2 years of sheer bliss !

[Triple Bogey]

It's coming up to 2 years since I went on a date. It was a disaster of course and the woman (surprize, surprize) chose somebody else. It was a blessing in the end but at the time it hurt and it completed 4 years of utter honeysuckle regarding women and dating.

So I decided not to bother again, jack it in because I was pissed off with it all. That was 2 years ago. I haven't asked anybody out, I haven't had a crush on anybody. I haven't seriously wanted to see anybody. I have kept the female friends meetings to a minimum as well. I have not sort out any female company. I have kept myself to myself and done my own thing. And it's been great, wonderful, sheer bliss to wake up without a care in the world. No problems, no wondering what to do or whether to send a text or not or any of that crap !

I am not sure I will change back to what I used to be. Women as a whole have rejected me. I am not good enough so okay, fair enough, I get the message. My life isn't going to ruined anymore. I aim to enjoy my life and be happy !

I think some people should do what I did, take a breather from trying and enjoy their lives because the world is such a wonderful place !

 

[SofiasMami]

You know, if I had read your post 3-4 years ago, I would have thought "He's lying to himself". But it's also been 2-3 years since I've been "out there" dating and I don't miss it either. Life is so much smoother and I'm far more content now than when I was searching for a relationship. I nicknamed the period when I was actively dating "The Darkness".
Now I know exactly where I stand in life and where I stand with all my friends and family. It's a deep sense of freedom. Scary at first but once you're in it, there's no other way. No more sleepless nights, tears or sitting around the house feeling depressed.
It's pretty great, huh?

-Teresa

 

[Triple Bogey]

You know, if I had read your post 3-4 years ago, I would have thought "He's lying to himself". But it's also been 2-3 years since I've been "out there" dating and I don't miss it either. Life is so much smoother and I'm far more content now than when I was searching for a relationship. I nicknamed the period when I was actively dating "The Darkness".
Now I know exactly where I stand in life and where I stand with all my friends and family. It's a deep sense of freedom. Scary at first but once you're in it, there's no other way. No more sleepless nights, tears or sitting around the house feeling depressed.
It's pretty great, huh?

-Teresa

Yes it's great and I am glad for you.
I hate been miserable. I hate been unhappy. I think I spent all of my 2o's miserable. I didn't do a thing apart from mope about moaning I didn't have anybody. Never enjoyed myself once.

I don't think other people understand though. At work people are always telling me to join dating sites or 'find someone' or go out drinking or whatever. Maybe people who have always been in relationships don't understand how great a single life can be ?

 

[reynard_muldrake]

I've often said a partner will not automatically grant you happiness, so it's nice to see you can enjoy your life as a single man. People who think otherwise are most likely unhappy with themselves to some degree (or as you said, not used to having alone time). It's just so freeing to realize that no, you don't need to be attached to someone to live a happy life. That can result in its own set of problems, truth be told.

 

[constant stranger]

I basically did what you did, Triple Bogey, about the time I turned 30. I say 'about' because it wasn't a conscious choice but rather an unconscious one.....I didn't know what I'd decided until I brushed off an interested lady who deliberately sought me out in a bookstore. She had actually noticed what I genres I'd been browsing most every Sunday for a few weeks.

Later on I asked myself, "What was that brushoff thing all about?" And I then realized I was already out of 'the game'.....I was not available for any form of man/woman interaction on any kind of personal level. And Having now realized that in an aware conscious way, I felt a profound sense of relief. If I was Roman Catholic I might have considered trying out for a monastic life.....

Here's the sub-text: I wouldn't do it again.

Thirty years later I now regret having enacted a blanket dismissal of essentially the entire female race. I'm in the friendship zone with two women now and I can tell that transitioning into a sexualized relationship might be a potential. Oh, one of them is married now but she's a shameless flirt!

But here's another sub-text: I don't think I'd know what to do anymore. It's not like being a teenager again, but still......I think I'd be awfully awkward. I suppose a sense of humor would help.....

Sorry if this reply is a bit self centered on my part, TB......I'm just free associating here....this site helps keep me sane. I hope you get what you want!

 

[Nicolelt]

I agree with this Triple Bogey. I kinda "found myself" after not trying for awhile. It was fun to do things I enjoyed and became a stronger because of it. I hear everyone saying "I need a person, I need a boyfriend or girlfriend." My thought is be happy with things you do, and yourself. Because in the end...that is who you have.

 

[BeyondShy]

My thought is be happy with things you do, and yourself. Because in the end...that is who you have.

Well spoken!

 

[Triple Bogey]

I basically did what you did, Triple Bogey, about the time I turned 30. I say 'about' because it wasn't a conscious choice but rather an unconscious one.....I didn't know what I'd decided until I brushed off an interested lady who deliberately sought me out in a bookstore. She had actually noticed what I genres I'd been browsing most every Sunday for a few weeks.

Later on I asked myself, "What was that brushoff thing all about?" And I then realized I was already out of 'the game'.....I was not available for any form of man/woman interaction on any kind of personal level. And Having now realized that in an aware conscious way, I felt a profound sense of relief. If I was Roman Catholic I might have considered trying out for a monastic life.....

Here's the sub-text: I wouldn't do it again.

Thirty years later I now regret having enacted a blanket dismissal of essentially the entire female race. I'm in the friendship zone with two women now and I can tell that transitioning into a sexualized relationship might be a potential. Oh, one of them is married now but she's a shameless flirt!

But here's another sub-text: I don't think I'd know what to do anymore. It's not like being a teenager again, but still......I think I'd be awfully awkward. I suppose a sense of humor would help.....

