How would you feel if your new gf/bf told you they were asexual or very low libido?

[roguewave]

Would it be game over for you? What if they were willing to be sexual with you, but you knew that they didn't really enjoy it as much as you did (in no way your fault) or had the same sexual needs as you?

For an asexual or gray-asexual, when is the best time to disclose this info? Before you even have your first date or when things are beginning to heat up/get serious?

Would you be confused about why they wanted a relationship with you at all?

I know I could ask this on AVEN but I want the opinions of sexuals.

P.S. - If you want to respond to this post, make sure you remove part of the subject title because it won't allow you to post a reply once RE: gets added on, because the title is too long.

 

[Lonely in BC]

How about being told that a couple of years into a relationship- kind of makes you question what other claims made about various things relationshipwise are bullshit.
Yes, it is confusing, and yes, it did have a negative impact on the relationship- former relationship.

 

[Callie]

Relationships aren't all about sex, so I'd say I probably would. However, it would depend on when they said something and if we connected or not.

 

[roguewave]

How about being told that a couple of years into a relationship- kind of makes you question what other claims made about various things relationshipwise are bullshit.
Yes, it is confusing, and yes, it did have a negative impact on the relationship- former relationship.

Wow a couple of years?? What the hell. I am really sorry man, I would never do that to someone.

---

Relationships aren't all about sex, so I'd say I probably would. However, it would depend on when they said something and if we connected or not.

When would you prefer them to tell you? Would it be too forward if they were up front with you about it? I mean, is that presumptuous?

 

[SophiaGrace]

I'd date them without hesitation but I think a lot of people would feel differently.

I'd need them to understand that I would need to have some form of sexual release. Not a sexual relationship with another person, but, just some form of sexual release. aka porn, erotic lit etc.

But if they would agree to that i'd love a relationship with them.

 

[Callie]

Relationships aren't all about sex, so I'd say I probably would. However, it would depend on when they said something and if we connected or not.

When would you prefer them to tell you? Would it be too forward if they were up front with you about it? I mean, is that presumptuous?

I don't think it would be too presumptuous at all to be up front about it. However, that said, I don't think it would have to be said on the first date or even the second...but, if it appeared to be getting serious, that would be the time to say something, IMO.

 

[roguewave]

Thanks you guys. This is very confusing to me. I am not completely asexual. I do have sexual feelings but they are very infrequent. And often I prefer to express them in ways other than what most people would consider sex (genital contact). I don't know how to convey all this to a potential partner.

 

[Lost Soul]

I think I would be fine with this.

 

[Felix]

Would it be game over for you? What if they were willing to be sexual with you, but you knew that they didn't really enjoy it as much as you did (in no way your fault) or had the same sexual needs as you?

For an asexual or gray-asexual, when is the best time to disclose this info? Before you even have your first date or when things are beginning to heat up/get serious?

Would you be confused about why they wanted a relationship with you at all?

I know I could ask this on AVEN but I want the opinions of sexuals.

P.S. - If you want to respond to this post, make sure you remove part of the subject title because it won't allow you to post a reply once RE: gets added on, because the title is too long.

Let's see...

1) Yes, basically over for me...
2) I'd soon realize that'd be a problem, since my sexual desire is constant... so I'd refuse the chance, for the good of both parts. I know a girl w/ a semi asexual bf who suffers the lack of sex and I don't want that for me.
3) I guess you should try to tell the person before the first date or during it. There's a chance some guys will get pissed if you do it during the date.
4) I wouldn't be confused, people like other things about relationships besides the sex. It's reasonable.

 

[Badjedidude]

If my new girlfriend told me that she was asexual, then she wouldn't be my new girlfriend for very long.

I don't want to be with someone who has a low/non-existent sex drive.

 

[Doubt The Rabbit]

Why not simply date someone whose sexual interests match your own? I can't imagine there'd be much of a connection between someone who wants sex and someone who doesn't.
Alternatively, you could suggest your SO got his or her sexual pleasure elsewhere, e.g. an open relationship, but then run the risk that he or she would find a connection with the person he or she is *******, which would probably have the two of you breaking up in no time.

