I wish I was never born...

[SwagMustDie]

Hello I am male and I am 19 yrs old. I wish I was never born. I feel suicidal from time to time but for the most part I just wish I never existed. I am an atheist and do not believe in an afterlife. So I don't see any reason why I shouldn't commit suicide besides the fact that it would hurt my family very deeply.

My older brother acts like a jerk, but he never thinks he is being one. I do not visit my father very much (parents are divorced). My entire family besides my brother, are Christian and that makes me feel very alienated.

I'm out of high school and I threw all of my friends away because I felt alienated around their type of scene. I do not have any friends besides people I socialize with online. I am lonely and do not like my generation (which is why I do not socialize). People my age treat women like they are pieces of meat and I cannot stand the culture. I also cannot stand the immaturity of people my age.

I haven't been able to find a job for almost 2 years now. It seems that I can act fine around people, but I have a low-self esteem and I think I'm ugly and overweight. I also don't go to college and maybe that is a mistake on my part. I hated high school and maybe that's why I never chose to go to college.

I haven't been in a real relationship with a girl ever. Most of my relationships were hook-ups and never felt genuine. Every person I have ever really cared about being with was never interested in me. People online always say that you don't ever care for a person, but you just want to get in their pants. Well, that's just not me and I am being honest. That kind of mentality people have is also alienating to me :/

I just feel depressed, lonely, and just wish I was never born. There isn't any reason for me to live for besides my family. Maybe I should see a psychiatrist? I am not sure.

 

[Runciter]

Welcome to the forum Swag.

Hello I am male and I am 19 yrs old. I wish I was never born. I feel suicidal from time to time but for the most part I just wish I never existed. I am an atheist and do not believe in an afterlife. So I don't see any reason why I shouldn't commit suicide besides the fact that it would hurt my family very deeply.

Feeling so low just makes the good parts of life seem even better. You're only 19, trust me, it gets better. I wasn't in a good place at that age either but so much has happened in my life since then and it's not because I'm some overly outgoing person. Thats just the way life is.

My older brother acts like a jerk, but he never thinks he is being one. I do not visit my father very much (parents are divorced). My entire family besides my brother, are Christian and that makes me feel very alienated.

You don't have to share people's beliefs to respect and love them. My mother is a Roman Catholic, I'm agnostic. You just need to have respect for each others beliefs, talk to them openly. I also have a brother I don't like. We're both adults and I've decided he isn't a good person for me so we never talk and rarely see each other. You don't have to like your family.

I'm out of high school and I threw all of my friends away because I felt alienated around their type of scene. I do not have any friends besides people I socialize with online. I am lonely and do not like my generation (which is why I do not socialize). People my age treat women like they are pieces of meat and I cannot stand the culture. I also cannot stand the immaturity of people my age.

I hung around with a bag group of people in school and decided to move on. It was hard going from having friends to having none but I did it because I didn't want to compromise on my beliefs and values. I used to wish I was born much earlier, but I think that it has more to do with your mind than society. I'm pretty sure if I was born in the 50's I would just end up wishing I was born in the 20's. But there are many people with the same outlook on life, if you can find them then you'll enrich your life and be happy living here and now.

I haven't been able to find a job for almost 2 years now. It seems that I can act fine around people, but I have a low-self esteem and I think I'm ugly and overweight. I also don't go to college and maybe that is a mistake on my part. I hated high school and maybe that's why I never chose to go to college.

There is only so much you can do really, it's hard for everyone at the moment. Keep looking and maybe do some studying or volunteer work, not only will it give your mind something to focus on but it will help increase your chances of finding work. It doesn't matter if you think you're ugly, it matters what others see in you and not everyone is so quick to judge based on looks. If you're unhappy with your weight, do something about it. I'm the opposite, very tall and slim, I'm eating more food and working out, not only does it improve my self-esteem but it has improved my mental state. Exercise isn't just for your body.

I haven't been in a real relationship with a girl ever. Most of my relationships were hook-ups and never felt genuine. Every person I have ever really cared about being with was never interested in me. People online always say that you don't ever care for a person, but you just want to get in their pants. Well, that's just not me and I am being honest. That kind of mentality people have is also alienating to me :/

Feel lucky that you've had hook-ups at least. Many haven't even experienced that. Don't worry about how others treat women, if you have respect for them then you'll attract the women that want to be respected. These are the women that are going to suit you so stick to you beliefs. Stay positive and try to do things you enjoy, if you have a healthy attitude to life you'll be much more likely to attract a girl to share your time with.

