hi i just recently came out like i mean in the past week as being a woman, its been something bothering me and. i just couldn't take it any more so got myself a boyfriend and i used to do this but let myself go for years, opium and heroin addiction, 5 serious real suicide attempts, benzodiazipine overdose, neat chlorine gas, trying to stop my heart with butane, stabbing myself, nicotine poisoning,, i was going to go for someone i found who sells the drug they use in euthenasia clinics and lethal injections and a managed to pull away from that, reconnected with aa boyfriend where our relationship had gone totally off the rails, started being female again and im loving it
however that was just one piece of the puzzle and infact solving it has made my life better and worse at the same darn time, my mental health workers are assuming that's ALL my problem was! ive been raped abused, given drugs as a child, had pedophiles after me as a child on the internet, and now the problem is, i can see my own traumas and am more emotionally aware of them now than i ever was but because of some really dumb misunderstanding the clinical psychologist who specializes in trauma who you CAN NOT normally get without being on this special team that are dropping me in under a year spent 7 months with me with the promise that we would fully address the traumas, we laid all the groundwork, i laid my heart and sole completely bare and all those traumas that lead me to suicide, heroin addiction, all sorts we just started to finally get to the part where we address them, and shes permanently dropped me! i won't get a chance with a very rare thing to get which is a clinical psychologist that specializes in trauma on the normal NHS add to that just because im happier being female my mental health coordinator is seeing me less now! and actually now im fully in touch with my true gender identity im FAR more aware of my pain than ever! but cause they saw me happy and smiling as female, the kind euphoria of being free from ONE aspect of things they think im magically cured! so improving one thing has made my situation worse! i seem to be trying to rely on online friends and my boyfriend for my pain but, its not working
however that was just one piece of the puzzle and infact solving it has made my life better and worse at the same darn time, my mental health workers are assuming that's ALL my problem was! ive been raped abused, given drugs as a child, had pedophiles after me as a child on the internet, and now the problem is, i can see my own traumas and am more emotionally aware of them now than i ever was but because of some really dumb misunderstanding the clinical psychologist who specializes in trauma who you CAN NOT normally get without being on this special team that are dropping me in under a year spent 7 months with me with the promise that we would fully address the traumas, we laid all the groundwork, i laid my heart and sole completely bare and all those traumas that lead me to suicide, heroin addiction, all sorts we just started to finally get to the part where we address them, and shes permanently dropped me! i won't get a chance with a very rare thing to get which is a clinical psychologist that specializes in trauma on the normal NHS add to that just because im happier being female my mental health coordinator is seeing me less now! and actually now im fully in touch with my true gender identity im FAR more aware of my pain than ever! but cause they saw me happy and smiling as female, the kind euphoria of being free from ONE aspect of things they think im magically cured! so improving one thing has made my situation worse! i seem to be trying to rely on online friends and my boyfriend for my pain but, its not working