Either way, there's probably no "best time" to say it because you can't really expect someone to give up their sex drive for your sake, or lower their expectations because you can't be very enthusiastic in bed. The best thing you can do is get it out in the open as soon as you can and let whatever happens, happen.

 

[Badjedidude]

Either way, there's probably no "best time" to say it because you can't really expect someone to give up their sex drive for your sake, or lower their expectations because you can't be very enthusiastic in bed. The best thing you can do is get it out in the open as soon as you can and let whatever happens, happen.

This.


*Inappropriate subject heading, and don't be editing out moderator notes to hide your indiscretions. You did it live with it.

 

[Barbaloot]

I agree, when it comes to sexual desire like should go to like otherwise one or both parties will end up being unfulfilled. Just simply seek someone like yourself and it shouldn't be a problem.

 

[Lost Soul]

I would probably like sex, but if she wasn't interested. I would still love her. You can have a relationship without sex.

I am a bit sexual active at times. Masturbation helps.

 

[Badjedidude]

You can have a relationship without sex.

Maybe you can.

But I can't.

 

[roguewave]

It's a good suggestion for people to date others who have similar preferences but how many asexuals do you know, know what I'm saying? That's the problem. Too many end up alone. Also, a lot of asexuals simply are uninterested in a romantic relationship at all

---

You can have a relationship without sex.

Maybe you can.

But I can't.

Lolz, I just noticed your subject titles. You gotta get it all out there to entice people to click. Advertising.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Of course there's more to a relationship than just sex but Im just going to
talk about it in the sex department.

It would be like a challenge to me...
Ive educated myself on women sexuality. They all get off in different ways.
and a combination of experinced.

Been on both side of the coin.

One of my ex...She'll let me have sex with her anytime I want.
But she was also inexperinced in sex in many ways. She really wanted to
make me happy and keep me sexualy satified. She told me she had a hard
time getting off because of medical complications. Like once a month she
met feel horny but during sex she wouldnt really get off.
Well I changed that..its was a combinations of listening to her and getting
her off and pleasing her. She wanted to have sex with me every other day after
that.

Imagine that...I wasnt too sexually active.lmao
It was the sameway after i got out of a relationship that wasnt too sexuality active.
My new gf was more active. it messed with her head or womanhood a little bit
for the first 4-6 months of the relationship. She was more sexually experinced
so she got me off in differnent ways than my ex. it went from that to sex every
other day...to sex almost everyday. To when ever we wanted to.
She re waken my sexual drive.

As far not ever wanting sex from me or with me...OH hell, NO.

 

[roguewave]

Of course there's more to a relationship than just sex but Im just going to
talk about it in the sex department.

It would be like a challenge to me...
Ive educated myself on women sexuality. They all get off in different ways.
and a combination of experinced.

Been on both side of the coin.

One of my ex...She'll let me have sex with her anytime I want.
But she was also inexperinced in sex in many ways. She really wanted to
make me happy and keep me sexualy satified. She told me she had a hard
time getting off because of medical complications. Like once a month she
met feel horny but during sex she wouldnt really get off.
Well I changed that..its was a combinations of listening to her and getting
her off and pleasing her. She wanted to have sex with me every other day after
that.

Imagine that...I wasnt too sexually active.lmao
It was the sameway after i got out of a relationship that wasnt too sexuality active.
My new gf was more active. it messed with her head or womanhood a little bit
for the first 4-6 months of the relationship. She was more sexually experinced
so she got me off in differnent ways than my ex. it went from that to sex every
other day...to sex almost everyday. To when ever we wanted to.
She re waken my sexual drive.

As far not ever wanting sex from me or with me...OH hell, NO.

Lol! It is interesting how people go through changes like that.

 

[Felix]

I just came up with a question 4 U OP...

Lets say you have a bf, a nice relationship, without you two having sex. Would you let HIM have SEX with OTHER women? Why yes/no?

 

[roguewave]

I just came up with a question 4 U OP...

Lets say you have a bf, a nice relationship, without you two having sex. Would you let HIM have SEX with OTHER women? Why yes/no?

Well, I date women. Depending on her and how we were together, there's a possibility that I would be fine with it. Especially if I knew the other person and liked them.
If I love someone I want them to be happy. If that means being with someone else, then I would have to consider it.