I just feel depressed, lonely, and just wish I was never born. There isn't any reason for me to live for besides my family. Maybe I should see a psychiatrist? I am not sure.

You're not alone, many here feel the same. But there is a reason to live. You might not see it right now but anything can happen, you could get a job and meet a girl in the next year but if you throw in the towel you'll never find out and you'll just be leaving a lot of pain behind for the people that love you.

If you can't cope on your own, I would suggest therapy. I'm not generally an advocate for medication but if you're feeling like you have no control over your own life you should do whatever it takes to regain control.

Spend some time talking to people here. It might give you some perspective on your problems and put them into context. I know it's hard for you but there is nothing stopping you from having a great life, please don't give up. This forum is a great place, you'll find many people here for support and you should use it.

 

[Dabnis_Brickey]

Hello I am male and I am 19 yrs old. I wish I was never born. I feel suicidal from time to time but for the most part I just wish I never existed. I am an atheist and do not believe in an afterlife. So I don't see any reason why I shouldn't commit suicide besides the fact that it would hurt my family very deeply.

I thought like that when I was a christian. I actually begged God to just let me die and leave it at that - I don't care about heaven or anything. I think that because you are an atheist, you should probably see this life through till the "natural" end. Remember, this is the only life we will ever have. There is no second chance in heaven or whatever. I have a better appreciation for life now that I am no longer a believer.

My older brother acts like a jerk, but he never thinks he is being one. I do not visit my father very much (parents are divorced). My entire family besides my brother, are Christian and that makes me feel very alienated.

No offence but... fresia your brother. Cut ties if necessary.
If you feel alienated because of your christian family, try finding a nice atheist group in your area. There are some pretty much everywhere.

I'm out of high school and I threw all of my friends away because I felt alienated around their type of scene. I do not have any friends besides people I socialize with online. I am lonely and do not like my generation (which is why I do not socialize). People my age treat women like they are pieces of meat and I cannot stand the culture. I also cannot stand the immaturity of people my age.

Maybe there is a group out there that thinks similar to you? Maybe find a group with similar interest in the hopes that they don't have the same attitudes of your generation. Try meetup.com

I haven't been able to find a job for almost 2 years now. It seems that I can act fine around people, but I have a low-self esteem and I think I'm ugly and overweight. I also don't go to college and maybe that is a mistake on my part. I hated high school and maybe that's why I never chose to go to college.

Nowadays, most people need some kind of degree to find an okay job. Not saying it is at all impossible to get a good one without it but it is very difficult. See about maybe going to community college or something(?)

I haven't been in a real relationship with a girl ever. Most of my relationships were hook-ups and never felt genuine. Every person I have ever really cared about being with was never interested in me. People online always say that you don't ever care for a person, but you just want to get in their pants. Well, that's just not me and I am being honest. That kind of mentality people have is also alienating to me :/

I haven't either and I am nearly 10 years older than you. For some people, it takes a while or simply doesn't happen at all.

I just feel depressed, lonely, and just wish I was never born. There isn't any reason for me to live for besides my family. Maybe I should see a psychiatrist? I am not sure.

You are here now. It's best to make it worthwhile.

I think a psychiatrist is a good idea. Hell, I should go see one myself.

 

[Skid Row 89]

Hello I am male and I am 19 yrs old. I wish I was never born. I feel suicidal from time to time but for the most part I just wish I never existed. I am an atheist and do not believe in an afterlife. So I don't see any reason why I shouldn't commit suicide besides the fact that it would hurt my family very deeply.

My older brother acts like a jerk, but he never thinks he is being one. I do not visit my father very much (parents are divorced). My entire family besides my brother, are Christian and that makes me feel very alienated.

I'm out of high school and I threw all of my friends away because I felt alienated around their type of scene. I do not have any friends besides people I socialize with online. I am lonely and do not like my generation (which is why I do not socialize). People my age treat women like they are pieces of meat and I cannot stand the culture. I also cannot stand the immaturity of people my age.

I haven't been able to find a job for almost 2 years now. It seems that I can act fine around people, but I have a low-self esteem and I think I'm ugly and overweight. I also don't go to college and maybe that is a mistake on my part. I hated high school and maybe that's why I never chose to go to college.

I haven't been in a real relationship with a girl ever. Most of my relationships were hook-ups and never felt genuine. Every person I have ever really cared about being with was never interested in me. People online always say that you don't ever care for a person, but you just want to get in their pants. Well, that's just not me and I am being honest. That kind of mentality people have is also alienating to me :/

I just feel depressed, lonely, and just wish I was never born. There isn't any reason for me to live for besides my family. Maybe I should see a psychiatrist? I am not sure.

