Why is it that NO ONE wants me?

[Sonic_95]

Hi all,

if anyone here has been in my shoes, you know exactly what I mean.

I am 30 years old, and have been looking for a companion pretty much ever since I have gotten out of high school.

It just seems that no matter how hard I try, everyone I try talking to is either married, or has no interest in me whatssoever.

I have joined up with online dating services but have had no luck with them at all. I have yet to ever get past a first date. Either the person I meet I do not like, and the ones that I do like, don't like me, and they never return my calls. The latest example is a girl that I met up with last week for dinner. I liked talking to her, SHE said she had a good time, and that I could give her a call.

Well, that's just what I did......called her sunday and left a message, and again last night, but never did hear back from her.

I just do not understand why I just keep getting older, but just can not find anyone to take a liking to me.

I will say this......I am quite a bit overweight, I weigh about 350 pounds. I think that in itself turns a lot of women off. I've been trying to lose weight, but if you were ever in a position like me, you will know exactly what I mean when I say this: Without much love, understanding, and support from anyone, including family, you pretty much lose any initiative after a while.

That is what I need more than anything.....love, support, and someone I can talk to about things that bother me who will actually UNDERSTAND. But it just seems like anyone who sees me just turns and walks the other direction.

What really gets me, is that you see so many people in this world who HAVE a relationship, and they treat their women like crap. And then there is me......who would not have it in me to treat ANYONE the way I see some of these people treating their significant other........but yet no one wants to so much as give me a chance.

All my life as far back as I can remember, I have wanted to meet someone special, have a family, buy a house, you know, the whole bit. But I've pretty much just given up all hope. Almost everyone I knew growing up is married and have families of their own, heck, even my cousin who is 7 years YOUNGER than me is married and they just had their first child.

I really just don't know what I'm doing wrong. All I want is to meet that ONE person who will accept me for who I am on the inside instead of running the other way.

Am I wrong in thinking that there is just no hope left for me?

 

[Anonymous]

Eh, I wrote all this stuff, but in the end I think it would have appeared too flawed in that it was focusing mainly on the human nature of being superficial.

All I can say is if you are lonely and would like to fix that then you need to figure out what it is that turns people off from you.

Clearly, people have some kind of idea of what they find physically attractive. So if someone is seriously overweight then that gives them a bad first impression of you.

But if you don't really care about the weight and just want to find someone who will want to be with you regardless of...see I just can't honestly say this. People are superficial. You might have needs that you would rather have fulfilled that take precedence over physical looks to you; but consider what you would feel if those needs were met and you were looking for a mate. You would want to find someone on a more superficial basis since those more basic needs are fulfilled.

So if you want to find someone to fulfill your needs then find someone who desires to fill the same needs as you.

But be warned that once those needs are met, you will most likely attempt to fulfill the more superficial needs. It's human nature. And one of you will most likely change (in the weight department) and seek to fill the more superficial needs.

It sucks. Hopefully someone will disagree with me and show me how I'm wrong because this is just how I see people and relationships through myself and others around me.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Eh, I wrote all this stuff, but in the end I think it would have appeared too flawed in that it was focusing mainly on the human nature of being superficial.

All I can say is if you are lonely and would like to fix that then you need to figure out what it is that turns people off from you.

Clearly, people have some kind of idea of what they find physically attractive. So if someone is seriously overweight then that gives them a bad first impression of you.

But if you don't really care about the weight and just want to find someone who will want to be with you regardless of...see I just can't honestly say this. People are superficial. You might have needs that you would rather have fulfilled that take precedence over physical looks to you; but consider what you would feel if those needs were met and you were looking for a mate. You would want to find someone on a more superficial basis since those more basic needs are fulfilled.

So if you want to find someone to fulfill your needs then find someone who desires to fill the same needs as you.

But be warned that once those needs are met, you will most likely attempt to fulfill the more superficial needs. It's human nature. And one of you will most likely change (in the weight department) and seek to fill the more superficial needs.

