35 and life passing me by

[Solivagant]

No it's not, I wasn't talking about looks I was talking about attractiveness as a whole like what ardour was mentioning.

. And some men just aren't attractive; either physically or in their mannerisms, presence, tone of voice etc.

That is what I was referring to. The whole of a person NOT their just their looks. Not everyone judges people on looks alone.

I guess it depends on how bad someone looks. If your appearance inspires visceral disgust and shock from most people then it really *does not* matter what your non-visual merits may be. That is a realm I have a lot of experience in. Someone who does not judge someone on their looks? I hear people say that, but I've not met one yet. They have to be a rarity, for sure. I've met people who claimed to be like that... and sadly they discovered that they were just naive and inexperienced.

Also from reading the Reddit 'amiugly' forum recently I think that most people's idea of ugly is a lot different from mine. On their scales I'd be like a -7, and on mine even the ugliest people I've seen post there are like 4 or 5(out of 10) at the lowest (which is not a terrible place to be, by my estimation).

^ I kind of agree and disagree with both sides of this. It's likely that most everyone judges others by appearance in some respect, whether on a boldly deliberate superficial level or just more subconscious assumptions made based on how someone is dressed. But relationships aren't contingent on physical attraction for everyone. Many people do have relationships with someone they didn't find physically attractive initially, because they liked what they saw on the inside. Even if, hypothetically, someone is objectively very ugly; in the eyes of someone who loves them, they may become more attractive, or their appearance may simply not matter at all.

While there are exceptions to every rule, in my opinion there's no denying that being objectively unattractive physically can make it much harder end up in a relationship, regardless of positive self-talk, simply because people are generally more interested in getting to know attractive people. I say this from personal experience and observation. But it is by no means impossible, and I don't personally believe there's any case wherein non-visual merits don't matter at all. In my opinion, non-visual merits matter more than anything.

 

[ardour]

While there are exceptions to every rule, in my opinion there's no denying that being objectively unattractive physically can make it much harder end up in a relationship, regardless of positive self-talk, simply because people are generally more interested in getting to know attractive people.

That's the depressing reality much of the time, but not always. While being a positive may make you more likeable, better freind-material, if there isn't at least a moderate amount of physical attraction to begin with then those qualities won't create that out of nothing.

Add the fact that uglier men are more likely to characterized in extreme negative terms - creepy, threatening etc. - then being ill-favoured appearance-wise can be a serious barrier for any man to overcome. It all depends on people around you of course, a lot of women do *not* care what you like, but then those women are usually taken or not interested in relationships generally.

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No it's not, I wasn't talking about looks I was talking about attractiveness as a whole like what ardour was mentioning.

I was referring to appearance mainly, and those other aspects, how you carry yourself and so on, which can be worked on, are still very much surface level. Rarely will a woman start a seeing a man she has no initial attraction to.

I don’t see acknowledging reality as negative. Actually I’m done being negative; I’m an okay person, but believing that and making something out of my life won’t make a girlfriend any more of a possibility. A lot of us need to be reconciled to being alone.

 

[Batman55]

About 25% of people actually have never had a romantic relationship, so it is not as rare as you think.

My point is, if you're unfortunate enough to be or become one such person, don't think you're some rare beast or something, don't ascribe lesser value to yourself. It is easy to hate yourself for it when the media, and a few ridiculously extroverted and lucky people around you, are basically reinforcing the need for relationships 24/7. This ubiquitous "advertising" tricks you into thinking that everyone is supposed to have a relationship, and if you don't, you're the odd one out, you're hideous, you're strange, or whatever negative comment you can think of. Actually, there's a lot of people out there like you, they're just trying their hardest to keep quiet about it.

 

[panfruit]

About 25% of people actually have never had a romantic relationship, so it is not as rare as you think.

About 76.3% of all statistics are made up.

 

[scotty]

Well I see a couple of choices, 1- sit there and do nothing. For sure 35 will pass you bye, maybe the next couple of ones also. Or be afraid and take a step forward into the unknown. What do you have to lose?

 

[LadyDaria]

About 76.3% of all statistics are made up.

He probably got that from me. I think I mentioned on here that at one point had access to medical records and it was not at all unusual to see "not sexually active" - I was shocked. In my estimation it was like 1 in 4.

I do not think it is actually all that unusual. No one ever thinks about this but people may grow up in less than perfect situations. With sick parents or a major sickness themselves. In dire financial situations where they have to work several jobs or in the aftermath of abuse. Or maybe they are just unlucky. In such circumstances there is no time for the drama of romance or dating... and it just never happens.

Not everyone got to go to college and socialize with others of their age group. Sometimes people are sick in their formative years and when they get unsick they don't know what to do. No one ever thinks of this.