How far would you protect your partner?

[melly]

Pretty much everyone uses facebook these days yes? My and my partner do to keep in touch with family abroad (me in Europe, him in US). And although I have lots of “friends” listed from UK I can say that most of these are just people I know as colleague from work. I hate discussing anything on there as it seems to be a forum for pistake rather than proper discussion. Nothing wrong with bit of fun but its not for me. My partner however uses it all the time mainly to moan about his pet hates knowing he will get cheerful answers from his buddies.

So as it happens he post one of his complaints about annoying loud eating habits. Few people reply some being sympathetic others laughing at him for getting silly things get to him etc. As I am going to reply that I appreciate his patience when I each peanuts because I love to crunch them, smiley face that kind of thing I notice one of the other replies is from a woman I know he used to work with over 5 years ago and her reply reads: ‘You never complained when I had a mouthful’ Further down someone asks her WTF!?

How would you feel? Being depressed my mind automatically starts to get into a panic as to who the hell she is and wtf is she telling him that for? I try to reason they used to work together and I know he was promiscuous in past so I try to calm down that this is some sort of fluzy from said past and posted my reply anyway trying to put it out of my mind. I probably would have eventually but he mentioned his post and some of the replies to my housemate at dinner that night. I had to ask who the hell is she. He admitted shyly they used to work together. I said I know but did they date? He said no so I had ask did he fxxk her? He gets agitated and says yes he did. I have no idea why but I need to ask one last question – was it just the ones or was it a regular get together? At this point he gets really angry and we argue as to why do I need to know that what’s it going to change and why am I giving him a grief for something he has no control over. I explain I’m not giving him grief for her writing it, he can’t change that but he could have deleted it to protect my feelings (although this could have made him look guilty as if he is trying to hide something) or he could have replied to her to stop writing stuff like that again, he has a girlfriend and don’t want his shady past all over the net. Even his mother reads his facebook for god’s sake.
So he ‘s pissed of that I’m having a go for him not doing anything about it when really it is her fault for writing it in a first place. We kind of left it there

Initially I had no idea why I wanted to know more details but I arrived at a conclusion now. Depending on what and how many times may have happened she may have thought about herself as a bigger part in his life than he may have seen her as hence she talks about it in front of the whole world. This is something women do and I am giving her the credit of not being total slut here (if I’m wrong about her then she may not see herself as any importance to him but just wanted to be a queen *****). So if he had only seen her once the latter would apply by default. This is because I think women can not separate sex and feelings, the brain is not wired to do that. Any woman telling otherwise lies. It’s as basic as ‘he wants me so he likes so I must look good therefore I feel good’.

What do you think? Would you protect your partner from arseholes like that girl? I would. I think I would say something in front of everyone. Could be a little as ‘my partner and my mother read my facebook and I don’t want either of them upset of offended by you/don’t want either of them to be hurt by my shady past, no more comments of this nature or we are no longer friends’

Was I right to get upset that he didn’t do anything about it?

 

[ShybutHi]

Well it sounds like there is a lack of trust. This kind of stuff can happen anywhere not just on the internet. You just have to have enough trust in your partner that he would not act upon anything or start flirting or whatever. In the end people are most likely not going to be judging your partner but the person who wrote the message because a public message like that is pretty untasteful to alot of people and simply does not need to be known. Who knows he may of just been ignoring it because afterall, he is in a relationship with you, not her, to follow up on messages like that is just asking for trouble.

I mean honestly im not that surprised that he got a bit annoyed at you asking him about dating her and if he ****** her because basically you are interrogating him. That, my dear, is a sign of relationship paranoia and/or lack of trust.

 

[Soup]

Firstly, I think loud eating is disgusting, but that isn't of importance.

What could he do? Delete the comment raising suspicious of why he deleted it? Replying to people like that on Facebook can blow things out of proportion, silly little arguments can flair. I think he did the right thing by ignoring the comment. I think he did the right thing just ignoring it.

 

[Limlim]

Everyone has baggage, pretending it never happened doesn't make it go away. This is the sort of thing the two of you should have had a laugh over rather than giving a honeysuckle about one way or another.

People have had sex with other people before they met you. Whoop dee ******* do. Get over it.

 

[PurpleDays]

Totally agreed with everyone on here.

Facebook just airs people's private business. It's rubbish.

You have to deal with his history or move on. It's never going away.

 

[Callie]

Everyone has a past.
The previous posters are correct. You can't take something someone says and blow it up into something it's not. At some point in time, whether on facebook or somewhere else, someone is gonna say something you or someone else doesn't like. Learn to let it go.

And also, I hate people chewing loudly with their mouth open. One must have table manners around me.

 

[melly]

Thanks for all your replies.

ShybutHi you are right paranoia is an issue. Unfortunately I am badly depresse at the moment so at time I am struggling to suppress paranoia as I would normally have. I do trust him I guess I wanted him to protect me from seing it or rather I wanted him to defend me in public.

Unfortunately he is paranoid way more than me. To give an example when I was feeling very down and didn't want to talk about it with im I happened to say Hi to old friend from back home on Facebook and as it was in differnet language the boyfriend jumped down my throat that I am telling my friends what is wrong but not to him. I mean he could have used google translate to check what it is I have written which was just a nice cover up I'm good, thanks, how are things back home.
I think both of us being paranoid does not help, I have only applied his standards to his social networking. Maybe that was a mistake in a first place.

Soup you are right it would have crossed my mind if he had anything to hide but I know he frequently delets posts from others if they reveal too many private details about him so this would have not been such a big issue.

Limlim - you are correct and I fully accept it. He is the one that likes to pretend that I was a virgin before I met him and he is totally paranoid of knowing anything of my past, he just doesn't want to know. It is fine I accept he is like that but he seems to have one set of rules for him and different one for me. Does that make sense?

I know that if he replied to her it could have got out of control as you can never tell what she would say next but isn't that what the delebe button is for? I had myself deleted people who kept writing too many suggestive things and I had no past with them, they may have just fancied me. I tried to turn it into joke and say dont like button is needed but I also privately messaged them to say please dont do this again or I will delete you as friend. I guess I can not expect him to act exactly as I do.

 

[Badjedidude]

I'm not so sure that I would protect my partner. I wouldn't want to be with someone who couldn't take care of themselves.

 

[jales]

I would protect my partner and I would have gotten really upset in that situation. I really would not want a guy that I am with still being friends with his exs or with people he slept with in the past.

I wouldnt even like him being friends with other females, but that may just be me. You have know know what you want. My husband and I totally agree on the whole not having contact with exs or making close friends with members of the opposite sex.... so there are people out there who see things differently.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I don't know why people take Facebook so seriously. It is not that serious. It doesn't matter to me who reads mine, because if I add anyone to my Facebook at all, then I'm close enough to them to be comfortable. If someone happens not to like anything on my page, don't read it anymore, and don't be on my page if it offends you so.

If she's on his friend's list, then obviously he doesn't mind her. You can't make him disown her as a friend, even if she's a bit harsh about her words. If you can't deal with something like that, then I would think it best to move on. There's nothing wrong with having a close friend of the opposite sex, in or out of a relationship. We can all make and keep friends with whoever we wish.

 

[LucieMay]

That was actually quite a witty comment she responded with (sorry!). If someone is going to cheat, they're gonna cheat. How many female friends they have or how many exes or past shags they're friends with is irrelavant and an indicator of nothing. In fact, if men are more secretive about their friendships it is generally a bad sign (if he was really interested in her, would he have her on facebook for the whole world and its wife to see?!).