Why the hell do I still think about her?

[secretlycanadian]

A while ago I wrote a post about a girl who I thought, for the first time of my life, I actually connected with. Then she proved me wrong by going back to her crazy insecure ex who threatened me on Facebook. Anyway I said I wouldn't contact her as per her request, and i haven't. But still, she crosses my mind every once in a while. I know there is a good chance that she was just using me to get back at her ex but part of me wants to believe that we aren't finished. That her intentions were good. But that'll never happen. I just want to move on. How do I erase her?

 

[Tiina63]

I have found that the only thing I can do when I am in your situation is to accept that I am going to be thinking about the other person. Trying to force thoughts about them away does not work and only makes them stronger. Let yourself think about her and accept that you are thinking about her. Eventually you will start to think of other things as well and she will not be in your mind so much.

 

[argosgold]

Have to say I agree. I still think of every one of my exes (all 3 of them!) from time to time, there are things that remind me of them and it's unavoidable. And not necessarily a bad thing.

I don't think it's possible to will yourself to stop thinking about someone. The fact that you think about them stems from the fact that you're only human - it's entirely natural to keep thinking about people you care about or have cared about.

Fill your days with things, if you can, find other things to do and eventually (as the poster above said) you will start thinking about other things too.

And if you find a way to erase the thoughts of specific other people, well... I'm not sure I'd want to do it, but it sure feels like it'd be helpful sometimes!

 

[ladyforsaken]

I don't think it's possible to will yourself to stop thinking about someone. The fact that you think about them stems from the fact that you're only human - it's entirely natural to keep thinking about people you care about or have cared about.

Fill your days with things, if you can, find other things to do and eventually (as the poster above said) you will start thinking about other things too.

This.

Don't think you can really stop thinking about something or someone that you care for or that matters to you. Although yes, you can distract yourself by what arosgold said above, to occupy your days with things to do that will take your mind off of her. Let your mind take its time to move on.. it usually gets easier.. over time.

Good luck.

 

[ForGrantedWife]

I'd focus on meeting a new girl because the old one is off limits by her own choices. It's not good to dwell on the past and let it cripple you in the present. You might be thinking of her and miss someone right in front of you that you could be building something with. Let her go, move toward something new that might not end this time.

 

[Triple Bogey]

A while ago I wrote a post about a girl who I thought, for the first time of my life, I actually connected with. Then she proved me wrong by going back to her crazy insecure ex who threatened me on Facebook. Anyway I said I wouldn't contact her as per her request, and i haven't. But still, she crosses my mind every once in a while. I know there is a good chance that she was just using me to get back at her ex but part of me wants to believe that we aren't finished. That her intentions were good. But that'll never happen. I just want to move on. How do I erase her?

it's natural and always going to happen.
In time you will stop thinking about her, usually if someone else comes along.

 

[Lippy_Kid]

If we could switch off the feeling at will it would only prove it a fleeting infatuation in the first place. Carry it as proof of what you're capable of feeling and look for someone new to realise it with.

 

[secretlycanadian]

I'd focus on meeting a new girl because the old one is off limits by her own choices. It's not good to dwell on the past and let it cripple you in the present. You might be thinking of her and miss someone right in front of you that you could be building something with. Let her go, move toward something new that might not end this time.

It's not that I'm crippled, I've actually gone on dates with other women since she got back with her ex. The problem is I haven't really found anyone who I connect with. I don't know. Maybe I'm being too picky?

 

[lostatsea]

You already know why you think about her... because you haven't found anyone else you connect with to replace her. Everybody has that "one who got away" who they'll always think about. It's even more amplified if you have nobody else to replace her with.

 

[ardour]

If we could switch off the feeling at will it would only prove it a fleeting infatuation in the first place...

Infatuation isn't easy to turn off, part of what it is.

 

[MTrip]

Realize that she was using you to strike back in her dysfunctional relationship & is probably a trollop, to boot. That should help.

 

[edamame721]

I think it's natural to think of the people who got away when you want someone but haven't found that someone yet. You'll never completely forget them, but the hurt that comes with the loss will eventually fade away. Time's helpful on that. *hugs*

 

[Triple Bogey]

I think we can't forget because it's such a big deal for us. I don't get many first dates, it is rare, only twice in the last 17 years. That's a long time.
Meeting a woman is a big deal for me and obviously a very enjoyable experience. For those few hours I feel normal.