cryingcloud
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- Joined
- May 21, 2011
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In my 20 years on this planet, I have one continuous problem, a demon of some sort that won't leave me alone. By this I mean, it's as if something has been blocking me from building relationships...with anyone. Currently, I'm mainly associated with 3 people, My "best friend," my...friend with..."benefits" and my long distance friend.
My so-called best friend (of 6 years) and I are doing okay, but we recently went through a pretty rough period as far as us getting along. We lived together for a bit, but it ended in flames, resulting in me moving out. We don't really see each other that often, but we talk on the phone sometimes. She's pretty busy with her job and her other friends and her boyfriend. She goes out to parties and all that jazz.
My friend with "benefits," (< I really hate saying that.) wasn't planned to be that way. It just kind of...happened. I met him through a previous job I had and developed a small crush on him, it was really anything but serious. I was just going to nod it off, till we started to hang out outside of work. That's when things changed. We went from normal friends to...this. I never wanted this though, I looked at him (and still do) as a possible relationship, because I do have feelings for him, but he puts it as, (quote) "I'm just trying to meet people, I'm not trying to be in a relationship right now." He's just another guy added to the list of guys who have said this exact quote to me. I don't even understand what that means.
My long distance friend and I Skype every now and again, there's not a lot to that, because...the distance, but he's a big slacker when it comes to "give and take." What I mean is that, If he has a problem or something bugging him, he always comes to me, but If I have one, I practically have to give an arm and a leg to get him to sit down and listen. That's usually when the sorry excuses (that he's oh so good at) come in to play.
I have a job myself that keeps me busy when I'm not in school, but it doesn't make it any less lonely. What discourages me even more, is that I tried to become friends with a this girl I work with, and I thought it was going good. We hung out outside of work and it went fine. Then the demon shows up and it fails. I don't think she likes me very much, if at all. She's all buddy-buddy with another girl who we work with, and is always leaving me out. (She makes plans with her right in front of me...)
I just don't know why this happens to me. I have never had a guy that has genuinely cared about me, or wanted to be with me. Never. I've only ever been treated as a casual "hook-up" and it's not like I give off that aura either, I've always been told that I look "innocent," "young," and shy...even awkward sometimes. Every guy I've been with, from the start, knew they had no intentions with me.
The fact is, no matter what kind of relationship it is, I'll cherish it, because it's so hard for me to have one, friends or more. I don't know, I go to school, and I work and can't find a single person to befriend. ANYONEEE. I just want someone...
My so-called best friend (of 6 years) and I are doing okay, but we recently went through a pretty rough period as far as us getting along. We lived together for a bit, but it ended in flames, resulting in me moving out. We don't really see each other that often, but we talk on the phone sometimes. She's pretty busy with her job and her other friends and her boyfriend. She goes out to parties and all that jazz.
My friend with "benefits," (< I really hate saying that.) wasn't planned to be that way. It just kind of...happened. I met him through a previous job I had and developed a small crush on him, it was really anything but serious. I was just going to nod it off, till we started to hang out outside of work. That's when things changed. We went from normal friends to...this. I never wanted this though, I looked at him (and still do) as a possible relationship, because I do have feelings for him, but he puts it as, (quote) "I'm just trying to meet people, I'm not trying to be in a relationship right now." He's just another guy added to the list of guys who have said this exact quote to me. I don't even understand what that means.
My long distance friend and I Skype every now and again, there's not a lot to that, because...the distance, but he's a big slacker when it comes to "give and take." What I mean is that, If he has a problem or something bugging him, he always comes to me, but If I have one, I practically have to give an arm and a leg to get him to sit down and listen. That's usually when the sorry excuses (that he's oh so good at) come in to play.
I have a job myself that keeps me busy when I'm not in school, but it doesn't make it any less lonely. What discourages me even more, is that I tried to become friends with a this girl I work with, and I thought it was going good. We hung out outside of work and it went fine. Then the demon shows up and it fails. I don't think she likes me very much, if at all. She's all buddy-buddy with another girl who we work with, and is always leaving me out. (She makes plans with her right in front of me...)
I just don't know why this happens to me. I have never had a guy that has genuinely cared about me, or wanted to be with me. Never. I've only ever been treated as a casual "hook-up" and it's not like I give off that aura either, I've always been told that I look "innocent," "young," and shy...even awkward sometimes. Every guy I've been with, from the start, knew they had no intentions with me.
The fact is, no matter what kind of relationship it is, I'll cherish it, because it's so hard for me to have one, friends or more. I don't know, I go to school, and I work and can't find a single person to befriend. ANYONEEE. I just want someone...