C
Cavey
Guest
I have no idea where to start here. I'm comfortable answering other people's threads, but I am much less comfortable starting my own.
I realised today that I am still letting my relationship with my estranged wife hold me back from forming new friendships and relationships. We've had absolutely NO contact with each other for over six years, so there is very little chance of me ever seeing her again - let alone of reconciliation. The problem is that I seem to be stand-offish with all other human beings, especially those of the opposite sex. Even on this forum, I interact through the threads, but I don't get involved in the chat room/skype and when I receive PMs, I answer in as quick and emotionless way as possible.
There are several reasons for this. Firstly, I don't think I trust people any longer. I expect other people to hurt me, and my brain won't seem to let me 'lower my shields' long enough to get close to another human being - even for a friendship. Secondly, Whenever it comes to women, I tend to compare them (usually unfavourably) with my wife.
I also have social anxiety disorder and suffer from manic depression which doesn't help at all. Oh yes, and if that wasn't enough, I'm suffering from several medical conditions. One of these conditions is called Geographic Tongue and although it's benign and non-communicable, it makes my tongue look like something out of a zombie movie. It's hard to make a connection with another person when you're self-conscious and trying desperately to keep your mouth closed.
I don't know how to break myself out of the rut I am in. I haven't made a friend in years and although I am happy with who I am, it would be nice to have someone to share things with. I can't really remember how I made friends or formed romantic relationships years ago, but it never seemed this difficult.
I don't even know what I am asking here. I don't know if I want advice, if I just want to hear the thoughts of others or if this is simply a rant...
I will now post this, become embarrassed and then deny I had anything to do with it.
I realised today that I am still letting my relationship with my estranged wife hold me back from forming new friendships and relationships. We've had absolutely NO contact with each other for over six years, so there is very little chance of me ever seeing her again - let alone of reconciliation. The problem is that I seem to be stand-offish with all other human beings, especially those of the opposite sex. Even on this forum, I interact through the threads, but I don't get involved in the chat room/skype and when I receive PMs, I answer in as quick and emotionless way as possible.
There are several reasons for this. Firstly, I don't think I trust people any longer. I expect other people to hurt me, and my brain won't seem to let me 'lower my shields' long enough to get close to another human being - even for a friendship. Secondly, Whenever it comes to women, I tend to compare them (usually unfavourably) with my wife.
I also have social anxiety disorder and suffer from manic depression which doesn't help at all. Oh yes, and if that wasn't enough, I'm suffering from several medical conditions. One of these conditions is called Geographic Tongue and although it's benign and non-communicable, it makes my tongue look like something out of a zombie movie. It's hard to make a connection with another person when you're self-conscious and trying desperately to keep your mouth closed.
I don't know how to break myself out of the rut I am in. I haven't made a friend in years and although I am happy with who I am, it would be nice to have someone to share things with. I can't really remember how I made friends or formed romantic relationships years ago, but it never seemed this difficult.
I don't even know what I am asking here. I don't know if I want advice, if I just want to hear the thoughts of others or if this is simply a rant...
I will now post this, become embarrassed and then deny I had anything to do with it.