Can't see nothing but suicide

[VanillaCreme]

Thanks for keeping me on track, I know it doesn't look like it upon first glance but this does have to do with the OP. He probably doesn't know what self-love looks like if he hates himself (which it really seems like he does).

You explaining your perspective on it (if you're willing to) may help him.

Even if Sci were comfortable saying anything, which it doesn't seem like he is, that's not exactly something that anyone else can explain to someone. That's why it's called liking yourself; Not "having someone else explain how to like yourself," so it can't really be told. That comes from within, not from people's words telling them how to be.

 

[DariusArgent]

When thoughts of suicide come to my mind I immediately think what would be the consequences. What things would I miss that I look forward to and stop enjoying the small things that I do.

I listen to music, a lot. There are many times that my spine tingles and shivers when I listen to a beautiful melody. Music is constantly expanding and I know that I will feel that beautiful feeling again. If I do suicide, I'll never feel that beautiful feeling again.

I hope you have a similar consideration. Godspeed.

 

[cumulus.james]

Thanks for all your help and advice. I do appreciate it I really do, but it is not the same as having a real person in your life, but I do not mean to sound ungrateful.

I am guessing most of you are in the USA. Here in the UK we people are very repressed, narrowminded, bigotted and self obsessed. Neighbours do not talk to each other. By the time you leave school if you do not allready know people it is near impossible to get to know people, after that it is generally through your work, and I don't work at the moment with my mental illness as it is. Then there is mental illness, people can spot you are "diffrent" and it scares them, so they stay away. Then there is being gay, people claim to be tolerent, but on the whole if you tell someone you are gay they become cold to you at the same time and pretending that they are accepting of it, you can sense this. then if I were to get to know someone it would have to come out that I was a rent boy. Can you imagine how I can ever feel another human will wan't to know me?

Here are my lables:

Child Prostitute
HighSchool Dropout
Thief
Loner
Bipolar
Dissociative
Social Phobia
Obsessive Compulsive
Aggoraphobic
Paranoid
Alcaholic
Sex Addict
Porn Addict
Unemployed
On Walfare
Marxist
Anarchist
Ant-Capitalist
Inverted Narssicist

Am I anyones ideal date yet?

 

[Ioann]

We are all more than our labels. Indeed, I find the idea of labelling people quite repellent. Particularly so when it is a behaviour (like drinking to much, or compulsively looking at porn) which can be changed, as all behaviours can, or an illness like bipolar disorder.

You are not your labels. You are you.

 

[sothatwasmylife]

Hang on I am English and live in the UK and although I can agree with your repressed, narrow minded, bigotted and self obsessed remarks concerning British characteristics I really must take issue with the fact you forgot to mention narrow minded...oh sorry you did mention it...so maybe unobservant goes on the list as well

 

[cumulus.james]

How can I find another human who loves me?

 

[Erevetot]

To your last post, yes you are someone's ideal date. I'll sound cliche, but there is someone for you. No matter what you've been through, no matter how broken you may be or think you are, you're not "lost". Trust me, not liking yourself doesnt mean others dont like you. You may not have someone now, but if you hang in there and try, you will

 

[TheRealCallie]

How can I find another human who loves me?

Go out and meet people. Eventually, if you are honest with people and don't shut yourself down, you will find people that care about you. It does take time though and you have to have confidence in yourself or you will just continue to sabotage everything.

 

[Ioann]

How can I find another human who loves me?

We have told you - Start by loving your self.

How do you do that?

Start by making yourself feel good about yourself.

Simple things like lose some weight (I lost a stone and a half just giving up drinking for nine months), exercise, make sure you always wash, shave etc.

You have to begin somewhere.

 

[DariusArgent]

How can I find another human who loves me?

Start with small, but very difficult steps. First of all you should erase your past. Completely. You shouldn't allow it to shape your very being. It's not easy but once you do it you have no idea of the feeling when you will succeed. It's like you drop a giant rock from your hands and you feel floating in the air.