I often wish the very same thing myself but then quickly dismiss it. An old friend of mine, who has a far more positive outlook on life, usually managed to spur me on when I was in self pity mode by saying something like "Just get on with it and stop complaining". It sounds harsh but it worked for me anyway. Surrounding yourself with positive people is something that will definitely be of benefit to you.

I get what you're saying about not relating to your generation. I'm the same age as you but I'm not outgoing or confident whatsoever compared to any other guy my age where I live. I have very few friends I feel entirely comfortable around and only talk to a handful of people online so my social life and social skills are substandard compared to the average 19 year old.

I've never had a job despite various attempts to get one but I'm not giving up hope just yet. If you've regrets about not going to college maybe you should enrol. People there tend to be less judgemental than they are in high school. My last years of high school were hell so getting away to college turned out to be a good thing for me anyway. It could be for you too.

Any "relationship" I've had in the past was shallow with no real connection no matter how much I wanted there to be one so I can certainly relate to your point. This used to annoy me but as time goes by you worry about it less and less.

Only visit a psychiatrist if you're completely comfortable with going to see one. We all have reasons to live and family is just one of them.

 

[Locke]

If you don't believe in a afterlife, then that's the best reason why you shouldn't even consider suicide. If this life is all you have, enjoy it.

My brother was a jerk growing up too, and my Father didn't give a **** about me, so I know what it's like to be alienated. I suggest trying to bond with your family in a non-religious way. If it doesn't work, at least you'll know you made an effort, and you can move on. Many people have had to build a life for themselves without the support of family, and you are just as capable as anyone.

I can't stand men who treat women like trash either. There are men of all ages who act like that, and unfortunately that kind of attitude will probably be around for a long while. But there are plenty of people who don't think that way, they just might be harder to find in your area and age range. Don't give up looking though.

College is different from high school, or at least is was for me. People were a lot more focused on learning and less focused on high school type garbage. If you can go, then you probably won't regret it. You could even take online classes. If you're busy getting an education, you won't have time to be depressed. And you can get a great job later. You might also meet people who are closer to your maturity level in college.

Don't worry that you haven't been in a serious relationship, it'll happen. For now just focus on improving your self esteem. See about going to school, find a online workout program or join a gym if you want to lose weight, or see a psychiatrist if you think it'll help. If none of those ideas appeal to you, find something that will. Don't waste time or energy wishing that you were never born. It's pointless and will only make you feel worse. You were born, so make the most of it.

 

[Drama]

You are only 19 years old. And you still have a whole life in front of you to have a job, to find a girlfriend and to construct a future. Do not despair this fast. Being atheist or religious, alienated or social, alone or with people: these are just details. You need to learn how to accept and appreciate life. you need to set dreams that may seem impossible to achieve just yet. But after 19 years old of life does NOT mean that you should end your life, it suggests, to me anyway, that you should START living now. Good luck, I hope that you will feel better about life.

 

[lonelyfairy]

Yes, you should see someone to talk with. It doesn't matter who it is, really. Someone who you can trust and can listen to you. It's very important to get all those bad feelings out from your heart, before it gets worse and worse... :/ Don't give up yet, like others have said, you're still very young, whole beautiful journey with it's ups and downs ahead of you. Please take care!

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I myself have felt that same with my family for years. And never felt as if I mattered.
Right now just try to concentrate on yourself. Set up goals for yourself. And I believe talking to someone would really help you out in the long run.
I've kept a lot of things built up for years and never talked about any of it until recently. Sometimes I wish I would have talked to a therapist than but it's a good thing I'm talking to one now. Things may be bad now, but it gets better over time. =)

 

[Mike413]

If it wasn't for my relationship with my mother I probably would have offed myself a while ago. I don't really care much about my father and my brother. I do care about them but not to the extent that they would get in the way of me killing myself if that's what I chose to do.

However, these days I am on a spiritual path. I don't believe our life is ours to take away. I also don't believe our bodies are ours to put tatoos on but that's another story. Life basically is a gift from the heavens. I know the OP doesn't believe in god and the afterlife but I do. What we do now and how we deal with our situation now will impact the next life.

