grainofrice24
Well-known member
So here I am, real life. What I heard so much about. Living the day to day life of a market analyst for a giant corporation. I've been at this job for a while now and it's quite demanding compared to my previous jobs. It's a very fast-paced business with a lot of quick talkers and fast movers where a slow witted and steady mover like me has to push hard to keep up.
I find myself working 65 hour weeks (without overtime) at the office (not to mention VPN) on top of 2 Night school classes and I'm barely keeping my head above water. I stress about work all the time....but I cant get enough. It's so depressing having a dream that I got up, went to work, had a shitty morning and then waking up...having to go to work...and having a shitty morning.
On weekends I'm so burnt out that I just want to sleep/relax...but I never do...just hop on the VPN to prepare for the next week...or end up doing things to try to escape the mundanity ...but just end up looking back with regret at all the stupid crap I did that pisses me off.
It just seems these days that I'm trying to fill all the holes in my life with work. I'm tired all week, but I refuse to sleep...instead I stay at the office till 2 in the morning and develop my relationship with caffeine.
I meet women in my night classes, but I don't know what the fresia to say to them. I can't think of anything AT THE TIME. So much I'd like to say...but I'd never say any of it right. I know what to say...the words are in my head, but they never make it out. I just say nothing...or I blank out like a deer in the headlights.
I know I know...I can hear you now: "Why don't you just say it?!"...Jeez Einstein...That thought never occurred to me!! Speaking of...why don't fat people just eat less? And dumb people just think harder...man we're on a roll!! :club:
I'm too used to doing nothing...that's the problem. But when I go out in an effort to escape this situation and solve my problems...I just end up doing something wrong or making a stupid mistake which makes it harder to get up and try again. They say life isn't about how hard you hit, it's about whether u can get back up after getting hit (a boxing analogy). Even the best fighters will tell you that sometimes...the best thing you can do...is stay down.
I'm 24 years young and I come home thinking "I'm getting too old for this honeysuckle"....50+ more years of this?? I'll never make it.
Christmas/Birthday's coming up...that'll be depressing...still no girlfriend in sight. Don't think it's going to happen (if it was going to it would have by now). Too much time wasted. I've thought about seeking counselling...but I know it's one of those things I'll just never do. Or if I did I'd never let the Councillor help me.
I used to think I just needed a good friend...but I have good friends...and that's not it. 24 years of coworkers, peers, chums, pals, buddies, homies/hommettes, cronies, friends, family and acquaintances...something's missing. My best friend probably said it best...I just need to get laid. Maybe she's right...but truth be told...I actually don't want sex. Just someone who gets me. Someone who won't ask why I'm so messed up. I know I know..."it doesn't come to you...you have to go out and get it". My problem is it could come to me, and I'd screw it up. FFS it HAS come to me and I've screwed it up.
I guess that no matter what life happens to give you...the one thing you can count on...is that you've earned it.
I find myself working 65 hour weeks (without overtime) at the office (not to mention VPN) on top of 2 Night school classes and I'm barely keeping my head above water. I stress about work all the time....but I cant get enough. It's so depressing having a dream that I got up, went to work, had a shitty morning and then waking up...having to go to work...and having a shitty morning.
On weekends I'm so burnt out that I just want to sleep/relax...but I never do...just hop on the VPN to prepare for the next week...or end up doing things to try to escape the mundanity ...but just end up looking back with regret at all the stupid crap I did that pisses me off.
It just seems these days that I'm trying to fill all the holes in my life with work. I'm tired all week, but I refuse to sleep...instead I stay at the office till 2 in the morning and develop my relationship with caffeine.
I meet women in my night classes, but I don't know what the fresia to say to them. I can't think of anything AT THE TIME. So much I'd like to say...but I'd never say any of it right. I know what to say...the words are in my head, but they never make it out. I just say nothing...or I blank out like a deer in the headlights.
I know I know...I can hear you now: "Why don't you just say it?!"...Jeez Einstein...That thought never occurred to me!! Speaking of...why don't fat people just eat less? And dumb people just think harder...man we're on a roll!! :club:
I'm too used to doing nothing...that's the problem. But when I go out in an effort to escape this situation and solve my problems...I just end up doing something wrong or making a stupid mistake which makes it harder to get up and try again. They say life isn't about how hard you hit, it's about whether u can get back up after getting hit (a boxing analogy). Even the best fighters will tell you that sometimes...the best thing you can do...is stay down.
I'm 24 years young and I come home thinking "I'm getting too old for this honeysuckle"....50+ more years of this?? I'll never make it.
Christmas/Birthday's coming up...that'll be depressing...still no girlfriend in sight. Don't think it's going to happen (if it was going to it would have by now). Too much time wasted. I've thought about seeking counselling...but I know it's one of those things I'll just never do. Or if I did I'd never let the Councillor help me.
I used to think I just needed a good friend...but I have good friends...and that's not it. 24 years of coworkers, peers, chums, pals, buddies, homies/hommettes, cronies, friends, family and acquaintances...something's missing. My best friend probably said it best...I just need to get laid. Maybe she's right...but truth be told...I actually don't want sex. Just someone who gets me. Someone who won't ask why I'm so messed up. I know I know..."it doesn't come to you...you have to go out and get it". My problem is it could come to me, and I'd screw it up. FFS it HAS come to me and I've screwed it up.
I guess that no matter what life happens to give you...the one thing you can count on...is that you've earned it.