I don't understand. Where did I go so wrong?

[Serenia]

How has your overthinking served you to become happy?

If happines comes from ignorance, is worth having?

So people have called you a coward,

Yes, by standars that are socially accepted.

your third statement is confusing. You believe you are right, has it ever occured to you may be wrong? All people are at some point or other.

Of course I can be wrong. But can you actually assert that being right or wrong can change the way people percieve you? Some of the most wrong people ever live very well today and have normal lives.

Well done for treating people better than they deserve, it might help you to be come less bitter if you didn't concern yourself with that.

So it's good I treat them that way but is not good I recognize it?

There are plenty people out there who don't over think, and are happy. They choose to move on and focus on the things that matter. Like using their energy and thoughts to do good, instead of wallowing in their heads.

Why bother what social standards are, I don't care, I don't care what people do as long as it within the confines of the law of my country. Why waste your energy of thinking about social standards. Who says we have to take notice and follow? The people dictating them are probably the most unhappiest people on the planet.

The perception is about telling people your beliefs are right. By the way what is a normal life? I am not being difficult here, just curious of what you believe a normal life entails?

It comes across as you are looking for some kind of thanks. I maybe wrong, but if you are it is only going to lead to disappointment.

Xpendable we obviously differ quite widely, if you wish pm with anything you wish you can enlighten me on, that I might be ignorant to.

 

[user 115627]

If he knows the people extremely well, sure, have at it. But, if you don't know the person, say a woman walking down the street or a man begging for money or any other situation where he doesn't know the person or the person's situation or what he's been through, etc etc....he doesn't have any idea what the person deserves or doesn't deserve.

A person might do something bad, but without knowing why he did it or what brought him to do it, does that mean he deserves the severest punishment possible? Maybe he just deserves a break? (Not talking about rape or murder or anything serious here)

This is what I'm getting at, not just specifically at Xpendable, but everyone in general. Who actually has the right to judge what a person does or does not deserve if you don't know them extremely well? Even then,you may not know what they deserve.

He might not have any idea, but it's still his right to judge them in his head. Like many others do. He lacks the power to do any more than that since he's not an authority such as the law which actually judges and accordingly convicts people to a certain fate, not necessarily considering what they've been through. Because ideally it's meant to be applied equally. Following that line of thought, as long as the effects of his judgement do not go against the law, he's free to do whatever he wants and face the consequences...after all, nobody can force him to be the "better man" of moral superiority.

 

[Xpendable]

There are plenty people out there who don't over think, and are happy. They choose to move on and focus on the things that matter. Like using their energy and thoughts to do good, instead of wallowing in their heads.

"energy"? Like really meassurable energy?
Why is so mimportant to ignore problems or issues like some kind of tantra?
Things don't go away by just not thinking about them.

Why bother what social standards are, I don't care, I don't care what people do as long as it within the confines of the law of my country. Why waste your energy of thinking about social standards. Who says we have to take notice and follow? The people dictating them are probably the most unhappiest people on the planet.

Oh, but you care; we all care. We guide ourselves by rules even if we don't want it. That's why we talk in a certain way or use make up or feel pride or shame in what we believe or the actions we make. We are made by society and we are a representation of its parts, you can't escape that.

The perception is about telling people your beliefs are right. By the way what is a normal life? I am not being difficult here, just curious of what you believe a normal life entails?

Normal: Realtionship, friends, job, house, leisure time.

It comes across as you are looking for some kind of thanks. I maybe wrong, but if you are it is only going to lead to disappointment.

I'm looking for what it looks so easy for other to achieve, even when they seem so flawed.

 

[Red_Wedding_Casualty]

Well, this thread blew up quite quickly since I last posted. I see alot of people saying that my self improvements should be for my own sake. And I would absolutely agree with them. I am quite happy with the progress I've made within myself. But at this con, I see people at the stage where I was at 10 years ago. Yet, many of them with girlfriends on their arms. So, forgive me for reeling from what I've perceived to be a culture shock. Considering where I'm at now, this shouldn't faze me in the slightest. But biology is a real ***** in the way in crumbles one's stoicism. I'm lonely in a sense that simply having a good many friends can't counter. And it eats me up something shocking, even though it's not supposed to.

Deep down, I've always been terrified of 'making moves', and the brutal sting of rejection that comes from failure. I think that's why it's easy for me to adhere to feminist guidelines, because by that logic, it's not only acceptable for me to be scared, it's actually expected of me. I see this manifest on a dating site I was once frequented. The few women that didn't flatout ignore my opening messages, seemed to take sport in making their rejections as harsh and as brutal as possible. End of the day, feminist guidelines are easy for someone like me to follow, since it's made quite clear where I stand as far as interactions with females go. It also saves me ALOT of pain in the process.

 

[Serenia]

Well, this thread blew up quite quickly since I last posted. I see alot of people saying that my self improvements should be for my own sake. And I would absolutely agree with them. I am quite happy with the progress I've made within myself. But at this con, I see people at the stage where I was at 10 years ago. Yet, many of them with girlfriends on their arms. So, forgive me for reeling from what I've perceived to be a culture shock. Considering where I'm at now, this shouldn't faze me in the slightest. But biology is a real ***** in the way in crumbles one's stoicism. I'm lonely in a sense that simply having a good many friends can't counter. And it eats me up something shocking, even though it's not supposed to.