It sucks. Hopefully someone will disagree with me and show me how I'm wrong because this is just how I see people and relationships through myself and others around me.

((((Sonic))))

I'm going to have to agree with Anonymous on this one, Sonic. You see, it's human nature to want to be with someone that you are physically attracted to. Some flaws can be overlooked, but you still have to be physically attractive to your potential partner. This is where it gets a bit tricky. What's attractive to one woman, may not be attractive to another woman. Your weight might be a non-issue for this woman, but a deal-dreaker for that woman. Granted, there are a lot of shallow people in the world, but I think that it's natural to want and maybe even need to be attracted to your mate. If you feel that your weight is what is holding you back, the THAT is what you need to work on. It's pretty easy for someone to sit back and say, "Oh, she's just shallow and can't see past my (insert physical attribute here). Don't you want to be attracted to your future partner? Of course there has to be some chemestry as well. I guess my point is this: If you want to get the girl, do what you need to do to get her! If you need support in weight reduction, there are a LOT of forums on the internet that offer support, advice, etc. It's not going to be easy, but then again, anything is achievable, as long as you're willing to pay the price. Good luck and I wish you the very best! (((sonic)))

Eve


Side note: I would be more than happy to help you get started on a healthy eating/exercise plan, if you'd like. I'm no doctor or trainer, but I know enough to get you started on the right path. Feel free to PM me with any questions you may have. I'll be glad to help!

 

[Bluey]

Hi Sonic_95 and welcome here mate

I too am in my 30s now and still single. On the self, but I think the sell by date has a way to go yet

I understand all you write. Most ppl I know my age are marred. Even I have cousins who are 10 years younger then me who are living with there girlfriends. Dose not do my confidants any good I can tell you. Going to family parties has really gotten a pain. I used to love them as a kid.

Well ppl wont to be thin, They wont to have no spots, be tall, for me walk with out a limp. Really I think all you need is the confedents to start talking to ppl and maybe do a night class in computers or something if that's what your into. I think if the ppl get to know you and not just the big man then you may make friends and even a GF. ppl always see my limp. But the minute I start talking they forget very fast about that.

Hope to see you around.

 

[Porman]

Am I wrong in thinking that there is just no hope left for me?

Yes. by thinking that, you are choosing to be alone.

 

[keeper]

Hi Sonic_95,
I can relate very much to you, as I am practically in the same situation as you. I am 30 and no woman has any interest in me. Also my last date (the first after a very long time) ended up exactly like yours.

I have never been physically attractive, besides I am getting older and I have stopped taking care of my body. I can't do any sports and I am growing a bit fat as well.

I have never accepted myself, I don't like myself but on the other hand, what can I do? Nothing but forcing myself to accept myself for what I am. I can't change my face.

All this situation led me step by step to hide in my little shell and therefore to depression, which makes everything ten times more complicated. Some days I find very hard even to go out for buying food or other everday tasks.

Anyway, what I want to tell you is that if you have a look around, you are going to see a lot of people overweight, ugly, or whatever, that are in a relationship. Why not we? I have come to think that what makes people flee from me is my own attitude. I ask myself "Would you ever be with a depressed person?" and the answer is "No": so why a woman would ever choose me as a partner? What could I give her? Sadness, silence? Nobody wants that, people are already sad when they are alone, why they should like to be sad in company?
So, I believe it isn't very important to be flawless. Of course most people will overlook flaws, especially if they aren't that big, if you offer a different attitude.

I have decided to change first my attitude towards myself, even if it's very hard and I am not sure I will succeed. I have no choice if I want to beat depression.
Then maybe I will gain understanding and support. All I know is that if I continue in this state, there will be no hope left for me.
Everyone chooses his/her own way to improve himself/herself, so I won't say more. Besides, I have still a lot to learn and even more to try out.

Good luck!

Am I wrong in thinking that there is just no hope left for me?

 

[SunWeb]

GUYS !!!! You are totaly wrong. That is NOT what he realy need to.

