Why are you a loner?

[Badjedidude]

*hug* Lotsa friends on this site, everybody!

----Steve

 

[skywatcher]

They disappoint me many times, im lack of trust with other people, and im tired all the time around them.

 

[bloodyenigma]

u r a loner coz u choose to be one. u shud be with ppl who share the same feeling, why worry abt bein a misfit? it all depends on how u perceive the world arnd u to be, we r all misfits one way or another yet we belong to groups who think alike.

 

[mintymint]

I was always very quiet and kept to myself as a child. It probably has a lot to do with being an only child and never really learning how to make friends. I can just about count the number of friends that I've had throughout my whole life on one hand - and they're all from childhood. Both of my parents were people who didn't really keep friends, so I think it makes some sense that I had trouble learning how. Also, both of my parents either left or moved out at some point in my childhood, and my extended family is a little bit of mess, so I think that made me withdraw further into myself as a defense mechanism. I've always been someone who buried everything deep inside.

I find myself as an adult with very low self esteem and a inferiority complex that can feel debilitating at times. I hold people at a distance and make it difficult for them to get to know me, but it comes from a fear of rejection and from all of the negative sentiments that i project onto them. And after so many years of keeping people at a distance, I find myself with problems knowing what to do when I let someone in. I guess you would call it boundary issues(?).

Even if you know what your issues are, it's hard to rise above something that is so entrenched that it feels like gut instinct. Something that seemingly kicks in before rational thought. But when I manage to be myself around others, I find that I'm a funny and confident guy. So I try my best

 

[Nitramici]

I think I was too different from the kids I grew with during elementary/high school, and never really developed strong friendship or socializing skills. A lot of them are now engaged or even married, many even have kids, and they're just 20-23! Also, only 4 people from my graduation group followed higher education than highschool (and as far as I know, two of them dropped out). We were just too different, I couldn't relate.

I have discovered through practice that loners have several attributes present, and heavily promoted from within their psyche:

1. A superiority complex.

2. Deprived of meaningful social interaction during formative years.

3. Having experienced a traumatic pyschological event/s during formative years.

4. Having a desire to remain isolated due to familiarity.

Dr. Morlenheim

#4 fits me, definitely. #2 doesn't really, and as for #3, I do remember some very mild events, but they did affect me anyhow. They're such weak events though, I'm surprised I still recall them. Seems I was really sensitive.

I'm not sure how to interpret #1, I believe I'm smarter than most people as far as abstract thinking goes, but in all practical matters, I'm an absolute idiot and have no confidence in myself, at all. Even basic things seems out of my reach, oftentimes.

I definitely find comfort in familiarity.

 

[Phaedron]

Was an only child with a divorced Father, who gave me to my grandparents to raise. They were old fashioned, had no real friends, didn't relate to them, and I never got out much. Like the OP, I had a developed mind and imagination. At age 5 I imagined an elaborate story of me being a secret agent on a planet that was half snow, half desert. At school I didn't make friends, I just walked around imagining stories in my head, or looking at grass and clovers and pretending there was a society of tiny people living there. I was also a class clown, had my head down all the time, though I wasn't sad, I just didn't care.

At 13 moved to a new school, and I realized all the kids I did know did mean something to me. At least I was more comfortable around them. Also fell in love for the first time. Became deep and realized I was sad and lonely. Still never fit in with anyone. Before my 16th birthday, my dad shot himself and my grandmother died of cancer. I had a chance to stop him, but didn't realize what was going on. Life has just been completely unreal ever since.

Yeah, I have all the conditions the good doctor has mentioned, plus 5. Inferiority complex when it comes to work, or socializing. I am eventually ripped off, taken advantage of, by everyone in my life. I'm a nice guy, and can't seem to find the balance needed to maintain relations.

---

u r a loner coz u choose to be one. u shud be with ppl who share the same feeling, why worry abt bein a misfit? it all depends on how u perceive the world arnd u to be, we r all misfits one way or another yet we belong to groups who think alike.

Everyone can find people and groups they can relate to on the internet, but in actual practice we tend to be among the minority wherever we happen to live.

 

[Just_Some_Dude]

why i am a loner...

i figured out people suck and i am better off w/o them.



except you all of course!

 

[bloodyenigma]

why i am a loner...

i figured out people suck and i am better off w/o them.



except you all of course!

people don't suck, you are just being ignorant.

 

[Just_Some_Dude]

why i am a loner...

i figured out people suck and i am better off w/o them.



except you all of course!

people don't suck, you are just being ignorant.

wow, thanks for that

 

[Badjedidude]

people don't suck, you are just being ignorant.

Lighten up, bloodyenigma. I'm about 90% sure that JSD was simply cracking a joke with some truth in it.

----Steve

 

[bloodyenigma]

people don't suck, you are just being ignorant.

Lighten up, bloodyenigma. I'm about 90% sure that JSD was simply cracking a joke with some truth in it.

----Steve

ok bro, didn't mean to be rude.

 

[Wolfe]

I really don't fit in with most people I would say. I guess I am not the stereotypical 'cool' person whatever that is nowadays. I really don't like people either I have been betrayed by a lot of people and have had some things done to me even if just being told things (sticks n' stones still break my bones) Really I like being alone most of the time now, but, I still get lonely now and again.

 

[CAS]

I echo what miss wolfy said.

