When you're alone and you're cold inside [long story].

[Ray McCloud]

I'm sorry to trouble you with my story. If you want to read it, go ahead, and thank you.

First of all, I really don't know where to begin. I'm male, early 20's. I've never liked forums or blogs like these, but I really need to take this out of my chest.

As I'm writing this, I'm feeling very pathetic, so I'll try to make this kind of short.

I was never popular back in elementary, but I had my friends (like 5 or 7).
Being a male, I've always hidden my negative feelings, like fear, shyness, loneliness, sadness, etc. But I never hid my happiness or my laughter, just to make people around me stronger in different situations.
I think I was pretty 'average'.

Back then, I did feel kind of lonely -but not sad, because I really didn't relate to anyone significantly. I did feel like if I needed someone in my life, but not to the point like now.

This story begins like, 4 years ago, more or less. It was my last semester before going to college, and I was pretty upset and kind of sad because I have never had a girlfriend and I really thought that I would get someone by then.

So when this pretty girl begins to talk to me, It really was my world.

Not only she understood me, we were good friends, we laugh and all; but she really made me feel like if I had someone, someone that posted random things on my Facebook wall
(now, I don't have Facebook, but I'll talk about that later) or just simply chat till late hours.

We're talking that, we had 'face-to-face contact' for 6 months, roughly.
But not everything was roses and poems, because she had a boyfriend.
I always knew, and I really fell in love with her, because, virtually I felt like her boyfriend. I used to motivate her, cheer her up and all that, with all the things she wanted to do. I never really told her when I had problems or something like that, no; I just didn't want to trouble her with my things.

So we kept talking, I kept developing very strong feelings for her and all that, and naturally, she started to tell me problems about her boyfriend.
Now, don't get me wrong here, this part was a very long story in the book of my life, but I'll give you the short story:

I really loved her so much that I "sacrificed" myself for her happiness, this means:
I cheered her up and always tried to help her in all her problems, even with her boyfriend. And no, she never gave me "a signal" to act.
Even so she had given me a "sign", I'd had decided not to act, because her happiness was my priority, not mine.

So yeah, I really suffered, cursing her boyfriend and half-enjoying "our time together".

And then the time to go to college arrived, by this time, I was really feeling lonely.
I think I started feeling this way because she had shown me how companionship feels, and I was really missing that feeling.

So now, we're in college, I still talk to her via Facebook and all that, but It was simply not the same… plus our talks were small and not very relevant.
I remember telling here once that I really felt lonely, but also I think I'm very shy, so I couldn't really tell her all the story, and I ended up isolating.
I was never so active in Facebook, I rarely post something, not to mention that I never posted how I felt, because I didn't want to be an "attention seeker" (that's why I feel pathetic here… [no offense to anyone, just my personal point of view about myself, sorry if I made some of you feel bad or angry]).
Didn't matter If I was crying or really felt very bad.

Sometimes, she would write on my wall things like "where are you" or "I miss you" things like that. At first, I thought it was kind of sweet, but when we were chatting, all she wanted to talk about was herself and her problems. Rarely she asked about me, and I think that just made things worse for me because that made me feel like if I was being used.

A month passed and once in a blue moon we talked, and then she told me that she had broken up with her boyfriend. That made me wonder, was all my efforts in vain?
Days after, we kept chatting, and then she told me that "there was someone else".
My heart almost got out of my chest, half my happiness was coming back to me and I could feel some heat from my whole body. But then again… "the other one" wasn't me.
Sure, at first I thought "maybe it's one of those girlish tricks" but I was being optimistic. Once I checked her wall, I could clearly read that some of her friends were mentioning by name "the other one" and of course, she answering "shyly".

Once again a broken hearth. But more than that, I begun to feel really really lonely -but still not sad. I just missed talking to someone the way she and I used to talk.

"The other one" and she started going out, and I couldn't feel happy for them… That's something terrible to say, but I was really sad.
So I begun to dislike Facebook, and stopped using it (if I wasn't using it actively before, imagine it).

Because the way I treated my friends (I always helped them and really never waited something in return -except expect them to hear me) eventually, my friends started to look for me -jut because I could help them.
It's really funny, because nobody noticed the things I did for them until I stopped doing them…

But anyway, after this (2 year period or so), I tried to make friends in college, but because of where I am it's really difficult. Everyone thinks is better than everybody.
It's strange to explain it, really. In the end… I have 3 friends.

