I have been pondering about this question for a long time, but I didn't really find an answer yet. Is it possible that there are people out there who can never love someone? Or at least people who forgot how it works?
I count myself to the second category, but I am partially okay with it since I always feel like I haven't got enough free time to do what I want and I would hardly find time for anyone else in my life. When I was in my last relationship, I felt like I could never really show what I felt for that person even if I wanted to. I wouldn't even consider that what I felt was love, more like a deep connection that I really cherished. It has been like that in my last three relationships, though, so I figure the person was not really the problem. Even my parents complain that I never "look like I am in a relationship" or "show that I love the guy" when any of my boyfriends were over. I didn't quite understand what they actually wanted from me since it was not their boyfriend.
So...is it possible that I am just not the type for relationships of any kind? I really like to talk with people and there is someone at work that I get along well with and we spend the breaks together but nothing more than that - no numbers, contacts or knowing where one lives. I know I don't want to establish a friendship with him because I simply do not see the point since we are having a great time already.
I feel very torn about this. Usually at some point in a relationship I start trying to hurt the other person just to see where they draw the line, if they can forgive me and if they trust me enough to overlook it. On the one hand, I really enjoy company and I can be very talkative, but on the other hand it disgusts me and I like seeing others suffer for some awkward reason. For example, once on the bus, I stood in front of one of those seats you can fold down, and I noticed a woman in her middle ages beside me trying to tell me she wanted to sit there and she put her hand on the seat and folded it a little downward. But I saw no point in why she would want to sit exactly where I stood since she wasn't even old or anything, so I moved my leg and squeezed her fingers inbetween the seat parts. I can't explain why, but it felt like she deserved it and I somehow liked it. I would not consider myself sadistic though, I am usually very friendly with people at work etc.
I just feel so split about my inside feelings most of the time, I would like a new relationship but I am quite sure it wouldn't change anything since I don't feel capable of loving someone from my heart. It's like the dog standing between his two beloved masters and not knowing which one to pick.
Has anyone ever been in that situation or are there any people out there who can never truly love even if they try? It might sound very weird but that is just how I feel and some people have already told me that I was cold-hearted.
Any opinions or statements welcome, feel free to flame war^^
I count myself to the second category, but I am partially okay with it since I always feel like I haven't got enough free time to do what I want and I would hardly find time for anyone else in my life. When I was in my last relationship, I felt like I could never really show what I felt for that person even if I wanted to. I wouldn't even consider that what I felt was love, more like a deep connection that I really cherished. It has been like that in my last three relationships, though, so I figure the person was not really the problem. Even my parents complain that I never "look like I am in a relationship" or "show that I love the guy" when any of my boyfriends were over. I didn't quite understand what they actually wanted from me since it was not their boyfriend.
So...is it possible that I am just not the type for relationships of any kind? I really like to talk with people and there is someone at work that I get along well with and we spend the breaks together but nothing more than that - no numbers, contacts or knowing where one lives. I know I don't want to establish a friendship with him because I simply do not see the point since we are having a great time already.
I feel very torn about this. Usually at some point in a relationship I start trying to hurt the other person just to see where they draw the line, if they can forgive me and if they trust me enough to overlook it. On the one hand, I really enjoy company and I can be very talkative, but on the other hand it disgusts me and I like seeing others suffer for some awkward reason. For example, once on the bus, I stood in front of one of those seats you can fold down, and I noticed a woman in her middle ages beside me trying to tell me she wanted to sit there and she put her hand on the seat and folded it a little downward. But I saw no point in why she would want to sit exactly where I stood since she wasn't even old or anything, so I moved my leg and squeezed her fingers inbetween the seat parts. I can't explain why, but it felt like she deserved it and I somehow liked it. I would not consider myself sadistic though, I am usually very friendly with people at work etc.
I just feel so split about my inside feelings most of the time, I would like a new relationship but I am quite sure it wouldn't change anything since I don't feel capable of loving someone from my heart. It's like the dog standing between his two beloved masters and not knowing which one to pick.
Has anyone ever been in that situation or are there any people out there who can never truly love even if they try? It might sound very weird but that is just how I feel and some people have already told me that I was cold-hearted.
Any opinions or statements welcome, feel free to flame war^^