anyone else here trans or gender fluid?

[simhthmss]

hi i just recently came out like i mean in the past week as being a woman, its been something bothering me and. i just couldn't take it any more so got myself a boyfriend and i used to do this but let myself go for years, opium and heroin addiction, 5 serious real suicide attempts, benzodiazipine overdose, neat chlorine gas, trying to stop my heart with butane, stabbing myself, nicotine poisoning,, i was going to go for someone i found who sells the drug they use in euthenasia clinics and lethal injections and a managed to pull away from that, reconnected with aa boyfriend where our relationship had gone totally off the rails, started being female again and im loving it

however that was just one piece of the puzzle and infact solving it has made my life better and worse at the same darn time, my mental health workers are assuming that's ALL my problem was! ive been raped abused, given drugs as a child, had pedophiles after me as a child on the internet, and now the problem is, i can see my own traumas and am more emotionally aware of them now than i ever was but because of some really dumb misunderstanding the clinical psychologist who specializes in trauma who you CAN NOT normally get without being on this special team that are dropping me in under a year spent 7 months with me with the promise that we would fully address the traumas, we laid all the groundwork, i laid my heart and sole completely bare and all those traumas that lead me to suicide, heroin addiction, all sorts we just started to finally get to the part where we address them, and shes permanently dropped me! i won't get a chance with a very rare thing to get which is a clinical psychologist that specializes in trauma on the normal NHS add to that just because im happier being female my mental health coordinator is seeing me less now! and actually now im fully in touch with my true gender identity im FAR more aware of my pain than ever! but cause they saw me happy and smiling as female, the kind euphoria of being free from ONE aspect of things they think im magically cured! so improving one thing has made my situation worse! i seem to be trying to rely on online friends and my boyfriend for my pain but, its not working

 

[Jently]

Oh honeysuckle, the NHS and mental health teams are an absolute nightmare. What does your care co-ordinator say about this, can you discuss this with them and possibly be referred back to the psych team and see another psychologist?

 

[kamya]

Being gender fluid is an actual thing? I always thought it was some made up joke to parody the LGBT people. I wish there was a way to physically switch back and forth perfectly. Xchangepill style :O I'd do it.

I'm glad your life is better after coming out fully. Hope you find the people you're looking for.

 

[simhthmss]

yeah it really is i've lived it, its very very difficult to explain but my mind can flow from very masculine and analytical while studying philosophy and playing video games alone and then when talking to my boyfriend COMPLETELY girly and my whole body language, the way i think everything goes in to female, i think about things different...same as if i'm having a reasoned debate about an important philosophical subject my whole body language will change and the way i think and feel then when the skirt, top, make up and tights are on with no effort whatsoever or even realizing i'm doing it i sound and act like a woman, it's real trust me

i just had things flip and saw 'hang on i'm darn miserable when im JUST male all the time and feel like im not allowed to be female and im far far happier just being female but, I'm not gonna give up the things i love....who doesn't like a philosopher gamer chick?

i was just gender fluid for a long time and then finally things gelled to being female