Worse than being lonely is...

[one lonely guy]

...being lonely and old.

I'm now getting to the age I dreaded years ago - 50s - and still little has improved. If anything, I have fewer friends, less family (all dead or distant), and no relationship.

I'm guessing most of you are younger and still have time to work things out, but what I've noticed is that the older you get, the harder is seems to be to make new meaningful friends. People seem more guarded and cautious.

Don't get me wrong - I'm out & about much of the time, join lots of clubs & stay active, but meaningful connections are real hard to come by.

Acquaintances I could make most every day, but meaningful friends...another matter.

anyway, just wanted to get that out
olg

 

[SilentThinker]

What makes a friend and an acquaintance is the commitment to build up the relationship.

Meet up together through any activities and you will do just fine.

 

[callista_05]

but what I've noticed is that the older you get, the harder is seems to be to make new meaningful friends. People seem more guarded and cautious.

Don't get me wrong - I'm out & about much of the time, join lots of clubs & stay active, but meaningful connections are real hard to come by.

Acquaintances I could make most every day, but meaningful friends...another matter.

yup...you have got the point there but the truth of the matter is....things like that are all up to us...

that's why we all need to exert every inch of an EFFORT to connect to other people. We have to choose to connect with them meaningfully....

meaningful connections are made from conscious efforts from both sides...it doesnt just come by...

 

[Bluey]

14 years I have lived and been on my own now. I know that I well still be on my own and living alone at the age of 50 as well. And with no job as am unable to work

I was out last night with some friends I have known for many years. Am telling you there a bunch of morons. I was at times embarased to be with them. So what do I do? stay in yet another night when I know I can be out or go out with prats?

Growing old alone is crap and sparsely when you have no friends that you can relate to. But I do think you learn to be strong. And I do still think with the right positivity you can still lead a good healthy life.

 

[samba101]

Yeah I know what you mean, at my course I'm doing at college it doesn't seem like I'm going to make any friends. But there is a glimmer of hope I met a chick at my evening computer course and she's looking for friends so we'll see how it goes and see if we are compatible, I've definately got my hopes up.

 

[one lonely guy]

Meet up together through any activities and you will do just fine.

Yep, thanks, I know the theory.
I belong to 10+ clubs and activitiy groups, all of which I enjoy and in which I have good acquaintances.
Problem remaining: Still virtually nobody to call (or anybody who'd call me) or go out for coffee/meals with. People are very cautious and don't want changes in their lives. Change (for those who've grown accustomed to it) scares people, esp. older people. Hell, it even scares me a bit, but I do keep plugging away.
The only thing scarier than change is no change.
olg

 

[one lonely guy]

things like that are all up to us...

Which makes it all the more depressng.
Efforts, efforts and more efforts, and little to no result.
Little things do come out of it occasionally, but they seem to fade out before long.
People's live seem complicated and they don't want unpredictable change.
To be honest, there's a little thing going at the moment, but it's hard to manage - they have an 'interesting' lifestyle - and you never want to throw all your eggs in one basket; you can easily come across too needy and kill it in the bud.

 

[istari]

I think these guys are right. You`re doing the right thing in getting out and joining clubs. It beats staying in and picking your spots, right? Acquaintances are better than having no one, and maybe one day one of those asquaintances will become a friend.

Don`t give up!

 

[one lonely guy]

I know that I well still be on my own and living alone at the age of 50 as well.

I'm hardly in a position to very supportive, but really you never 'know'. Life does provide occasional surprises, but you do have to get out of the house to get them.
I'm hardly ever at home - thank gawd for cell phones - as I found something interesting happened whenever I'd spend a whole day at home: NOTHING (aside from depression).

And with no job as am unable to work

You should be able to find some activities of interest. BTW I'm early-retired from a job that was killing me. (There were no social benefits to the job either, so I'm no worse off that way )

I was out last night with some friends I have known for many years. Am telling you there a bunch of morons.

Been there. Three weeks ago I just (thankfully) killed an increasingly-toxic 'friendship' (using the term very loosely) of ~30yr.

Worse than no friends is a*s*o*e friends

But I do think you learn to be strong.

You do develop a thicker skin, but it's still often painful, and you (at least I) never totally feel comfortable about it.

 

[one lonely guy]

But there is a glimmer of hope I met a chick at my evening computer course and she's looking for friends so we'll see how it goes and see if we are compatible, I've definately got my hopes up.

As Istari said, never give up. Good luck on that.

 

[one lonely guy]

I think these guys are right. You`re doing the right thing in getting out and joining clubs. It beats staying in and picking your spots, right? Acquaintances are better than having no one, and maybe one day one of those asquaintances will become a friend.

Don`t give up!

Thanks istari. There's always glimmers.
It does happen occasionally, but has usually faded.

 

[Bluey]

I'm hardly in a position to very supportive, but really you never 'know'. Life does provide occasional surprises, but you do have to get out of the house to get them.
I'm hardly ever at home - thank gawd for cell phones - as I found something interesting happened whenever I'd spend a whole day at home: NOTHING (aside from depression).