But not friends like… in a real friendship… (I don't talk about me, actually, I don't talk about me because I really don't trust anyone, but everybody really trusts me. Going so far as to share very intimate secrets about them and so) more like:
"Me: -Hi!"
"Friend: -Hey!"
[Insert random things or 'tasks to do' to discuss here]
"Me: -Ok, bye"
"Friend: -Bye"

Plus, virtually half the people that I "know" plays an online game and they don't do other thing than talking about it, and so I don't understand a thing about
what they're talking and I just go away listening to my iPod.
I really tried to like that game, not to be left out, but it just wasn't my cup of tea.

And, at that point, all that time I was still thinking about her… and wondering if she was OK, if she was being loved, if she was happy...

In all that time, I met some girls but every single one of them has a boyfriend
(I know some of you will relate) It's like if "cupid" has a gun instead of a bow.

And so my loneliness begun to increase, because I started thinking about how companionship should feel, and obviously I want (or need at this point) to feel it again.

Like half a year ago, 'she' and I talked, again. Like before, she wrote "I miss you" on my Facebook wall. At this point, I really didn't care… but still cared (hard to explain).
So we "talk" and then she tells me that she read all our conversations from the past, and that she really appreciate that I have helped her. I told her that there was no problem and all that, and then she told me that she wanted to see me. I got curious and kind of happy, and then she told me that she needed help, and I feel used once more.

What I did, is that I found my way to help her through chat, and once I helped her and assured that she was Ok (problems with her boyfriend, from his part, and she told me that she really loved him and that really pierced through my hearth) I decided that I had
"no one" really significant in Facebook and I decided to erase it (not closing, I had to actually wait like 2 weeks).

Now I'm feeling even lonelier, I don't really want to know anything about her nor do I care. But I have really no one around to count on. Thinking about this just makes things worse and seeing all those happy couples & friends just worse it (nothing wrong with that, just my problem).

Sometimes I like to imagine things different, If I had someone close to me, someone that listens to me, someone that holds me and hugs me and I would be more than happy to make things for that someone, make her happy, cheer her up, listen when she's angry or sad.
Hug her when she feels lonely too, and maybe we could overcome it.
Give her space, because sometimes girls just need that. Message her in the mornings saying "I hope to see you today" and at nights wishing her sweet dreams.

But doing so just makes me sad, and sometimes I cry at night.

I really think that I'm ugly, I jus't can't think of another reason as to why people don't talk to me. Or ignore me (sometimes, I like to give my opinion and the people just ignore me like that) when I talk to them. Plus I feel very shy sometimes, but if someone talks to me, I would just talk normally (not talking about me, but talking about what the other person may like).

I really feel as if my soul needs attention.
Fun facts are that: I don't really feel comfortable around "beautiful girls", or the
"hot ones". Actually I find girls with glasses pretty cute (bonus if they have brackets).
Also, sometimes I look around in my school for "lonely" people to talk. But when I'm about to go and try to make small talk, someone arrives (one of their friends) and if I was
mid-way, that just makes me feel embarrassed, and I turn back.

I don't really know how you all feel about loneliness, but I think it hurts more when you have tasted companionship, because the lack of it is greatly emphasized.

I really think that I'm the boring one, the wrong one, the broken one, the lonely one.

What do you think? Please, I'd like to read your comments.
And thank you very much for reading all my story.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Welcome to the forum, Ray.

I can relate to some of your story, in that I don't talk about myself all that much. Until someone really gets to know me and basically pushes it out of me. I'm also not an attention seeker and feel the same as you do about that. The last thing in the world I want (or will ever give) is pity.

As for the girl, I think you did the right thing with letting her go. If it makes you feel worse talking to her, I can't see any sane reason to continue the relationship.

I don't know what you look like, but from the sounds of it, you aren't ugly. Not where it matters. Looks fade, so I don't put much stock in what people look like. How you treat people and how much you care is really the only thing that matters and you seem to be very good at both of those.
I sounds like part of you wants relationships so much that you put all of yourself into them, end up giving those people your all, and then when you don't get anything out of it, you get deflated with it all and that's what makes you feel loneliest. (correct me if I'm wrong with that).
What you need to remember, is that relationships are give and take. It can't always be about them and it can't always be about you. If you make it all about someone else, it will generally remain that way, because that's how it's always been. You should try to open up more and put some of your own feelings and thoughts into relationships (even if it's only small things) and see where that takes you.

