Why is it easier to make friends over the internet than in real life?

[lavenderashes]

This is going to be super verbose. You may skim through this TL;DR wall of text if you'd like. I won't feel offended at all.

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I can't seem to understand why it's so difficult for me to make just one, good solid friend. Trying to make friends in high school was fickle for me (and maybe that's just normal for high schoolers in general) but in College---why is it so hard? (and before anyone asks, yes. I'm in College.)

Real Life:

For a while, I thought it was because of my interests/hobbies. I love video games and I'm a Cosplayer. It's hard for me to talk about anything else that's not related to these subjects and although I try, it just seems fake and forced and it's difficult. Hell, I don't even mention video games to them because they're going to think it's weird and are going to be put off by me. (And trust me, I've told this to one person in my class and she's stopped talking to me.)

But, I have met one person on campus who is into video games...though, the genre of games we play are the same, the titles we play are completely different and mine are usually bashed/"looked down on"/not popular enough to sustain a...conversation that doesn't include lots of arguing.

Aside from that, this one person likes to belittle me. He says he's joking around and for a while, I dismissed his crude comments on everything I do. But it's now come to the point where I've literally fussed at him. (He's also fresh out of high school so that...may or may not explain his.....immaturity and how he treats me).

And although, the several other people I've met and have tried to befriend at college have not been difficult to speak with such as the person I've mentioned, trying to communicate with anyone, really, has been causing me to have very little patience with people in real life. It makes me feel lonely, and as if I will never obtain any friends with my kind of love for my hobbies/interest.


The Internet:

I've made a handful of friends on the internet that I appreciate/grateful to know, enjoy talking too. I even have two online friends that I've known for about 6 years and we still keep in contact with each other.

Why is it easier to make friends on the internet than in real life?

It's because you can meet others who share the same interests as you, right?
Because you can trust them and can immediately relate to them, etc.
You don't feel as lonely when you're behind a computer screen chatting away at them.

Right?

Why is it easier?
Why is it easier to hide the loneliness?

 

[SophiaGrace]

Where are you from? Lol I am just curious

 

[Skorian]

Well there are alot of illusions when you are online. You can fill in the blanks about people.

That said it can be easier to write things out in peace rather then having someone pressure you to be who they want. It is really easy to just shut people off online.

 

[Ak5]

IMHO, lower confidence and self-esteem in real life. You don't have to talk or look at one another online!

 

[lavenderashes]

Well there are alot of illusions when you are online. You can fill in the blanks about people.

That said it can be easier to write things out in peace rather then having someone pressure you to be who they want. It is really easy to just shut people off online.

Well...doesn't it kind of depend on who it is you're speaking with?
The people I"ve become friends with online aren't fake at all. And we've also gotten on webcam together a few times. They generally are very nice people.

 

[Badjedidude]

It's because on the internet, you don't really have to go out of your way to do anything. It's an informal, come as you are style of friendship wherein you can show up or not show up and generally your friends won't mind.

Face-to-face friendship requires more in-depth, active interest. Giving gifts. Making plans. Being responsible to your friends on a level that you're not required to meet online.

In short, internet friendships are easier and require less effort, though in my opinion not necessarily better.

 

[theSmokingRabbit]

As you said about finding people with similar interests it's a lot easier to "aim" the internet and be specific with what/who you're looking for.

It's also less confrontational.

There is no high pressure scenario where you need to say something quick or look foolish.

I would say the buffer that exists between two individuals communicating via online messaging is responsible for a majority of the ease. At any one time you can shut down talking with anybody online. For whatever reason.

You can't do that in real life. You don't feel as safe in person.


For me it has nothing to do with effort or the fear of fakes online. It's just easier to find people I like talking to as opposed to going outside and not wanting to talk with anyone.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Idk it just is. :/

 

[annik]

I actually think it isn't but thats just my opinion. I've only ever connected with a few people online and I wouldn't call them friends until I'd spoken to them properly and met. I need to see peoples faces and hear their voice. You can't tell what anyone really thinks or who they are online. Yes people lie in life but some things you can't hide. I still have this funny thing that I don't really know a person until I've seen their wrists. I'm shy in life a lot more shy than online but it is the 100% better place to meet people for me.

As I say thats how I see it and I can't vouch for this making much sense as my head is filled with killer mermaids. I shall now go have a nightmare.

 

[RJLJD]

another thing to mention is the pressure of it all.
if you make enemies in real life, say on campus, you have the chance of running into them again and then you're stuck in a high-stress situation.
if things don't go well online, you just never visit the site again and block them from your e-mail, and its effectively over.
i think a lot of it has to do with being able to hide behind a computer screen, and being able to take the time to formulate answers online. you aren't put on the spot to respond immediately like you would in person, and negative body language that tends to come with social awkwardness doesn't come across online either.

 

[Vagrant Legacy]

There are just less boundaries. When you meet somebody online, it's usually because you already have one thing in common, you can talk about that, and it doesn't even have to be deep and meaningful when the other person is most likely on the other side of the world anyway.
Also, we tend to be generally more "loose" when it comes to what we say and do online, as it will in no way affect our real lives. This is something that cannot be said for real life - whatever you say there will directly influence your life, and can have negative effects as well, even on long term, whereas with internet friends, you do not have such issues.

 

[paulo]

even online i still suck at it

 

[Lawrens]

It's easier to meet like minded people on the internet. People often speak their minds and admit to what they like/dislike, so most likely you know who to avoid and talk to.

It is also very hard to talk to people in rl, it's not like you could talk to every single person and get to know them.

 

[Beatbouncer]

Like many people said already, you usually have a common ground to start from, and I have formed some very rewarding friendships, which started online, and I am grateful for those.

Unfortunately I think there are some shadows to finding people online as well. While it is easier to meet them, I think it is even easier to lose them again and be hurt by them. Maybe its my fault, since I invest a lot of myself in a friendship, and I have more then once been in the situation that the person disappeared from one day to the next without further notice leaving me wondering what the hell is going on.
I often had the feeling people were getting in touch, basicly sucking me dry making them feel better and leaving me behind.

Is it really easier to hide loneliness? When I see my posts and bloggings to that topic I rather tend to talk openly about it, not wanting to hide it an pose as someone I am not.