35 and life passing me by
- Thread starter dan_in_stoke
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TheSkaFish
Jedi Guardian
Akagi said:
Believe me, I know what you mean. Not to sound like a narcissist but I don't know why I have problems with this stuff either, for the same reasons. Minus the white bit - I don't think it's a factor. I don't look too great when I roll out of bed in the morning, but after I do basic grooming I think I'm at least slightly above "just okay".
I used to have lots of problems - shyness, EXTREME pessimism (if I come off as a pessimist now, I used to be way worse), not knowing myself very well, just thinking things were fixed and there was zilch I could do that mattered. I used to have a weed problem as well but haven't touched it in almost a year and a half - I've switched my focus back to my health instead. Idk. I admit fault when it comes to money but I'm working on that. The only other thing I can think of is that girls don't like me because I'm not a "bad boy" but I don't want to be, I think that's dumb. I don't need dope and a record to know I'm something real. Idk what my problem is.
EveWasFramed
Well-known member
Akagi said:HGwells said:
hey, "chick" is way less offensive than "ho", so I suggest you take what you can get, babycakes.
However, you're not going to call women, as a sex, ho's on this forum. Please refrain from doing so in the future. Thank you in advance.
Nicolelt said:
Nicolelt?
EveWasFramed said:Akagi said:HGwells said:
hey, "chick" is way less offensive than "ho", so I suggest you take what you can get, babycakes.
However, you're not going to call women, as a sex, ho's on this forum. Please refrain from doing so in the future. Thank you in advance.
I would die for you Eve. Or for Michelle Wirth. Which do you prefer?
EveWasFramed
Well-known member
Gosh - dont die for me. Just be more careful about your word choices lol
L
Littlesecret
Guest
It's so cool, your out there and are trying new things.
I think Dan may have some social anxiety issues? I could be wrong but most people that feel like this normally do, I know I do. I just wish there was an easier way of meeting people, plus because of my anxiety over the years I've actively searched out hobbies that involve one person, I.e. Reading books, walking my dog, editing old films and masturbation.
;
Why would you say your here? If you don't mind me asking, you seem all together and I don't mean you look good, why aren't you happy because I don't think I'm ugly - so I've been told. I just have a lot of issues I need to resolve.
I think Dan may have some social anxiety issues? I could be wrong but most people that feel like this normally do, I know I do. I just wish there was an easier way of meeting people, plus because of my anxiety over the years I've actively searched out hobbies that involve one person, I.e. Reading books, walking my dog, editing old films and masturbation.
;
Why would you say your here? If you don't mind me asking, you seem all together and I don't mean you look good, why aren't you happy because I don't think I'm ugly - so I've been told. I just have a lot of issues I need to resolve.
TheSkaFish
Jedi Guardian
Littlesecret said:
Why would you say who is on here? Dan-in-stoke, or me?
PS not that I am trying to high-road you here, but if you say you are in a funk and have low energy and want to get out, masturbation is seriously probably one of the worst things you can do. I am ashamed to admit I had a problem with this, but at least I now know for certain that it's a contributor to a low-energy, down-in-the-dumps lifestyle. I don't even mean it from a moral standpoint either. I mean it has always made me feel unmotivated and brain-foggy. And the day of isn't even the worst - like a hangover, it's the next day. I felt like I had a cold, I was just totally run-down and lethargic. As in my actual physical body, not just in my head.
I cut it out because I know I will need all the energy and brainpower I can get to feel alive again and make a life I actually like.
I find that exercise is the opposite of masturbation. It makes me feel awake, clearer of mind, and just all around sharper.
Glad to see I'm not the only one dealing with this stuff. Lots of good comments on here. My roommate just informed me last night that he would be moving out to be with his girlfriend after our next lease expires. While I appreciate his significant notice, I doubt I'll be able to find another roommate as he was my last friend to find a girl. I knew in the back of my mind this day would be coming, but I've been alone before, and the thought of being alone again fills me with anxiety and despair. I had plenty of friends when I was in school, and had no problem meeting girls when I was around them enough to build a connection, but It always seems like as soon as one of my friends finds a significant other, that's all they care about and our friendship starts to fade. Now, at the age of 34, I haven't been in school for a long time. I work on a small construction crew with all guys. It's not easy to make new friends, male or female, in my current circumstances, and I'm not sure what to do. I really need to find my way. I was feeling good about this year, until I got the news from my roommate. So, Dan_In_Stoke, TheSkaFish, Littlesecret...what do you all plan to do to get out of this funk?
Triple Bogey
Well-known member
Melsaldi said:
well you shouldn't. Loads more other things to live for. I am sure girlfriends can be nice but they shouldn't stop you from living a life you can enjoy.
dan_in_stoke
Member
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Sorry not posted any replies.
I've been extremely busy with work (more than usual), currently doing some research and development with a lot of pressure on me.
Thanks for all the comments, I didn't realise there were so many people who felt the same or in a similar situation.
Triple Bogey - Currently I don't have any hobbies....my main hobby became my job which now takes up a lot of my time.
When I contact women on dating websites I don't mention my lack of experience....(it's on my profile), however if I contact say 10 women, I'm lucky if 1 actually reads my profile. The rest just ignore my messages and delete them.
They look at my pictures and just dismiss me.
I don't understand, family and work colleagues say I am a great guy and would be a good partner but I look around and women seem to prefer loud alpha males would probably cheat on them, abuse them when ever they see fit.