When you go out and meet someone you know, greet them. Saying "Hello" is enough. If they don't reply good, if they do reply even better. If someone asks for your help, help them if you can. The rest goes naturally. No, it won't always succeed and it might not give results immediately but the most important thing is to not give up despite the results. In my case I learned this in a very hard way.

Good luck.

 

[TheRealCallie]

First of all you should erase your past. Completely. You shouldn't allow it to shape your very being.

I don't agree with this. You can't erase your past, because it is a part of you. If you do that, you are either deluding yourself about it or burying inside. Neither of which is going to benefit you in the end because it will usually find it's way to the surface at some point down the road. It's better to accept what happened and move on from it.
Hiding and running from your past doesn't make it better and doesn't make it go away. We all have things from our past that we need to let go of, but there's no way to erase it. Learn from it, accept that it happened and let it go. That's the only healthy way you will be able to move on, IMO

As for it shaping you, it's not good if you let it shape you in a negative way, but if you learn from it, the past will make you into a better person. That's not a bad thing, it's a good thing. You wouldn't be who you are if it wasn't for what happened to you in the past. It's your (generalized you) decision how you let it shape your future.

 

[Ioann]

How can I find another human who loves me?

Start with small, but very difficult steps. First of all you should erase your past. Completely. You shouldn't allow it to shape your very being. It's not easy but once you do it you have no idea of the feeling when you will succeed. It's like you drop a giant rock from your hands and you feel floating in the air.

When you go out and meet someone you know, greet them. Saying "Hello" is enough. If they don't reply good, if they do reply even better. If someone asks for your help, help them if you can. The rest goes naturally. No, it won't always succeed and it might not give results immediately but the most important thing is to not give up despite the results. In my case I learned this in a very hard way.

Good luck.

How is cumulus.james supposed to 'erase his past'. He's been sexually abused, for god's sake. He's had a life few people can contemplate. You cant just erase the past like in some movie. How's he to go out and just say 'hello' to someone when he feels the way he does?

 

[sothatwasmylife]

I've found that refusing to engage with a negative and destructive past is the most helpful thing I have ever achieved for myself....your past will if you permit it to entrap you totally...Some things simply cannot be resolved...regard those things that seek to destroy you as dead...

 

[cumulus.james]

How can I find another human who loves me?

We have told you - Start by loving your self.

How do you do that?

Start by making yourself feel good about yourself.

Simple things like lose some weight (I lost a stone and a half just giving up drinking for nine months), exercise, make sure you always wash, shave etc.

You have to begin somewhere.

I don't want to loose wieght - I actively keep myself fat. Even at the ripe old age of 34 if I was to lose wieght (did a couple of years back, I joined a gym) I would look boyish (I am short and small build with very smooth skin) and be attractive to men and I would set out wanting to find love and just be used for sex again, and I still don't have the ability to get out of those situations. Then the next stage is when I really start to look propper old around 40. So I will be this old man who was f***** by hundreds but is left with nothing.

I want someone to love me because I am me, but in the gay world I can only get someoen who wants to shag me because I spend all my time in the gym. Which is no diffrent than all them men who did me because I was a kid.

You have to be some form of ideal object for anyone to want you.

This is true - gay men will not even speak to you on the apps and that these days unless they fancy you. So never mind getting a date - you cant even get a freind.

 

[Ioann]

God, if you look proper old at 40, I must look geriatric at 46!

Getting a friend is very different to getting a date, you know.

 

[cumulus.james]

God, if you look proper old at 40, I must look geriatric at 46!

Getting a friend is very different to getting a date, you know.

But since I lost my "twinkness" in my mid to late 20s I have made all sorts of profiles on all the dating sites and apps and that. Honestly, unless you conform to some steritype, "twink" or "hunk" or whatever and they can see themselves in bed with you they litreally will not talk to you.

