Why now?

[passerthrough]

Well, hello. Thinking about a way to best describe why I'm here in not too many words... I guess I've been lonely since I left school. Back then I didn't have much trouble with getting friends, it's just now, being an adult, that it seems very hard. I had a big chunk of the lonelies in my twenties when others went off to do the after-school-stuff. My friends moved away and I lost contact with them, I had a big dip in self-confidence and just filled the space with movies, books and music. And writing. To get away from myself and create a new world was bliss, and my interests have saved me from a lot of hurt, but also kept me away from "life". Lately though, I've had a really hard time writing and it brings loneliness. My only "friend" is someone I met at university ten years ago, but she goes quiet sometimes(and I mean months and months of quiet), and I don't know why. I never feel confident enough to ask, she is a secretive sort of person, but her behaviour makes me doubt myself so much. At times it feels like torture and it brings me down. It's so unnecessary too, because I'm really quite a cheerful person. I'm just shy, I guess. The kind that doesn't show(the worst kind!). I can act confident and speak confident, but to a certain point. Getting close to people is the hard part. I don't know why that is. Maybe because I grew up with my father(and his fondness for alcohol) and was never really supported emotionally. I learned to grew up, take care of things and a lot of people thought I was a lot more mature than my classmates, I even looked older. Lately though I'm regressing, like in a rebellious way, and I don't want to grow up. I'm so fond of the pure joy of animated cartoons and movies, of fantasy and imagination. I can't read the serious books or watch the movies I enjoyed in my twenties(dramas and such), they bore me, and I just want the entertaining laughter and escapism, like I'm pushing things away.
I don't know how I got into all that, but there it is... To sum things up: I have nine friends on facebook, most of them are relatives, I communicate with about two but not much anymore, I can't write and I'm getting desperate, my sister(who I've spent most of my time with, has a boyfriend now and they're like siamese twins. Relationships scare the honeysuckle out of me, that's the basic truth, so I guess I'm the one pushing people away. Or I'm drawn to people who push me away, I don't know. I just know I'm lonely.
Thanks for reading. I didn't mean to write so much, I guess it's a force of habit.

 

[Punisher]

Hi passerthrough. Welcome to ALL

 

[evanescencefan91]

Hey passerthrough welcome to the forum

ah man growing up is hard I'm starting to feel some of that now

have you heard of meetup.com there might be some cool sci fi or writing groups near by

*hugs*

I really like your signiture by the way I love mark twain quotes

 

[passerthrough]

Hey passerthrough welcome to the forum

ah man growing up is hard I'm starting to feel some of that now

have you heard of meetup.com there might be some cool sci fi or writing groups near by

*hugs*

I really like your signiture by the way I love mark twain quotes

Hi! Thank you. And thanks for the tip on meetup. com, I'll check that out. Love your pic, I was once a Buffy-fan. Now I'm a Firefly-fan. That Joss Whedon, he can sure bring down obsessive madness on a poor girl.

*hugs back*

---

Hi passerthrough. Welcome to ALL

Thank you. I feel good about being here.

 

[SophiaGrace]

If you stick around long enough on ALL there's a whole bunch of us from ALL that are friends on FB. I think I have befriended 15 people from ALL on my FB account.

 

[Badjedidude]

Welcome to the site.

 

[passerthrough]

If you stick around long enough on ALL there's a whole bunch of us from ALL that are friends on FB. I think I have befriended 15 people from ALL on my FB account.

That's great! FB is easier when you want to share links and pictures, and find common interests, than a forum, I think. Not that this place doesn't seem great though. Have a wonderful week.

---

Welcome to the site.

Thank you. Love the binary joke.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Passerby you can get the same effect from wandering into our chatroom. More "intimacy" that way and you can get to know people easier.

 

[passerthrough]

Passerby you can get the same effect from wandering into our chatroom. More "intimacy" that way and you can get to know people easier.

A, right. The chat. I haven't looked into that yet, but I sure will. Thanks.

 

[SherryGee]

hey passerthrough

 

[passerthrough]

hey passerthrough

Hey SherryGee Nice of you to stop by.

 

[Callie]

Howdy

 

[passerthrough]

Howdy

Hello What a lovely smile.

 

[Moth]

Hey passerthrough,
Welcome i'm new too. Nice to meet you.

Some assume it's easier to make friends when younger. For some reason, when your older your more self-conscious and it hits harder if you don't suceed. I find it hard to connect to others as well. I have 1 friend, who i consider a real friend. She's the only one who i couldn't push away during my depression (years ago, i'm fine now), and even after ten years there are things i just can't bring myself to tell her.

The only thing i can say is look at what's going good in your life now. We all have cards we have to deal with. Try your best and don't give up on yourself. Oh, you might meet lots of nice poeple here too?

 

[passerthrough]

Hey passerthrough,
Welcome i'm new too. Nice to meet you.

Some assume it's easier to make friends when younger. For some reason, when your older your more self-conscious and it hits harder if you don't suceed. I find it hard to connect to others as well. I have 1 friend, who i consider a real friend. She's the only one who i couldn't push away during my depression (years ago, i'm fine now), and even after ten years there are things i just can't bring myself to tell her.

The only thing i can say is look at what's going good in your life now. We all have cards we have to deal with. Try your best and don't give up on yourself. Oh, you might meet lots of nice poeple here too?

Hello Moth,

Thank you for your wise words and I'm glad you're feeling better. I did connect with my old friend after visiting this site and now we are meeting almost every week, which is always wonderful. I can relate a lot to when you say there are things you can't tell your friend, because I joke and rarely show people when I feel down, it's just very difficult for me to discuss the really hard stuff, but I try to vent in other ways, like writing. It really helps, and if nothing else it takes me away from everything. I do feel a lot better now than I did signing up to this forum and I think you are right when you say I might meet nice people here. Think I just did.

Have a great December.