(I know I am generalising a bit, but I do see it every day). I am quite observant and "people watch" when I'm out and about.
I might have some sort of social anxiety and I do get extremely shy, nervous and ultra quite around women my own age.
I've been extremely busy with work (more than usual), currently doing some research and development with a lot of pressure on me.
Thanks for all the comments, I didn't realise there were so many people who felt the same or in a similar situation.
Triple Bogey - Currently I don't have any hobbies....my main hobby became my job which now takes up a lot of my time.
When I contact women on dating websites I don't mention my lack of experience....(it's on my profile), however if I contact say 10 women, I'm lucky if 1 actually reads my profile. The rest just ignore my messages and delete them.
They look at my pictures and just dismiss me.
I don't understand, family and work colleagues say I am a great guy and would be a good partner but I look around and women seem to prefer loud alpha males would probably cheat on them, abuse them when ever they see fit.
(I know I am generalising a bit, but I do see it every day). I am quite observant and "people watch" when I'm out and about.
I might have some sort of social anxiety and I do get extremely shy, nervous and ultra quite around women my own age.
I hope I'm not going to be a thorn in anyone's side for saying this, but one thing I have learned recently is that no one is entitled to a relationship. I don't say this as any kind of "holier than thou" statement or to make anyone feel worse about their chances.. far from it. It is because I have struggled with entitlement for my entire life and only recently have begun to notice it is a serious problem. In Western society and especially for those who've grown up in comfortable, affluent surroundings, there is a culture of entitlement. It is undeniable and logical in some ways. If we have the best quality of life you could ask for, why is it wrong to expect that an attractive woman/high status guy should be around the corner waiting for us... especially when in the media, and in our day to day life, lots of folks seemingly pull it off easily and they're quite articulate about it. If it happens for them, why shouldn't it happen for me? ... is how I thought about it this for a while.
You might also think I'm accusing those who've not had a significant other of being lazy or not working to improve oneself--that is not the case either. I'm just saying two things: there's a lot of folks out there who never had a romantic relationship but they try their darndest to keep quiet about it (I've seen this firsthand, too); and don't be fooled by those around you who are seemingly never single, they skew the reality of this issue.
You might also think I'm accusing those who've not had a significant other of being lazy or not working to improve oneself--that is not the case either. I'm just saying two things: there's a lot of folks out there who never had a romantic relationship but they try their darndest to keep quiet about it (I've seen this firsthand, too); and don't be fooled by those around you who are seemingly never single, they skew the reality of this issue.
ardour
Well known loser
Well I'll be 35 in 2 months and, no surprises, I've never been in a relationship and it's likely I never will.
I kind of disagree with the above statements. No entitlement exists but realizing that doesn't remove the expectation/desire, or change the fact that it's still unusual to go through life alone (although not as uncommon.) Relationships aren't necessarily hard-won prizes, as if they were the result of years of self-improvement, meditation, reflection. Just look around...
Living a reasonably interesting life makes a person more attractive but can't compensate for complete lack of base-level attractiveness. And some men just aren't attractive; either physically or in their mannerisms, presence, tone of voice etc. Some are particularly unattractive. On top of this we live in society where women are no longer obliged to settle, where many would rather stay single in preference to that.
I kind of disagree with the above statements. No entitlement exists but realizing that doesn't remove the expectation/desire, or change the fact that it's still unusual to go through life alone (although not as uncommon.) Relationships aren't necessarily hard-won prizes, as if they were the result of years of self-improvement, meditation, reflection. Just look around...
Living a reasonably interesting life makes a person more attractive but can't compensate for complete lack of base-level attractiveness. And some men just aren't attractive; either physically or in their mannerisms, presence, tone of voice etc. Some are particularly unattractive. On top of this we live in society where women are no longer obliged to settle, where many would rather stay single in preference to that.
And if one believes themselves to be utterly unattractive then you will never display any attractive qualities. If all you do is crap on yourself that is all you'll ever have. You either keep on crapping on yourself or you clean yourself off and work at bettering yourself and finding what is good about you.
Sci-Fi said:
That's bullshit. If someone believes themselves to be utterly unattractive and they *are* ugly like that, then they are at least not deluding themselves, which is a good thing. Some people are *not* physically attractive to anyone. It is a fact, it happens. You can be intelligent, fun, brimming with good cheer and self-confidence, and still be entirely undesirable to all if you're hideous.
No it's not, I wasn't talking about looks I was talking about attractiveness as a whole like what ardour was mentioning.
That is what I was referring to. The whole of a person NOT their just their looks. Not everyone judges people on looks alone.
ardour said:
That is what I was referring to. The whole of a person NOT their just their looks. Not everyone judges people on looks alone.
Sci-Fi said:
I guess it depends on how bad someone looks. If your appearance inspires visceral disgust and shock from most people then it really *does not* matter what your non-visual merits may be. That is a realm I have a lot of experience in. Someone who does not judge someone on their looks? I hear people say that, but I've not met one yet. They have to be a rarity, for sure. I've met people who claimed to be like that... and sadly they discovered that they were just naive and inexperienced.
Also from reading the Reddit 'amiugly' forum recently I think that most people's idea of ugly is a lot different from mine.
On their scales I'd be like a -7, and on mine even the ugliest people I've seen post there are like 4 or 5(out of 10) at the lowest (which is not a terrible place to be, by my estimation).