 

[DariusArgent]

You can't erase your past, because it is a part of you. If you do that, you are either deluding yourself about it or burying inside. Neither of which is going to benefit you in the end because it will usually find it's way to the surface at some point down the road. It's better to accept what happened and move on from it.

Err in my part. Didn't mean to say to completely erase the past even though I said such. Your words describe what I wanted to say much better. However, accepting you past also means also to accept things that were said about you. If many people said that you "are ugly and disgusting" should you accept that? Should you allow that moment to shape you? Accepting your past is a very difficult procedure and I never met someone who completely changed for the better by accepting his/her past. This is from my perspective of course and if you say that I am wrong then so be it.

As for it shaping you, it's not good if you let it shape you in a negative way, but if you learn from it, the past will make you into a better person. That's not a bad thing, it's a good thing. You wouldn't be who you are if it wasn't for what happened to you in the past. It's your (generalized you) decision how you let it shape your future.

This is also true. However few people are psychically capable of doing that.

How is cumulus.james supposed to 'erase his past'. He's been sexually abused, for god's sake. He's had a life few people can contemplate. You cant just erase the past like in some movie. How's he to go out and just say 'hello' to someone when he feels the way he does?

And this is exactly what I mean about psychic capability, hence why I said that it is a difficult procedure. cumulus.james asked a question about finding people that will accept him and I gave him an answer. Maybe my words seemed harsh and jarring and I apologize if that was the case. My life hasn't been as horrible as his but I also suffered humiliation and self-loathing. But at one point in life I realized that such things happen to me because I allowed my past to shape me. I decided not to (and mind you this didn't happen in a snap like some movie, I needed years for this). And that's how I "erased my past". Maybe there are better ways to say what I've done but that's how I view it.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Err in my part. Didn't mean to say to completely erase the past even though I said such. Your words describe what I wanted to say much better. However, accepting you past also means also to accept things that were said about you. If many people said that you "are ugly and disgusting" should you accept that? Should you allow that moment to shape you? Accepting your past is a very difficult procedure and I never met someone who completely changed for the better by accepting his/her past. This is from my perspective of course and if you say that I am wrong then so be it.

Words can only hurt you if you allow them to. I have been called many things in my life, but most of those words are either from people that do not know me or people that only want to cause a fight. Neither of which I let bother me. Let them call me whatever they want. It doesn't mean anything unless I let them.

As for it shaping you, it's not good if you let it shape you in a negative way, but if you learn from it, the past will make you into a better person. That's not a bad thing, it's a good thing. You wouldn't be who you are if it wasn't for what happened to you in the past. It's your (generalized you) decision how you let it shape your future.

This is also true. However few people are psychically capable of doing that.

Sorry, but I don't agree with that. Almost EVERYONE is capable of it. It's not easy, not by any means. Some may have a harder time than others doing it, but it CAN be done, if you allow yourself to let it happen.
Granted, yes, there are some that have severe mental problems that are unable to separate fact from fiction and things like that. They may be unable to do this, but for those that do not have issues of that nature, it is possible.

 

[VanillaCreme]

First of all you should erase your past. Completely. You shouldn't allow it to shape your very being.

If you feel the need to erase your past, that is allowing it to shape you.

 

[sothatwasmylife]

It's being receptive to engaging with a past that cannot be resolved that only creates an ongoing cycle of self destruction....continuously seeking solutions to questions that often have no answer, that create obsessive negative preoccupation and only serve to continuously undermine you....you should not engage with it. Put it to one side say to yourself I am not going to engage with these thoughts...they should fragment and die...use a visual ref to aid you...an iceberg breaking up or something that resonates with you, and over a relatively short period of time...those thoughts that have become habitual....those things we neglect will often die.

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Although children, pets, and elderly relatives should probably be excluded

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Maybe just the children and the pets...feel entirely free to kill off the elderly relatives if appropriate