will ask her out

 

[ChiCowboy]

Dinner and dancing. Seafood and slow blues.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Will...if u made out with her or she kissed u goodnight. Its obviouse shes interested. You dont need to ask her.
Just continue courting her..Call her or tex her....build a repore with her. Dont be too demanding or have patience.
The chick I met made exuces for me to go viisit her.. I didnt speak or hear from her everyday..but shell always invite me to go hang with her every week Obviously i made out with her already the first night i met her.lol
We spoke about it..She say shes open and just going to go with the flow..
Shes very attractive..but she also didtnt want to scare me away either.
in other words...take it easy N slow.
She wanted it to be a natural process.

Build ur relationship with her...relate with her ..So u dont really need to ask her to be ur GF...if ur doing it already.
.

 

[suckaG]

congrats! hope you have a blast at newyears!

 

[Cathedral]

Wonderful. Such great luck you have. Hopefully, you will end up with a great and life-long relationship with that girl.

 

[the-alchemist]

Take it from me, wait a few days before you contact her.

 

[Thrasymachus]

The most important thing to remember is, don't get caught in the dating frame. Women are raised to have these stupid expectations about dating / courtship they get from influences like popular culture and friends which you absolutely do not want to trigger. Just look at it as you are gonna meet at such and such a date/time/venue. If she asks or says if it is a date, clearly tell her it is not, but that she can think of it however she wants, but that to you it is not a date.

And drop this she could actually be "the one", nonsense. What do you mean by that? That some invisible unproven God creates two people both to be incomplete until they meet their "one" who completes them? That Wookies from Endor created your souls, each of which can be only complete till you meet each other? Most people you meet in life will not be worth meeting, they will drag you down, be users, drag you into negative influences, etc. And she will likely be no different, just be realistic and take it as experience, don't pscyh yourself out with the lofty ideals of fake culture industry nonsense.

Don't buy her a drink either. There are studies that show if you have to work to win someone's friendship or affection, you value that person alot more. If however, someone, gives off the impression of trying to impress or win you over, then they lose social value. If you buy the drink you will lose social value, and even possibly blow it, so don't. Instead try to get her to buy you things, let her know she should be trying to win you over and not vice-versa.

 

[Badjedidude]

Don't buy her a drink either. There are studies that show if you have to work to win someone's friendship or affection, you value that person alot more. If however, someone, gives off the impression of trying to impress or win you over, then they lose social value. If you buy the drink you will lose social value, and even possibly blow it, so don't. Instead try to get her to buy you things, let her know she should be trying to win you over and not vice-versa.

I think you're overanalyzing here. Buying a woman a drink does NOT translate into her seeing you as pandering to win her affection, thus losing your strength or something. And it doesn't mean that you're bending to her will or submitting or any of that nonsense.

Most women would simply see it as a kindness being offered to them. A guy buying a woman a drink is simply that; a man giving a woman a gift. There's nothing inherently submissive or role-reversing about that.

 

[LGH1288]

Hmm well I kinda did it another way. She said she would be going to the same place on new year's and I was planning to go there too, means I can see her then and I still owe her a drink (long story) so I also would have a "convo starter". Soooo I think this is pretty good and if I don't ruin the whole thing next week, then I will ask her out

Dating is a lot of fun. Women of good upbringing and character rightfully expect that you will behave like a gentleman and treat her with courtesy and respect. You should do everything possible to impress her with your good manners. Be your authentic self, be honest, and don't play head games. There's nothing worse than carrying a cynical attitude to kill any chance that your courtship could blossom into a mature, loving relationship. Given the opportunity, most women will recognize your gallant efforts and will reciprocate with genuine appreciation. If this date was your invitation be sure to pay all the expenses. IMO there's nothing more obnoxious and cheap than a man who doesn't at least offer to buy a beverage for his date! That's a social faux pas that signals to a woman that she's with a loser. Enjoy! LG

 

[Thrasymachus]

I got some more bad advice to give along with LGH1288's: Why not fully play the "gentlemen"/sucker role from the get go and ask her permission for her hand, to kiss her, for sex and go out of your way to spend money on her for no reason, and let her know you are loser enough to empty out your wallet ever more. That way maybe by the 20th date when you already know you are incompatible you can still be on the cusp, with no sex(which means she is not that into you), after putting in only 60 hours and spending $1000+ since you are playing the gentlemen chump role. Women will always give such crappy advice to guys because they know it is what empowers their gender.

Seriously, do not listen to alot of the crap advice you get from the women here, if you buy a drink you lower your social value and let her establish control of you and the situation. Like I said there are studies that show if you have to win someone's approval it means alot, if someone always try to win yours, you take them for granted. If you go up to her and offer a drink as a lame topic starter, you will likely go nowhere afterward. And also do not focus solely on her. To warm up talk to a few random people before going to the bar, so you are on when you walk in. Then talk to other people(both women and men) there, especially if she goes to the bathroom you don't want her to come back and see that you are quietly waiting for her. Most of all remember that women are not scarce, they are everywhere and that neither is she special or "the one", you could find another women at the bar you like more. You also have to establish physical contact in a plutonic way(preferably after you said something to make her laugh or smile) like her friends would and attempt to escalate(after further exciting her in conversation).

 

[Minus]

I see, you can't listen to women here because they give crap advice that doesn't agree with you, in an attempt to empower their gender. It wasn't just a female who found your advice questionable. Disagreements don't mean some conspiracy.