(((((((((((( EveWasFramed )))))))))) is right

I have the same logic so I won't write the same thing using another words.

(((((((((((((((keeper ))))))))))))) is right about one thing, good attitude is realy what you need. It would be hard to gain more positive attitude if you won't change yourself just like EveWasFramed said.

 

[keeper]

SunWeb, what do we need, then? Except for good attitude, of course.

 

[grundel70]

Overweight is not the problem. I am a big guy myself and have had several gf's, one fiance', and one ex wife.

Dating sites don't work well for me...i have had tons of first dates, but rarely a second one.

To me, confidence is important. So what if you are big? a charming smile and a compliment can go along way for overcoming any physical defect. Make them laugh! That is key.

With all of that said I am pretty **** lonely myself. No family, no local friends, etc... Been awhile since I have been out on a date myself. My charm is starting to fail...

I also know that the more depressed and lonley you get, the more it affects you. It is a viscious cycle I am all too familiar with Its hard to feel confident when you feel horrible about yourself.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Overweight is not the problem. I am a big guy myself and have had several gf's, one fiance', and one ex wife.

Dating sites don't work well for me...i have had tons of first dates, but rarely a second one.

To me, confidence is important. So what if you are big? a charming smile and a compliment can go along way for overcoming any physical defect. Make them laugh! That is key.

With all of that said I am pretty **** lonely myself. No family, no local friends, etc... Been awhile since I have been out on a date myself. My charm is starting to fail...

I also know that the more depressed and lonley you get, the more it affects you. It is a viscious cycle I am all too familiar with Its hard to feel confident when you feel horrible about yourself.

I totally agree with most of the stuff you said, Grundel. However, I think the weight issue may be what's keeping his confidence level at a low point. I think (from what he explained in his post) that HE would be happier if he was more attractive to the opposite sex. I agree charm, wit, laughter, etc. are all great attributes and go a long way in offsetting perceived flaws. In fact, those are some of very things I look for in a partner. Being respectful and polite are great as well. Nothing sexier than manners, right? But...
If the girl you want isn't physically attracted to you, you're going to strike out and that's the bottom line. She has to be at least somewhat attracted to you.

 

[CombatMal]

@Sonic_95

I belive there is a person out there for everybody, one you like, and one who likes you back...
I'm 24, and never had a girlfriend. Sometimes I care, sometimes I do not! ("do not" should be written with capital letters, but I'd let it stay with small).

"I have joined up with online dating services"
- Stay away from those dating services. In my opinion, they are so lame, so fake and so waste of time. Waste of the internets space. And can drive you crazy. "Is there a letter from a sweet girl for me today??!" And you check and you check and you check... Untill you don't give a fresia, and delete your account. Ahh, sweet freedom.

Besides... most people lie their ass of in the profiles, "Oh, I'm so sweet," "Oh, I'm giving reply to everybody," "Oh, I'd been a supermodel for 10 years,". Right... and my last date was with Mary-Kate Olsen.

I'm not saying you can't find love their, and their ain't sweet girls, but... just let it come to you, let it envolve to a friendship, and maybe later love.

And when it comes to your weight, it doesn't matter. A lot of girls like "big guys", and a lot don't care about how your look really.
I'm skinny, actually really skinny, that is just how I am, and some people don't like that either.

But go out in town, join some groups with people with interests as you.
Cooking, computers, book group whatever. Or go to clubs, even though there are a lot of messed up druggy bitches there.

I don't know if you are wrong... even though I think there is a "special one" for everybody.
And I agree, some people I wonder why they have a girlfriend, when they are so stupid in their head. But... maybe it's because their girlfriends are stupid too. So they are a great match!

But to find out if you are wrong or not, do like Avenue Q sings:
"There is life outside your apartment."

 

[Incognita]

yea, lose weight , man

We had so much arguing about fat and weight and if it matters or not. that OMG almost fighted lol.

 

[Chris 2]

Eh, I wrote all this stuff, but in the end I think it would have appeared too flawed in that it was focusing mainly on the human nature of being superficial.