 

[firemanco3]

Why don't I fit in? That's a good question and its one that I've been trying to find an answer to for a very long time. It seems that everywhere I go I never really fit in and people have to get to know me and understand me in order to accept me. Usually its an initial problem that will go away over time but sometimes it persists. I think some of the reasons I don't fit in that are obvious is for one I dont' share the same interests that many other people do. I have just about no interest in sports and I don't care to hang out all night long at bars, which alot of people in my age group seem to do alot of. Secondly I come off as uptight and serious, it takes me awhile to loosen up. Sometimes people don't give a chance to loosen up, they just think I'm an *******. In certain situations if I dont' like someone I won't loosen up. I've learned to choose my friends and when not to trust someone. I especially don't like people who are obnoxious, cocky, and rude but I've been around alot of people that have turned out to be back stabbers.

In a nutshell I like to be my own person and I don't conform to the kind of person that others want me to be, especially if it means behaving like a jackass.

I wouldn't say that I don't like people, overall I do like people. But I don't like entering a social gathering where I don't know anyone by my self, I'd rather do that with someone else that I trust to a certain level. Usually I'll relax and begin to talk to people after awhile. Sometimes I'll find those I don't particularly like and I'll just try to avoid them. I'd rather be outside though in such a case, or maybe in a large room, I don't like crowded rooms.

Overall people who do take the time to get to know me realize that I'm trustworthy and I'm not a backstabber. They come to appreciate that in me. I guess I'm like a square peg going into a round hole. At first it doesn't fit but keep working with it and eventaully it will find its place.

 

[Just_Some_Dude]

people don't suck, you are just being ignorant.

Lighten up, bloodyenigma. I'm about 90% sure that JSD was simply cracking a joke with some truth in it.

----Steve

ok bro, didn't mean to be rude.

i was just joking. it's all good. thanks bjd.

 

[Badjedidude]

I wouldn't say that I don't like people, overall I do like people. But I don't like entering a social gathering where I don't know anyone by my self, I'd rather do that with someone else that I trust to a certain level. Usually I'll relax and begin to talk to people after awhile. Sometimes I'll find those I don't particularly like and I'll just try to avoid them. I'd rather be outside though in such a case, or maybe in a large room, I don't like crowded rooms.

Overall people who do take the time to get to know me realize that I'm trustworthy and I'm not a backstabber. They come to appreciate that in me. I guess I'm like a square peg going into a round hole. At first it doesn't fit but keep working with it and eventaully it will find its place.

I totally understand/agree with what you're saying. *thumbs up*

i was just joking. it's all good. thanks bjd.

*nods*

----Steve

 

[firemanco3]

I wouldn't say that I don't like people, overall I do like people. But I don't like entering a social gathering where I don't know anyone by my self, I'd rather do that with someone else that I trust to a certain level. Usually I'll relax and begin to talk to people after awhile. Sometimes I'll find those I don't particularly like and I'll just try to avoid them. I'd rather be outside though in such a case, or maybe in a large room, I don't like crowded rooms.

Overall people who do take the time to get to know me realize that I'm trustworthy and I'm not a backstabber. They come to appreciate that in me. I guess I'm like a square peg going into a round hole. At first it doesn't fit but keep working with it and eventaully it will find its place.

I totally understand/agree with what you're saying. *thumbs up*

i was just joking. it's all good. thanks bjd.

*nods*

----Steve

Thanks Steve. I appreciate the reply and positive encouragement.

 

[TheWickedOne]

I don't really know why I have never really fit in with people. I have always had a hard time trying to figure out what to say. Carrying on a conversation with someone that I haven't known for 20 years is pulling my own teeth out. I feel like I should have a checklist in my head that tells me what to say so that I can at least sound like I'm not a social misfit.

Larger groups of people intimidate me, they always have. It always seems like everyone knows everyone else and they all know what to say and have interesting things to talk about, and there I am, away from everyone else, having no clue what I should be saying.

I think part of it was just being born shy, and having parents that, while they did love me, wanted to make sure that I never got a swelled head about anything, and therefore drilled it into my head that I was not all that and a bag of chips.

 

[The Wonderful Sin]

Until about 3rd grade, I was the most popular guy around, but then a manipulative ******* turned everyone against me, and that started the development of my trust issues. Moved in 5th grade to a rival school and everyone hated me because of where I was from. Over years of neglect and other negative emotions toward me, I find it hard to trust most people. I have maybe 2 friends and my girl that I actually trust, the friends aren't a full trust though, and my girl lives almost 3k miles away... Hopefully that will change when she turns 18 at the end of the month like we have been talking about, but who knows. I push everyone who tries to get close away, only letting a very select few in. That's why I am a bit of a loner. Online is my escape from my issues.

 

[Frannie]

I had an autistic sibling -- although we didn't know that at the time -- and come from a family of introverts. My parents were focused on helping my brother. That doesn't mean they weren't good to me, but they didn't spend as much time with me. So early on, we didn't have many people over and I was pretty happy reading or playing outside. I played outside with other kids, but we didn't really interact. Unless you count telling someone else to share the slide. So early on, I never really learned to share things like emotions and experiences with others.

And I am shy. And there is something else which is less clear to me. Some trust issues in there, too, because some of the adults I was around were nutty and dishonest. I think it also may have something to do with not liking myself or wishing I was different. I don't like me, so it is hard for me, because I am not the perfect person I wanted to be early on, so it is hard to accept that I can be liked, warts and all.