Deep down, I've always been terrified of 'making moves', and the brutal sting of rejection that comes from failure. I think that's why it's easy for me to adhere to feminist guidelines, because by that logic, it's not only acceptable for me to be scared, it's actually expected of me. I see this manifest on a dating site I was once frequented. The few women that didn't flatout ignore my opening messages, seemed to take sport in making their rejections as harsh and as brutal as possible. End of the day, feminist guidelines are easy for someone like me to follow, since it's made quite clear where I stand as far as interactions with females go. It also saves me ALOT of pain in the process.

I am really, really sorry that some women have been brutal in their rejections, they are just awful humans, would you really have enjoyed dating someone like that? Can I just say that as a woman I have no idea what these feminist guidelines are? Honestly, no idea what they are. I am terrified of asking a guy out and with other circumstances in my life currently I wouldn't, but that is a whole other story. From my perspective, if I was talking to a guy in any situation, and it felt easy to talk and laugh then, I think you naturally let someone know you are interested in them, without you realising. But then I suppose that could be difficult. Two people like each other, would like to spend time getting to know each other a bit more. But both been badly rejected, what happens then. Wouldn't it be a shame to let it pass by? Women are just as scared it isn't a gender thing.

I hope you have more success soon.

 

[Red_Wedding_Casualty]

I am really, really sorry that some women have been brutal in their rejections, they are just awful humans, would you really have enjoyed dating someone like that? Can I just say that as a woman I have no idea what these feminist guidelines are? Honestly, no idea what they are. I am terrified of asking a guy out and with other circumstances in my life currently I wouldn't, but that is a whole other story. From my perspective, if I was talking to a guy in any situation, and it felt easy to talk and laugh then, I think you naturally let someone know you are interested in them, without you realising. But then I suppose that could be difficult. Two people like each other, would like to spend time getting to know each other a bit more. But both been badly rejected, what happens then. Wouldn't it be a shame to let it pass by? Women are just as scared it isn't a gender thing.

I hope you have more success soon.

On approaching strange women, the feminist guidelines are stupidly simple. You just don't. There are only two instances where this rule can be broken.....


1: I can approach one as a customer. But, my interaction must be short and to the point, so she can get on with her job.

2: I'm allowed to mingle within social gatherings. BUT, only with the intent of seeking nothing more than friendship at the most. Flirting is to be avoided like the plague. I've actually met alot of good female friends this way.

I get that approaching the opposite sex is just as terrifying for women. Even more so, from what I've seen. A while ago, made a fake female profile on OKcupid. I never had time to finish the profile. Not even a minute after uploading a few pictures, I had 8 likes, 2 messages. Within an hour, 40 likes, 15 messages. In 24 hours, 50 messages. 240 likes. I deleted the profile soon afterwards. Even as a guy. The overbearing attention my profile got from overbearing men actually made me feel uncomfortable. But I can imagine how frightening it must be for an actual female to face this down on the daily. Which is why I've resolved to follow the feminist guidelines. If I keep myself in a state of constant stoicism, and keep my desires suppressed, then maybe I might appear to be less terrifying, and more approachable. Hell, it worked for my workmate. And he didn't need to embark on the journey of self-improvement that I did.

 

[Xpendable]

I wouldn't feel uncomfortable if 50 women messaged me in 24 hrs.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

I wouldn't feel uncomfortable if 50 women messaged me in 24 hrs.

Not even if you realized they were dull, had nothing in common with you and seemed desperate and stalkerish?

 

[TheRealCallie]

I just want to point out that there is a major difference between overbearing ********* that just want to fresia you and a guy that flirts....

 

[Serenia]

I am really, really sorry that some women have been brutal in their rejections, they are just awful humans, would you really have enjoyed dating someone like that? Can I just say that as a woman I have no idea what these feminist guidelines are? Honestly, no idea what they are. I am terrified of asking a guy out and with other circumstances in my life currently I wouldn't, but that is a whole other story. From my perspective, if I was talking to a guy in any situation, and it felt easy to talk and laugh then, I think you naturally let someone know you are interested in them, without you realising. But then I suppose that could be difficult. Two people like each other, would like to spend time getting to know each other a bit more. But both been badly rejected, what happens then. Wouldn't it be a shame to let it pass by? Women are just as scared it isn't a gender thing.

I hope you have more success soon.

On approaching strange women, the feminist guidelines are stupidly simple. You just don't. There are only two instances where this rule can be broken.....


1: I can approach one as a customer. But, my interaction must be short and to the point, so she can get on with her job.

2: I'm allowed to mingle within social gatherings. BUT, only with the intent of seeking nothing more than friendship at the most. Flirting is to be avoided like the plague. I've actually met alot of good female friends this way.

