Hello everyone. short story of my life below, sorry for the big block:
Parents both had 2-3 divorces in their life, it has greatly affected me as a child (and both are divorcing their respective partner again right now). At school I was the "autistic" loser that people would both despise and look up to (I have a few signs of autism, never diagnosed however). I have a porn addiction ever since I started at 11yo (I hate that part of me). Never studied until university came around, and it was fine until Covid.
I was always depressed and suicidal, but during Covid, I almost hanged myself. I wish I could explain how my instincts that day took over my brain, and it instinctively searched for my blue rope (I bought it for the eventual day of suicide, no I'm not making it up). It didn't happen because I forgot it at my mother's house.
During Covid things spiralled down: became addicted to the internet, stopped seeing friends, became a neo-Nazi and a hateful, disgusting man ("man" is too good a term here). Lost my first GF of 1 year because of that. Stopped studying/working for university.
I've been on various forum since I was around 17, I am now 23 today. It started with reddit "manosphere" and various right wing/anti-feminist youtube channels, then went towards incel.me (then incel.is) and 4chan, then towards 8chan (now 8kun I believe) and other lesser known forums. I lost time and brain-capacity trough all this.
Fast forward to now and I failed uni, but I am now studying woodworking, with a 3 years internship in a small company. I love it (it's my passion in life) but interns are exploited for what they're paid... working hours are taking a toll on my body (overtime too)
I've managed to stop looking at extremist websites, started seeing friends and family again, involved myself at university despite not being a student anymore (I don't sleep enough because of that, but it's better than just work, otherwise big depression arises)
I've joined this website because despite people knowing me a lot (at uni) I still feel lonely. I'd prefer a gf but I'm basically a construction worker in the eyes of many (it shouldn't matter... but passions are invisible to many)
I'm sorry for this condensed block. it's probably not fun or interesting to read (I skipped a lot of details) but I need an outlet somewhere. Psychologist/psychotherapist don't work (I've seen them
since I was 3yo). Can't tell some friends because I'll lose them for sure. Can't tell anyone, but keeping it in isn't great either.
Otherwise I wish everyone a good day
- SquareBin
Parents both had 2-3 divorces in their life, it has greatly affected me as a child (and both are divorcing their respective partner again right now). At school I was the "autistic" loser that people would both despise and look up to (I have a few signs of autism, never diagnosed however). I have a porn addiction ever since I started at 11yo (I hate that part of me). Never studied until university came around, and it was fine until Covid.
I was always depressed and suicidal, but during Covid, I almost hanged myself. I wish I could explain how my instincts that day took over my brain, and it instinctively searched for my blue rope (I bought it for the eventual day of suicide, no I'm not making it up). It didn't happen because I forgot it at my mother's house.
During Covid things spiralled down: became addicted to the internet, stopped seeing friends, became a neo-Nazi and a hateful, disgusting man ("man" is too good a term here). Lost my first GF of 1 year because of that. Stopped studying/working for university.
I've been on various forum since I was around 17, I am now 23 today. It started with reddit "manosphere" and various right wing/anti-feminist youtube channels, then went towards incel.me (then incel.is) and 4chan, then towards 8chan (now 8kun I believe) and other lesser known forums. I lost time and brain-capacity trough all this.
Fast forward to now and I failed uni, but I am now studying woodworking, with a 3 years internship in a small company. I love it (it's my passion in life) but interns are exploited for what they're paid... working hours are taking a toll on my body (overtime too)
I've managed to stop looking at extremist websites, started seeing friends and family again, involved myself at university despite not being a student anymore (I don't sleep enough because of that, but it's better than just work, otherwise big depression arises)
I've joined this website because despite people knowing me a lot (at uni) I still feel lonely. I'd prefer a gf but I'm basically a construction worker in the eyes of many (it shouldn't matter... but passions are invisible to many)
I'm sorry for this condensed block. it's probably not fun or interesting to read (I skipped a lot of details) but I need an outlet somewhere. Psychologist/psychotherapist don't work (I've seen them
since I was 3yo). Can't tell some friends because I'll lose them for sure. Can't tell anyone, but keeping it in isn't great either.
Otherwise I wish everyone a good day
- SquareBin