 

[Peaches]

At 19 I felt exactly in the same way, but deep inside I knew it was not so much that I wished I had never been born, but that I had to be born that way and in that situation. (mmm, my use of past tense in English is not the best). I remember that I didn't really care for the life that was ahead, because I assumed it was going to be the same (which it wasn't).
I hope you find out what things you can change of your situation, the hurt coming from your family's behavior can't change and I am not saying that you have to learn to accept it, but maybe one day you will. Hurt hurts. But a lot of other things, like weight, finding older friends, really depends on you, you can do it. But first maybe find someone to talk to, even a therapist? You can't do everything by yourself, no-one can. I had loads of great therapists as a teenager three, to be precise, we had a lot of fun, exchanged cd's etc.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I also have a family who believes in a particular religion I do not. My brother can also be a selfish jerk, and I have a seriously crazy sister who has 2 kids following in her footsteps. I've survived years of tolerating all their crap and I'm just working towards the day when I can move out of here and have my own life. You should strive towards something for you - use it as a form of motivation.

If there is something you do not like about in your life, maybe then it's time for some changes. And do it only because you want to for yourself. There's a lot to explore in life, don't let these things that are negative pull you down or prevent you from doing what you want. They will always be there to bring you down, but you'll have the power to fight and prevent them from doing so. You're not alone.

I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Park slope guy]

At 19 I felt exactly in the same way, but deep inside I knew it was not so much that I wished I had never been born, but that I had to be born that way and in that situation. (mmm, my use of past tense in English is not the best). I remember that I didn't really care for the life that was ahead, because I assumed it was going to be the same (which it wasn't).
I hope you find out what things you can change of your situation, the hurt coming from your family's behavior can't change and I am not saying that you have to learn to accept it, but maybe one day you will. Hurt hurts. But a lot of other things, like weight, finding older friends, really depends on you, you can do it. But first maybe find someone to talk to, even a therapist? You can't do everything by yourself, no-one can. I had loads of great therapists as a teenager three, to be precise, we had a lot of fun, exchanged cd's etc.

To Wish I was never born
You judged others and you threw them out as garbage
You judged yourself and you deemed yourself as utterly worthless.
You had hook ups and probably treated your used condoms in the same way.
You have no god to believe in but you judged all living beings worse than even he or she would have.
The solution
Either believe in someone who is kinder and gentler than you. Or don't believe you are god.
I know that the easier way to kill a meaningful conversation is to talk about politics or religion.
But I want to say this.
I was an agnostic for the last 40 years of my life. Hey, anything that pleased me was my God. So very pitiful.
But I learnt something now.
When you are called for judgement by the being that created you. He or she or it is going to ask you a question.
Were you spiritual gold or spiritual wood.
Gold in the heat furnace is refined. It goes to a purer state. It becomes better as its impurities are destroyed. Our heat in the blast furnace is the defeats, the betrayals, the disappointments, the losses that are inevitable in all of our lives. No one escapes these.
Wood in the furnace burns up quickly, gives off some light, and then becomes ugly, blackened ash that no one wants to see or use.
So, the question of your life or anyone else's.
Are you gold or wood?
Unfortunately, you are not the one who judges.
I can only say to you.
Go outside yourself.
There are great and wonderful things out there.
There are also disappointments and defeats.
You can never escape that pain. It is a mandatory college course requirement of your life.
But you know what what is the greatest pain and despair.
The regret of never doing anything.
Especially when you are old, and you know you squandered your youth in not going for it.
But you are judged by what you do for others and what you do for yourself. You are also judged for not doing the right thing--like when your conscience tells you to do the right thing and you dismiss it as a figment of your imagination.
So the question of your life is
Do you do the right thing or do you take the easy, punk assed way out.
It is funny how we are made biologically. If you don't take that God explanation of life. Hey, you are an atheist, right.



It took that one sperm out of millions swimming upstream to get to that female egg to create you. A virtual suicide mission.
If you don't honor that God that made it happen, then honor that lonely, insignificant sperm cell that did. Don't suicide it. It didn't and you have more of a brain than it did.

 

[Runciter]

I was an agnostic for the last 40 years of my life. Hey, anything that pleased me was my God. So very pitiful.

I hate to rain on the last 40 years of your life, but that is not agnosticism, that is hedonism.

 

[Park slope guy]

I was an agnostic for the last 40 years of my life. Hey, anything that pleased me was my God. So very pitiful.

I hate to rain on the last 40 years of your life, but that is not agnosticism, that is hedonism.

You don't have to rain on my last 40 years of my life. I did. That is why I said "So very pitiful".
The created don't make rules for the creator. We are not our own gods.