I get that approaching the opposite sex is just as terrifying for women. Even more so, from what I've seen. A while ago, made a fake female profile on OKcupid. I never had time to finish the profile. Not even a minute after uploading a few pictures, I had 8 likes, 2 messages. Within an hour, 40 likes, 15 messages. In 24 hours, 50 messages. 240 likes. I deleted the profile soon afterwards. Even as a guy. The overbearing attention my profile got from overbearing men actually made me feel uncomfortable. But I can imagine how frightening it must be for an actual female to face this down on the daily. Which is why I've resolved to follow the feminist guidelines. If I keep myself in a state of constant stoicism, and keep my desires suppressed, then maybe I might appear to be less terrifying, and more approachable. Hell, it worked for my workmate. And he didn't need to embark on the journey of self-improvement that I did.

I am really sorry you feel you have to adhere to this. It just isn't my world at all. I wouldn't mind at all a guy flirting with me, even if we realise after a bit more conversation that we are not that compatible, I would still enjoy meeting someone new and talking. The only time I would feel an approachment inappropriate would be if I had my children with me. The guys who get an immeadiate brush off, are the ones who mention anythjng sexual. With online dating they got an immeadiate block.

 

[Red_Wedding_Casualty]

Not even if you realized they were dull, had nothing in common with you and seemed desperate and stalkerish?

Oh yeah, there was ALOT of that. On top of that, there was the awareness that my fake profile might have been one of hundreds they messaged that day. Which segue's into......

I just want to point out that there is a major difference between overbearing ********* hk just want to fresia you and a guy that flirts....

And I absolutely agree. However, the ********* problem has become so severe, that a large number of females are taking the scorched earth approach on us guys. And I can't really hold that against them.

 

[Xpendable]

I wouldn't feel uncomfortable if 50 women messaged me in 24 hrs.

Not even if you realized they were dull, had nothing in common with you and seemed desperate and stalkerish?

No, bacause they would be thousands of miles away. Besides, one or two of them would have things in common, so I can notice them. Is a numbres game after all, the more I get, the more chances I have for them to be diverse.

 

[soresoul]

Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino

Who?

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

I wouldn't feel uncomfortable if 50 women messaged me in 24 hrs.

Not even if you realized they were dull, had nothing in common with you and seemed desperate and stalkerish?

No, bacause they would be thousands of miles away. Besides, one or two of them would have things in common, so I can notice them. Is a numbres game after all, the more I get, the more chances I have for them to be diverse.

My experiences on dating sites has shown me that the BS all sounds the same after awhile.

 

[reynard_muldrake]

Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino

Who?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Sorrentino

Not someone you really need to know about, to be honest. I kind of wish I didn't remember him.

 

[Red_Wedding_Casualty]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Sorrentino

Not someone you really need to know about, to be honest. I kind of wish I didn't remember him.

Back in the day, I used to resent people like him, since it was his kind that the 'nice guy' was always measured up against. Also, back in the day, I was also one of those 'nice guys'. Full of self-righteousness and the firm belief that one day, someone would just fall madly in love with me. And I'd need to be nothing more than myself.

Looking back now, I can clearly see that envy was the source of my resentment.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

Back in the day, I used to resent people like him, since it was his kind that the 'nice guy' was always measured up against. Also, back in the day, I was also one of those 'nice guys'. Full of self-righteousness and the firm belief that one day, someone would just fall madly in love with me. And I'd need to be nothing more than myself.

Looking back now, I can clearly see that envy was the source of my resentment.

I always had envy that I couldn't be the one to smack him. :club:

 

[reynard_muldrake]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Sorrentino

Not someone you really need to know about, to be honest. I kind of wish I didn't remember him.

Back in the day, I used to resent people like him, since it was his kind that the 'nice guy' was always measured up against. Also, back in the day, I was also one of those 'nice guys'. Full of self-righteousness and the firm belief that one day, someone would just fall madly in love with me. And I'd need to be nothing more than myself.

Looking back now, I can clearly see that envy was the source of my resentment.

You shouldn't envy *anyone*, but people like him are definitely not worth thinking about. That guy didn't have much going besides appearance and the good fortune to be on TV for a bit. I doubt he's up to much now.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Back in the day, I used to resent people like him, since it was his kind that the 'nice guy' was always measured up against. Also, back in the day, I was also one of those 'nice guys'. Full of self-righteousness and the firm belief that one day, someone would just fall madly in love with me. And I'd need to be nothing more than myself.

Looking back now, I can clearly see that envy was the source of my resentment.

We're not supposed to get in life just because we're "nice" ... You do right in life, and do what you feel is right, and do for others because it's the right thing to do. Not because you expect something for it. Perhaps it's because I don't have jealousy in me, but I really don't understand it. And what I don't get even more are those people who try to intentionally make you envy something they have or that someone else has. Nothing's guaranteed to us. But just because you don't get something in the time frame you thought, doesn't mean it will never happen.

I don't think you should be anyone or anything but yourself, but at the same time, don't expect all your dreams to come true because of it. Definitely work on yourself for you, and not for the ideal that someone will be guaranteed to you. I think we'd be better off if we concentrated on ourselves more, over worrying about how others think of us.

 

[Serenia]

Just another thought, these guys you talk about at the convention with girlfriends. Maybe they didn't follow feminist guidelines, maybe they took a chance and said Hi or chatted to them, or even flirted with them.