 

[Groucho]

We're talking that, we had 'face-to-face contact' for 6 months, roughly.
But not everything was roses and poems, because she had a boyfriend.
I always knew, and I really fell in love with her, because, virtually I felt like her boyfriend. I used to motivate her, cheer her up and all that, with all the things she wanted to do. I never really told her when I had problems or something like that, no; I just didn't want to trouble her with my things.

Some guy, recently, posted a video clip which I think aptly describes this situation and rephrases, at least part of it, into a nutshell:

[video=youtube]

Watch it through, because it has a good commentary about why her seeking someone else as a friend is problematic (that is, the relationship is unfulfilling and she needs someone else to fill the void, IE, that's you).

It's really funny, because nobody noticed the things I did for them until I stopped doing them…

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Or rather, it's a psychological conditioning effect. People... naturalise to their environment (they get used to something being there or not there). So when it's gone, they have trouble readjusting and thus notice it's absence.

Or, to put it basically, most people take tap water for granted, but will, of course, complain when it's not there or not running correctly or too highly priced - even though it's a thing of convenient that 100 years ago (almost the lifespan of a single human) would not have been common place. IE, it's actually a luxury.

And yet no-one can imagine a house (at least in the western world) without a tap. If they lost that tap, they would probably be grateful for what it does.

It's like if "cupid" has a gun instead of a bow.

I love this quote! Except I think it should be "machine gun" rather than a "gun" because gun could imply semi-automatic pistol which is less effective than imagine him sat behind a machine gun nest just popping out bullets at everyone walking around.

Me, I think the human brain was installed with a 'moron switch', which disables all cognitive ability to think reasonably. Personally speaking, if my 'moron switch' was not flipped back then I would not have made a huge mistake that constantly affects my life as of this moment.

Like half a year ago, 'she' and I talked, again. Like before, she wrote "I miss you" on my Facebook wall. At this point, I really didn't care… but still cared (hard to explain).
So we "talk" and then she tells me that she read all our conversations from the past, and that she really appreciate that I have helped her. I told her that there was no problem and all that, and then she told me that she wanted to see me. I got curious and kind of happy, and then she told me that she needed help, and I feel used once more.

Okay, I experienced something similar. I will break down the options and explain the various outcomes and feelings.

1. Comply with the request to assist. Feel used, if not seized, feel weak and unassertive, but morality and ego take credit/trump up and says 'hey, we're the better men, we didn't do XYZ'.

2. Refuse or ignore the request. Assertiveness goes up, you don't feel used, you feel more confident in yourself. But morality takes a hit and you feel like a ********* and/or jerk who's just abandoned what your ego deceives you into thinking as this 'damsel in distress'.

I can tell you from experiencing, helping them will get you nowhere. So if you're in it in the hopes she will suddenly realise you're this... knight in shining armour (? the ego can be quite grandoise in it's lies, yes?), it's not going to work. This merely breaks down into 'am I willing to be used like a tool for my own morality?'. If the answer is 'no' then you know it's answer 2 that has to be followed.

Given I do not have personal attachment, I would take the 'harry met sally' observation and point out her relationship is clearly on a pile of rocks because she's desperately seeking assistance elsewhere. When she of course gets predictably offended (how dare you, as a human being tool servant, comment negatively on her relationship?) you can point out that quite frankly, you take payment by the hour for your services or she should pay to see a relationship councilor because your facebook page lacks that particular distinction.

Of course, she will assume you're being humourous, but the point stands: you're supplying a service other people would charge for and, quite frankly, it's your time. So what if your time is a large void? You could be browsing cat videos on youtube or gaming.

She will disappear, if you do this, of course. But the question is, why are you keeping her around when you get nothing out of it besides a morality point on your resume?

Think carefully about this one. Or you may feel resentment for not having stood up for yourself later on.

Like half a year Sometimes I like to imagine things different, If I had someone close to me, someone that listens to me, someone that holds me and hugs me and I would be more than happy to make things for that someone, make her happy, cheer her up, listen when she's angry or sad.
Hug her when she feels lonely too, and maybe we could overcome it.
Give her space, because sometimes girls just need that. Message her in the mornings saying "I hope to see you today" and at nights wishing her sweet dreams.

I do that. I think it fuels this utopia fallacy that causes the ego to ever demand ever upwards expectations. In a sense, because you cannot accept your counterpart may have flaws, people who may be your counterpart cannot accept your flaws either.

