How do I prepare myself for future constant rejection?

[Luna]

Rejected, rejected, rejected...

Now...the whole "His loss blahblahblah/ I'm too good for him" is what I've been carrying on, when rejected.

Sadly enough, I can't fool myself into truly believing that.

I don't believe in "the one" and I don't believe everyone will ever have success at dating.

I just should give up all hope for male companionship.
Gave up on women a long time ago because the whole lot of them in my city act like s***ks.

I try not to think positive or set up expectations too high, otherwise...I'll crash and burn even harder.

So if anything good DOES happen, I'm amazingly surprised.

I just need to learn though...on how to prepare myself for the future.
I will continue to be rejected; I'm **** unattractive...have no money for plastic surgery as of yet.
Even plastic surgery has its limits, so I don't really know what to do with my face.

Honestly...I don't believe any man would ever want to have a long-term relationship with me.
I'll probably die a virgin because I can't separate my emotions and sex.
Being messed and chucked would just burn me even more, so I do not give my trust easily.
But no worries, it's not like anyone wants my trust anyway.

I hate whining - thanks to those who tolerate my posts, but I just feel so ******* lonely. I woke up at 3am and have not yet gone to bed.
I just long to know what it feels like to be loved...and to not always feel the disgust of others.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Rejection is a part of life Luna..not only in relationships but also in many other areas.

Even in bussiness I used to trun in bids for contracts...hundreds of them.
My life was also on the line becuase without work..I wouldn't have a job. So it was still personal.
It can be stressful at times becuase you put in so much time, energy and work. You don't hear
anything back. And when you do...it's more negociations. Some of the contracts are down right
not profitable at all but only to keep the employees bussied and have a job.
I felt rejected becuase I'm proud of my work. Half of the time I felt dejected and retarded about it.
I felt like it was going nowhere, over worked without a payday, reward or winning.

I did so much biding once...and nothing. My boss was even considering giving up and selling the company.
But after 4-6 months. We finally manage to land some contracts that was profitable. Then 2-3 months later
we got another big contract. it took the company a while to adjust to that...becuase for a while it was a bit
more than we can handle. After we managed to get those things rolling..We got another contract...
But i had gotten so used to biding a lot contracts. I also felt crazy half of the god **** time...
Not only did i had to continue biding...I had to kick start and manage the projects that we signed for.
I ran into all kinds of challenges that I didn't for see. But i had to push through and make it happen correct
whatever errors or make adjustments. It was like a freaken mad house at work half of the time. I had to get creative and solve problems on the fly.
People always asking to me to do honeysuckle or thought i had all the **** answers...on top of that, I don't even get a "Thank you"..
They want everything done yesterday.lmao

After a while some bids i wouldn't even look at..becuase those people were just using our company as a number
to bonce off of. Then give contracts to who they were going to give it to and had them work around my numbers.
What I'm saying is a lot of the bidding I did really didn't had anything to do. it my company or me
personally. I had to stopped and not internalize thier bullshit. Sometimes they would even pressure me and my boss. blah..blah
but ultimately we learned to say "NO". It was a waste of our time and energy.

It also taght me about life too...Sometimes you gatta go through a lot of bullshit just to get what you want and need.
It tuaght me about perseverence and adversities. It taught me about moving forward inspite of it all.
It taught me about not blaming myself or beat up on myself. I did that best that I could with what I had.

These are the very same principles i learned in recovery and applying in my own personal life.

I did all that work because I love my GF and children.
Will fresia me...half of the time i didn't even get to see my children or GF.
And when i do get home...I'm so tired and stressed. i just needed to chill and rest.
I barely had sex with my GF. So it totally messed up that relationship.
Then she ultimately left me...I miss my youngest duaghter school's play twice and that was the straw that broke the camel's back.
It really hurted my daughter, she wanted me to be there. be proud of her becuase of the time ands energy she put into her activities.

Anyways...life gose on. It has to go on. i can't just sit and spin.

 

[Badjedidude]

Honestly...I don't believe any man would ever want to have a long-term relationship with me.
I'll probably die a virgin because I can't separate my emotions and sex.
Being messed and chucked would just burn me even more, so I do not give my trust easily.
But no worries, it's not like anyone wants my trust anyway.

I don't think this is entirely true...but I understand that you're feeling like this. *HUG*

There are tons of guys out there who would LOVE to be with you...it's just a matter of sifting through the pile of crap until you find those guys. If you have the resolve and the patience, eventually you will find a man. ^_^ I promise.