 

[ShybutHi]

Dating is a lot of fun. Women of good upbringing and character rightfully expect that you will behave like a gentleman and treat her with courtesy and respect. You should do everything possible to impress her with your good manners. Be your authentic self, be honest, and don't play head games. There's nothing worse than carrying a cynical attitude to kill any chance that your courtship could blossom into a mature, loving relationship. Given the opportunity, most women will recognize your gallant efforts and will reciprocate with genuine appreciation. If this date was your invitation be sure to pay all the expenses. IMO there's nothing more obnoxious and cheap than a man who doesn't at least offer to buy a beverage for his date! That's a social faux pas that signals to a woman that she's with a loser. Enjoy! LG

Trying to do everything to impress her with good manners is actually rediculous, just be yourself, trying to do what you said is not being your authentic self, its not being honest and it IS actually playing head games. Also though you are thinking like the guy has to be some kind of ultra romantic. In my opinion you should be very wary of a guy like this because it is actually not just being nice, its being desperate and is kind of disturbing. It is actually NOT genuine, it is completely sucking up to the opposite sex. If the person actually needs to think about being an honest and nice person, well, that guy obviously ISNT actually genuine.

Just so you dont get the wrong end of the stick with my post i would like to clarify that ofcourse i agree with things like buying the girl a drink and such, it is just being a nice person, but there is a point where it becomes an act rather than sincere. The type of guys who pull out your chair for you are acting, they are just down right wierdo's, if it is your partner then fine but if its a first date or something then i would consider it strange.

 

[Dragon]

The only real advice I can give is - there are no "best ways" to do it right. Do it the way that feels the most natural to you and hopefully - it will be right by her as well.

Try your best to avoid advices like "doing this and this lowers your social value and this and this raises it". You are not a stock and relationships and dating are not the market. Advices like "you must wait 3 days before..." assume a way to "play" the girl into being into you. This might work for the short while - and many 'pick-up artists' show it to prove their value. but remember that if you try to play the other part - all you get is a game. you might win, you might lose - but eventually - game over.

Be natural. if you feel like calling her up the day after, if you want to get her a gift, if you want to buy her a drink - do it. If she likes who you are - then you have a chance for a great relationship together. If she will only like you if you act unnaturally and play it - then what? will you pretend to be somebody else all of the relationship? what's the value of such a success?

Do what you feel is right as long as you respect her and her boundaries. Try to feel comfortable and honest with yourself. If she likes what she sees - then whatever relationship will eventually develop will be strong and durable.

I am holding my fingers crossed for you

 

[EveWasFramed]

The only real advice I can give is - there are no "best ways" to do it right. Do it the way that feels the most natural to you and hopefully - it will be right by her as well.

Try your best to avoid advices like "doing this and this lowers your social value and this and this raises it". You are not a stock and relationships and dating are not the market. Advices like "you must wait 3 days before..." assume a way to "play" the girl into being into you. This might work for the short while - and many 'pick-up artists' show it to prove their value. but remember that if you try to play the other part - all you get is a game. you might win, you might lose - but eventually - game over.

Be natural. if you feel like calling her up the day after, if you want to get her a gift, if you want to buy her a drink - do it. If she likes who you are - then you have a chance for a great relationship together. If she will only like you if you act unnaturally and play it - then what? will you pretend to be somebody else all of the relationship? what's the value of such a success?

Do what you feel is right as long as you respect her and her boundaries. Try to feel comfortable and honest with yourself. If she likes what she sees - then whatever relationship will eventually develop will be strong and durable.

I am holding my fingers crossed for you

Absolutely perfect. Nothing left to be said really.

However, I will add this:

To those of you who think good manners and being polite don't count...
You couldn't be MORE wrong. I swear...some of the stuff I've seen on this thread makes me want to pull my hair out. Geez.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Don't buy her a drink either. There are studies that show if you have to work to win someone's friendship or affection, you value that person alot more. If however, someone, gives off the impression of trying to impress or win you over, then they lose social value. If you buy the drink you will lose social value, and even possibly blow it, so don't. Instead try to get her to buy you things, let her know she should be trying to win you over and not vice-versa.

I think you're overanalyzing here. Buying a woman a drink does NOT translate into her seeing you as pandering to win her affection, thus losing your strength or something. And it doesn't mean that you're bending to her will or submitting or any of that nonsense.

Most women would simply see it as a kindness being offered to them. A guy buying a woman a drink is simply that; a man giving a woman a gift. There's nothing inherently submissive or role-reversing about that.

I agree Jedi. I would think it polite if someone bought me a drink. It's simply an act of kindness is all. Not submission, not trying to get into bed with them... Nothing but being nice to someone.

As for the OP, I'd ask her out to dinner. Ask her where she loves to eat the most, and go take her. Then you can talk and get to know each other without being distracted by a movie. Then maybe on the next date, take her to see a movie.

 

[Mr. Sir]

I find it interesting that the mods are encouraging OP to play games with this girl. I get chastised for promoting such an idea.

 

[edgecrusher]

I find it interesting that the mods are encouraging OP to play games with this girl. I get chastised for promoting such an idea.

i dont think thats what they are doing. like they have all said, buying a girl a drink is just a nice thing to do. its kind of a standard with dating when you first try to talk to a girl. i dont see any "games" in that.