For example, try tweaking your simulation with a real-life flaw (which you find anywhere). For example, alcoholism, cheating, angry behaviour, rowing/arguing, over-spending habits, etc.

Yes, that will ruin your picture but it's to make a point: the grass is greener on the other side only because you've never seen the other side and thus project this idealised simulation that fails to factor in possible flaws.

Maybe I'm a bit too cynical and bitter in all of this, but I was pretty much the go to guy for problem solution. In some cases, the individuals only needed an ear and they arrived the solution themselves (I didn't mind that, they wanted someone to listen). But in others I was used as an active stopgap without being informed, or as a problem solving machine.

And I regret not refusing or backing out. Because I was naive to think it was some sort of point scoring thing. I still feel used.


Remember, you didn't make the mistake, you're not under any obligation to fix it, she is, in-effect, not a friend (she only talks to you about her problems, but what do you get out of it, seeing as you can't talk about yours to her? Well, nothing) and therefore is not under any 'friend favour' type system, you are not required to bend to her time or immediate wants, you are free to decline and refuse as it is your time, it is your resources, your time and resources are valuable things (don't let your depression say otherwise, that's a lie: you can never get those moments back) and whilst she never returns nor gives you anything, it is to your say what happens.

Throw her off-kilter, don't be there when she demands it. Your ego will try to guilt-trip you (guilt-trip back by asking why scoring morality points is so important?: hint, selfishness will be the cause). It will throw her a curve-ball, she'll ask why. Ask her why do you have to turn up? She'll say because you're a friend, or because it's important.

If important: Ask how or why it's important to you? (It's not your problem, but hers, and you don't stand to benefit: morality points are not redeemable for gifts). You want to expose her selfishness with her narrow-minded view that somehow 'her importantness' is 'your importantness'. It's not.

If she says you're a friend, you have a number of approaches for this. (Yes, you're a friend to her, but...) How is she a friend to you? Probably she'll say because we talk. (What about? Mostly her problems?) Ask her what you both talk about the most? Hint: if she lies at this point, she's not a friend, abandon ship! If she says her boyfriend problems, ask her how solving her problems is any friendship for you?

You'll feel like a jerk, this has a high probability of crash and burn (very high probability), but your end goal is to point out she's being particularly selfish in using you as this solution tool without giving you anything back (and I mean this in the sense she should listen to your problems, or maybe she could help with your relationship problems, you know, reciprocation, the basis of any real friendship?).

I know some people call friendship being someone who helps others selflessly, but that's not the definition of friendship. Because what do you call helping an enemy? It's clearly not a friendship. that's clearly just generous and kind: but it isn't a two-way friendship. And no-one should delude it as such.

I'll contrast: if I have a friend who talks and listens to me, I try to talk and listen to them. My resources are generally available to assist them if they run into trouble. If they help me, I'm inclined to help them.

So maybe I'm a jerk but she should really start returning something for your counciling sessions. I know I would.

 

[panfruit]

I was never popular back in elementary, but I had my friends (like 5 or 7).
Being a male, I've always hidden my negative feelings, like fear, shyness, loneliness, sadness, etc. But I never hid my happiness or my laughter, just to make people around me stronger in different situations.
I think I was pretty 'average'.

That's never good. Anyone who tells you a man shouldn't express himself is a wrong. Express those emotions and you'll lift a massive weight off of your head. I kept bottled up all shy for a lot of my life and it made things worse, always. If you don't have anyone to talk about your personal stuffs you can always hit up a therapist. It can help; it certainly doesn't hurt to try.

My heart almost got out of my chest, half my happiness was coming back to me and I could feel some heat from my whole body. But then again… "the other one" wasn't me.
Sure, at first I thought "maybe it's one of those girlish tricks" but I was being optimistic. Once I checked her wall, I could clearly read that some of her friends were mentioning by name "the other one" and of course, she answering "shyly".

She sounds like an emotional vampire. I used to have friends like that. I was the one to cheer up, make laugh, to mend. They took and took and put little to no effort in giving. If it were me, I'd dump her. Stitch your heart to another woman's shoulder, one will pull their weight in the relationship, even if its just a friendship.

"Plus, virtually half the people that I "know" plays an online game and they don't do other thing than talking about it, and so I don't understand a thing about
what they're talking and I just go away listening to my iPod.
I really tried to like that game, not to be left out, but it just wasn't my cup of tea.

