Thrasymachus said:
Do not try to implement advice from the lonely false romantic gals and guys of this forum. Social value and sub-communication are very real. Everyone has a narrative they send to other people that others pick up and act upon. They want you to sub communicate that you are the nice guy/chump, since it would benefit them to meet such a chump to dump on. They also probably have seen too many movies where in the beginning a guy meets a girl and falls for her with the same crap thinking you are displaying thinking she is rare, scarce, "the one". In the middle the guy courts the girl who is not interested in his pathetic over-reaching, instead going with the sociable cool guy who has other options and is manipulative, and by the end, the girl finally realizes the nice guy and they get together. But that is just movies, in real life if you communicate such a message you will just be a friend or ignored as she goes for a guy that communicates he is a cool, a good time to be around and that he has other options. If you go out and not focus solely on this imagined "the one" at New Years and come back to her sitting at the bar, with other women at hand already enjoying your company, she will only want you more. Because other women liking you, only increases your social proof. People often want what they cannot have, there is no reason to chase or pine for the easy to get item always by their fingertip. That is a person you can abuse long and often, then come back to, since they don't have other options.
I had to go back and reread the first post...nope...I'm not crazy.
You got all this from the OP? Seriously. Where on earth are you getting this stuff? Do you view all women as dope whores? (That's a metaphor, in case you didn't get it.) The guy met a girl he likes, and wants some advice. Simple enough. From what I've read, everyone has chimed in with excellent ideas. All you're doing is trying to scare him off. Bad advice.
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Pay no attention to him, neejau. Thrasymachus may be armed with psychology textbooks, but those are for psychology students, not someone who simply wants advice. The-alchemist is correct in post #9. You don't want to appear needy, but you don't have to be a jerk to win a lady. Women respect a man who is in control, both of the situation and of himself. This means you
should buy her a drink. Buy her dinner. Make the decisions yourself. Tell her where you two are going and what you're going to do that night. Then do it. She wants to be swept off her feet, not looking at her phone wondering why you haven't called. What Thrasymachus is describing is nothing more than psychological masterbation. It'll get you nowhere.
Now, there's a fine line to be drawn here. Thrasymachus is correct about one thing. There are plenty of users out there. The trick is in recognizing such a person. Some are quite easy to detect while others are next to impossible. Some women are "professional" users. They are very, very good at what they do. Every situation is different, and there are no hard and fast answers. If you feel comfortable with this girl and confident in your radar, just let it flow. If you have any doubts, however, my advice is to learn as much as you can about her before stepping too far. Do you have mutual friends? You say you met her in a bar. Do you frequent the bar? It can be quite delicate inquiring about someone's character, but the key is finding someone you trust. This confidante doesn't need to be a lifelong friend; just be pleasant, nonchalant and honest. Even those who don't know you extrememly well should be helpful without becoming alarmed. We understand. Especially those of us who frequent watering holes. Above all, trust your instincts.
I suggested dinner and dancing for a specific reason. I said seafood and slow blues for a reason as well. Seafood isn't necessary, but it is suggestive. This is where you let her choose. You want to feed her food that she enjoys, but you should choose the restaurant. I don't know your musical tastes, but anything that you can slow dance to will suffice. Dance with her. Get close. Touch her. If she balks, don't give up, but don't be pushy. Talk to her. Ask her why. If she's self-conscious, assure her that you find her to be [insert honest feelings]. Try again. You don't have to follow this plan as a first date, and it may not be a good idea as a first date, but sooner or later you'll need to make a physical connection. It can happen anywhere, at any time. Women love romance, but they also like playfulness and spontaneity. She'll let you know what's on her mind, but don't rely on verbal cues alone. Eye contact, eye contact, eye contact.
Stay calm and relaxed. Women don't like jerks. They like a man who is in control.