*HUG* Just take a step back, take a deep breath, and keep going. That's all anyone can do anyway.

 

[CAS]

Just expect rejection and you will not go far wrong.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Just expect rejection and you will not go far wrong.

And stay miserable by believing this mindset...

 

[Talus]

I've always thought that preparing for rejection makes it a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy. The best advice I can offer is to avoid all expectations at all. Every day is a new day, and whatever happens happens, be it good or bad. Leaning on your hopes too much leads can lead to disappointment, and expecting the worst only increases it's chances of being reality.

As for rejection, well it sucks, but usually it happens for good reason. Not to suggest blame, but simply to say there are a ton of people in the world, and most of them are very wrong for each other. It's better to be rejected by someone who you're wrong for - and is wrong for you then to end up in a relationship with them, because that path is even worse than being alone.

As for ugliness. Well I've no idea what you look like, but in my experience 9 out of 10 people who think they're ugly usually aren't. Those are good enough odds that I'd bet you aren't either. Plus, what does it matter, there's far more more important things than the way you look, and there are a lot of people out there who know that.

If I may be so bold I think you should shift your focus from preparing for rejection to finding new ways to build self confidence. I know that's much easier said than done, but that's really what's going to get you what you want in the end.

 

[AllAlone1]

Wow that was very inspiring Talus!!! I love your perspective, I am constantly trying to take this approach when dealing with others as well as other situations in my life in general but I would be lying if I said this was not hard but I simply have to believe there is a happy ending for all those that want one, it's all in your perspective and how you approach each and every situation that determines the outcome you may or may not seek and while I am sure many of us know that essentially, as I stated earlier the knowledge of something and the application of it are two very different things and can be difficult depending on the aforementioned, but I can't give up on this concept and I hope that many others that deal with this as an issue don't give hope up either!

 

[oarivan]

Just expect rejection and you will not go far wrong.

And stay miserable by believing this mindset...

Not necessarily. The man is just being cautious.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Just expect rejection and you will not go far wrong.

And stay miserable by believing this mindset...

He's got a point. If you expect nothing but rejection, that's probably all you'll ever find, and you won't go very far. That goes for anything. If you constantly have a negative or nasty attitude about things, they'll always be just that. Try to shed some positive light on it, and at least you might feel better about it.

 

[Silvernight]

I can just say is that you shouldn't base your worth on whether or not you have a relationship. Otherwise, you may be in for a lot of misery. I don't believe you're ugly, there're very few girls that are actually ugly if they take normal care of themselves. And rejection is hard, however you try to look at it. I'm sorry. Personally, men don't seem to have any interest in me either. I'm ok-looking, not a supermodel of course. Must have something to do with my personality I suppose, but I cannot become a polar opposite of myself even if I wanted to. Or maybe just not entertaining enough, it's a bit hard when you don't have a buttload of stories to tell about your escapades with friends because you don't really have friends *sigh* I suppose that in order to be interesting to someone else, you should first be happy with yourself, and that's the hard part.

For that matter, I don't really think there's "the one" either. Imagine trying to find your one among six billion people all over the globe, not gonna happen. Maybe in a better life, but not here. Rather I think there are people with whom you resonate more than with others and any of those may become your other half. Not that it's easy finding them either, and they're often either not interested or taken. But I believe it's better to be single than to throw your lot in with someone you don't care for just not to stay single. Ever wonder why so many divorces?

 

[AFrozenSoul]

You prepare yourself for a future of rejection by believing you will always be rejected. Stop believing it, you will find someone eventually. Someone you can trust someone you can love. Most of all someone you can have fun with. In one of the various books I have read, about picking up women. It told me that if you are not having fun you are doing it wrong. It also said do not focus on numbers focus on your skills.

You will make it hun, just do not quit.

 

[Solitary]

I tend to agree with those who say that by preparing yourself for rejection you call up that rejection. Mindset is very important: if you approach someone already thinking of how to react when you supposedly get rejected you don't pay attention to actually 'approach' the person, to get to know him/her. And they notice that you are not interested or detached, and they reject you. So by preparing for something you automatically bring it up. If you were to just go along with the flow of the conversation, or just take interest in someone, find something you have in common, believe me, rejection won't come.

And don't be afraid to get rejected. You may want to avoid confrontations in which you could get rejected, and so become very isolated from others. It wouldn't do any good to anyone, especially to yourself.

Finally, you have to believe that you are lovable, likeable and not only rejectable. Believing otherwise only gives you the excuse to not go anywhere where you might face rejection.

Just my two cents...