Decathect

[Sigma]

de•ca•thect

Pronunciation: (dē"ku-thekt')
—v.t.
to withdraw one's feelings of attachment from (a person, idea, or object), as in anticipation of a future loss: He decathected from her in order to cope with her impending death.

I came across this word, and it got me thinking.
I've personally never done this and would like to think I never will, however I've seen it happen or heard of it happen plenty of times already.
Now this doesn't always have to be something personal, it can happen when it becomes obvious the political party of your choice is not going to win an election, or perhaps when a car you've used for many years will soon be unfit to drive, in such cases you'll "detach" yourself from those things in advance.

However it could also be the fear of having a close friend betray your trust, perhaps you've suffered something like that in the past and when a new friend starts getting close you distance yourself as a defensive mechanism. Maybe someone you've been having deep conversations with online tells you they'll be moving away soon and won't have access to the internet for a long time, suddenly the talks become a lot more mundane, after all why would you still emotionally invest yourself when they'll be out of contact soon anyway?

It got me wondering. Is this human nature, something we all do to a certain extent in those scenarios, or is it a selfish thing to do, disregarding others to safeguard ourselves. Obviously this will vary between different people, some are just a lot more selfless than others (Or vice versa), but I'm still curious when people consider this behaviour to be justified, and when it isn't.

 

[Senamian]

I've found I do it without thinking. Having "the same old **** thing" happen over and over, I realized the more it happened... The reason why it kept happening... Because I started to distance myself, however not on purpose. Didn't know it had a fancier word I just used the word "irritating"

It tends to be a coping mechanism for some scenarios, a force of habit for others, and a part of denial for others.

Denial can very much be a part of it because when some DENIES something happening, they can end up detaching themselves from the situation at hand.
As for me, it became a subconscious force of habit. Some people knowingly get into the habit, and eventually it becomes like their first language - already known, comes to them easily, no issues at all.
For such things like death, removing oneself mentally and sometimes physically is an attempt to help cope with the unwanted and overwhelming feelings.

It can be both human nature and selfishness. But it would depend on the persons themselves. (As for me, now that I am aware of what I do, I can stop it in it's tracks as it is most unwanted!)

 

[Peaches]

a new word! thanks

 

[Mr.YellowCat]

This sounds like a rather sensitive matter.
I believe some of it may be seen, as an example, by veterinarians (animal doctor, right?), that put animals to sleep. People who choose this as their job are usually those who deeply care about animals. So when they do this, they should/would get hurt doing it, if not for decathectment (??) from those poor animals. In this case, the detachment from the act would be for good, as they, I believe, have cases like this every day, or at least often. On the other way, it would be right if there is a person empathetic with the animal, which would be owner, that spent his/her life with the animal. Owner could use some kind of stoic emotional state not to get hurt by this, but again, your question, is this right? In case its someone else (here, the animal) getting hurt, and because of that I believe in this case it would not be right to detach (decathect) from the animal, as it would be somehow unmoral, although that is quite relative I guess.
But as of human nature... I believe that depends on every one of us, as the nature of ours may differ, and as we may perceive human nature in different forms, in some ways. I do not know really.
But when its justifiable..Another tough question. As in example above, I think that it can be somehow determined by the fact if there are others hurt in some act, or by the detachment itself. Sharing feeling with someone is something complicated, and I think that it should be perceived and accepted as a whole. Good and bad, pleasuring and hurtful. This may sound stupid (maybe is...), but "being hurt in a good thing", should actually not feel bad. As example from my life, when my grandfather died, yes, I was sad, did not detach from him or the feeling, but even at the time as I get to know it, I was kinda happy, as I knew he had a full life, he raised his kids as he should, and was a great man by all accounts. He was old, drained of energy, but even if not, I believed that the end of his lie, although sad, was a part of his life, that was good, and this was a dot after the last chapter. By that metaphor, would you not read a book because you know you would like it, but one day you would end it?

I hope I did not offend anyone, as that was not what I wanted to do, nor should I, by that I wrote, as I´m only reasoning (thinking..?), not judging or making some dogmatic statements. I´m not sure with the validity of what I wrote.

And by the way, would a word that means one is trying for others not to get attached to him/her, have some form based on this word, decathect? It sounds like something fairly relative to this, although its 180° around.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I've had to do this, because people are quick to walk out of your life.

 

[Rosebolt]

I do this relatively often. Survival mechanism!

 

[ladyforsaken]

de•ca•thect

Pronunciation: (dē"ku-thekt')
—v.t.
to withdraw one's feelings of attachment from (a person, idea, or object), as in anticipation of a future loss: He decathected from her in order to cope with her impending death.

I came across this word, and it got me thinking.
I've personally never done this and would like to think I never will, however I've seen it happen or heard of it happen plenty of times already.
Now this doesn't always have to be something personal, it can happen when it becomes obvious the political party of your choice is not going to win an election, or perhaps when a car you've used for many years will soon be unfit to drive, in such cases you'll "detach" yourself from those things in advance.

However it could also be the fear of having a close friend betray your trust, perhaps you've suffered something like that in the past and when a new friend starts getting close you distance yourself as a defensive mechanism. Maybe someone you've been having deep conversations with online tells you they'll be moving away soon and won't have access to the internet for a long time, suddenly the talks become a lot more mundane, after all why would you still emotionally invest yourself when they'll be out of contact soon anyway?

It got me wondering. Is this human nature, something we all do to a certain extent in those scenarios, or is it a selfish thing to do, disregarding others to safeguard ourselves. Obviously this will vary between different people, some are just a lot more selfless than others (Or vice versa), but I'm still curious when people consider this behaviour to be justified, and when it isn't.

I love how unique this word sounds when you told me about it.

And well I'm pretty guilty of decathecting myself, as you know. I think as it is partly human nature, it is something not many can really help with? Unless somebody points it out or helps them undecathect. Come to think of it, as much as I personally feel that I'm saving the "burden" on others by doing this, it is selfish to a certain extent, because I also neglect these people who may not feel that it is a "burden" and those who are genuinely concerned and may need me around.

Honestly though, I think it is justified only if it occurs for a certain period of time (if really necessary), but if let's say I let it go on and not want to do anything to improve the situation despite other people trying to reach out and help... then that turns into utter selfishness. Just my opinion. It's probably why I started feeling guilty after awhile of keeping to myself lately. :\

 

[Walley]

I don't think it is general human nature. it is a coping mechanism that certain personality types employ, but I don't really feel it's universal.
I don't do it, I wish I could sometimes.. but it's not within my range. although I've had it happen to me a couple of times that I know of. (who knows how many times that i'm not aware of)

 

[ladyforsaken]

^Are you sure you don't do it? Hmm. Now that makes me wonder.. has anyone never decathected before?

 

[Senamian]

I never knew I did it until later It can be super subtle (minor behavior patterns which occur more than once, tied into a way for one to detach from others or an object...), or blindingly obvious!

 

[ucxb]

I have not heard of this word, its very similar to "detach"

I am "guilty" of it, especially in chaotic situations or toxic / bad relations.
One of my distorted thinking habits is jumping to conclusions i.e. mind reading and foresight; because of this I easily separate myself from people, situations. I am trying to rewire such distortive thinking patterns because it is not healthy. I do feel guilt every time because it does feel selfish, even if its for a greater good like detaching from an abusive relationship...