I hear what your saying, I really do and I myself have said many times be for that you never know whats round the corner. But IDK I just got a feeling inside that tells me that I well always be alone. Its like I was made to be alone. I can not explain the feeling its just something I know. Its a pretty powerful feeling as well. Don't get me wrong, If love come along I would grab it with both hands.

You should be able to find some activities of interest. BTW I'm early-retired from a job that was killing me. (There were no social benefits to the job either, so I'm no worse off that way )

True, There is ppl in this sight that have a job with absolutely no social benefits to it at all. There is actually pluses to not walking as well. If you get invited out anywhere your always able to get the time off lol

Been there. Three weeks ago I just (thankfully) killed an increasingly-toxic 'friendship' (using the term very loosely) of ~30yr.

Its heading that way with this lot has well. I see less and less of them has time goes by. I could be out on the piss (getting drunk) 2 times a week. Its me that stops it from happening. Its not a life style I wont.

You do develop a thicker skin, but it's still often painful, and you (at least I) never totally feel comfortable about it.

Again so true. Most of the time am happy go lucky. I do sometimes spend a few weeks very down. Its at this times when its hardest. Normally a bit of sun comes out and then I give my self a slap and get back on with it. Ye canny keep a good dog down forever

 

[packyourbags]

Hey,

well - what do you perceive as a meaningful friendship?
what would you like to see in one?

i guess it's different for everyone, except for intimacy maybe. (and i don't mean the romantic honeysuckle.)

 

[Lonesome Crow]

There's plutonic relationships ...sometimes this is more intimate.
Someone to hang out with...someone you can talk to about anything.
The stuggles in life and happiness in life.
Someone to be there for moral support or lift you up when your having a bad day or your romatic partner.
It counld be male or female...that's why it's plutonic...lol

While most ramantic/sexual relationship will require a fair amount of intimatecy.
Maybe it might be helpful to look up the word "intimatecy" to get a clearer difinition.
Sex is not intimatcy.
It depends on the couple...What happens outside of bed room will carrry over into the bed room.

Sometime it's totally in reverse...when sex is the only bonding a couple will have....this is not intimatcy..
It's having mind numbing sex....which is pretty much the same as going to a bar and getting messed up
out of you mind....

Most couples would want both or try to achive for both. Hard core ******* sex and someone to bare all
to...your feelings, your thoughts, your hopes, your dreams, your sorrows

I've found close friendships in recovery rooms.
Recovery requires that I get really, really honest with myself and bare all.
Getting with a sponsor is a foundation or practice of learning how to have a relationship.
You gain trust, understanding. You learn how to listen and share about everything. Without
being judge to damnation or critisized. Luagh together , cry together.....Closeness or bonding.
Bascailly...having had that experince...you learn how to have a relationship with another human
being...The process for me was.....
A relationship with myself, so that i could understand myself...learn how to love myself, take care
of myself...be gentle with myself, know myself...closer, forgive myself, have patience with myself.

Then learn how to have a relationship with a HP or god....a close personal relationship with my HP/god.
as i understand god....Not some entity way out in space somewhere or someone's else concept of god.
A close personal relationship of trust...As in a freind i can trun to and communicate about anything...
all my troubles...my hopes, my dreams, my fears...anything..anything .

Then learn how to have a relationship with others.....SKIN to SKIN

 

[SilentThinker]

Yep, thanks, I know the theory.
I belong to 10+ clubs and activitiy groups, all of which I enjoy and in which I have good acquaintances.
Problem remaining: Still virtually nobody to call (or anybody who'd call me) or go out for coffee/meals with. People are very cautious and don't want changes in their lives. Change (for those who've grown accustomed to it) scares people, esp. older people. Hell, it even scares me a bit, but I do keep plugging away.
The only thing scarier than change is no change.
olg

This reminds me of the time that I went to school everyday but went home friendless.

After that,I went to build a relationship with an individual who invites me to his group.That was how I get to go out with them.

It seems like you need a common place with someone.A place that you and that acquaintance who you want to build the relationship goes oftenly.

 

[one lonely guy]

There's plutonic relationships ...sometimes this is more intimate.

Very often. I've seen countless (unhappy?) married couples who don't even really know each other, apparently aside from in the sack.

Someone to hang out with...someone you can talk to about anything.
The stuggles in life and happiness in life.
Someone to be there for moral support or lift you up when your having a bad day or your romatic partner.
It counld be male or female...that's why it's plutonic...lol

A confidant(e).

I've found close friendships in recovery rooms.
Recovery requires that I get really, really honest with myself and bare all.

Same can apply to mental-health support groups.

You took the words out of my mouth with everything you posted.

to packyourbags:

well - what do you perceive as a meaningful friendship?

IMO there's different degrees/levels of meaningfulness, plus, it depends on your needs.
At the low end would be activities-based friendships (e.g. shooting pool, hiking, or drinking, if you're into that).
At the highest level I'd say you're baring your soul to each other & mutually benefiting from it.