A growing amount of hatred for people and an obsessive compulsion to disconnect

[SomeoneSomewhere]

I just want to share this and feel better.

Everyday, I feel like I hate people more and more and this includes everyone I know/don't know. This isn't the kind of hatred that makes me want to go and butcher them with a blunt object but is the kind that makes me never want to see their face again and never wanna talk to them again.

Now the funny thing is, this isn't triggered by any specific incident or anything. I just don't want to be around people.

And then there's this part of me that just fears that people might get to know too much about me. This includes the people who are really close to me, like my mom and my sister. Like just the other day, I was watching a movie with my sister and while talking, I almost told her that the actor in the movie was my favorite actor. But I suddenly stopped myself. I know it makes no sense at all but even giving away something as stupid as that feels like I'm giving away too much about myself.

So I've basically stopped talking to anyone. It has gotten to the point where when I'm supposed to speak, I don't even know what to stay and my tongue almost feels numb. I speak in this weird voice that's not my own.

I try to push people away. I act like a snob towards people for no reason because I've realized that people hate snobs. When the guys from my college try to talk to me, I just act like I didn't even hear them or I ignore them straight away.

I know something's seriously wrong with me. I just wanted to share this with you guys and let a part of it out.

Thanks for listening.

 

[Rosebolt]

Yes. I know what you mean.

Yesterday i reflected on this, and it seems to stem from a variety of factors. I'm now working to systimatically eliminate those, so that i can stop being a dick to people and regain my former open mind.

Maybe that helps for you too, writing everything down and see where it comes from, form a connection.

Good luck.

 

[theglasscell]

I am like that too. I get really withdrawn and push people away.

I've just stopped talking to new friends out of nowhere and never spoken to them again.

I feel like it can be a defense mechanism, when I was a kid I would trust other kids or people and they would betray me or do mean things or ditch me, so as an adult I am still really paranoid and feel like I need to cut people off before they have a chance to do it to me.

I really have a hard time trusting people.

 

[Alienated]

I'm getting there real fast myself... they just aren't worth the effort... I give the hell up...

 

[Garbageman]

Hang in there, I hope are able to find a way get through and past this. Take care