Working Moms Discriminated Against

[Searching_4_My_Soul-Mate]

Wow! It has been 5 years since I worked full time. Well, I just went back to work full time 3 weeks ago... It only took the first week to realize what it is like to be the mother of 4 kids and work.

Where should I start? I guess I'll start with me and how I feel... I feel guilty that I have to shove my kids off to a baby-sitter instead of being home with them. I feel bad that I cannot attend all pre-school functions. I already have anxiety about that - but then to request time off work - I get anxiety about that as well. There is the constant pressure of worrying who is going to watch my kids -and will this person take care of my children or hurt them?

Now - on top of that - my children and hubby make me feel guilty as well. My hubby makes me feel like I'm a selfish whore because I am working - when all I want to do is pay the bills and help take care of the family. My kids are always calling me while I'm at work and get mad at me if I cannot talk. My hubby's family ***** that I don't do enough at home or for my hubby. (I really need to quit calling him my hubby because we are not married and he doesn't want to marry me anymore)

My employer - well - I am the only woman there with small children at home - as far as I can tell... My kids and baby-sitter call me at work - and I get the "looks". A new baby sitter just started working for me this week. She is hard of hearing and my kids have been sick... I tried taking her calls in another part of the office because I was disturbing other people working.. But I got kicked out of that part of the office as well. I went to the lobby - and when the person working there got a phone call - I went outside the doors into the hall... I got "told" about talking in the lobby. I apologized but all I got was a "glare".

And now let's get to the other pre-school Moms... I am having a tough time keeping it together - with everyone's schedule..blah blah blah.. I sometimes forget to send things to the school or whatever... Some of the preschool Mom's act like I'm a child abuser because I work - or because I have to hire someone to watch my kids because I don't have a family member who can.. Or - because I didn't wait until my kids were older to go to work. I would love to be able to be home with my children- but we don't all have that luxury.. I feel fortunate enough to wait until my youngest was practically 4 before going back to work full time...

So - my point being - I am already stressed enough as it is.. But I get no support from anyone else about this - except for the support of other Mom's who are either in my position now or have been in the past. My family is pissed because I'm "not home" for them.. My employer is pissed because I'm still "running my home" from work... If I were a man - there would be a good chance that I wouldn't be made to feel this way.

 

[lonely2beeme]

my god all my fears just typed out for me in your post
i know the feelings exactly i feel for you the same thing is glareing me in the face along with a big upheaval and move

 

[Searching_4_My_Soul-Mate]

my god all my fears just typed out for me in your post
i know the feelings exactly i feel for you the same thing is glareing me in the face along with a big upheaval and move

Sorry about that.. ;-) I knew it wouldn't be easy going back to work full time - and still having to deal with going to school, home and kids.. I just thought that other would be a little more understanding.. Well, I kind of didn't expect my employer to be that understanding - but I thought my hubby and family would be more understanding. ****!!! What the hell is that winning lottery number? Tee hee hee..

 

[lonelygirl]

Hi Searching,

This is a really interesting issue for me. I am a stay at home mom who works from the home. I've stayed home for the past 3 years and find that it has been a huge sacrifice for me. 24 hours a day on call, it's been depressing and isolating for me to stay home. I've gone to a few MOMS club meetings but a lot of the women are really snobby and unfriendly. They are materialistic and if you aren't rich or driving a fancy stroller like a Maclaren they look down on you!

I work 3 part time jobs from home. It supplements our income but nothing particularly great income wise. It allows me to maintain a modicum of dignity because I do earn and contribute to the family income. However my child goes to Montessori part time now and that costs $500 a month! For just 12 hours a week of class!

Anyway I can understand how hard you must be struggling. Working outside the home is tough and employers are allowed to treat working moms with sexism. Frankly I think our employers expect FAR too much out of Americans, moms in particular get a lot of crap. Sorry but your family is the priority. A few phone calls never hurt anyone. It's not like you're a smoker taking breaks every hour for 10 minutes!

 

[Elaeagnus]

Hi Searching-

How old are your kids? I think you said the youngest was 4, so it would make sense that he/she would be having a hard time with you going back to work. But if any of your kids are older, I'd say 12 or up, they should be able to understand that while you are at work, you shouldn't be bothered. Your kids should only be calling you at work in case of an emergency.

I'd also say just give it some time. Probably your kids and the babysitter will get used to handling things on their own eventually, and won't feel the need to call you all the time.

Also, if your boss or coworkers are getting mad about the phone calls, you could not pick up when you get a call from home, let them leave a message, and then call back if it is an emergency.

I'm sorry people are giving you so much trouble about being a working mom. You're not doing anything wrong at all. Hang in there.