Wishing she was here

[DrunkenMonkey]

Snow is falling with no thoughts of letting up. Had dinner with old friends from 15+ years ago. Havent seen many of them in so very long. Was great to see them and they were all so happy.

Im happy for them. They are all married and enjoying this rare weather together. To see them sharing this moment with their significant other made my heart cry. I wanted to shout at the top of my lungs at the emotions i had for their elated atmosphere. So very happy for them.

A snow ball fight insued and everyone laughing with one another. Hands held and kisses to their one and only love, was like watching an old movie. Not being able to bear it any longer, I smiled to them and quietly made my exit.

While i felt joy in my heart for my friends, i felt so utterly sad and alone at that moment i had to leave. All i could think of was her. My Wendy, my love, my unattainable joy.

Oh how i want so much to be with her right now. To share the feelings that i saw in my friends faces. To hold her hand and gently kiss her lips. To inhale her sweet aroma, have her arms around me and taste her tears of joy. To hear her say, "I love you with all my heart."

I look outside and see the beautiful white sheet falling from the sky, listening to Miles Davis, and i wonder... what is she doing right now? Is she already in the arms of another? Does she even wonder what im doing or have any remote feelings for me any longer? Obviously not, and it breaks my heart.

What i would do to have her back. Be able to genuinely smile and know i have someone to love and have love me back unconditionally. She could fix me so quickly, but i know its not a possibility.

My heart grows and grows, but only grows colder.

Why cant she be here right now? In my arms, our warmth and love melding to one. Just wish she was here.

 

[yesm]

Tough stuff man, hang in there... All you can do is cherish what you had and hope for more some day. Learn from the mistakes of the past and try not repeat them. Love often comes along when you least expect it. Wounds will heal, but scars will remain... all you can do is live and hope for a better tommorow. Good luck man.

 

[packyourbags]

(hugs)

 

[Loaf]

I wish I knew what to say. God loves you, whether you realize it or not, whether you believe or not. And sometimes that is very, very hard to believe, especially when you are in such pain. I know it is hard for me when I hurt deeply. I wish I could more fully understand what you are going through. I have similar feelings for a young woman that left me two years ago, and it does hurt, I miss her so much sometimes. But I'm not sure I can understand the depth of your pain. God does, and he grieves with you over your loss. I hope the encouragement that I extend to you does not ring hollow, but having been in your place not so long ago, I will understand if it does. Please forgive me sir, if what I say offends you, or does more harm than good.

 

[Danielle]

aawwwww I know how you feel.. Been there...and i don't wish these feelings on anyone. Keep your happy memories in your heart, allow yourself to heal, and move on to find someone that will share your love. Hang in there...as cliche as this sounds... it will get easier. I promise you that.
((hugs))

 

[Olde shoe]

I've had a very similar situation years ago. I sympathize and empathize with your loss DrunkenMonkey. It's never easy.


Time heals all wounds but some wounds leave scars. I've had my time to heal but my wound started developing keloid and now I've become more callous than a paraplegic pachyderm :club:

 

[nicbor]

Very well written. This post says what i find myself thinking every day.


I like the "she could fix me so quickly" part. It almost feels like if you want it enough it means you're entitled to it. Which is total fallacy.


Hope I get past this honeysuckle, and I hope you can do the same.

 

[Brian]

I'm sorry, bud.

I've been in this same situation and it's why I avoid things like Christmas parties and summer-time outings. Long-stretched sunsets as the day is cooling, on the riverbanks. These seem to bring out young love like nothing else.

And all they make me think of is my Alex, much like your Wendy, from the sounds of it.

I feel for ya.

 

[oarivan]

Eventually these memories shall slowly fade away. Wait for that time. It'll hurt less