People who spend significant amounts of their time entertaining themselves probably wouldn't have much to talk about anyway. Maybe seek out people who *do* things, creative people, athletic people, etc. people. You'd be sure to find much more interesting level of dialogue that way, I do think. And unless you are grade-A repulsive, just by doing, creating, whatever, yourself you should attract interesting people like flies to vinegar.

I really think that I'm ugly, I jus't can't think of another reason as to why people don't talk to me. Or ignore me (sometimes, I like to give my opinion and the people just ignore me like that) when I talk to them. Plus I feel very shy sometimes, but if someone talks to me, I would just talk normally (not talking about me, but talking about what the other person may like).

Maybe you are, maybe you're not. How is your dress? Clean, snazzy, stylish, well-fitting, not slovenly? Same with hair, keep it clean, never go without hitting up a stylist at least once a month, maybe even twice (depends on hair length--short hair it pays to keep super clean with a twice monthly touch-up). Just sayin', is all. Some people are clueless when it comes to clothing and just toss on anything (people like that often end up in baggy shapeless clothign that makes them look dumpy and at best bland).

Basically, even if you're not the swellest of lookers you can easily up your visual cachet by quality grooming.

Fun facts are that: I don't really feel comfortable around "beautiful girls", or the
"hot ones". Actually I find girls with glasses pretty cute (bonus if they have brackets).

Do you mean becaues you dig a more bookish-type look or because you're nervous being around beautiful women who make your heart go titter?

I really think that I'm the boring one, the wrong one, the broken one, the lonely one.

You are young enough where you can actually fix that. Have you tried a therapist? Not a jackass pill-pushing psychiatrist, but like an actual psychologist, someone who actually can be helpful. Someone you can help work you through this stuff, someone to confide all this stuff with. Your issues sound troubling yes, quite so, but not so much in that it cannot be helped. Today you are in luck! You are already getting better and better with each new day. *swings brass pocket watch creepily back and forth in front of your face*

 

[Ray McCloud]

Thanks TheRealCallie, Groucho & panfruit for your nice replies, I really really appreciate your advices! And I really feel like I can relate to what you're saying.

sounds like part of you wants relationships so much that you put all of yourself into them, end up giving those people your all, and then when you don't get anything out of it, you get deflated with it all and that's what makes you feel loneliest.

That's exactly how I feel about it. I'm not too sure how I'll be more "open" about some things (because I really have never tried it), but I'll try. Not like immediately, but I guess I'll just have to try.

Some guy, recently, posted a video clip which I think aptly describes this situation and rephrases, at least part of it, into a nutshell:

[video=youtube]

Watch it through, because it has a good commentary about why her seeking someone else as a friend is problematic (that is, the relationship is unfulfilling and she needs someone else to fill the void, IE, that's you).

Thanks for sharing that. I guess he has a point.

Me, I think the human brain was installed with a 'moron switch', which disables all cognitive ability to think reasonably. Personally speaking, if my 'moron switch' was not flipped back then I would not have made a huge mistake that constantly affects my life as of this moment.

Man, we can talk about this here, that's why we're here

But the question is, why are you keeping her around when you get nothing out of it besides a morality point on your resume?

It's hard to explain why, really... well, I kept her around because I really missed the companionship she gave me (on certain point) and after that, I thought I could go "back in time to those happy days".
But now I, literally, have no way to contact her, neither does she.
It's kind of coward from my part, I know, because I never told her, but at that point I just didn't care for her (in a very sentimental-like way).

Yes, that will ruin your picture but it's to make a point: the grass is greener on the other side only because you've never seen the other side and thus project this idealised simulation that fails to factor in possible flaws.

Touché, nice logic!

And I regret not refusing or backing out. Because I was naive to think it was some sort of point scoring thing. I still feel used.

I know it's hard when they only see you as a "solving machine", and they won't talk to you as a friend, or share other things to you.

you are free to decline and refuse as it is your time, it is your resources, your time and resources are valuable things (don't let your depression say otherwise, that's a lie: you can never get those moments back) and whilst she never returns nor gives you anything, it is to your say what happens.

Yeah, I didn't know how to say "no", had to learn it the hard way.
Thanks for reminding me that!

Also, I haven't talked to her, and well, now she can't.
The thing is, I emphasized on her story because she showed me, at first, how companionship feels.
I did felt lonely before that, but when I met her, and subsequently fell in love with her and then all that that happened afterwards, I started thinking so hard about it, and it just became worse. I just wanted to share my story with all you.