Sorry if this reply is a bit self centered on my part, TB......I'm just free associating here....this site helps keep me sane. I hope you get what you want!

No what you wrote was interesting !

I don't think I would brush off a woman I found interesting or attractive but that hardly / never happens. And I can't be bothered to chase a woman who is playing games, acting interested one day and ignoring me the next.

It isn't hard for me to stay single because women don't approach me, ask me out or show any interest.

---

I agree with this Triple Bogey. I kinda "found myself" after not trying for awhile. It was fun to do things I enjoyed and became a stronger because of it. I hear everyone saying "I need a person, I need a boyfriend or girlfriend." My thought is be happy with things you do, and yourself. Because in the end...that is who you have.

I am glad for you !

 

[Dandelion]

I really like this thread. I've forgotten what it is like to be single. To wake up in the morning and do what 'I' want for a change and not have to worry about anyone else...that would be true freedom. I've been so terrified my little world will fall apart. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing? Maybe this fear (which makes me physically ill most days) will finally loose it's power when I can realize I am important to myself. How did I get suckered in to believing I am nothing without my husband? Time I start being selfish a little I think. I deserve happiness

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

I think one of the most important life lessons is learning that we can be ok without someone else. Bringing someone else into our lives isn't a guarantee of anything, although it can be a positive addition.

For myself, I feel I am better off constantly improving myself for me. Besides, it's me who has to live within me.

 

[Nuke1967]

It's been about 20 for me. I win!!!..oh wait.!

Sorry I thought I would bring a little humor into the post, I know exactly where you are coming from.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I really like this thread. I've forgotten what it is like to be single. To wake up in the morning and do what 'I' want for a change and not have to worry about anyone else...that would be true freedom. I've been so terrified my little world will fall apart. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing? Maybe this fear (which makes me physically ill most days) will finally loose it's power when I can realize I am important to myself. How did I get suckered in to believing I am nothing without my husband? Time I start being selfish a little I think. I deserve happiness

I am glad you like this thread and it has got some positive feedback !
There is nothing more sad than seeing somebody have a truly terrible life only because they can't find a partner. It's such a waste !

 

[lmph8885]

Hi. This post is definitely one of the most interesting ones I have read on this site. At first I thought you might be lying to yourself but after I read all the responses I understood that many people can achieve what you did. I really admire that. Honestly, I don't know if I can be smart or wise enough to do it myself, but if I think about it, I think my life would be so much better. At least the main reason that keeps me depressed would disappear.

In my case, my problem is that I do attract some men and start dating. Then they get to know me more, have arguments and they run away as if I was a crazy person or as if there was something wrong with me (and also the horrible words used, in my last experience I was told it was a nightmare to have meet me). Of course, then they go to someone else and have a relationship that can last for years. I guess that makes me feel as if I am worth less than the rest of the women and that there midget be something wrong with me. I think that maybe my pursuit has a lot to do with the fact that I do indeed feel bad about myself and I try to prove the world and myself that I can indeed find someone and that there is nothing wrong with being me. Every failure just makes me think I am not good enough. I guess that if I ever feel I am good enough as a woman, I will find some peace in my life. Unfortunately I have been unable to change this thought, not only because of romantic failures but because I grew up being put down by most people that surrounded me (even my own parents and brother). Sometimes I wish my parents wouldn't have been so hard on me, maybe my life would be so much different now. Why are thoughts and emotions so hard to change?

It would be nice if you speak more in detail about the process that you followed to get to your current bliss.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Hi. This post is definitely one of the most interesting ones I have read on this site. At first I thought you might be lying to yourself but after I read all the responses I understood that many people can achieve what you did. I really admire that. Honestly, I don't know if I can be smart or wise enough to do it myself, but if I think about it, I think my life would be so much better. At least the main reason that keeps me depressed would disappear.

In my case, my problem is that I do attract some men and start dating. Then they get to know me more, have arguments and they run away as if I was a crazy person or as if there was something wrong with me (and also the horrible words used, in my last experience I was told it was a nightmare to have meet me). Of course, then they go to someone else and have a relationship that can last for years. I guess that makes me feel as if I am worth less than the rest of the women and that there midget be something wrong with me. I think that maybe my pursuit has a lot to do with the fact that I do indeed feel bad about myself and I try to prove the world and myself that I can indeed find someone and that there is nothing wrong with being me. Every failure just makes me think I am not good enough. I guess that if I ever feel I am good enough as a woman, I will find some peace in my life. Unfortunately I have been unable to change this thought, not only because of romantic failures but because I grew up being put down by most people that surrounded me (even my own parents and brother). Sometimes I wish my parents wouldn't have been so hard on me, maybe my life would be so much different now. Why are thoughts and emotions so hard to change?

It would be nice if you speak more in detail about the process that you followed to get to your current bliss.

It wasn't difficult for me because I don't attract women. In fact it was pretty easy. I stopped all online dating, messing about on those writing endless messages or emails. I also stopped any unrealistic ideas about dating women I know. In the past I have developed crushes on women and it's led to a lot of pain and misery when they were obviously not bothered. I quickly stop any thoughts. In the last 2 years no woman has shown an interest in me. Not really. It's not me refusing to see it, it's just not there.

I also cut down on facebook messages I was sending to women I knew slightly. It annoyed me that it was me initiating the contact all the time and I would only get replies a week later. That bothered me so I stopped. One less thing to worry about. I cut down in the facebook banter I was getting involved with people from work. They had been a few blow ups so I stopped contributing to other people's posts. I keep out of it.

Only send text messages if I really wanted to.