All I can say is if you are lonely and would like to fix that then you need to figure out what it is that turns people off from you.

Clearly, people have some kind of idea of what they find physically attractive. So if someone is seriously overweight then that gives them a bad first impression of you.

But if you don't really care about the weight and just want to find someone who will want to be with you regardless of...see I just can't honestly say this. People are superficial. You might have needs that you would rather have fulfilled that take precedence over physical looks to you; but consider what you would feel if those needs were met and you were looking for a mate. You would want to find someone on a more superficial basis since those more basic needs are fulfilled.

So if you want to find someone to fulfill your needs then find someone who desires to fill the same needs as you.

But be warned that once those needs are met, you will most likely attempt to fulfill the more superficial needs. It's human nature. And one of you will most likely change (in the weight department) and seek to fill the more superficial needs.

It sucks. Hopefully someone will disagree with me and show me how I'm wrong because this is just how I see people and relationships through myself and others around me.

Yes someone has to be attractive to you in some sort of way or form to like you. I know what it like, I'm not even remotely good looking, and I guess I just have to deal with a life of loneliness. Even my parents call me "ugly" and a "pussy", and now I'm so use to that, it hurt and also scary at the same time. You can only try as hard as you can, with whatever face you're given, it a done deal no matter how hard you try. I'm not the type of person to lie, so I'm here to only tell you the truth. I don't know what you look like, but your biggest problem is your weight issue, and thus bring your confidence down. I see a lot of overweight people with lot of girlfriends, but if you don't have the confidence, it a no go.

I wish I could disagree with anonymous but I can't, people are way more superficial now then they ever were in the past, and it a challenge for us young lion. Anyway there is one solution, and it gonna take a pretty decent about of risk and luck, but maybe you should move to another country? I live in the US, preferably CA, and I can tell you that I doubt other girl from other country are like it here. It doesn't matter what they look like, it more the raise they were born in, and everyone know most girls in the US are spoil brat, and that is from my observation as long as many other. I don't think UK girl are that bad or off the chart as American girls, but I might be wrong, but sometime if love is the most important thing to you, you gonna risk it. Same thing as winning the lottery, except you will have a better chance, though I don't know where you live, so hopefully that help if your an American.

I said all I could with open honestly, and now it your turn to come up with a solution. I wish you the best of luck, now go out there and hit them up tiger!


Chris

 

[CursedNeko]

no your right their is no hope just give up >_>

 

[samba101]

There's websites for big beautiful people that have a range of people from small to overweight, there are people who don't give a **** about someones weight so why not give those a go.

As for not finding anyone, it takes time, sometimes alot.

Don't give up, keep going.

 

[SunWeb]

(((keeper)))
Actualy I alrady referense to (((EveWasFramed))) words but I will explain if it is not open to you.

Everything is very simple. Guys with more weight or skiny are NOT ATTRACTIVE TO THE MOST OF WOMEN. I don't think that you'll date with a girl that can't pass through the door easily.
Example -> The lonely good looking girl in the club making her decission about dance partner. There are 2 confident and smiling guys one of them is good looking and the other one seriously need to lose more weight to be attractive. So how do you think who has better chances and who is more attractive to her ?. Another thing when he is not that big just have a little more weight but we are not talking about them am I right ?

"Everybody meet everybody looking on the cloth and only then deeper." That is why you to change yourself outside and inside but outside is more important on first meeting.

 

[SophiaGrace]

when you start focusing on other things and stop letting others determine your self-worth, thats when things will get better.

It is NOT the end of the world if you are alone. Repeat, not the end of the world.

 

[Badjedidude]

Dangit, Soph!! Another resurrected thread!

----Steve

 

[cheaptrickfan]

Dangit, Soph!! Another resurrected thread!

----Steve

She's just trying to get her post count up to beat mine.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Dangit, Soph!! Another resurrected thread!

----Steve

She's just trying to get her post count up to beat mine.

That I am.

But I didnt respond to this JUST for post-count, i actually felt like I had something constructive to say .