That's never good. Anyone who tells you a man shouldn't express himself is a wrong.

I guess it's more like a cultural thing... but I'll try!

She sounds like an emotional vampire. I used to have friends like that. I was the one to cheer up, make laugh, to mend. They took and took and put little to no effort in giving. If it were me, I'd dump her. Stitch your heart to another woman's shoulder, one will pull their weight in the relationship, even if its just a friendship.

I did "dump" her. There is no way that we can talk now.
The thing is, there is no "other woman" (as in, there is no woman really significant in my life now, or they have bfs).
There is not even a "real friend".

People who spend significant amounts of their time entertaining themselves probably wouldn't have much to talk about anyway.

Nice observation!

Maybe seek out people who *do* things, creative people, athletic people, etc. people. You'd be sure to find much more interesting level of dialogue that way, I do think. And unless you are grade-A repulsive, just by doing, creating, whatever, yourself you should attract interesting people like flies to vinegar.

Hm... I don't really "attract" people when I'm, for example, drawing outside or doing things like that (talking about creative).
Sometimes I try to make small talks to other people, not like very self-centered, but more like "do you like this or that?" talk and people tends to be so -shy- I guess? I'm talking about talking to other people in general.
And almost all the girls think I wanna hit on them just because I say "hi".

Maybe you are, maybe you're not. How is your dress? Clean, snazzy, stylish, well-fitting, not slovenly? Same with hair, keep it clean, never go without hitting up a stylist at least once a month, maybe even twice (depends on hair length--short hair it pays to keep super clean with a twice monthly touch-up).

Well, I think I dress Ok. I really care for how I look because I really think I'm ugly. Clean and sometimes stylish, I think? And I always try to smell good and all that, but never over-doing it.

Do you mean becaues you dig a more bookish-type look or because you're nervous being around beautiful women who make your heart go titter?

Because, it's not like I get nervous, but because I think that they are out of my league. Also, because a beautiful girl attracts a lot of attention from other boys and that really makes me think that maybe they think that they have all the attention they deserve or they want.
It's funny because as soon as I see a beauty, I ignore her, because I don't want to "like" something that I know I'm not going to be able to get.
Yeah, I rather more bookish-type looking girls, I don't really know why.
Maybe I kind of relate in some way?

Have you tried a therapist? Not a jackass pill-pushing psychiatrist, but like an actual psychologist, someone who actually can be helpful. Someone you can help work you through this stuff, someone to confide all this stuff with.

Not really, as I said (or tried to imply) maybe the thought of self pity is holding me back... I mean, I think about other, and all their problems and all I say is "well, I can't really complain".
It's that hard to explain... I don't really have anyone, but I always try to make the best from the worst situations... I think that's how I have survived this long heh.

You are already getting better and better with each new day. *swings brass pocket watch creepily back and forth in front of your face*

Haha thank you, I really had to share this.

 

[Senamian]

There is not even a "real friend".

To be honest you should stick around on this forum... I have been seeing a good number of people on here getting together as friends (some even more than friends!!!) because of this forum that brings like minded people together

And also, if you have feelings let them out!! Even if you feel silly bottling it up is not healthy... I'm not a guy, but I do the same **** thing and it sucks when that "bottle" overflows... I'm still slowly learning how to communicate on that, plus learning that saying NO is a lot more beneficial.

I'd give you advice on the situation with the girl but the others have covered it perfectly

 

[Ray McCloud]

And also, if you have feelings let them out!! Even if you feel silly

Thanks Senamian, I'll try to tell other people how I feel, but because I'm really new to this... It may take me some time, but I'll definitely try!

The girl was not the core point of the problem (feeling lonely), she just activated a good feeling that I haven't felt before and, well, the rest is history.

And yes, maybe I'm being too selfish?
I'll be looking around this forum trying to help other people even when I'm not really able to help myself, but that's basically what I've been doing all this time. Thanks for your nice reply!

 

[Senamian]

No problem!

Time is all it takes we all have our flaws, and some choose to better themselves because of them! And it's okay, I do the same thing on this forum I find it easier to help others even when I aught to be helping myself lol

 

[Indifferent]

I'm glad you wrote this and I might send you a Private Message. No promises, I have to get proper and sleep so I can wake up for work, but I'm fairly certain this deserves personal attention.